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There is definitely a carnal part of each of us and a spiritual part of each of us. A lot Christians make the mistake of thinking that all they have to do is accept Christ, and then the work is done. But it doesn't work that way.

What happens when you accept Christ is that your sins are forgiven. Does that mean you won't sin anymore? Certainly not. It means that when you do sin, it doesn't matter because Christ's blood has already paid for it.

A lot of Christians speak of a "break in fellowship with God" when they sin, and I don't understand this at all. There is no break in fellowship. Since Christ has already paid for that sin, you are just as close to God even after you sin. Sin does not have to draw you away from him. He has made it clear that your sins are forgiven because his son's blood has washed them away.

Very few Christians seem to understand the meaning of what Christ did for us. They accept him, but when they sin, they think they have to start all over again and have lost everything. That simply is not true. When you sin, it doesn't matter because Christ has already paid for that sin. This is key to continuing in the spritual journey. If you let your sins draw you away from God because you are condemning yourself every time you have a bad thought, then you will never get anywhere in your path to spritual maturity. You will spend your whole life trapped in your sins because you think they break off all contact between you and God when that simply is not true. Instead, because of what Christ did for you, you can be just as close to God no matter how many times you sin. Truly accepting this fact will deliver you out of condemnation and into the unconditional love of God.

Now, as I said before, this is a process. Once you accept that every sin you commit doesn't break you away from God, then you will be on the path toward becoming who God wants you to be. You can become your spiritual self that listens to God rather than carnal desire, but it takes time. Just accpeting Christ is not going to make you perfect. You make yourself as close to perfect as possible by

plix (imported) wrote: Sat Apr 19, 2008 12:53 pm spending time in God's word and letting it change you

r old thoughts into new ones. The more you do this, the closer you get. It takes years. Not days, weeks, or months. Years. You have to be patient during this process (patience is something you will learn as part of the process).

I can assure you that God loves you just as much no matter what kind of thoughts you have. He does want you to learn to control the thoughts, but by his way, not yours. His way is spending time in his word and listening to him. Cutting off your testicles might stop your sexual thoughts, but it isn't going to make you any more spiritually mature. That can only come with time and effort. And understanding. The first thing to understand is that these thoughts are part of your old self, and they are going to be there until you change into your new self. One quick fix isn't going to make that happen. Only by listening to God and his word and giving yourself the time needed to make the right changes happen.

Accepting Christ is only the beginning, not the end. You have a long ways to go. All I can do is encourage you to go the way God wants you to go - and with God there are never any quick fixes.

If you PM me, there is a book I would like to show you that deals with this issue of sin, condemnation, and what Christ has done for us. I think you will find it informative and helpful. If you are interested, let me know

"

randy (imported) wrote: Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:24 pm my biggest concern mentally is depression. i have never had depression and i do not think i will get depression post op. i am a very strong stable minded fellow. / anyway i have been proactive and studied depression and am prepar

mrt (imported) wrote: Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:50 am ed to take it on if it rears its ugly head.

"

I would have said the same thing about myself yet I was "diagnosed" with "depression" when I went in to see why my sex drive was nil and my wife was always mad at me and I could not think as clearly as well as loosing my ability to made decisions and having anxiety attacks. Low hormones was the problem and they all were solved when I went on HRT. I know my situation is not the same as anyone elses but this is the "norm" not the exception.

If your having problems now adding a series of new ones won't solve this. And having a strong sex drive is not such a bad problem *trust me it gets less as you age! Would not addressing the issue of Porn etc be of more value and make you a better person?

Hormones are more powerful then you give them credit for. Its not just a chemical that controls your sex drive. Your mood, energy, ability to think are ALL tied to your hormones. Its true some people are more (Or less) effected by low to no levels of them. And some get used to low levels while others do not but the most important point is that you don't know - what you don't know. And you can NOT know what its like without being castrated. And once they are gone your options shrink. I'm now 2x your age. There is no way I would jump into this at your age. Some people are suggesting chemical castration to test drive it. Frankly I think a far better plan is to seek a professional to talk to about this and deal with the source of the problem not the symptoms. Have you spoken to any clergy? Do you think any of them would suggest this course of action? Have you talked to a mental health expert? One or both of these options allow you to talk out your problems and perhapes resolve them without sliding over to an operating ta

ble and having your testes amputated.

God Bless you!

hi mr t.

as of right now im not going to take hrt. if the circumstances become too much to bear and i am no longer able to function, i will take hrt.

i have spoken to my pastors, via email to remain anonymous. they are split. i dont think any pastor would right out recommend castration because in todays society they might feel like they could be hel

Paolo wrote: Sat Apr 19, 2008 5:01 am d liable somehow.

no i havent spoken with any mental health professionals, unless kristoff counts.

Hate to say it this way, but just wait 'til that first hot flash hits him...

Been there, done that...hormone fall-off, no matter ho

w it happens, is just a b*tch to deal with.

