Hello from Ontario, Canada

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Thanks for your reply. No vaginoplasty etc aren't a concern. I identify as a eunuch now and what I am aiming at is penis, testicles and scrotum gone, with no evidence of it having been there or sexual parts. I also do not want to maintain and "stimulation" in my genital area. This for me is about the elimination of genitalia to match the elimination of sexual desire that has already progressed.

In reading my note, I see that I could have been more clear, so let me try to put a sharper point on this:

- I don't know what the "finished" orchiectomy and scrotectomy look like after healing. I'm just not finding that info online. Right now, it seems like a good option to at least take a first step, and I presume that for a senior man the evaluation thresholds are probably lower because the whole "procreation/sexual quality of life" questions become moot. Also (importantly) as the winds of economy, healthcare privatization, and sociopolitical shifts gather strength here, at least I will have those procedures done if the medical system changes course.

- in case penectomy becomes available for coverage before, or instead of, nullification coverage, I don't know what a "finished" penectomy looks like after it's healed. How do all of those 3 procedures done separately look, so that I can compare the end result to nullo? Is it the same, or is it a stump and a lump?

- our public health care system limits access to procedures and resources, so my concern is that if I do this in stages, whether I will be blocked from "finishing the work" once nullification becomes available - or whether that question itself is irrelevant because the result will look the same.

Just to be clear - my desire for nullification surgery *is not* aesthetically-driven. It is to be rid of the parts. But like anything else in life, if you're going to make the effort, why not aim at the results you want, versus just whatever you can get?

And I'm just trying to do my homework to have an informed conversation with the surgeon, because if he says yes to the o/s procedures I don't want to end up having boxed myself into the wrong decision...

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

So, I found a new resource - a directory of service providers for gender reassignment, etc, who provide the services required to fulfill the steps for qualifying for government funding of procedures - which as been *extremely* useful and encouraging.

It turns out there are a number of them within just blocks of my home and work and one is literally across the street. It must be in one of the little street level storefronts that I walk by everyday, but since I'm oblivious in my routine it just hasn't caught my attention.

So that's exciting and I can't wait to get started! I have to admit that I started to get discouraged in my initial searches by the number of dead URLs, and waiting list times of what I did find so I put the validation process on hold for the time being - no nullo coverage, no rush. But if orchie/scrote does end up being a viable first option then I can get on with it.

[WheelyFixed]

Thanks for the clarification on your goals - although they are pretty much what I had gathered from your earlier posts... I don't have any (in)decent sources for 'results photos', it is one of my minor regrets that EA doesn't allow them (though I can understand why they don't) both because of an interest in seeing what others have done and wishing I could get informed opinions about the results of my own surgery... I've looked at a few other sites that claim to be about photos, but it is obvious that there has been an awful lot of 'photoshopping' which makes all the posts questionable...

In terms of results, there is a lot of variation, depending on both the skill of the provider and the patient's desires... However the basic orchie & scrotectomy essentially leaves you with a penis that has little or nothing under it... Once fully healed, you don't have much of a scar, and what there is basically looks like that 'seam line' you already have.... My penis was never big when not erect, and has now shrunk to the point where it is almost internal, but the shaft skin and remaining scrotum actually stick out further so I have a sort of 'G.I. Joe bulge' with a hole in it where my penis is hiding. (it takes moderate effort to fish it out so I can cath...) My understanding is that with a penectomy, how much of a lump you get depends on how much of the shaft the doctor removes - which is a negotiation between you and the surgeon... In most cases they also do a 're-route' to move the urethral opening down to near your anus, more or less a female position, just so you can pee more neatly...

I have no idea about what the insurance / health care aspects are, but as far as I know, if you go through the SOC v8 process once, it is pretty much going to cover you for any work you have done, whether all at once, or in stages - or if it doesn't, the process is not as bad the second time around as you will already have the diagnosis and so on.

Sounds like good progress on finding a provider that can help you out... Is that list just local to your area, or is it a wider area list that could possibly be shared to help others that are looking?

WheelyFixed

[Friage01 (imported)]

Everything just "rang a bell" for me. And at 60, I have enough life experience (as well as less "living" left) ...

Profile says you are 48.

[Paolo]

Profile says you are 48.

Oops! Well, maybe it's just looking ahead.

[Valery_V (imported)]

Oops! Well, maybe it's just looking ahead.

Or maybe this is a voice from the past?

(It's a pity, but it's most likely just a typo).

[Friage01 (imported)]

Yes, just waiting patiently now. Not much else to do but wait and go through the hurdles. Luckily, I live in the biggest city in the country, with the highest concentration of gender affirming care providers of anywhere else (in Canada). This is the place where everyone else with gender/genital modification needs comes to access resources.

