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Posted: **Thu Jan 20, 2011 9:32 pm**

Stacy

I would not consider you a sucker. You were trying to help your friends who did not appreciate your input

In life there are givers and takers. You my friend are one of the givers

AM I YOU?

Posted: **Thu Jan 27, 2011 2:17 am**

Stacy

Am I you? (imported) wrote: Thu Jan 20, 2011 9:32 pm I would not consider you a sucker. You were trying to help your friends who did not appreciate your input

In life there are givers and takers. You my friend are one of the givers

AM I YOU?

I second this emotion...But,maybe a little more care could be taken when choosing the next "friend".. smooches dragonfly

Posted: **Sat Feb 12, 2011 11:06 am**

Ahhh... the e flows again. It"s such a wonderful feeling of calm.... I also started DP 300 mg injections to complement the past everclear injections. 24 hours and I can already feel the delightful tenderness in the breasts.

Things are going great and I have contacted a gender therapist to start therapy. I'll update later how it progresses.

Posted: **Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:56 am**

FEB 28TH

I have been waiting for a little more than a week for my first therapy appointment today. I was a little nervous but I have never been more ready to talk about this. I made up my mind to tell her anything and everything and hold nothing back. I figure it's just a waste of time and money to not be 100% upfront and honest and I don't really want to pay her to DIG this stuff out!

I really liked my therapist a lot and quickly felt at ease telling her anything and everything. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that she was VERY qualified to handle GID and had a lot of experience and compassion for GLBT and especially T.

The hour and a half just flew by and she asked if I felt comfortable with continuing to work with her in the future and I quickly told her that I felt very comfortable and looked forward to working with her and that I was glad that she didnt throw a box of tissues at me and call me a MAMBY PAMBY JACKWAGGON!

She laughed pretty good at that and said that if it would make me feel better she could throw the tissue box at me! lol So..... it looks like I will see her again in a few weeks!

Posted: **Mon Mar 14, 2011 10:18 pm**

FEB 28TH

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:56 am The hour and a half just flew by and she asked if I felt comfortable with continuing to work with her in the future and I quickly told her that I felt very comfortable and looked forward to working with her and that I was glad that she didnt throw a box of tissues at me and call me a MAMBY PAMBY JACKWAGGON!

She laughed pretty good at that and said that if it would make me feel better she could throw the tissue box at me! lol So..... it looks like I will see her again in a few weeks!

"And that's why I don't like the color yellow, I think."

Congratulations on having found a damned good gender therapist. There's nothing else like it.

Posted: **Tue Mar 15, 2011 3:31 am**

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Sun Dec 12, 2010 2:31 am Thanks Dragonfly. Telling the wife is the biggest obstacle right now. I don't expect that to go well....

How did it go with your wife?

Posted: **Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:40 am**

I haven't told my wife yet. I figure best to put it off as long as possible and try to get several more sessions with therapist and maybe a GID letter from therapist recommending hrt and medical transition. That way it makes it harder for people to say "its just a phase" or " a midlife crisis" or "your just a pervert".

Its kinda funny that GID is not something that they even TRY to fix. I actually went to see an endo with my new bff and was SHOCKED at how easy it is to get hrt by just signing an informed consent form. It almost seems that once you get to a certain point, the professionals almost push you down the path.

My therapist told me that she knows all the right people so that when im ready to move forward she can help quite a bit. I will see her next week and will ask her for endo reference which she indicated she would give since I am alreadyself medicating. I did tell her by email about the "nut shots" (ethyl alcohol) after my first mtg so im curious what she will say about it at our next session... I have decided that im not witholding anything from her as that would just be silly since IM paying HER to help me.

Posted: **Tue Mar 15, 2011 1:02 pm**

I forgot to add something important! Today is day 17 since I quit smoking. It has had some sucky moments but cant risk smoking along with HRT and I dont want to be one of those women with a raspy "smokers rasp". So not sexy.... lol. Also, I just measured and it seems that I now officially have a B cup breasts that are also very tender with a much different density. Surprised wife hasnt commented on them or my very shrunken testes... oh well.

Posted: **Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:01 am**

My wife agreed for me to start hormones over two years ago, then conveniently denied I was growing breasts until they became larger in two years than her natural breasts did in forty years. Not until her envy overtook her denial did she understand what had happened. I'm not saying that's what's happening at your place, but it's surprising how many things people in this world just don't notice. The other point is, since it's been gradual, she probably hasn't noticed such a large difference from week to week.

Posted: **Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:04 pm**

Caith721 (imported) wrote: Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:01 am My wife agreed for me to start hormones over two years ago, then conveniently denied I was growing breasts until they became larger in two years than her natural breasts did in forty years. Not until her envy overtook her denial did she understand what had happened. I'm not saying that's what's happening at your place, but it's surprising how many things people in this world just don't notice. The other point is, since it's been gradual, she probably hasn't noticed such a large difference from week to week.