Then again, perhaps learning the hard way is best for some?

hmm hot flashes.... cant wait. i made this straw hat with a refillable ice pack stitched into the head hole. its pretty freakin epic. and i bought a sweat

JesusA wrote: Sat Apr 19, 2008 6:34 am band in case i break out into the sweats i wont be all wet n wild.

any advise on how to prevent or at least deal with hot flashes besides hrt?

Randy has asked me to comment on the theology involved in Christian castration.

I'm always very reluctant to get involved in any theological argument. It's a rat's nest of conflicting arguments made over the 2,000 years of church history. Even an appeal to the "original documents' is difficult, as we only have copies of copies of copies of the originals of those pieces that were compiled into the New Testament. The surviving texts and fragments of texts from the first few centuries of the Christian era show many differences in meaning, some of them quite serious. It has been claimed that there are more significant differences in the existing early copies than there are total words in the New Testament. Many of the decisions about which version to use when the final New Testament was compiled were political, rather than theological, ones. Even the decision as to which books to include was largely political, as there were many more early texts that were excluded than included. Many of them were considered to be canonical by one or more of the early Christian communities. The Acts of Thecla, for example, was revered right down through the Middle Ages, though it was condemned by the church heirarchy as far too woman-centered. Thecla was converted to Christian belief by Paul and traveled with him.

The most famous of the non-included works is probably the Gospel of Thomas, which had been known by name since early days, but of which an actual copy was only discovered in the Egyptian village of Nag Hamadi in 1945. Probably of greater theological import is part of a longer version of the Gospel of Mark that was discovered in 1958 in the library of the Greek Orthodox monastery of Mar Saba, located southeast of Jerusalem. It was referred to by some early Christain writers, but seemed to have disappeared. The document that was discovered dates to the middle of the second century, but it disturbs many contemporary Christian theologians because of its homoerotic overtones, e.g., this passage following the canonical Mark 10:34:

And, there are many other passages in very early Christian documents that contemporary Christians are likely to find profoundly disturbing. Tertullian (circa 160-225), a prolific author of early Christian works and considered by many to be the founder of Latin Christianity, makes the claim that the historical Jesus was a eunuch, as was the author of the Gospel of Matthew. This was believed by some early Christian communities and one such, the Valensians, believed that all true Christian males must be castrated. They were in the habit of kidnapping and castrating boys and men in order to save their souls.

The strongest competitor to Christianity in the Roman Empire in the early centuries of the Christian Era was the faith centered on the Mother of the Gods. Her consort, Attis, was self-castrated and the priests dedicated to her worship were eunuchs. There is strong evidence in early Christian writings that castration and eunuchs were denigrated partly to counter the influence of this competing faith. The Vatican was built on top of the largest temple in Rome dedicated to the Mother of the Gods and the Basilica di Santa Maria Maggiore (the largest church in Rome dedicated to Mary, Mother of God) is built on top of the site where the testicles of new priests of the Mother of the Gods were buried.

That the First Council of Nicea (325 CE) spent such an inordinate about of time and effort on the question of castration of Christian believers and on the position of eunuchs within the church heirarchy clearly indicates that it was a topic that generated a great deal of controversy. That the Council eventually decided to condemn the practice of Christian castration did not abolish the practice. It continued down to quite modern times in some branches of the church. Many of the Eastern patriarchs were eunuchs right down to the 15th century. There is evidence that monks in some Ethiopian monasteries were still being castrated to maintain celebacy as recently as the 19th century. The Skoptzy, a Russian Orthodox sect founded in 1721, probably did not invent the practice themselves, but adopted it from something in the rural church. The Skoptzy were still active as late as the beginning of World War II.

Without even going to the question of the castrati in the choirs of Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and later in Catholic choirs in the west (as recently as 1914 in official Catholic history, but possibly as recently as 1956), you can see that the issue of castration is highly contentious within the history of Christianity. The modern church (in all its world-wide variety) seems to have come out uniformly against the practice, but there is all of the history to contend with.

Having read a great deal of early Christian writings and having enjoyed theological argumentation for years, I think that the single strongest case that can be made FOR Christian castration within the texts that were compiled into the New Testament is the celebrated passage in Matthew 19:12

This passage clearly does not require true Christians to become eunuchs (the Valensians were wrong), but it does PERMIT it if certain conditions are met.

At the time that Jesus uttered these words, eunuchs were common enough in the eastern part of the Roman Empire that all who heard or read this KNEW at least one. They had first hand experience of what castration meant both physiologically and psychologically. Becoming a eunuch was, by no means, a leap into the unknown.

Today, there are not eunuchs surrounding us to provide living examples. To know if you are "able to receive it," you need to do far more research. With the invention of chemical castration, you are able to make a better estimate of whether or not you are able. I think that the words of Jesus, if applied to today's world, would require, at the very least, a trial period of chemical castration - six months minimum, a year better. It would also require a thorough examination of your own motives and perso

nal background leading you toward this choice.

It is clearly NOT a decision to be made lightly, or in haste.