My focus now is to get myself into the validation part of this journey, and most groups etc have long waiting lists, so this may take an awhile. In the time that's passed I still haven't had any sexual drive and my penis is pretty much a forgotten presence. I have accepted being a eunuch pretty fluidly and without personal questioning or drama - I just "am," and am getting on with things.

I do see now though, as time passes, how one wants to be rid of these parts and can get to a point of just looking for a "solution," whatever it may entail. When I do think about my genitals now it's in the context of reaffirming my sense that I'm done with dealing with them and wish them gone. While I'm not in a hurry to seek out alternatives outside the medical system, I'm feeling more and more that the day can't come soon enough...

As far as the age thing, I only brought it up since I had a reply planned out and wanted more info to understand where you were coming from. So, when I saw the age discrepancy, it through a kink into my understanding of someone who woke up one day and said "I want to be a nullo". At 60 I kind of understood the urgency due to feeling the 'end' is soon approaching. At 48 there may be more time to really think this through as Valery_V suggest.

I don't have experience with our northern neighbor's medical system, but I am quickly approaching the date to transfer from private insurance to Medicare. The surgeon that I will be using in my planned procedure will not accept Medicare. So that tells me the government run system here either does not cover the penectomy or drags its feet in reimbursement. So, if there is any kind of roadblock between now and the end of next month then I may be stuck with the appendage (but that's ok too).

Last year I had the testicle and scrotum removed after a very brief therapy period. My main desire was the nullification but felt I could live with just the castration and scrotectomy. After a few months I felt like the could go too. I just wish I didn't have to go through the recovery period once again.

It seems that you may be at the stage I was at last year, when I felt I was going to be denied coverage. I had begun something "outside the medical system" and am very thankful that the insurance came through. Had I continued, I may not be typing this now.

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Profile says you are 48.

That's because in this age of giving away our control over our own data, scamming, doxxing and other whatnot, I'm not careless enough to provide my actual personal details in profiles. Same like not providing a real username - especially around a topic like this. Likewise, since I had know idea how this journal was going to unfold, my posting here was also intended to be a journaling for myself, so that I could look back and see where I was, versus where I have progressed to in the present.

My arriving here was unexpected. My new identity was unimaginable. Even the minuscule progress I've made since May I never, ever would have even considered. But, I keep growing more comfortable with my decisions and goals, and have already sunk into my acceptance of my new identity. This new skin is growing quickly and feels more comfortable than any of my previous ones. And with that, I've already evolved to not really caring any more who may come to know it. That's very different from my starting point.

I've provided that I live in Ontario because I am interested in having conversations with anyone with experience to share about my specific region and our particular healthcare system. I am a senior but you won't know my exact age - rounding will have to do. Make of that what you choose...

[WheelyFixed]

Not a mod, but my understanding is that age is mostly not a big issue as long as you make a convincing case that you are of "legal age"....

Given the topic area of this board, there is definite reason to worry about keeping the kids out, or at least making it obvious that a definite effort is being made to do so... (no way to card people but I've seen some users get booted when it became obvious that they were fibbing...)

I tend to be above average in my efforts to minimize the amount of personal data about myself that gets online - I am not on Fakebook, avoid Google as much as possible, use a flip-phone, not a zombie-phone, run a lot of privacy protection add-ons in my browsers, use GNU/Linux, etc...

However I'm sure anyone that really wanted to could figure out who I am / where I live, etc. but they'd have to work for it a bit...

That said, I feel that the stuff I post here, and have in my profile here is probably less likely to be leaked than what is out there about me on other sites... (and my handle here is NOT one I use anywhere else...)

WheelyFixed

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Yeah. I take a similar approach. Not a technophobe. My long career in business was all around the enterprise and customer side of emerging tech adoption, and then "digital transformation" as it came to be called when the millennials and next ones decided to rename everything that had already existed for decades.

That said, I'd be interested in hearing your advice on GNU/Linux as I've been wanting to make that switch for years. I search the beginner guides from time to time but allegedly am still far too much of a blunt instrument to figure out the first steps. Also switching back to dumb phone as AI is now invading every tool and platform without consent, and all my service providers seem to be forcing app adoption to move people off browsers and into a more invasive platform that requires less upkeep. I'm not surprised. When I consulted to the banks 30-years ago they were already talking about their strategic priorities of "increasing entrenchment while simultaneously increasing barriers to exit" (direct quote).

Anyway, that's a tangent I don't need to bring into this discussion...

