Regrets

[mrt (imported)]

If I were to ever go back on HRT, that would probably be my method of choice.

I am skeptical of compounded medications. Mos

t people say they work, so they probably do, but it seems like something you would be taking a chance on.

I've seen clinics like that online, but most require you to be age 30 or older. If you know of one that doesn't have this requirement, perhaps you can let me know.

I just wanted to add that I agree about compounding pharmacy even tho I suggested it. The mainstreat approach of Andrgel/derm or injectables seems to be the safest bet. Do beware of the doctors that want to give monthly injections. This is a blueprint for roller coaster hormone rides and gynocomastia. *My non medical 2 cents worth.

[JeffEunuch (imported)]

Taking in your collective observations on cost makes me very glad I'm in Canada. I think we get it all for much less. Not sure why that is?

Anyway, I do AndroGel now, upwards to 4 pumps a day, often less. It costs $147/mo, and my co-payment (20%) is $~30. Up 'til ~2.5 years ago, I did injectible testosterone. It cost ~$36/mo - an injection every 2 weeks, and my share was $7. While my doc said many people are bothered by the cycle that accompanies the periodic injections, I wasn't. I only switched because I agreed that rubbing the stuff on my abdomen was easier than the 45 minutes it took me to travel to the docs and back for the injections. I can also take it with me on trips, while I usually waited 'til my return to home base for injections if I was away. That was 5 weeks once. Too long. The drug people here are also sensitive to potential misuse of testosterone. I'm thus limited to 2 pumps per pick-up at the apothecary.

[kristoff]

Taking in your collective observations on cost makes me very glad I'm in Canada. I think we get it all for much less. Not sure why that is?

Anyway, I do AndroGel now, upwards to 4 pumps a day, often less. It costs $147/mo, and my co-payment (20%) is $~30. Up 'til ~2.5 years ago, I did injectible testosterone. It cost ~$36/mo - an injection every 2 weeks, and my share was $7. While my doc said many people are bothered by the cycle that accompanies the periodic injections, I wasn't. I only switched because I agreed that rubbing the stuff on my abdomen was easier than the 45 minutes it took me to travel to the docs and back for the injections. I can also take it with me on trips, while I usually waited 'til my return to home base for injections if I was away. That was 5 weeks once. Too long. The drug people here are also sensitive to potential misuse of testosterone. I'm thus limited to 2 pumps per pick-up at the apothecary.

If one prefers the injectable version, usually, for most, a weekly injection provides the best results, leveling the cycles a great deal. Yes it is significantly cheaper than gels. Some doctors are loathe to let a patient do self-injections, others insist on clinic visits because they can charge for them. Find a doctor that will allow you to do your own. Much easier, much cheaper.

Canadian drugs are significantly cheaper because Canada imposes substantial price controls on them.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

I get testosterone shots at two week intervals. There is a noticable "let down" a few days before the next shot is due. The clinic I get them from doesn't make any extra money by having me come in for the shots - it's covered by my HMO contract. They say they don't allow patients to self administer injectable testosterone because it is on the same same restricted drug list as morphine and opium. --FLO--

[mrt (imported)]

I get testosterone shots at two week intervals. There is a noticable "let down" a few days before the next shot is due. The clinic I get them from doesn't make any extra money by having me come in for the shots - it's covered by my HMO contract. They say they don't allow patients to self administer injectable testosterone because it is on the same same restricted drug list as morphine and opium. --FLO--

I've never done injectables but I've spoken by email to a number of men who self inject. Testosterone is humm... Class III? Some places like the Boston Medical group place tight controls on everything to (we think) maximize profits.

[plix (imported)]

I decided I am going to give one of those diary type threads another shot, and this thread starts it in the direction I would like. That being the case, hopefully it is understandable why I am going to be strict about this thread staying on topic. Of course anyone is welcome to reply, but from this post forward, please take all other discussions to another thread. Thanks so much for your understanding

Here goes:

Now that the truth is out, it is time to look at the REAL history of my gender issues. I had none until I was 19. How did they start? When I decided to visit a TG website.