My advice would be to slow down....

thank you Jesus

for posting that, very consceice. i recommend that the lurker reads that, to

plix (imported) wrote: Sat Apr 19, 2008 12:53 pm see that castration is permitted by God. it is not His express will but He will bless me.

how do i slow down? its been a year, yes it is in 2 weeks but im not exactly rushing into this.

Randy,

I am a Christian too, so I have an idea of where you are coming from.

While I am not you or God and can't know the desires of either, I can say that I find it very unlikely you are one of the people referred to in Matthew 19:12. In other words, I do not believe that God is calling you to a life as a eunuch.

When Christ spoke those words, he knew that very few, and by that I mean very few, would be able to accept it. He certainly was not speaking to every man with a high sex drive, because if he was, millions of Christian males would need to go out and be castrated. In fact, I doubt that sex drive has anything to do with whom he calls - there is a lot more to being a eunuch and a lot more symbolism surrounding the status than just a lowered sex drive.

If you cut off your testicles to control your sex drive, you are cheating. God gave the sex drive to humans as a gift. He had his reasons for giving males a typically higher sex drive. But like everything else God gave us to enjoy, he prefers it best when we are enjoying it in moderation.

Now, accepting Christ as your savior is only the beginning. God wants each of us to go on beyond that point and grow into spiritually mature individuals. That happens through learning self-control, among other things. However, cutting your testicles off to learn to control your sex drive is cheating. You are not learning the hard way by spending time in his word and denying yourself until you have learned to control it with your testicles intact. And that is how God intends for you to control your sex drive - with your testicles intact. Any other way is taking the easy way out, and it is not learning to become spiritually mature. If you have nothing to control by removing the source of your sexual urges, then of course you won't have any problems getting yourself into trouble. You have to have the temptation there and then learn to control it - it is the only way.

Living a life as a eunuch is not easy. Very few can handle it. God has only given that burden to very few. Most men who voluntarily castrate themselves (as well as those who are castrated for medical reasons) are of the second category, those who are made eunuchs of men.

Although my castration was never for religious reasons, I learned very quickly that I was not meant to live the life of a eunuch. I want to have sexual urges. If you lose yours, I can guarantee you that you will miss them. Sex is an important part of life. Don't give it up if you don't have to.

And I can't even encourage you to jump right into chemical castration because I don't believe it is 100% reversible, even after only a short period of time. I think you need to sort through this yourself, and maybe with the help of a licensed professional (perhaps even a spiritual leader).

You need to slow down and think this through rationally. You can learn to control your sex drive without cutting off your testicles. But it will not happen overnight. It wil

l take years of spending time in God's word and letting it change you into the person God wants you to be. I can guarantee you this will make him a lot happier than taking the easy way out.

hi plix

this covers lurkers first post too. this is one thing that irritates me, is saying im taking the easy way out. first off pornography is an epidemic in the church, a study done by family radio said 30% of pastors in the last month intentionally viewed internet pornography, if those are the shepherds, what are the sheep doing? like i posted before i have a mens bible study where we get really deep into practical issues. none of them, not one had any answer for this besides read the bible and pray. i have done this for 2 years. not to boast but i do better than most men when it comes to this area.i do not seek to be better than most, i seek to be perfect and not trample the blood of Christ. the bible says if you continue in a pattern of sin you are of the devil. what is that pattern ? every week every month every 5 years ? i dont know.

what do you guys think, is it harder to live as a non hrt eunuch or struggle with lusts? being a eunuch will demand i call on God constantly for strength, metal clarity, and health in general just to get me thru the day. the difference between this thorn and the other is this.. being lethargic is not a sin.

i recently asked 25 men from ages 20-50, if they would make this trade. their dream home dream car dream dream job and 100 mil in the bank traded for their balls. only 1 said he would take the offer. my natural side would not make the trade, that is still part of me but i am making that sacrifice so i can devote more time to God and less to internet pornography, as lead by God.

also this is not easy on me monetarily, im not rich i make about 40 grand a year in california. which in texas is comparable to about a candaian nickle per days work.

this is one thing that really erks me is when people say this is the easy way out. sinning so that grace may abound is the easy way out. kurt cobain took the easy way out. if anything this is the hard road.

i dont think i need to start over when i sin. i cant say i fully understand the cross and nobody can. youre right He wants me to overcome by His means not mine. i have been lead by God thru this and am where i am because of Him.

like the bible says there will be some who can not accept this. i dont expect everyone to agree with me but dont tell m

Hash (imported) wrote: Mon Apr 21, 2008 9:17 pm e im not following God. things that are not specifically mentioned in the bible are dealt with personally thru prayer in an individual way. post masturbation God does convict me. maybe He doesnt for you but i am this is between me and God.

I can understand your dilemma, it is a constant dilemma that one Christian friend struggled with until he suddenly died last year at the age of 44. Here are my thoughts from my training, feel free to disagree.

