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I for a few nimutes had my doubts about NC being my new home.....I'm home truly home. I may be 3000 miles from my family but I'm home.

Hello Phil and Bubba,

I'm glad to see you both have found your true home. I sure miss you two. But, now your a lot closer to me.. Well, goodluck with your new life and home. Hope to see you both one day.

Take care, love ya's, Lilac

I suppose I should get back on topic now that my travels have more or less ended.

It's hard to beleive that two months have passed since my surgery. I have had hot flashes, and some cord pain, mood swings, and breakdowns. They have all been worth it for I am no longer the angry short tempered volcano I used to be. I have a new outlook on life and it is "life is too short to get all worked up over stupid crap" and "death? been there done that so what is so scary about living?". I know the second one is going to raise eyebrows but it is true. I have faced death twice in the last year and its not scary anymore so why should life be scary. I bet you are asking the screen "What? When? How?" so I'll tell you. the first time I faced death was in august of 2004. I was driving too fast and lost controll of my car. I woke up some minutes later and realised that if I had not hit the power pole I would have rolled down a 200 foot cliff and if I had hit the pole 6 inches further forward on the car I would have crushed my skull on it. that was the final straw in my decision to have surgery. the second time was in Philidelphia right after surgery. I had not slept for about three days perhaps more and I don't react to sedatives well but I forgot to tell Dr. Kimmel. Well my heart stopped for about I would guess three to five minutes my memory is sketchy arround that time. Fortunately Dr. Kimmel is well prepaired and was able to get my heart started again.

Now there are those who will jump up and try to place blame on Dr. Kimmel for the second event. I must reiterate I DON'T TOLERATE SEDATIVES WELL AND FORGOT TO TELL HIM. That was my own fault not the good doctors. So no pointing fingers unless they are aimed exclusively at me. Any how I think this is enough of an update on my condition as it were and I will write later.

When in doubt about sedatives, use the rubber-mallet method.

hehe

Seriously, though, Phil, good grief!

We had no idea we were that lucky to still have you with us!

Good grief.

Do take care of yourself (and Bubba) alright? There are plenty of people who want you around for a good long time. And several that just with you both were around more.

Today was an interesting one for starters I actually slept-in I have'nt done that since I was a kid. Later Bub took me on a tour of Charlotte. and this evening this was the topper Bubie was talking with a client and the client asked if he was married... he said "Yes to Phil." I was floored that the client didn't bat an eye and said ok. Where I grew up any mention of being gay was met with violence. This is totally new teritory for me.

hmmmm,

This last week has been an emotional rollercoaster. I have not cried so much in my life. The funny thing is its been over nothing I mean really nothing. the ebb and flow of the mood swings has been more drastic than anyone dould have prepaired me for. I am however on the whole happy I love seeing the sun (in Washington we see the sun through the clouds) and I am with Bubie all of this makes me happy.

today I have a job interview and I am very nervous. I have no idea how I will handle things since my last interview was pre-op. I don't know if I will have the same "go getter" type attitude as before. this terrifies me but I have to do it. In life there are lots of things that are scary its how we deal with them that defines us. I hope I can deal with this without having a panic attack. I seem to have those more often now. well the interview is at 10:30 and its 9:20 I'd better get going.

wish me luck

Hi Philip!

Break a leg!

Greetings

John

The best of luck with you'r interview, i know they can be hell, but be you'r self and give it you'r best shot.

Well the interview went OK but I still don't have a job. I interviewed at a placement company so I now have to wait.............

hmmmm,

Clip..

philip1 (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 28, 2005 7:02 am I am however on the whole happy I love seeing the sun (in Washington we see the sun through the clouds) and I am with Bubie all of this makes me happy.

Monday it Rained, and the Freeway into Washington form Portland was a parking lot. Be careful don't get sun burned

_g

I guess emotionally I am doing better. I say this because when I am depressed I don't eat and tonight I ate tons. This interview has helped my emotional state more than even being in the sun has. Soon I hope I will be able to announce my employment. Heres hoping.......

TO ANY,

who have read this thread and think "Oh he had it easy" . this journey has been anything but easy it has been hell the mood swings suck the depression nearly killed me on OH LETS SEE 100+ occasions and taking all these pills to prevent osteoporosis is a real drag. If you think it will be all puppies and bunnies your dilusionall it is the hardest thing any person male or female can go through. don't even think its just a quick snip and thats it. and to the MORONS who think "OH I can do this at home with whatever" YOU ARE AN IDIOT. and if after reading all the HELL I went through you still want to do it yourself, Here's a hollow point bullet its quicker. If I offended anyone well GOOD you deserved it because you are one of the IDIOTIC MORONS.

What exactly are the regrets? It seems there are three types of wannabes:a, those seeking non-sexuality, b, those seeking to express a transsexual nature, and c, those motivated by a fetish. Since castration seems to be the end of extreme fetish, this may be the cause of most regrets (?) That is, that some people enjoy the castration fetish, which would be extinguished by the reality of it. The regrets would seem to be based on the initial motivation. Whatever

I personally have no regrets I knew this would be hell from day one. the issues you refer to are just that from fetishes. I was not driven by fetish. there is a condition called gender dysphoria many who seek castration have this. Gender dysphoria is where the outside doesn't match the inside. This usually shows up at a young age. this is not a fetish

Philip,

Take a deep breath, relax, and watch ANGER MANAGEMENT with Jack Nicholson and repeat "Goooz-frahhh-bahhh" several times...

sorry Paolo,

I kinda blew my top, too many ill-informed people that think there is an easy way.

25,000

wow I guess there is some interest in my life story

I hope that this has helped someone avoid making a huge mistake

Philip,

The "easy" way is to have a professional do it, take it easy, rest, listen to him, and take any meds prescribed. And of course read the EA beforehand and while recovering. But YOU already know this.

And of course we're interested. We care.

got a job offer today but its for only 2-3 weeks I think I'm going to wait till tuesday before I decide whether or not to take the offer

4th of july weekend and I'm taking it off from worying. I so need a break this constant headache has to end. I have a job hopefully a perminent one. The guy who gave me the weld test called a custom cycle shop that is looking for a tig welder and I hope to get a call from them tuesday (fingers crossed). i guess that's enough of an update for today.

Its good to take time off once in a while... Best of luck on Tuesday. The job will come when its right. Tuesday sounds right to me...

Take care,

Happy 4th of July

hope u et the job best of luck