Eunuchism and Gender

[Kortpeel (imported)]

Gender Inquiry and More

Eunuchism

In my earlier years, it was not this easily stated. I frequently struggled with self-loathing, denial, condemnation from individuals and institutions, every kind of social, psychological, and other form of homophobia that our society can throw at someone, internalizing much of it. This of course affected, at least then, perhaps today, self-perceptions about gender, aside from sexual orientation. Questions would arise: Am I feminine? An "inverted" male? A closet woman? How did these questions get answered? How did they affect the ways I thought of myself in other areas, then and now?

Thank you Kristoff for such enlightening posts.

All I can say is that it as a good job I am staight because I doubt I could have handled the crap that you had to put up with in my early years. On the other you probably missed out on the aching, painful lust to get inside a girl's pants in your early teens when you didn't have slightest chance of doing so. Looking back I now realise I wouldn't have known what to do if had got there.

The thing that bothers me, it seems so unjust, is the feeling of self loathing you mention in your post. Why did you have this self loathing? Is it because you accepted the opinion of an unenlightened homophobic world? Or was it from some source within yourself? How did you eventually overcome it?

The other question I would like to raise is the changes in brain function: becoming more sensitive to mood nuances, body language and the like. Also becoming more likely to give vent to tears and changes in spacial perception.

These are generally regarded as feminine traits. I have a theory that men and women's brains may actually be the same but the presence of male hormones suppresses some parts of the brain and stimulates others. Estrogen propably has a corresponding effect.

It may be possible for the brain to 'rewire' itself but it strikes me as more likely that it is a response to the presence or absence of hormones. Does anyone here actually know?

Whatever. Keep up the good work

Kortpeel

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Interesting topic Kortpeel, Kristoff, et al...I wonder if any studies have been done on the hormone levels of gender dysphoric people, women and men?

Could it be that they have disproportionate levels of their respective hormones?

It's obvious a lack of T results in a lack of sex drive in males, and, I believe, to a possibly lesser extent, females.

I know I identify with female in many ways, but am heterosexual..I love to feel "pretty" am a crossdresser( however closeted)...Just got my ears pierced, and love it... Several years ago I shaved my almost bald head and , over the next year or so, amassed a large amount of tattoos on my bald head...butterflies, dragonfly, bumblebee, morning glory, vines...a veritable garden of flying insects, that I love...I'm now 65 years old..I've been a cross-dresser since my early teens....(mom's shoes, nylons, now wife's stuff).

I don't know what my family would think if I came out to them...I paint my toenails a very light, almost unnoticeable shade of pale pink, shave my legs and most of my body...and, at the age of 65, still jerk off almost daily, sometimes multiple times daily...I would guess my T levels were high...But then, why do I have this feminine side? Gotta be a little more than just hormonal...psychological, too.....Anyone else?? Thanks dragonfly

[daifu-orchid (imported)]

Yes, another who is male, and after losing them is still male, though the degree varies. Does it obviously relate to HRT levels? not in any clear way except that for a brief time without HRT (T), I had the flashes and felt not so good. Do I enjoy how I feel now? Very much. Would I be as happy with no HRT or with different, perhaps female HRT? Very possibly after transient upheavals subsided. Have I ever wanted to be female? Not really. Females are admirable creatures and i don't find it wrong that some who are not female would like to be one. It's just that I suspect I would make a very second-rate girl, so it's best to stay the way I am.

Do i see myself as anything else in the future. Probably not, but life is exciting and to be enjoyed, and way too full of predictions of the unpredictable.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Egad,... I just noticed the date I wrote that..Two and a half years ago...I've come out to my wife and been on Spiro and Estrofem for over a year now...I agree, Orchid..life is wonderful, Vast and varied...To be lived fully...Thanks Jackie

[daifu-orchid (imported)]

He says, "Egad". Egad, indeed. There are many fine writings here that seem very current, but not recently active. I think that we should not be afraid to give them an airing from time to time. Reaching for Plato's Republic is hardly an exhumation either?

Whatever the label, as a happily pruned XY humanoid on bi-weekly T-cypionate, I may be considered a tad eccentric by friends and neighbors, but only (probably) my wife knows about the absence of testicles. There are so many accounts of the anxieties and misunderstandings that seem to come from giving such information to folks who disapprove or worse. Most friends and neighbors seem to find me tolerable, even mildly entertaining. I see no reason to spoil that. Is it dishonest? Disingenuous? I think no. I would no more tell them about hemorrhoids and laxatives, not that I actually have either.

Do I feel any different about my own identity? started male, now an 'altered' one, with more hair on head and less elsewhere despite normal levels of T. Would this be the same for someone electively ball-less, rather than medically? I think possibly not. Those who freely choose to become eunuchs might reasonably be proud of their decision, and therefore want to share it with at least a few. -Whether that improves the chances of acceptance is another matter entirely.

It is suggested above that transgender thoughts may follow orchiectomy, an alteration in one's own perceptions and wishes. I can't say that I feel a TG wish, but I have become more accepting of folk with a full null state. I have no very clear understanding of what it would feel like, with our without HRT, but increasingly frequently it feels even an attractive idea. Pre-orchie, I am sure that I would have been shocked to imagine myself reassembled with a perineal re-route, and such altered genital sexuality. Now, not so strange. Maybe folks here can share something discretely of how it really is.

We have a stable and supportive marriage, with greatly decreased frequency of intercourse as the years go by, though the smooth underside where balls used to be, still seems attractive. When the orchie was done, she wanted to know if I would be like a Chinese eunuch, without balls and penis. (They didn't get a reroute, just a quick external penectomy taken together with balls and scrotum.) She appeared to find the idea interesting, not shocking.

Sexuality and gender seem so multidimensional and changing -depending on preferences, attractions, the journey through life, life events -and those of our partner.

No immediate plans for taking a Thailand nullo vacation, but it has gone from unthinkable to sometimes very thinkable after the orchie. -but even if we did it, we wouldn't tell our friends!

Yes, I do think that castration alters our perceptions of our own sexuality, and there is much more to know and enjoy. The need for public discretion is as great as ever.