Though sex in and of itself is not wrong in the eyes of God, Christian men struggle with controlling their sexual urges. There is the "old sinful man" struggle between the "new Spirit guided man." Meaning that once you become a Christian, you don't "stop" sinning" immediately or automatically, that's why Christians are accused of being hypocrites. They are hypocrites. Just because they placed there faith in Christ, does not mean that they stop sinning. Churches are filled with sinners, but their sins are forgiven once they place their faith in Christ, that's what the Bible teaches. But it also says that Christians should strive not to sin and if they sin, they should confess their sin(s) (1 John 1:7-9). The Bible also says that, "No temptation has seized you accept what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear (1 Cor. 10:13).

But the Bible also teaches that the devil prowls about seeking whom he may devour, which is why Christians are told to put on the full armor of God daily (Eph. 6:10-18

). So the "sin" fight contin

Hash (imported) wrote: Mon Apr 21, 2008 9:17 pm ues with Christians ev

plix (imported) wrote: Sat Apr 19, 2008 12:53 pm en after conversion/salvation.

The Bible states that Christians are being conformed into the likeness of Christ on a daily basis (2 Cor. 3:18), but it takes years for a born-again believer to become spiritually mature. This is what is referred to as "progressive sanctification" or "progressive holiness." So there is "a fight" that goes on between the "old sinful self" and the "new Spirit guided nature" that's received at salvation. Christians are called to be "holy" and are in the eyes of God, but practically, while on earth, even with the Holy Spirit's help, maintaining holy living is tough.

With that, I believe that Christian men are pummeled and tempted to commit sexual sin, and do sin. That's why so many Christian Pastors/priests commit sexual sin. It's a terrible struggle and fight, some believe that Paul's "thorn in the flesh" was his sexual struggle that he wanted God to take away. (But as God told him, "My grace is sufficient for you.") The Apostle Paul and others talked about it much, read Romans 6. There, Christians are told, "Shall we go on sinning so that grace may abound? By no means!" (Rom. 6:1) In verse 13 Paul says, "Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God. Then in verse 14, "For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." So on the one hand, Christ paid and died for sin, sin is washed away and God does not see the Christian as a sinner any more because his/her sin was and is atoned for, paid for by Christ. He was the final sacrifice for sin.

But the struggle, the sexual urges, are still difficult to control, which is why many Christian men in the past castrated themselves or had themselves castrated. It was the easy way to stop the sexual temptations and prevent sexual sin. Even a few "early church fathers" castrated themselves. Some early New Testament believers also took Jesus' words literally when he said, "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands than to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than have two feet and be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the ki

gpb3aol (imported) wrote: Tue Apr 22, 2008 1:26 am ngdom of God with one eye than to have two e

yes and be thrown into he

ll, where "their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched" (Mark 9:42-48). Does this include testicles? If your testicles cause you to sin, cut them off? I'm not telling you to do this, I understand the struggle and sympathize with you. Do as God leads you.

it feels good to be understood. and thank you.

All I can say is "and people wonder why I have such a low opinion of religion".

no we dont.

well this week has been great. i am spending it in fasting and prayer. i am still up in the air about taking hrt. i take it as a red flag when 20 people recommend it. but i still am 50/50. i hope to know within the week what my answer will be. so pray for me or cross your fingers. thanks

grace and peace

randy

I wish you well in whatever you decide. The only thing I don't understand is the lack of willingness to do the chemical castration route first. I found that most of my castration fantasy/desire totally disappeared while on depo provera then androcur. I went from pornaholic that was always looking for a more intense release to no porn and very little masturbation yet could always get it up for wife. Chemical castration gives you a chance to make a decission that is not influenced by having testosterone in the system which can be rather enlightening.

Randy

I wish you well and that god will bless your efforts your desires are good in that you want to become perfect and closer to god

I do have to warn you

Castration will not put an end to masturbation you can still be able to masturbate it's just not as satisfying

If you are addicted to porn that addiction will not magically go away because you have no balls you can and will think dirty and perverted thoughts with out balls

First get help for your addictive disorders then seek castration trust me you will enjoy the out come a lot moor

If becoming perfect is your true goal then you must realize perfection and castration are two words that do not mix ( like water and oil) perfection comes through obedience to the word first spiritually or through your mental discipline then your body temporally outwardly manifest that obedience until it is filled with the holy ghost thus becoming one just as the father and son are one Being perfect

these scriptures do not say that they bring perfection your balls do not cause you to see the porn are you ready to pluck out your eyes as well your penis

Did not orgasm by it self are you ready to cut off your hand

[Mat 5:28] But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

[Mat 5:29] And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

[Mat 5:30] And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

We here at the E.A. only have your best interest in mind if you make the decision to be castrated and find out the hard way that it was the worst thing you ever did the rest of your life will be a living hell

I wish you all the best and my prayers will be that the lord will bless you in your journey of life

Randy-

I pray that you are safe and healthy at the end of your surgery. I apologize for stifling you.

I need(for my own well-being) to remind you, that you are supposed to have sexual urges. That's it, end of story. If you don't want them, fine. But if you are doing this to be vaulted in your divinity, you should reconsider.

