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kristoff wrote: Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:43 pm The debate over Trans inclusion in GLBT has been going on since the late 70s and early 80s. It is nothing but queers discriminating against their friends.

It hurts when I see it happen to other T-folk, and has kept me from fully coming out as well. I keep asking my self the question "how much do I come out?" In the past I kind of of pushed at the boundaries until I got "the treatment" but these days I'm a little more likely to tell them to piss off. Still I don't consider my self to be completely out, and that is something I'm really struggling with.

I'm very sad to see transphobia in my own LGBT community. I do see there is less of it than there used to be but it is still there.

jemagirl (imported) wrote: Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:46 am It hurts when I see it happen to other T-folk, and has kept me from fully coming out as well. I keep asking my self the question "how much do I come out?" In the past I kind of of pushed at the boundaries until I got "the treatment" but these days I'm a little more likely to tell them to piss off. Still I don't consider my self to be completely out, and that is something I'm really struggling with.

I'm very sad to see transphobia in my own LGBT community. I do see there is less of it than there used to be but it is still there.

Personally, I find the whole concept of transphobia disgusting. I am sure I am guilty of many others phobias, but still this one is closer to me. I know altogether too many trans women and a couple of transmen, to say nothing of trans eunuchs, (or which ever identity many may choose), to not find offense against my friends and others to be painful to them and me. Those whom I know typically are some of the most determined and strongest people I know. I stand often in awe of them. All I can say, really, is "You go girl!" (or man, or eunuch, or........)!

One of the reasons I'm posting this is because I consider this thread to be part of my journal on my transition experience. This is probably my final post to this thread.

As I've mentioned, I took some time considering everyone's advice and concerns about my wanting to disclose my gender status to my family. A few also brought up concerns, either on this thread or elsewhere, about my being very open with people at work and friends outside of work.

I've added details to the summary points I posted this morning.

Danya (imported) wrote: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:45 pm 1. I will tell my family that I'm dealing with transgender 'issues'. I may make this a less charged statement, for now, by restating it as working through some gender issues. I will give some minimal details relating to how happy I've been (for an extended period, anyway) for the first time in my life, etc. I may add additional information at a later date. I will not discuss male to 'not male' for the time being.

I do believe that my two younger brothers (I have no sisters), my sister-in-law and my niece and nephew love me. My youngest brother has stated a number of times that I raised him (I suppose he must have felt emotionally abandoned, too. He doesn't like to talk about these things).

It's wishful thinking on my part, though, to imagine that any of us will be close again. We're scattered among the Midwest, Texas and California. We rarely speak by phone. Maybe once every two years. I found that if I don't call, no one will call me. I'm OK with this. Even email communications seldom occur.

So, my immediate family hasn't been a part of my emotional support network for many years. If it takes them a while to get used to the new me, so be it. I'll always be glad to talk with them.

Danya (imported) wrote: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:45 pm 2. I'll hold off on letting them know about the osteoporosis, severe vitamin D deficiency and bipolar II diagnoses for at least a week.

I don't want to distract them from the main subject, my gender issues.

Danya (imported) wrote: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:45 pm 3. I will not stop being open about who I am with people who know me reasonably well, and perhaps even some others that I know to be open to diversity in gender and sexual expression. This is crucial to my sense of well-being. My gender therapist has always agreed with me on this.

When I came out as gay in 1995, I lost all but two of my friends (a Lutheran minister and his wife who remain friends to this day). I'm sure it's been relatively easy for some to come out as gay, especially for some younger people. It wasn't easy for me. There's no way I would have stayed in the closet even if I'd know in advance that nearly all my friends would desert me. I'd still be in the closet and miserable with a lot of friends who liked the person they perceived me to be, not the real me. I've already gone through one painful coming out process.

As far as being transgender, I feel the same way. I agree that this is a different situation from coming out as gay. There is more risk. So far, though, I haven't lost the friendship of anyone, inside or outside work, since I've told them I am transgender. I include in here those to whom I've told everything, including the male to 'not male' piece. I haven't been treated any differently and a number of these people are even actively supportive. A number have told me they feel honored that I trust them enough to share this information. Several of these honored people are conservative in their political and religious views. So far, then, coming out as a transgender person as been painless.