Keep in mind that during this time I was very depressed and isolated. Also keep in mind that I have always had a strong feminine side, too strong at times. Those who know me have complained about it my entire life.

Somehow, all of these factors combined to make me wonder if the reason I was unhappy is because I wanted to be a girl. I saw the stories of those on the website, and I saw how much fun they were having with transition. I convinced myself that I too would have fun and be happy if I became a girl.

I told myself that the reason I was so feminine all of my life is because I was really a girl. I began looking back to various times in my childhood and making it so that gender issues could explain each one of them. I was able to convince myself that I had always felt this way from early childhood and that made me a true TS.

In reality, I never felt this way until I saw the website. The things I experienced as a kid can easily be explained by so much else. I was shy and sensitive as a child, but that doesn't mean I had gender issues. I was lonely and unhappy as a child, but so much else can explain that. I didn't fit in with my peers, but that too is explainable by many other things.

Unlike a true TS, I was never in denial. From the moment I considered the possibility of me having gender issues, I jumped on the thought and was anxious to move through the process. I did not want to see a therapist or talk to anyone - I just wanted to take the hormones and feel better.

I didn't know a whole lot about passing then, or even about what makes us able to tell the difference between men and women. I later learned it is primarily the face. I looked at mine and told myself it wasn't that bad and I would be fine. I thought that after a few months on the hormones I would look unmistakeably female.

Granted, there are some TGs whose face really is not bad and they can pass easily after a short time on mones. But I wasn't one of them. The first gender therapist I went to woke me up when she pointed out I have a very strong jawline and would probably need it worked on to pass. I was in denial about my face until that point, but as soon as I accepted the truth, I became very depressed about it. My face and getting it fixed was all I could think about (I'm sure many of us remember how depressing I was during that time ).

When that same therapist declined to give me a letter for hormones because of depression, I quit going to her and decided I would DIY transition. I found out about castration through Sherry's website and also the contact info for Kimmel. I later discovered the EA and got information here. I was convinced by her website that castration is a good first step and made plans to have it done soon. I called Kimmel when I was ready and went through with it.

Recovery was reasonable, minus a couple of problems that came up. I already mentioned the lesbian couple in another thread.

I joined the EA a couple weeks later, and I've been writing in about what's happened since then. I went on estrogen DIY about 3 weeks after surgery. At first I did patches, then pills, then shots. I was still obsessed with fixing my face. I took a 6 week break from estrogen in December until February. I quit estrogen for good over the Summer when I started to realize I was not TG. I took T for a little while, and recently quit that too. I am now on nothing and just starting the journey into true eunuchdom.

I don't know what made realize I am not female, but it's just something I know. I wish I had not started estrogen because I am left with some mild breast development I have to hide.

I don't know what will happen next, but I plan to document it here as it happens. I am working to accept the choices I have made and learn how to best move forward from here.

[Riverwind (imported)]

OK< settle down, stop, enough, thank you,

River

Plix, I have not posted about this because I know you and I just dont know what to say. I dont know what to tell you to do, if anything, except this, next summer you and Ken are most welcome at my house for a visit, I would love to see you again and meet Ken. One day at the Mall for sure. (Mall of America)

River

[kristoff]

We have several "diaries" on these boards - Phillip, Erica Ann, Bryan, and others I dont recall from before. We have in the past made specific allowance for these. These are very valuable to members and non-members who come here seeking the experience of others with their own issues, particularly over a long period of time. These should be respected and valued. At the same time, they are not off-limits to the posts of others in response to them - but they need to be on topic and related to the "diary." On the other hand, such threads need to be made very clear at the outset. This also does not mean that we suddenly need to have 407 new diaries.

With regard to issues arising during my recent absence, I will not tolerate flaming and abuse of other members on these boards. There was enough of that on all parts of this matter, so there need be no more finger pointing and complaining. I have cut some posts above, and put one back. If anyone has difficulties with this, please address it to me in PM.

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

Thank you Krister.

I knew the voice of reason would return...good job.