I find a whole lot of irony in this thread as compared to your avatar. My impression of it suggests that you feel you are inhibited from achieving your spiritual goals by your sexual needs. The two are most certainly mutually exclusive, and one does not affect the other literally, but only figuratively. And then so only in your perceived need to be closer to God. You are as close to him now, as you will ever be. He walks beside you. Always.

Tread lightly...

I am opposed to using religion as an excuse for castration (or any other self-justification).

You want to castrate yourself to help control your sex drive - Do it or have it done. Its your body and its your choice. Invoking God isn't going to help very much.

I can speak from experience that masturbation and porn viewing don't go magically away upon being castrated. I will repeat what I said before - you will be disappointed in the results. (Old habits die hard - pun intended.)

I think talking to a mental health expert might be of value. Unlike me you won't be required to do it before your allowed to have your surgery. The point that might of value is to be able to talk this out. Go over things. Explain your reasons and get some feedback from an expert. Having a MMPI for example might be of value. I have to admit I was a little surprised that I was not a little "cracked"

As to HRT its difficult to explain how much it meant to me to go on it. I felt like I was given a drink of water after crossing a desert.

And for those who said that low hormones don't remove sexual thoughts they are right. For me it mostly removed the energy to do anything about them. Being vegged out probably gets better with time for a lot of men but...

I think part of why so many of us are worried is not the Religion aspect. For me I get what your trying to do. But taking internet porn as an example. Would it not be easier to cut the Cable Modem wire then the spermatic cords? Life without the internet is far different from life without your testicles.

I'm sure you don't want to hear it but... Your so young and have so much more to live for and I think many of us are worried that you will regret this later. Have you made any plans for example to bank sperm? Have you considered that you have what? 60+ years to go and that you will never meet anyone and want a bio kid? I can think of only one person who was able to see how his whole life would be and could make decisions based on that knowledge at an age as early as you.

well it is almost sundown here in california. when it finally goes down that will conclude my weeklong fast. i would love to say i has epiphany after epiphany and was called up into the third heaven. but aside from some personal things that were shared with me during this devotional week, i really did not receive any further instruction on my surgery. when it comes to things like this; no news is good news. i still have the peace God gave me with the decision, so as of today i will be proceeding with the operation.

i think the sun finally went down. time for my post fast ritual...... some juice.

pray for me.

I will Randy.

I still think it would be better to not do this but... In the end its your life and your decision.

Good luck and God Bless!

tetelestai

Anyone talk to dr kimmel within the last week

Some one emailed me he had hung it up.

I tried calling to check ....didnt get a answer.

He did some surgery today about noon CDT.

thanks

i will pass it on ..i thought the information was wrong

rule #1 never do anything that will drastically affect your life for ANYONE else.

truth #1 if god wanted you to not have testicles you would have been born that way.

Never I repeat NEVER have I spoken directly to God and anyone who claims to have should be looked upon as mad. I have seen miracles and such... but talking to the almighty that is a one way street in my experience. I am not calling you mad but I am questioning your reasons. and wondering if you have thought this through thoroughly you do realise there are huge changes you will go through after surgery and they are NOT fun. make sure you research this to exhaustion before you decide that they have to go.

#2 theyre gone.

Congratulations

Congrats

hi everyone... thanks to those who have called me and chatted with me, i appreciate your support very much

i was castrated yesterday by dr kimmel. i had some jokes i was going to mix into this entry but this is a serious post. it hit me how serious of a decision this is. the most important one can make in his life. not that i didnt know before but you know what im saying..and i didnt feel right joking about it.. not yet.

i feel fantastic... never better. the surgery went well, dr kimmel said i was a good patient and he said he did a good job. he is very professional. i might post more about my whole story during my updates but if you have any questions just ask.

so a day and a half after i feel no change. the only pain is along the incision, i am keeping it clean and keeping off my feet and icing the area.

i am very very happy with everything.

love

randy

Congratulations and welcome as a new eunuch I hope you enjoy your new life

Congrats!

I hope it turns out to be a good decision.

I know many agonize over it both before and after the fact.

Your state of mind will have a great impact over how you deal with the changes you will go through.

I wish you the best!

I'm sure I posted this before but it never hurts (no pun intended) to repost it.

Keep wearing the support garment (at night also) and if the packing they sent you home with goes flat pick up more (clean also!) at the drug store. I think they call it a CHUB? CHUM?

Stay off your feet and if you have pain meds don't be a tough guy - take em...

If you feel the need to sneeze lean forward! It hurts like hell otherwise.

Ditto for laughing. Lean forward.

Keep ice on longer then you think you need it. It helps a lot.

Frozen peas are way better then ice bags. If anyone asks why you have frozen peas in your pants tell em your cooking lunch...

Don't Laugh!

Start a regular diary of how you feel. You might feel very "normal" but be acting really depressed to others. If you have problems being functional don't be afraid to talk to a doctor about HRT.

And best wishes for a swift recovery from surgery.