Most importantly, I feel terrific knowing that I can be open outside the virtual world of the Archive. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I can't live my life and not be open. I did that far too long as a gay man and I was extremely unhappy during that time.

This doesn't mean I should throw caution to the wind. I don't need to make a general announcement to everyone. Nor do I need to open up in casual conversations with people I hardly know.

I'm working through the transgender program at the University. If I'm to continue to go through official channels to reach my goal, I need to demonstrate to my gender therapist that I'm truly comfortable in my new gender identity. I can't do that by keeping silent.

I'm too tired to proof-read this. Got to hit the hay.

A few minutes ago, I sent a short email to my brother and his family (wife, 22 yo niece, 18 yo nephew) in Dallas and my California brother to let them know I am transgender. I told them just a little about the clinic at the University and its reputation. I explained how happy I am for the first time in my life. I briefly stated that I don't know exactly where I fit in the transgender universe. I said I understood that this news would be an adjustment for them but that I hope they would ultimately accept and support me. Finally, I told them it was the most difficult letter I'd ever written because I didn't want to lose them - but I needed to be true to myself. I signed the note 'Much love' using the legal name they call me.

Even though sending the letter has given me a migraine , I absolutely know I needed to handle things this way. I'm not thinking they're going to immediately jump on the transgender bandwagon or necessarily respond soon. I'll see what happens and let you know.

It will hurt if I don't get some type of positive responses within a week or two. I can deal with that pain if it happens. As I explained earlier, we haven't been close in years. Yet they remain my family.

-Danya

I wish you success with your family. --FLO--

I haven't hear anything from my family yet. Of course, it's only been about 22 hours since I sent the email. They do have their own lives to lead. My niece already knows my situation. Perhaps they all view this as a non-issue and don't feel a need to respond Uh, probably not.

-Danya

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:37 am I haven't hear anything from my family yet. Of course, it's only been about 22 hours since I sent the email. They do have their own lives to lead. My niece already knows my situation. Perhaps they all view this as a non-issue and don't feel a need to respond Uh, probably not.

-Danya

I can't remember where I saw this but in this movie (as an example) this guy says to his mom "Mom I'm Gay" and she looks at him like (Duh) and says "honey I've known that for a long time. The father walks in and the guy is all wigged out and the mom says "Our son is gay" the Dad sighs and says, "Well I'm glad THATS over with whats for dinner?"

What seems so important to us is often important to us... not always anyone else. My whole deal with body image etc. Who does this effect other then me? Ahh.... only Mrs T and she is mostly interested because I am. So don't sweat it.

I'm just slightly concerned because I think my note was indicating I wanted a response of support. The fact is, knowing them all they may just assume this is a given. All but my niece and my sister-in-law have difficulty expressing their feelings.

It would still be nice to at least get an acknowledgement that they heard me. For a day or two after I sent the note, I was surprised and saddened I didn't get that acknowledgment. Now, I've accepted that may never happen and I'm getting used to that idea. I know I will be OK with this.

This is what I sent, with names changed to protect the innocent

Dear A,B,C,D,E,

I'd prefer to do this in person but I'm not going to see any of you in the near future. I know at least some of you don't like talking on the phone, either.

Since early November, I've been working on transgender issues I've had all my life that I could never face before. I've been going to a gender clinic. After the first two visits, I was diagnosed with the official medical term 'Gender Identity Disorder'. I sometimes jokingly say I'm gender challenged

I want to briefly point out that the U clinic and other advanced centers do not view gender as simply a male or female thing. It's more like a continuum the way sexuality (straight - bi - gay) is pictured.

The very important thing here is that for the first time in my life I am happy and content all the time, literally. I never thought this was a possibility for me and it's still amazing.

I realize this news may be surprising or even shocking to you and I understand and accept that. I don't want to overdo things right now with long explanations. I'm very open about my situation at work, in church and with friends and all have been supportive. I'm really fortunate that way. If you have questions or concerns of any type, I'll be very happy to discuss them.

I'm sure you need some time to adjust but I'm hopeful that you will continue to love and support me. I love all of you very much. This is the most difficult letter I've ever written because I don't want to lose you. I need to be true to myself, though, and now I know I've come home to the person I truly am.