The first thing I noticed when we met was your breasts. You have had an amazing result. I'm kinda surprised you dont catch to much grief for having breasts that size while in "guy mode"...

I'm sure I will see you again in the near future as I plan on being just south of you on a pretty regular basis. I may very well live there within the next year,,,

Posted: **Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:43 pm**

You were seeing them compressed by a one-size too small (now) bralette. The reason I don't catch more looks at work is that I grew them gradually over two years. I initially blamed it on prostate medication (Avodart) which was technically true, when it started. If I don't wear the bralette, they jiggle just a bit too much and then they do draw attention.

Posted: **Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:27 pm**

Yes Stacy...Good for you...Please keep us abreast (hehe) of the situation....

smooches dragonfly

Posted: **Sat Mar 19, 2011 3:55 am**

My heart always goes out to anyone who can live what their heart is saying. It is a big step to suddenly make a change and dress as a female.

Posted: **Sun Mar 20, 2011 9:04 am**

Humm... Have you asked your therapist about your being puzzled about there not being any attempt to cure GID? If your thinking along those lines maybe that is worth exploring? Asking about it won't hurt anything and at least exploring this may be a good step so you don't have future regrets?

Anyway I'm totally revved up that you found a therapist and that there is a good chemistry. Good luck with the conversation with your wife. I think that will also be a large load off your mind when you do it.

Posted: **Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:48 am**

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:40 am I haven't told my wife yet. I figure best to put it off as long as possible and try to get several more sessions with therapist and maybe a GID letter from therapist recommending hrt and medical transition. That way it makes it harder for people to say "its just a phase" or " a midlife crisis" or "your just a pervert".

Dear Stacy,

There will likely come a point when putting off telling your wife is no longer a viable option for either one of you. Whatever your marriage is like, letting her know everything about who you are gives her the information she needs to make decisions about her own life.

We have exchanged emails numerous times over the last few years and spoken once. I will speak with you again soon, too.

I was thrilled to speak with you a few weeks back.

Not once have I thought you were "just a pervert", going through a phase or a midlife crisis sweetie.

I admit I don't follow this the way I used to. To my knowledge, if all of the 'rules' are being followed, and you were not already taking estrogen, your therapist would need to provide the GID diagnosis before you could start HRT. I suspect you will soon have your official diagnosis.

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:40 am Its kinda funny that GID is not something that they even TRY to fix. I actually went to see an endo with my new bff and was SHOCKED at how easy it is to get hrt by just signing an informed consent form. It almost seems that once you get to a certain point, the professionals almost push you down the path.

Professionals have learned through long experience that GID is not 'fixable' in the sense of making it go away so that someone like you, or me, is quite happy to remain 'male.' That's part of what's behind efforts to end the use of the stigmatizing "Gender Identity Disorder." Any disorder one experiences is from a lack of acceptance by society, family and so on.

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:40 am My therapist told me that she knows all the right people so that when im ready to move forward she can help quite a bit. I will see her next week and will ask her for endo reference which she indicated she would give since I am alreadyself medicating. I did tell her by email about the "nut shots" (ethyl alcohol) after my first mtg so im curious what she will say about it at our next session... I have decided that im not witholding anything from her as that would just be silly since IM paying HER to help me.

I know many people start out self-medicating. I did when I started an anti-androgen back in early 2007. I'm glad to hear, though, that you want to consult a doctor about your estrogen injections. You need to be certain you are not overdoing things to the point of jeopardizing your health. Breast development is a wonderful thing, but your health should come first.

I'm so glad to know you and hear you are finding your own path. You have a lot of support on this site. That counts for a lot.

I will do whatever I can to help.

That's about all I can manage for tonight. Although I'm doing a whole lot better, I'm still recovering from my recent illness.

Hugs,

Danya

Posted: **Fri Mar 25, 2011 5:11 am**

Dear Stacy,

I am so sorry for not having posted earlier under your thread. Please forgive me as I have not spent a lot of time here on the web site recently.

I just wanted to express my congratulations to you on making this hard and difficult decision in your life. For those that have never experienced the pain and torment that being transgendered can bring, it may seem like a very strange thing to do, but for those of us that have experienced GID, the steps you have taken and are in the process of taking are the only natural outlet and relief that anyone can do. It does take a great amount strength, desire and time to have the conviction to finally admit the truth as to who we really are, that being women, and to take the necessary steps to finally portray our true personalities to the world. One must finally make the choice. Do I lose my present life or do I lose myself for my life? There is only one thing we can truly be in this world and that is ourselves.

I haven't read if you have told your spouse yet. For me, she was the very first person I shared 'my life's little secret" with. I am blessed by the fact that I am married to the most loving and understanding person that anyone could ever ask for and while it was difficult for her at first she realized that she loved the person and not the man she thought I was.