Hi Randy,

Congrats! Hope you enjoy your new state of being. We eunuchs are unique Keep doing what you're doing, keeping it clean and all. Plus, watch for depression, be careful with that especially. If you aren't using any testosterone replacement you could take a deep dive. Contact us if you need us. I would like a full reporting of the old man (Dr. K), give us a more detailed report of your surgery, cleanliness, etc. He told me I was a good patient too, not sure what he meant, except that I didn't holler or scream. Hash P.S. Anyone else going in for surgery, be sure afterward to inquire about new staff. I asked him and at the time he said the malpractice insurance and other things prevented him from looking. Maybe if we stay on him, he'll pursue looking for a replacement. Dr. Spector found him, I guess they were friends though.

i enjoyed reading other members diary accounts of this castration so i hope you will enjoy mine too. i also like to know what people are thinking and not just what they are doing so my thoughts at the time will be denoted in blue. lets rewind a week.. diddlydoo-diddlydoo-diddlydoo-diddlydoo-

i am not scared of many things but one thing i am scared of is flying. i do not like the idea of not having any control over something that big going that fast that high in the air. so of course all this week there are planes zinging overhead because of a nearby upcoming airshow. each one would remind of my impending flight. i was more scared of the flight than of my first surgery. i called kristoff and he helped calm me down a bit. the week before this one i was really in strong debate with myself weather or not to try chemical castration and call the whole thing off. but i decided to go thru with the surgery so this week i was in cruise mode, just focusing on work and tying up all my loose ends for the trip. all this week i would do something and think oh thats the last time ill do that as a non-eunuch. ie thats the last time i will drive my truck as a non-eunuch, thats the last time i will squish a bug as a non-eunuch, last time i will not wave at my neighbor, yell at the tv, bang my shin in the dark, go to church... all things i would never to again as a non-eunuch. it helped me too focus on the lifelong change i was about to spark.

the weekend came and it just hit me that i forgot 1 very important thing; that dr kimmel only takes money orders. crapola. my bank is closed and i need $1250 worth of money orders by sunday morning when my plane leaves. i had $52 in my wallet for airline food and the taxi ride to the hotel, i was very excited about my first taxi ride by the way. i went in the EA chat to get some ideas and complain. then i got my moms atm card and my atm card and pulled the gamblers special... max it out at 11:59pm then again at 12:01am. after i did that i had a grand total $1252. just enough to pay the $2 money order fee. this is funny. i dont know how im going to pay for the taxi ride with my atm card maxed out and no money. oh well i am a male, ill worry about that later. God will provide. big day tomorrow, time for bed.

i woke up early sunday morning, i expected to be very nervous about the impending flight. but it was the exact opposite, i felt almost serene. i just knew everything was right, thats the best way i could describe it. i did some last minute packing and it came time to leave, my mom questioned me if i had everything i needed. she doesnt like her chix going far from the nest. then she slipped me a hundred bucks and gave me a kiss goodbye. thats the last time i will kiss my mom goodbye as a non eunuch. i am very lucky to have such a loving mother. my cousin drove me to the airport and showed me the ropes from her car. it seemed simple enough. i have only flown once when i was a kid. i checked in and went thru security. i made it thru the metal detector but they sent me back thru because i neglected to take off my shoes. why do i have to take off my shoes, you take off your shoes mr security, oh yeah because of that shoe bomber... did i wear clean socks? yes, yes i did. then i took off my shoes and made it thru and found my gate. i checked out my boarding pass and saw 38B, a middle seat. ahhh weak!

i am 6'4, im not skinny by any means and i have very broad shoulders. so i planned to time it just right so i would be in my seat before the people sitting next to me made it. they called my section and i got in line and stood in traffic. at about isle 20 i looked back and the section i was sitting in was clear except or 1 row already had 2 men seated, 1 in the isle 1 at the window. i tried to count rows to see it they were in 38. dude you know its your row theyre sitting in, you might as well stop counting, of course its 38. it was. i got to 38 and pointed to the middle seat and said, "thats my seat." aw hell. it was a really tight squeeze, my knees were up against the seat in front of me but i just tried to minimize myself and make due. the man next to me started talking to wouldnt stop. i didnt get nervous until the plane started moving and that low hum started just before take off happened. but this guy was still talking to me as the plane took off. it went down like this

*engines fire and the plane starts picking up speed down the runway*

"hey youre a big guy....did you play football?" , he said.

"yeah" i replied. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP WERE ALL DEAD IM DEAD THIS SUCKS IM SCARED AHHHH

*plane begins to leave the ground*

"oh really what high school did you go to, did you start?" , he said.

"e.h.s." i say. I HATE YOU AND I HATE THIS PLANE. AHHHHHHHHH MAMA

*plane leaves the ground and catches its first air*

"e.h.s.? my son went there but he didnt play football." , he said.