Much love,

'my legal name'

Hey Todd,

I wanted to post because I can identify with so much of what you've written in this thread (and others). My heart goes out to you. I guess no matter who you are or what you do, your parents opinion always seems to matter. Is it validation we're looking for? I'm not sure. I know my parents will always have a hard time understanding and accepting this (though probably mostly the former). Yet it does seem important to me that they know.

I hope you get a response. Better yet.. a positive one. Frankly, if that email ended up in my inbox I'd want you to come right over, crack open the vodka and down a few celebratory drinks with me!

But your family may also find it quite confusing. If you were telling them you're actually their daughter, I suspect they would at least have a fighting chance of understanding. What you describe sounds like the same difficulty I have explaining this. I am definitely not male. But I'm not really female either.

I guess with these issues of identity: 'male'/'female'...'gay'/'bi'/'trangender' etc. maybe we need to remember that they ARE only labels. Just English words that help catagorize peoples' behaviour. Nothing more, nothing less.

We are all unique in some way, so these labels will never fit ANYONE perfectly. But they may also harbour misleading stereotypes.

I guess this is why I can't explain myself to people easily, because I often find there are no labels, parallels or anything I can use to help explain what I am.

I guess labels are a blessing and a curse.

First, before I go into this, I really want to thank you, Rog, for your sensitive, caring response. This kind of thing is very much in character for you. I'm happy you took the time to write, I hear you have a very hectic schedule. If we were close enough, I'd love to share some vodka!

BTW, both of my parents are dead and that left me the oldest surviving relative on both sides of the family at the age of about 50. That took a little getting used to but it's been made easier by the fact that none of the younger siblings, cousins, etc. ever come to me for advice

I just got home from work and my youngest brother's wife had left a message on my phone. She sounded a bit teary-eyed and basically said that of course they still loved me and they always would. She was kind of at a loss for words as she repeated the same basic things several times with slight variations. That's perfectly fine, even more so because she hates talking on the phone. She added that I should keep them informed of what would be happening in my life. I'm extremely happy about this right now and am, in fact, crying.

Yes, Rog, somehow it is important to me that they've affirmed their love for me. I'm certain they have a way to go on understanding even though both my brother and his wife have masters degrees in counseling.

Now, I just have to wait and see what my unmarried California brother has to say. When he's in doubt about things, he tends to call my sister-in-law to get her advice. So I suspect his response, which may be longer in coming, will be at least accepting and may include something like I'm still his brother (or whatever ).

The response I got from the Dallas relatives was exactly what I'd hoped it would be. I couldn't have expected more than this right now.

-Danya

Late this afternoon, I got a phone call from my divorced, conservative Christian brother.. I mentioned in my last post here that

Danya (imported) wrote: Fri Feb 15, 2008 10:16 am he tends to call my sister-in-law

when he's in any doubt about how to behave or react to things in his life. (As a reminder, my sister-in-law left a message in mid-February stating that of course they, meaning the Dallas relatives, supported me and loved me). From past experience, I suspect he's spoken to my sister-in-law about me recently.

The truth is, I was shocked when my brother called. We haven't spoken over the phone in years as he, like my other brother and his family, doesn't like to talk on the phone! I knew he'd eventually want to get around to my transgender situation although he started the conversation describing his impending move. As another reminder here, I've been identifying more as male to female for some time than male to eunuch. Of course, right now I am a chemically castrated eunuch and proud of it

He was never able to get 'transgender' out of his mouth to start a discussion so I asked if wanted to talk about that. He did and he wanted lots of information. I told him just about everything I considered important to aid his understanding of what's going on with me and why I needed to deal with this. Besides, he kept asking for more information. I discussed my childhood memories that are related to being transgendered, how I hated puberty and similar things. I was very candid even to the point of briefly mentioning self-harming, with an explanation that this is not uncommon among TG folks who don't know where to turn for help. I told him that for the two weeks before I asked my psychiatrist for a referral to a gender clinic, I'd been drinking 5 - 6 beers a night and self-harming every night. Then I explained that the two weeks was as far as I could allow that to go on. I could either become an alcoholic or deal with my gender dysphoria.

