Just need to talk it out

[mrt (imported)]

No competent medical person is going to tell you to "live with it or cut them off". That you can discuss it here suggests that you could find a "real" person with whom a discussion could be continued. I might suggest that you must be honest with anyone who is acting as your therapist or physician. In the past three years I have worked extensively with a Psychiatrist, my Physician and an Urologist preparing for nullo. Whatever eventually happens, and to me it's an all or nothing proposition, I and they will feel that no decisions were rashly made and that as many exigencies as could be found were considered. Rarely is it possible for anyone to make this sort of life-changing journey alone.

If it's been twelve years since you had a blood panel, it has been far too long. For that, how long has it been since you've had a total physical, top to bottom with all the invasive tests that might be necessary? This may help and, at all events, at forty you need a medical base line for the future.

YES! 12 years is really a bad idea. At this age you should make a yearly trip for a complete physical. And doctors vary but most would prefer not doing anything rather then do things that you might regret. If your not ready for whatever you think you want they won't be the ones to press you (In general)

[XtheUndead (imported)]

I'm just very afraid of doctors. OK, so which outcome (listed in what I think is the order from least to most likely) should I be most scared of?

1. I have a tumor like mrt suggests, and can look forward to financially and physically ruinous sessions with chemo/radiation/surgery, at the end of which I have a good choice of dying anyhow.

2. I have a serious hormonal imbalance like mismatched had, and will have to make some hard (or not-so-hard!) decisions about how "male" I want to continue to be.

3. The tests show absolutely nothing abnormal, because there is nothing nothing nothing wrong with me-- physically at least; I'm just going crazy, and will soon be like some of the odder people who hang around the fringes of this board.

4. The tests show nothing particularly out of the ordinary, except for a few things that are a little peculiar, and the doctors can't do a thing for me, except poke and prod some more at the curious specimen I am.

[XtheUndead (imported)]

Update: went in the day after Thanksgiving for the general poke-and-prod (just after reading mismatched's account of being tortured by doctors, but mine went OK), and Wednesday for the needle-sticks (unfortunately the blood was drawn when I was at the bottom of whatever cycle it is I go through; a test at the top end might be more revealing). The doctor thinks my inguinal hernia is the main problem, may be giving me fluid leakages and circulation problems in the area, and needs surgical correction in any case. So she sent me to a surgeon, who seemed OK, but he set a date for Dec. 27 at a hospital and told me I had to call the hospital to find out what the fees would be: after much go-round (they sounded as if they had not heard of anyone being uninsured before) they said $8000 and they wanted half up front. I went back to the surgeon's and said there was no way that was happening. The receptionist said, well before you cancel let me talk to them, and if I can't get anywhere with them I'll have the doctor talk to them. We'll see.

[DonFL (imported)]

I'm the 1st gentleman MrT was talking about, i think, Ive only met one other hyperandroginism patient on the board but his experience was more on the aggression side, this is what my experience was:

http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthr ... #post88339

and the long version:

http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=11419

Yours doesn't sound as severe as i went through, but that can be a matter of mental self control or physical severity.

and you could be correct, your over sensitive to a normal level of T. In that case you might want to try small doses of androcur and bring it down and see what happens. I have a thread for full chemical castration but Id a protocol for lowering only, I was a organic pharm chem major with a minor in pharmacological endocrinology student 2 weeks from graduation, my 1st sinus tumor blacked me out and killed the end. Im not licensed to actually prescribe or give medical advice to a person, but say publishing a paper on the Internet to the either in general is ok...

Due to requests, chemical castration protocol with optional levels of feminizing

http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=12114

My current Eunuch to Male reversion protocol.

http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showpos ... stcount=24

If you would like to order your own serum T tests online for $47.97 online so you can track it over time, IM me, and I will give you the address of where you order it, the test is done by labcorp, the same place all other doctors use.

My case was finally declared testicular cancer from a ludwig cell tumor after seeking help on and off for 16 years, y, since i was 14, AFTER i had a back-ally castration I had to do after I had got a biopsy was really bad and 2 ultrasounds were bad and still my dr wouldn't act. My case was "too complex for him". I took my medical records and pathology samples of my organs to the hospital with me.