"eh heh" i said thru clinched teeth. SHUT YOUR HOOOOLLLLLLLLE, STOP THE AIRPLANE

the plane leveled out and i realized i had a kung fu death grip on the tray table in front of me. i released. even tho i was a little scared at the time and not happy he was talking to me, looking back im glad he was there it helped me not be as scared as much as i might have been. i guess when i get tense i get thirsty, i couldnt wait for the beverage cart to come my way. it finally saw it coming and i unloosed my tray table. bang! right into my knees. it wouldnt go all the way down. no, no you ass. just work .. it wont level out i will have nowhere to put my refreshing beverage, i hate you tray table. the lady asked "can i get you anything?" i said, "oh, no thanks" and smiled politely. *dying man in the desert voice* "water water... waater."

the flight was trying but i finally touched down in philly at 10pm. i got my luggage and found the taxis. they were just sitting there and i didnt have to yell out "taxi!" but i nobody was going to take that away from me. no sir. so im about ready for my moment in the sun, hailing a cab. but just then i saw a guy with a broken arm walk by and as i got ready to speak my tongue farted and instead of saying taxi i yelled out "casty!" i looked left. did anyone hear that? i looked right. anyone over there hear that, no? ok good. wow randy, start the trip off with a bang. anyway it worked and i got his attention, the ride cost $26. it wasnt as glamorous as i dreamed it to be. i got to the hotel at about 11:00.

the hotel... hmm. if "2 out of 5" manifested itself as a establishment this would be it. the people were nice, but it is in desperate need of a remodel. it smells like a really soiled carpet that just got vacuumed, but all the time. the room is the same 2 out of 5. there is no refrigerator, no microwave, and there is only about 10 channels, 4 of which come in clear. well whatever im not in philadelphia to play hotel manager, not this time. just if anyone goes to see dr kimmel and stays here dont expect much, its not the ritz.

at midnight i decided to walk and see if i could find the good doctors office. i started walking, i noticed the streets dont have little lighted men to guide me across, you just have to use your common sense. im screwed. before i knew it i was there. from the time i left the hotel room to the time i was at his office door was exactly 7 minutes. i came back to the hotel and chatted with some well wishers in the EA chat room and i felt very loved. but big day tomorrow. time to get some rest. this will be my last nights sleep as a non eunuch.

so the morning of surgery came, the appointment was at 9:15 am. i got up at 8 and showered with my dial soap as instructed. i had a light breakfast as instructed had a morning prayer and headed down the street to the office. as i got dressed i thought to myself, hmm what is the accepted attire for a castration? i wore some loose fitting gym clothes. i got there at 9:15 and walked in the door and saw what appeared to be a breast health clinic. i asked where dr kimmels office was and they said upstairs. i wonder if they knew what i was there for...? i went to the 2nd floor and a man greeted me and said, "are you here for dr kimmel?" "yes i am", i replied. "have a seat in here and he will be right with you." he said.

i sat in this little office with an archaic looking examination table. basically there was nothing electric about it. nothing automatic. everything was cold steel. sitting alone, i investigated the sanitary conditions. the office was neat enough, the floors were new pergo (http://www.fastfloors.com/media/catalog ... _50280.jpg) and not dirty. there was nothing amiss with the sanitation. some parts could have used a little scrub down but i just thought, i bet this is how dr.s offices were before everything became illegal in the 80s and 90s. i could hear dr kimmel talking to his assistant and was looking forward to meeting him face to face. i caught a glimpse of his backside as he walked across the hall. i sat in this room for about 10 minutes.

he walked in the office and we shook hands. dr kimmel is an older gentleman, he said he was in his 60's, i would guess late 60s. he is about 5'9 average looking older man. he had a notebook filled with scribblings and he filed thru it. he asked me, when did i call and talk to him? early this year i said, he couldnt find the notes he had taken from when i called and made the initial appointment. so he had to ask me all those same questions over. he asks basic questions about your lifestyle, martial status, and reasons for the procedure. right off the bat he strikes me as one of those doctors who really cares about his patients. when dr kimmel talks, he asks a lot of rhetorical questions, repeats himself and is very deliberate in his speech. its not wrong, some people need to have things explained 6 or 7 times. i would say our conversions were more like lectures. the initial consultation lasts about an hour and he explains basic endocrinology, the process of the surgery, basics of the male and female reproductive system, and the side effects and also whatever tangent he wants to go off on. he managed to start talking about lions, Judaism, and genital warts with me. every once in a while he will ask, "do you find this interesting?" wellllllll, "oh yes of course" i would reply. when he needed to draw a picture he whipped out his prescription form pad and would doodle on that for me. dude get a note pad. the side effects he mentioned with hot flashes, feminizing, sterilization and osteoporosis. except for the osteoporosis, they were all very briefly covered and nothing compared to the info we have here on the side effects on the EA. he asked a set of questions he had written down; am i allergic to anything, do i take medication, do i have and venereal diseases, do i have aids, have i ever had surgery, have i ever had any surgery on my genitalia. i replied no to all of them and he said "wow all no's i cant remember the last time i had that." after our lecture he had me sign a waiver explaining the possible complications with the surgery, i signed it and his assistant mary signed as a witness. i didnt get to talk to mary at all.

