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justjustin (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 04, 2011 8:01 pm That's a relief. And if he's kicking, maybe he's not as depressed any more.

NZAndy1990 (imported) wrote: Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:17 am I think you might have misinterpreted the word 'spaulders' (shoulder armour) as 'spiders'. Not that eighted legged balls with wings isn't an entertaining image.

Also, greg, that story of your was great, and goes a long way for me towards soothing my fears of how I could cope if I lost my package in an accident or something, even though the character in the story was in a different situation. I think as far as most men go, I'm one of the more mentally and emotionally well equipped young guys around to deal with that sort of injury, being caring, very sensitive, and not entirely focused on penetrative sex. That story really touched my heart and was exactly the sort of thing I was hoping for.

punkypink, that was a powerful story you directed me to, and it did make me feel better, but I think that is because I could see from reading it that I wasn't nearly as close to the edge as many of the people that come on here. I know that I don't want to be a eunuch and I'm certainly not in danger of making a rash decision and doing anything stupid. Being castrated to serve a sexual role would not be best for me, as I like to think about being sub and dom, and changing myself in a way that is so linked to submissiveness would prevent me from fully changing between the two roles. My fear is more that because of my interest in this fantasy, my reality will inevitably gravitate towards it. From the ages of 14, I was very attracted to, and fantasised about sex with other boys. I tried numerous times to stop fantasising about it, because the potential stigma of being bisexual was something I was afraid would ruin my life. It hasn't, but the inevitable march towards coming out was emotionally traumatic, and I would hate to have to go through the same thing in relation to castration. That being said, I can't live in the past, and this is not the same situation as my sexual orientation. So basically, I'm not afraid that I'll try to do anything to myself right now, I'm afraid I will inevitably want to one day.

I think this also has a lot to do with the way I use (or don't use) fantasies. When I fantasize, I almost invariably do so about things that I want to actually do in the future, or people I would really like to be with in real life. I generally think about my sex life in the way I would wish it to be, and I almost never fantasize about completely unrealistic situations. I think the reason for that is that in the past, I have felt that thinking about something unobtainable (or that realistically, I would not wish to obtain) is a fruitless exercise. It wasn't until this week that my friend really pointed out to me that I can fantasize for fantasy and enjoyment's sake. I'm also a budding writer, and fantasizing is really no different to telling myself a story. As you guys have pointed out, fantasy and reality are two very different things, and I can think about all sorts of things that I can't do in real life, and those are perfectly valid ways of getting off. I don't have to fear that my fantasies about castration are inevitably practice for the actual event.

There was also the fear that, with so many of the eunuchs on here raving about the benefits and about how it purged them of testosterone, that somehow my pride (for lack of a better word) in being a fully functional male was misplaced. Many talk about the emotional pain and embarrassment that their compulsive sexual behaviour caused them, and I can definitely relate to those feelings, although I see them as a challenge, not something I personally want to be rid of. I guess I was feeling that what is right for some men must be largely right for us all, and if being testosterone free and calm is so great for some men, maybe I was deluding myself by thinking that I could ever be the best person possible with my balls attached.

I'll post a bit more about what I think is underlying my fears later, but for now I'm going to go and figure out how to bake a castratable harem of gingerbread sissies.

Cainanite (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:05 pm Editing requires me to sit in one place, drinking coffee, and being very quiet. Just my speed.

NZAndy1990 (imported) wrote: Sat Nov 05, 2011 6:14 pm I'm off to Melbourne for a few days, so don't worry about my lack of activity on here, I will be back! I'm hoping to do some erotic writing while I'm over there relaxing.

See you all soon!