After that the medical system treated like gold, i got the rest of the cords removed, got good GP and psyc help.. my sinus tumor had returned and it got the best treatment the UofM could provide and is nearly gone.. but i have insurance that is rare, 100% coverage. if you cant afford insurance, which you cant, no one can get affordable individual plans, you might check to see if your able to get into your state medicaid program, its better than nothing...

Another issue you ahve to watch out for, the level ranges printed on the tests are wide, too many doctors go by them like the bible, often, for many people, thoes ranges are BS.

As my 1st endo prof said the 1st day of class, "what im going to teach you can be a complete load of horse shit, we know next to nothing about the human hormone system, what im going to teach is what we THINK we know".... And that man was the head professor of the department.

And like plix, i was castrated chemicaly for the psyc effects at 22, before i had my fun.. im enjoying the "normality" ive just began.

I'm just very afraid of doctors. OK, so which outcome (listed in what I think is the order from least to most likely) should I be most scared of?

1. I have a tumor like mrt suggests, and can look forward to financially and physically ruinous sessions with chemo/radiation/surgery, at the end of which I have a good choice of dying anyhow.

2. I have a serious hormonal imbalance like mismatched had, and will have to make some hard (or not-so-hard!) decisions about how "male" I want to continue to be.

3. The tests show absolutely nothing abnormal, because there is nothing nothing nothing wrong with me-- physically at least; I'm just going crazy, and will soon be like some of the odder people who hang around the fringes of this board.

4. The tests show nothing particularly out of the ordinary, except for a few things that are a little peculiar, and the doctors can't do a thing for me, except poke and prod some more at the curious specimen I am.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

Confusing isn't it? I got opposite opinions from a good endocrinologist and a good urologist, both very acomplished in their fields. I have now moved on to others who are more willing to acknowlege what they don't know and procede from there. --FLO--

[XtheUndead (imported)]

I'm scheduling surgery for the inguinal hernia (which I've had since childhood but is bad this past year) for April in Toronto: I had to cancel the Dec. 27 date because the money they want in the US is just way beyond what I can do. The Canadians want half as much, still a bite but I have time to try and raise it. If I feel bad about money woes I can always read the "One Day in the Life of a Wolf" thread and remind myself that I am blessed.

Jan. 4 I have an appointment to discuss the blood-work results; I'll share the T figures with you. Like I say the blood-draw was when I was at the bottom of the cycle: thanks mismatched for the suggestion of getting more T tests done, I'll send you a line if I want to follow through on that (and thanks for your story, especially; definitely a more severe case than mine but I relate to some of it).

[XtheUndead (imported)]

So what do these numbers mean? PSA 0.63, AM Free Testosterone 92

[kristoff]

So what do these numbers mean? PSA 0.63, AM Free Testosterone 92

PSA is very low, and is very good.

Free testosterone at 92 means that you are operating at or about adrenal testosterone level - essentially at eunuch level.

[XtheUndead (imported)]

Yow.

The blood was drawn at the "low" of my cycle. It would be interesting to see, if I get back to a "high" like in October, whether that is an actual change in the testosterone level or a change in my responsivity to the same low levels. DonFL has offered to help me get that done if the situation arises.

Thanks (I guess) for the info.

[XtheUndead (imported)]

Maybe there is a "units" confusion with my reading? The clinic has sent me the full printout on my tests (with all the different cholesterols and blood fractions etc. mostly boringly normal) and says the 92 testosterone is "pg/mL" in a "ref. range" of 49 to 244, with a note "to convert to pmol/L multiply by 3.47" (meaning, for those without a chemistry education: there are about 3470 grams of testosterone to the "mole", the number derived from adding up the atomic masses of all atoms in that moderately-large molecule, a "mole" being a unit with the same number of molecules in it regardless of which substance we are talking about).

So, perhaps Kristoff is used to the "mole" scale, in which my reading would be 319 in the low-middle of a reference range from 170 to 887?

