EA Forums

Sorry for any misinterpretation on my part, I try to understand, but it isn't always easy...

I am glad that you feel you are healing, however slowly it's going, and never meant anything negative about castration, but that you are comfortable talking about it doesn't mean that others are...

In the end it's your choice about how much to say and when to say it, but I don't think that discussing it is necessarily a requirement for talking with your family about what you and they know about the stuff that happened in the past and is giving you issues today...

I only know you through this board, and don't know the rest of your family at all, so you are in a lot better situation to judge the matter than I am... But I worry that saying to much about the operation might create barriers to communication about other, possibly more important stuff. Remember it's a one-way path - you can decide when to go down it, but once you say something, you can't UN-say it...

WheelyCurious

WheelyCurious wrote: Mon Jul 11, 2022 1:31 pm Sorry for any misinterpretation on my part, I try to understand, but it isn't always easy...

I am glad that you feel you are healing, however slowly it's going, and never meant anything negative about castration, but that you are comfortable talking about it doesn't mean that others are...

In the end it's your choice about how much to say and when to say it, but I don't think that discussing it is necessarily a requirement for talking with your family about what you and they know about the stuff that happened in the past and is giving you issues today...

I only know you through this board, and don't know the rest of your family at all, so you are in a lot better situation to judge the matter than I am... But I worry that saying to much about the operation might create barriers to communication about other, possibly more important stuff. Remember it's a one-way path - you can decide when to go down it, but once you say something, you can't UN-say it...

WheelyCurious

thanks. I will be taking everything into consideration. if I ever feel talk could end up as a negative thing I won't do it. I feel as I've indicated before that talk about it for my family's situation would be beneficial. but I see this from my point of view that for an intense experience there is an intense response. I guess I have to make the call, should it be the intense response of denial, or the intense response of awakening. all I can say is that I hope I'll make the right choice. I hope my siblings are able to process what I do decide. and I hope that if this surgery is presently on my sister's mind, she mentions it before my cousin and her family arrive. so that we can have a meaningful conversation about it sooner than later. thanks again for all your thoughts.

Hya,

My own take on this is to feel your way, and tread gently. Everyone is an individual, even your brothers and sisters. I'm going through exactly the same sorts of issues myself. However, one thing I realise is that my elder brother and I, even though we lived through very similar experiences, have reacted to them in just about opposite ways.

We were mostly subjected to severe physical abuse, but there was always the background of impending mind games. Anyway, as I say, we responded in very different ways. I shut down and closed off to almost everything. I vowed to myself to never be like this.

My brother, it seems, decided that if you can't beat them, join them. That, and to simply not see. In order to demonstrate his 'loyalty', he imitated his father and beat me up too. We both were little kids looking for a way to survive the same abuse.

Just because we shared a common experience does not mean we are brothers in arms. It breaks my heart to this day, but he remains his father's lickspittle, and it still galls me.

It's all too easy too see things as being how we want rather than how they are, especially when we're dealing with the inner workings of others minds.

Tread carefully, and softly.

Hya,

BillyBlogs (imported) wrote: Tue Jul 12, 2022 8:11 pm My own take on this is to feel your way, and tread gently. Everyone is an individual, even your brothers and sisters. I'm going through exactly the same sorts of issues myself. However, one thing I realise is that my elder brother and I, even though we lived through very similar experiences, have reacted to them in just about opposite ways.

We were mostly subjected to severe physical abuse, but there was always the background of impending mind games. Anyway, as I say, we responded in very different ways. I shut down and closed off to almost everything. I vowed to myself to never be like this.

My brother, it seems, decided that if you can't beat them, join them. That, and to simply not see. In order to demonstrate his 'loyalty', he imitated his father and beat me up too. We both were little kids looking for a way to survive the same abuse.

Just because we shared a common experience does not mean we are brothers in arms. It breaks my heart to this day, but he remains his father's lickspittle, and it still galls me.

It's all too easy too see things as being how we want rather than how they are, especially when we're dealing with the inner workings of others minds.

Tread carefully, and softly.

thanks much Billy. i do dread the possibility of what you are suggesting and it does make a lot of sense. i may tend to talk bigger than i really am. idk. maybe i speak my wishes rather than my real self. again idk. i'm presently so stressed out by all this in general, a good friend with an entirely different set of issues i feel a need to be there to give him support and the fact that the world is so effed up presently that anyone's worried may simply be irrelevant. so exasperating! but btw, i tend to think my siblings are all just severely in denial maybe even more than i am, but somehow it was my self harm that woke me up. again, maybe stupidly, i feel a need to try to help them. they each must have some degree of suffering. i don't know why i got stuck with so much. anyway, thanks again. see you around later...

THE BIG UPDATE:

today i spoke with my sister on the phone for an extended period of time. it seemed to be a fairly normal conversation (of the variety where we don't get into the torments of the past).

She asked nothing about my interest in and possible castration and i offered nothing. we concluded the conversation with normal good byes. that doesn't mean anything, but i just thought it worth mentioning since maybe some people thought I'd be telling for the sake of telling and that is not the case. it could still be that she's wondering, but maybe that will be a conversation some time in the future.

Sounds reasonable - if she gets really curious she can always ask later, but if she doesn't no need to drag it up... But it seems a good sign that knowing of your interest hasn't driven her away or caused other obvious issues...

WheelyCurious

just mentioning that we finally had the family get together and it went nicely. there was no talk about anything pertaining to my surgery or if it has any noticeable effect on me. just seemed very "as usual". there were no plans to meet anytime in the future. if anyone made any observations or is wondering, nothing was spoken about so i guess that that is how it will stay. i won't say anything unless someone actually asks.

Congratulations!

I hope it continues to go well with you and your family.