I was also very clear on how psychologically testing done at the gender clinic at the University found that I am very well-balanced psychologically and

Danya (imported) wrote: Thu Feb 14, 2008 11:09 am that for the first time in my life I am

truly happy and free of depression most of the time. I let him know that I've been on an anti-androgen since early November and that I might start some estrogen soon. If I start estrogen, it could be on the same day he moves into his new home

He told me he was finding it difficult to deal with the fact that I am transgender and I responded that I understood and appreciated his honesty. It had taken me decades to finally deal with my gender issues.

He stated that he's been wishing for years that we had a better relationship. That's been strained since we were kids, in part because he then looked at me as being his strange, effeminate brother. My being that way made him very uncomfortable as a child and especially as a teen. I responded that I appreciated his honesty. The situation is, though, that I clearly remember his discomfort with me showing itself in the way he often treated me, which was often pretty cruelly and sometimes he'd do this together with his friends. We were both kids then and I don't hold this against him now. I will visit him in mid-April if I can find a decent air fare.

I know that some of you will feel I went into way too much detail with my brother and you could be right, but I don't think so. He is scientifically trained as am I. We both want lots of information. At no time did he seem to be at all bothered by anything I was telling him. I had asked him to let me know if he was getting uncomfortable. I think the details helped him get a little better grasp on gender issues that have bothered me for decades. If he had not specifically asked for more information, I would not have volunteered it. Besides, it's healthy for me to admit to the danger of developing a drinking problem and other similar things that many people would try to hide.

At the end of the conversation, I told him something Jesus had suggested and I thought this was a terrific idea. I let him know that I would always be his sibling.

-Danya

Danya

It sounds like things are going good for you and that you had a healthy discussion with your brother only you can be the judge of how much info one gets now all you can do now is give him some time to digests every thing

I am glad you had a wonderful conversation with your brother. I do not think you gave him too much information. You know him better than anyone so no one can say what was appropriate.

I also had a younger brother who struggled having a gay brother. Your brother could not say transgendered which has several syllables and my brother can not say gay and that is only one. Sounds like you are making progress.

Danya,

I much admire your courage. I can only imagine the trepidation you must have felt when you sent "The Message". I doubt I'd have had the ovaries to do it.

For me, revealing my "Castration Fascination" and my bisexuality to my much-trusted sister was truly an exercise in fear and apprehension. She was a bit taken aback, but was NOT judgmental. In fact, she occasionally asks me for details.

The best part of it all was her pledge of silence so far as the rest of my family goes. She knows that discovering that one of their daughters is bisexual would shake Mom and Dad (not to mention Grandparents) to the core. Learning of my little koven of castration-interested fellow females and my intimate relationship with a eunuch would send them over the edge. The other intimate relationship, that being with a married couple, would not be a welcome revelation either.

Thanks for sharing your ongoing story. You are a strong person.

Best wishes,

Yoli

That Semi-Sane Girl in San Antonio

Kennath and Tugon,

I really appreciate your encouraging words, a lot! I'm very happy right now.

Danya

Hi Yoli,

Your comments mean a lot to me, in part because I don't always feel that I'm strong. Mostly I feel like I'm simply doing what I need to do and it's not always easy by any means. Considering everything that's gone on in my life since I started chemical castration in early November, though I realize what a long way I've come. A lot of that progress has been made easier by the great support of people like you and a number of others on the Archive. OK..now I'm crying. It's that low T thing. The truth is, I'm incredibly happy right now. For those who know some of my other posts, this is not the result of a manic episode!

I think it's terrific you were able to discuss your interests and situation with your sister. The fact that she was non-judgemental says a lot about her love for you and her understanding.

BTW, I am a huge fan of your posts! Back when I started all this and thought I was male to eunuch, I was wishing I could be a eunuch pet for someone like you, although possibly your male twin Your posts are always entertaining.

The thing with my California brother is I didn't think he'd be able to talk about this for many months. Instead, he calls after less than a month and we have one of the best talks of our lives. There were a few things I wish he would have stated out right, like he loves and supports me. Saying he loves anyone in the family is something that doesn't come easily to him, though.

I'd also told him I was sorry for anything I did to contribute to our estrangement. He responded that he forgave me. Very nice, but nicer still would have been if he'd also said he was sorry. I suppose in a round about way he said that. Considering who he is, though, I really can be nothing but very pleased with our conversation.