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

So, a quick add that is relevant to the topic at hand is that as I progress, I am caring less who knows and am feeling like I am quickly approaching the point where my next step will be to just throw open the curtain. I don't know when that is, but I'm feeling like it will be once decisions about what surgeries will be done and their dates finalized.

When I started this in May, I was terrified not just of other people finding out what I was thinking of, but also of myself - that I was letting myself even engage in the topic, or consider such a procedure.

Now, I don't care. I surf the site confidently in the lunch room at work, instead of at home, in the dark, hiding from my own lack of understanding around my intentions. And if anyone were to ask me gender/sexuality/relationship questions (which they don't in the course of normal conversations, I would tell them I am a eunuch.

I think the next step will be to stop hiding behind fake details, so that I can be recognized by my community - and by this I mean the eunuch community - which also raises a different topic, for a different thread, about solidarity. We have watched through these past decades every other group "come out" and gather together, for not only fellowship and social/economic/political/health benefits, but also because none of us can persevere alone. It takes more than one. I'm sure that was the initial spirit behind the formation of this board. But there's a difference between words and IRL connection - connection that elevates beyond fetish and fantasy, and we (eunuchs) have been hitching a ride on the groundswell of progress others have made, yet remain hiding in their shadows.

Personally, I can't wait for my nullification, so that I can do my "normal" naked things (shower at the gym/pool, naturism, etc), not to be an exhibitionist, but so that others who may also be speaking the same way can have a real-life example to look at and be inclined to approach and ask questions. And in this, I will have done a service to the eunuch community.

My name is Micah.

I am a male eunuch.

I live in Toronto.

I am a Christian, devoted to serving humankind in the name of Jesus Christ.

I am not ashamed and I am no longer hiding.

If you are in search of a friend or ally, come find me.

If you seek to tear me down, do your worst, because enemies only come from hearts of cowardice, and thus can only do superficial damage that never matters or lasts.

Blessings.

[WheelyFixed]

Well I got my first start w/ PC's as on the job training on the original IBM PC that needed an add in card to get to 640K of RAM (more than Bill Gates thought we'd ever need) The first one I owned was a 386 w/ 640K and a 20MB hard drive, running MS-DOS 3.1.... I don't think I ever installed Windows, instead I used Desqview... I was a member of the Boston Computer Society, and that got me a limited account on World.std.com (and lots of practice explaining that '.std' stood for Software Tool and Die, not what everyone assumed) which was one of the first ISP's back before Al Gore claimed to have invented the idea... This was a dial in that got you a Unix prompt so you could gopher and WAIS for info, do Usenet, etc... Eventually I ended up with an early Red Hat install, (using a 2.x kernel IIRC) I tried a few other distros, but have been using Debian w/ KDE for the past several years, and think it is one of the better options in terms of simplicity and good package management, etc... However it is a bit of an off topic for EA as you said...

In terms of being out, I have no desire to 'advertise' my status, but don't go to extremes to hide either - I am sure that sooner or later it will come out one way or another and I'm not panicked about it, but not trying to make it happen either.... I don't do any activities that involve being naked outside of home and medical situations, so that isn't a factor for me.

If there was some sort of local meeting / gathering I'd be interested (and have occasionally wondered about hosting one) but I am not sure about being ultra public about it...

WheelyFixed

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

I hear that. My newly emboldened self is more in the spirit of moving towards being less fearful and more transparent in how I engage with and present to the eunuch community specifically, and if by chance that happens to drift into real life, then so be it; versus having a "EUNUCH!" tshirt made to wear on the subway, haha...

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

I hear that. My newly emboldened self is more in the spirit of moving towards being less fearful and more transparent in how I engage with and present to the eunuch community specifically, and if by chance that happens to drift into real life, then so be it; versus having a "EUNUCH!" tshirt made to wear on the subway, haha...

But I must say that I am really tired of every online reference to the eunuch (and specifically, nullo) community as "cult/crazy/sick/twisted/fetish/fantasy." While that may be the superficial interpretation, or what most people see in the periphery of their exposure to erotica, it doesn't help any one of us in terms of moving towards the light of legitimacy and acceptance.

Maybe I've said it elsewhere (and already forgotten), or not, but the world has a history of everyday exposure to emasculation, in that most households and pedestrians would personally and directly encounter eunuchs in their own home, on the street, in places of worship, in places of work, as an unplanned result of regime change, or a decision to make about a family member.

And isn't it ironic that while the public may currently look suspiciously at men who make their own decision to be emasculated within the paradigm of being a mature male, the medical and mental health care industries, parents, and lawmakers, are applauded, endorsed, and protected for enabling minors to proceed down a path that may ultimately lead to the same decision in their future.