i thought the surgery was going to be in there but he lead me to another room, it was set up the same but twice as large as the first. i was asked to strip from the waist down. i laid on the table and he went to change into scrubs. akwarrrd. as he changed my pillow fell on the floor so i was looking straight up the whole surgery. at least i could see out the window and look for things shaped like things in the clouds. he came back in and gave me the antibiotic shot and slapped me in the butt first, it seemed like he didnt do give the shot slow enough and it was quite painful, i winced and sung a castarati high-c note in my head LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA , it was the worst pain of the entire process to date. about a 5.5 out of 10 on the pain scale. 10 being the highest pain. he did an initial examination on my manhood and commented and said you have very large testicles... thanks? he proceeded to use an iodine solution on my area and about 12 inches around my dingdong. (remember i am looking straight up and looking at whats appears to be a beaver in the clouds. so i couldnt, and didnt want to, see anything he was doing, im just going off of feel.) he administered an anesthetic shot with a small needle, the prick didnt hurt but produced a fullness in some sort of vessel in my pelvis. he said he was going slowly so i felt no pain. why didnt you do that on the first shot doc? first one side than the other. then he said randy i tricked you, i already made the incision. from what i understood, he said there would only be a 1/2 inch incision and he could work from there. i was numb and he began his work. he cut cords and tug here and there, there was an electric machine that he used, as he worked with that i felt it and flinched, ow ow ow that hurts a lot. "ow that hurts a little", i told him. he immediately administered more anesthetic a little higher up in the cord. this happened 3 times in the first 20 minutes. he asked me if i wanted him to talk during the surgery, i said that was fine, he has a soothing radio voice. but he didnt talk because he seemed to have a little trouble with the size of my testicles, it seemed like he had to switch up his plan of attack mid surgery. he commented again and said you have extremely large testicles. my boys giving you a little trouble there dr k? heh hooo! more cutting, snipping and coagulation. there was a bad smell of flesh burning but i just breathed out my mouth. after 30 minutes i heard a little plop on the table next to me. i didnt really want to see it but i had to know it was out. i lifted my head up and the first thing i saw was my scrotum that appeared to be cut wide open and there was more blood than i thought there would be. i turned my head and there it was. squeezy, my left testicle just pathetically sitting there like a beached whale. i didnt really think anything except that AOL sign off sound effect played in my head "goodbye." the other side went a lot smoother than the first. a couple snips, no pain and 15 minutes later they were both out. dr kimmel showed me the black stitching he would be using for the sutures, he siad, " i cant use the dissolvable kind because your testicles are so damn big and there is going to be more fluid" are my testicles getting bigger or are you just running out of words for large?. after that was done dr kimmel called for joe, he came in and cleaned up the blood. since i was looking straight up i didnt see joes face before he accessed my tally wacker, which felt kind of weird. joe cleaned me up, gave me the dressing and put on my supporter. after that i just laid there so i didnt get up and faint. i laid there for about 20 minutes talking to dr kimmel.

he said, "you are a good patient and i did a good job." dr kimmel said everything went perfectly. i was really happy it was all over. dr kimmel is just the master. there is nothing more he could have done to ensure i was comfortable, he couldnt have been any more professional. he is one of those doctors who becomes a doctor because they care about people and their well being. i was surprised he didnt offer to give me a piggy back ride to the hotel. he did the surgery alone and even tho he is getting on in years he is still really blew me away with how good he was. there is no reason not to go to dr kimmel if you are considering castration. we just chatted while i recovered and he said he had to make the incision bigger than the normal 1/2 inch because of my size. he got out his Rx pad and said "this is a normal testicle" he drew a large olive shaped thing. then he draws this things that swallows up the olive and says, "this is your testicle, it is more horse (http://www.lifelounge.com/resources/IMG ... e-pony.jpg) than human." oh come on guy now youre just getting crazy about this. we both laughed, i sat up waited then stood up. i wasnt dizzy but i got a little head rush. i put my clothes on carefully. mary came in gave me my care package and instructions. me and dr kimmel said goodbye and i was on my way. i got there at 9:15 and i didnt walk out the door until 1:00 pm. nothing about dr kimmel is rushed. he says he works slowly so that he does everything right and doesnt cause any pain.

i made a point of following his instructions exactly, since he told me that is why he explains everything so thoroughly, because some people just dont follow instructions and he really wants his patients to heal properly. i made sure to use the ramps connecting the street to the curb as i walked to the hotel. i got some ice and laid down to investigate my care package. there was 4 sets of pills in little pouches: 1 valium to help me sleep, antibiotics, laxatives, and ibuprofen for pain. there was also extra dressings and written instructions along with a bag for ice. dr kimmel called me around 6pm to check on me, he wished me well and said have a quiet night. i filled up my ice busket, (i call buckets or baskets; buskets.) and had a nice bible study. things could not have gone any better.

Well you got what you wanted. I cringe about you loosing your "horse" sized testes. I can think of a number of guys who wished they had that problem. *Me included! But no don't send them!

I'm surprised you were told to use Dial soap before the surgery?

I'm curious if Dr K said anything about the cords reattaching of if he went up "laproscopaly" (Sorry spelexed rong) to cut them higher?