Hugs,

Danya

Danya,

FianceeUvBigGuy (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:41 am I much admire your courage. I can only imagine the trepidation you must have felt when you sent "The Message". I doubt I'd have had the ovaries to do it.

For me, revealing my "Castration Fascination" and my bisexuality to my much-trusted sister was truly an exercise in fear and apprehension. She was a bit taken aback, but was NOT judgmental. In fact, she occasionally asks me for details.

The best part of it all was her pledge of silence so far as the rest of my family goes. She knows that discovering that one of their daughters is bisexual would shake Mom and Dad (not to mention Grandparents) to the core. Learning of my little koven of castration-interested fellow females and my intimate relationship with a eunuch would send them over the edge. The other intimate relationship, that being with a married couple, would not be a welcome revelation either.

Thanks for sharing your ongoing story. You are a strong person.

Best wishes,

Yoli

That Semi-Sane Girl in San Antonio

I got very upset Sunday evening when my California brother called and seemed to be hung up on the 'strangeness' of everything I'm going through as a transgender female. We had a great initial phone call weeks before, in fact the best conversation we'd ever had.

Sunday, though, it seemed as if we would never progress beyond how strange all this seems. That, unfortunately, set off emotions from my childhood when I never fit in and it was plainly indicated to me that my feeling different from the other boys wasn't at all acceptable, etc., etc. Enough about that. For those who are perversely interested in all of my emotional whining about this, you can check out my blog

After some conversations with some good friends from the Archive and feeling like I helped another this afternooon just by listening, I've returned to my senses. I'm operating on the assumption that things will work out with my family (now down to two brothers, a sister-in-law, a niece and a nephew) to the extent that each is willing to grow. I can't expect anything else. If there's little growth, so be it and our conversations are likely to become fewer than they've ever been. We've never spoken very frequently, once going nearly 2 years conversation-free! It's generally been the case that if I don't call or write (and I used to do that frequently), I won't hear from them.

It remains important to me that they learn to love the emerging truth of who I am. I am hopeful that this will happen. Nonetheless, if that doesn't I will be fine.

I'm sharing here an email I sent to my sister-in-law tonight (the names have been changed for everyone's privacy):

Dear Sally,

I've had two good conversations with Dave about all of this gender business and I suspect he's shared most of what I've said with you, which is of course fine. So I won't try to repeat what I've told him.

I'll be visiting him soon, leaving Thursday evening April 17 and returning Sunday April 20. This will probably be my last trip anywhere for about two years, possibly more because everything I'm doing adds up to a lot of money, probably at least $30,000 if not more.

I'd think some or all of you may be going through some emotions over all of this. Such things as anger, denial, sadness are common. Or for Dave just feeling this is all very strange. That's what I felt for a while myself.

I want to suggest a book that may help. I got it from Amazon.com for a friend who was concerned she'd lose my friendship and also that I was gaining some new friends that would replace her. I was really surprised that she (whom I refer to elsewhere as MLF #1) felt this way since we regularly tell each other 'I love you' and mean it. I really shouldn't have been surprised, though. She read the book, had lots of probing questions, and it has helped her. I expect the relationships I've got to get even better because I am much happier and I'm being myself at last. The core of who I am isn't changing at all, it's just being fully expressed. It's too bad the book was published in 1996 as some of the information is outdated.

At any rate, if you're interested, here's the book info:

"True Selves - Understanding Transsexualism for Families, Friends, Coworkers and Helping Professionals" by Mildred L. Brown & Chloe Ann Rounsley, published in 1996 so it doesn't contain all the latest thinking or terminology.

Many today, among them some professionals, don't like the term transsexual because this is much less about sex than it is about gender and they prefer to view this as one expression of transgender. Gender is who we feel we are in our souls, at our core and in our spirits and can be totally independent of our sex (that is physical plumbing).

Much Love,

Me

The problem I've had with the terms "transgender" and "transsexual" is that I've found that some people tend to have their own definitions for each term so if someone uses the word "transgender" to me I sometimes have to ask them what do you mean by that?

I remember when I first began dealing with my transgender issues I went and blabbed about to everyone I knew. After a while I stopped myself and thought did I really have to tell all those people? Now I'm a bit more selective. My brother and sister know but I'm not sure what to tell my cousins or aunts and uncles. I thought one day I would just turn up to a family gathering as a woman. They probably wouldn't even notice.