It feels like a double standard that needs to be altered and overcome.

- Micah

[wanasoso2]

Hisgoodson I like your comments on the term adresed to men seeking castration. Sick, twisted and so on. These people thinks from their experience, their body and feelings. They do not examine themselves and never thought, only one second, that other people may feel different compare to the main stream. Male are drive with T which gives a high sex drive (still variable in each one) then the natural way of looking at this in life is; have multiple sexual intercouses, masturbate a lot or else. It is consider "normal". But if thousands of individuals are attracted to castration for various reasons starting with dysphoria up to lowering the sex drive to live a nice and peaceful companionship with an aging wife, it is abnormal. Excuse me but if one chose to get rid of that "animal" basic sex drive and live a more substantial human life is it so abnormal? Also considering the years of reflexions that usually goes with such a life change. Mentally health people (or crazy) do not function properly in society. When you had a "normal" life, a family, a job, a nice career, friends and so on, you're not a crazy individual. In general society do not educate people in the right way. Defining ourselves outside male standards is not crazy it is only rare, hexcentric, original and somehow self conscious.

[WheelyFixed]

I hear that. My newly emboldened self is more in the spirit of moving towards being less fearful and more transparent in how I engage with and present to the eunuch community specifically, and if by chance that happens to drift into real life, then so be it; versus having a "EUNUC

H!" tshirt made to wear on the subway, haha...

But I must say that I am really tired of every online reference to the eunuch (and specifically, nullo) community as "cult/crazy/sick/twisted/fetish/fantasy." While that may be the superficial interpretation, or what most people see in the periphery of their exposure to erotica, it doesn't help any one of us in terms of moving towards the light of legitimacy and acceptance.

Maybe I've said it elsewhere (and already forgotten), or not, but the world has a history of everyday exposure to emasculation, in that most households and pedestrians would personally and directly encounter eunuchs in their own home, on the street, in places of worship, in places of work, as an unplanned result of regime change, or a decision to make about a family member.

And isn't it ironic that while the public may currently look suspiciously at men who make their own decision to be emasculated within the paradigm of being a mature male, the medical and mental health care industries, parents, and lawmakers, are applauded, endorsed, and protected for enabling minors to proceed down a path that may ultimately lead to the same decision in their future.

It feels like a doubl

e standard that needs to be altered and overcome.

- Micah

I have hopes that we may see greater acceptance in time, especially given the broader LGBTQ+ pattern - I remember when all those terms and worse were used for anyone not solidly (or at least presenting themselves as) strictly heterosexual... (I'll admit to having used some of them myself :shakemitk ) Now not everyone is totally accepting, but it isn't a huge deal to be openly gay / non-binary in most places... The biggest stopper I see is that there isn't the same general pressure to 'come out' that I seemed to see from the gay community as a response to some of the nastier forms of oppression and things like the Shepard killing...

In terms of 'exposure to emasculation' our Jesus in his role of expert on the statistics, has said there are probably more eunuchs running around in the US today than ever were in the historically 'popular' days, due to men getting "androgen deprivation treatment" for prostate issues, and so on... But most of those men don't even want to admit that they ARE eunuchs, let alone come out to others about it...

I actually think the current battles over gender care for minors is sort of a "last battleground" for the intolerant sorts. IMHO our decisions as adults are not really on the "public radar" to a great extent, so our issues are mostly 'collateral damage' from the kid battle.... But the question of care for kids is more spectacular and is easier to engage by pushing the "For the CHILDREN" button.... To the extent that they succeed in blocking access for kids makes it easier to fight back against broader LGBTQ+ acceptance (obviously we are "recruiting" the kiddos...) and to the extent that they fail, the less they can push back against adults (if it's OK for kids, must be OK for grownups)...

For myself, I wish they would adopt and apply the general principle of "Mind Your OWN Business" and stay out of other people's business unless it has a direct effect on your own business.... I think the result would be a much happier and more peaceful world...

(I hope this has not gotten to political - it's a topic that is hard to keep the politics out of since it is so much a political question...)

WheelyFixed

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Someone in an earlier post asked if I could share a link to the services directory I referred to. Please note that this is only for, service providers inCanada. Here it's is:

https://www.rainbowhealthontario.ca/lgb ... directory/

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

So I haven't been here in awhile but wanted to say hello and check in.

I am now on leave from work until early 2025 for unrelated matters. The reason I bring it up is that I now have the time available to dive into the validations/etc to qualify. Hope to come into 2025 with things moving forward nicely