I ask because, although I was in a "low" all December around when the blood was drawn (no acne or orchialgia, urges down to once a day or so without nullo-wannabe thoughts, responses to exasperation more lethargic/procrastinating than impulsive/angry), it was not a state where I would have thought "this is what it's like with my balls completely shut down". I seem to be going back to a "high" (I sent an ill-considered e-mail at work last weekend, fortunately to someone who is a little self-aware about her tendencies to get bitchy so she apologized and I apologized and all is calm now; then I started getting fresh pimples again, probably the most objective marker of testosterone hyper-response; and had a three-in-a-row masturbatory session yesterday) and if I get to any state like I was in October I'll want to get the free-testosterone tested again, check if I really have hormonal fluctuations or, as I intuitively suspect, just fluctuations in response-level (whether biochemical or psychosomatic).

[kristoff]

Maybe there is a "units" confusion with my reading? The clinic has sent me the full printout on my tests (with all the different cholesterols and blood fractions etc. mostly boringly normal) and says the 92 testosterone is "pg/mL" in a "ref. range" of 49 to 244, with a note "to convert to pmol/L multiply by 3.47" (meaning, for those without a chemistry education: there are about 3470 grams of testosterone to the "mole", the number derived from adding up the atomic masses of all atoms in that moderately-large molecule, a "mole" being a unit with the same number of molecules in it regardless of which substance we are talking about).

So, perhaps Kristoff is used to the "mole" scale, in which my reading would be 319 in the low-middle of a reference range from 170 to 887?

I ask because, although I was in a "low" all December around when the blood was drawn (no acne or orchialgia, urges down to once a day or so without nullo-wannabe thoughts, responses to exasperation more lethargic/procrastinating than impulsive/angry), it was not a state where I would have thought "this is what it's like with my balls completely shut down". I seem to be going back to a "high" (I sent an ill-considered e-mail at work last weekend, fortunately to someone who is a little self-aware about her tendencies to get bitchy so she apologized and I apologized and all is calm now; then I started getting fresh pimples again, probably the most objective marker of testosterone hyper-response; and had a three-in-a-row masturbatory session yesterday) and if I get to any state like I was in October I'll want to get the free-testosterone tested again, check if I really have hormonal fluctuations or, as I intuitively suspect, just fluctuations in response-level (whether biochemical or psychosomatic).

I am accustomed to using a scale that reads in ng/dl. Not sure offhand what the conversion factor is between pg/ml and ng/dl

[XtheUndead (imported)]

"nano" is one-billionth (10 to the -9), "pico" one-trillionth (to the -12). So, multiply pg/ml times 100 ml/dl times 1 ng/1000 pg should move the decimal point once, and my "92" is your "9.2"??? That sounds like the wrong direction. Maybe it's "920" on your scale?

[kristoff]

"nano" is one-billionth (10 to the -9), "pico" one-trillionth (to the -12). So, multiply pg/ml times 100 ml/dl times 1 ng/1000 pg should move the decimal point once, and my "92" is your "9.2"??? That sounds like the wrong direction. Maybe it's "920" on your scale?

If it is 920 (correct direction, I assume), Then your T level is in the high end of normal range. Depending on whose scale one uses, normative range can be anywhere from 200-1200 nd/dl.

[XtheUndead (imported)]

There is also a difference between "free" testosterone (measured in my test) and "total" testosterone level (more commonly measured, includes all the bound forms). Is there a doctor in the house?

I seem to be on the up-ramp: twinges today from my left nut (the one that in younger days was surrounded by a huge varicose hydrocele until my scrotum felt like a bag of worms) though not my right (generally better behaved) and not the sharp pains that make me want the whole package off.

[XtheUndead (imported)]

Finally got my condition diagnosed. I have a chronic low-level infection with an exceedingly rare species of bacterium, Mycobacterium gordonae, <100 cases in the US. The Canadians will not do the hernia repair surgery thinking it might trigger a major flare-up of what has been so far a "minor" condition. There is no treatment for it, no prospect there will be any (given the low number of cases, no motive for research), not much knowledge about it (it is from the family of the germ that causes leprosy, great). I've had it a long time, so it's not like I have "six months to live", but I probably shouldn't plan on seeing eighty, either.