You will find that not everyone is going to accept you for yourself, but don't let that stop you from achieving your dreams or goals. You will find that those people were never your real friends or never really loved "you" in an unconditional way.

I wish you all the best as you head down this long and sometimes difficult path. As one that has already made this journey, take my word that the rewards will be many. There will be sacrifice and the road my get bumpy and treacherous at times, but it will be all worth it in the end.

If I can offer any assistance or advise along the way, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Posted: **Fri Mar 25, 2011 9:54 am**

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Fri Mar 25, 2011 5:11 am Dear Stacy,

I am so sorry for not having posted earlier under your thread. Please forgive me as I have not spent a lot of time here on the web site recently.

I just wanted to express my congratulations to you on making this hard and difficult decision in your life. For those that have never experienced the pain and torment that being transgendered can bring, it may seem like a very strange thing to do, but for those of us that have experienced GID, the steps you have taken and are in the process of taking are the only natural outlet and relief that anyone can do. It does take a great amount strength, desire and time to have the conviction to finally admit the truth as to who we really are, that being women, and to take the necessary steps to finally portray our true personalities to the world. One must finally make the choice. Do I lose my present life or do I lose myself for my life? There is only one thing we can truly be in this world and that is ourselves.

I haven't read if you have told your spouse yet. For me, she was the very first person I shared 'my life's little secret" with. I am blessed by the fact that I am married to the most loving and understanding person that anyone could ever ask for and while it was difficult for her at first she realized that she loved the person and not the man she thought I was.

You will find that not everyone is going to accept you for yourself, but don't let that stop you from achieving your dreams or goals. You will find that those people were never your real friends or never really loved "you" in an unconditional way.

I wish you all the best as you head down this long and sometimes difficult path. As one that has already made this journey, take my word that the rewards will be many. There will be sacrifice and the road my get bumpy and treacherous at times, but it will be all worth it in the end.

If I can offer any assistance or advise along the way, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you for your kind and understanding words and there is certainly no need for any apologies. Your offer of support is welcomed and I may take you up on it sometime but I do have a pretty good support network already.

My wife doesn't know yet and that will be the most painfull part. I'm sure she doesnt suspect anything yet and I don't expect the news to go over very well at all. I think it will really just be the "straw that breaks the camel's back" for us.

Posted: **Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:04 am**

mrt (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 20, 2011 9:04 am Humm... Have you asked your therapist about your being puzzled about there not being any attempt to cure GID? If your thinking along those lines maybe that is worth exploring? Asking about it won't hurt anything and at least exploring this may be a good step so you don't have future regrets?

Anyway I'm totally revved up that you found a therapist and that there is a good chemistry. Good luck with the conversation with your wife. I think that will also be a large load off your mind when you do it.

That's a very good question but I think she understood very quickly how knowledgeable I am on the GID issue and that we both knew there isn't a cure for GID. As a therapist, she analyzes the GID self diagnosis for herself then goes from there.

She did tell me that in all her years of practice, she has only run into one person that thought they had GID but found out it was really something else. I think she is pretty convinced that I am authentic and this is a life long issue that would benefit from medical transition.

As always, thanks for the kind words of support and it is always good to hear from you!

Posted: **Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:07 am**

OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Sat Mar 19, 2011 3:55 am My heart always goes out to anyone who can live what their heart is saying. It is a big step to suddenly make a change and dress as a female.

Thanks for the support. It IS a big step and scary as hell. I'm not going to rush going full time as I plan to be completely prepared to make the transition. I am letting the HRT do it's work and I will add diet and exercise to that to get where I need to be.

Posted: **Fri Mar 25, 2011 8:49 pm**

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:07 am I am letting the HRT do it's work and I will add diet and exercise to that to get where I need to be.

Definitely include diet and exercise. You could tell from meeting me I'm not small or thin by anyone's estimation. But I put on an extra twenty pounds during two years of HRT. I'll only blame half of that on the hormones but the other half was just my dumb, happy self eating too much, too often. I've lost twenty since November of last year, and I'm working on another twenty pounds right now.

Good luck Stacy. You know I wish you all the success and happiness possible.

Posted: **Sun Mar 27, 2011 4:13 pm**

So what do you think of my new avatar? It was taken tonight and it has been about 4 months on HRT.

Posted: **Sun Mar 27, 2011 6:31 pm**

Looking good

Posted: **Sun Mar 27, 2011 9:36 pm**

In a word (sort of) scrumptialicious...smooches dragonfly

Posted: **Mon Mar 28, 2011 7:02 am**

Looking good! --FLO--

Posted: **Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:25 am**

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 27, 2011 4:13 pm So what do you think of my new avatar? It was taken tonight and it has been about 4 months on HRT.

You look great. I am envious.

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