When I first told my Dad, he buried his head in his hands and said: "I was afraid you were going to say that". That hit me pretty hard at the time.

Hi Joanne,

I agree, if someone uses 'transgender' I may have to ask for clarification if I want to know where they consider themselves on the continuum from from male to female. I think it's a very good term in general, though, for someone whose gender presentation and/or core feelings don't exactly match with their sex.

Beyond my two brothers, sister-in-law, niece and nephew I have no one I really consider family. My parents and all aunts and uncles are dead. There are cousins but I haven't seen any of them in decades. A long time ago we moved far apart. I absolutely know if someday I turn up at a family gathering as a woman, they will notice

I have disclosed who I am to about 25 people at work where everyone, without exception, has been understanding and supportive. I'm fortunate to work at a very progressive company. It is possible some of the people will become less supportive when faced with the reality of my female presentation for the first time. I've also told friends outside of work and at my church. My church is very accepting of all kinds of people and is about 34 % GLBT.

My therapist has thought it very healthy that I have disclosed to all these people. The director of my division at work has commented that the fact that I am so comfortable and confident with who I am makes it easy for others to accept and support me. Besides, she's seen a full-length shot of me and likes my legs!

Upper management at work is extremely supportive and it's my intention to start presenting as a woman there on Monday, May 19. Someone from HR is working with my therapist to get resources to help this process go as smoothly as possible for everyone.

I have no doubt that I will run across some individuals at work and other places who will not be very understanding at all. At least at work, the company will support me.

I hadn't anticipated that my family's reaction would be quite so important to me, though. I am certain if my parents were alive disclosing would be much more difficult for me emotionally.

Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:24 pm Upper management at work is extremely supportive and it's my intention to start presenting as a woman there on Monday, May 19. Someone from HR is working with my therapist to get resources to help this process go as smoothly as possible for everyone.

I have no doubt that I will run across some individuals at work and other places who will not be very understanding at all. At least at work, the company will support me.

I h

ope it all goes well. It will be a big day for you so I hope everything runs smoothly. Do you know what you're hoping for? Will it be good if it's just everyone carrying on as normal at your work, or do you expect/hope that people might ask you questions for their clarification?

Danya,

I wish you well on your journey, but remember your family and friends are on the same boat, some of your friends and family may get off the boat. But like it or not you have done all you can and they have to come to terms with the changes on their own time. Some may never and others will given time. Even in the best times the journey you are taking is unmapped, and I hope your friends old and new will help you through your journey.

Joanne,

I will answer your question in greater detail another evening as it's late now. This is a complex situation and I expect May 19 will at a minimum start out as stressful. I expect I will start to feel relaxed within an hour or two of arriving at work that day. I'm very open to anyone asking me appropriate questions and I've always been completely comfortable talking with even total strangers about what I'm doing.

-Danya

-g,

Your good wishes mean a lot to me and I thank you!

I think you may have ESP or have secretly observed me quite a while Or maybe I'm just more transparent in my posts than I realize! I do have a tendency to keep thinking I can do more to bring people around to my point of view. You are absolutely correct, though, in that I have done all I can. Accepting that fact is important to my sense of well-being.

I am fortunate in having a lot of support from many people on the Archive and it continues to amaze me what a great place this is. I also have significant 'real time' support from several very good friends at work and outside the office.

I've also got a lot of people in my corner at my extremely welcoming Lutheran congregation. It's got an international reputation as a resource on how to advance GLBT rights and has been threatened with expulsion from the national body. I know this is hard for many to believe and I don't blame them at all because I feel really uncomfortable at nearly all churches. Like the one where I substituted as organist tonight - another post perhaps. At any rate, my congregation is 34% GLBT and is very welcoming, without reservation, of all minorities. There are currently several trans folks attending there. I didn't mean for this to turn into a long description of my congregation . I'm just irritated by the reception I received at this other so-called Christian church this evening.

So I do have a lot of people both here and elsewhere who care about me and absolutely support me. I am really fortunate.

I appreciate your writing.

-Danya

Joanne,

I'm going to start a new thread in the gay, bi and TG section to talk about my experience transitioning at work. I'll answer your questions there.

-Danya