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JesusA wrote: Mon Feb 24, 2014 4:36 am With the length of time that you've been in pain; with the evidence of blood in the urine; GET THEE TO A DOCTOR! What would you do if you were one of the clients whom you have cared for over the years?

The difference between my clients and myself are three things. They have a large investment portfolio, Medicare and secondary insurance, and me to take care of them. Corky still needs walked, I need to find a job and someone has to go to the grocery store.

I am pleased to share that all the problems of my fall two weeks ago have remedied themselves with rest, ibuprofen and time. I am mostly pain free and I am regaining my energy levels. I feel life is worth living again.

Soon after impact I began to have difficulties with eating, processing and elimination. I thought I was unlucky to catch a bug at the same time. I never had nausea or vomiting but just was not hungry. The traditional meds for the symptoms did no good for me and if I ate a few bites those bites did not stay around long. Since I was not hungry it was easy not to eat. Of course not eating I lost strength and energy. I would walk the dog and crawl into bed for a three hour nap. While not eating felt best I knew it was not good in the long run. A cup of yogurt, Gatorade and some pretzel rods were about all I could handle.

As I mentioned earlier in another post I had a lot of genital swelling. As that swelling began to reduce that sense of fullness or blockage began to fade. Friday night I was able to eat a bowl of soup. Saturday morning a hardboiled egg and a piece of toast. No sense of that gagging fullness and no quick rejection of the food. Yesterday while grocery shopping for an invalid I stopped at a restaurant for some salmon, baked potato and broccoli. Eating was a success and I was pleased. This morning two hard boiled eggs and toast with tea.

The swelling is down, pain is almost gone and it is nice having energy again. I have to say in spite of all my complaining I am tough enough not to have broken anything. Now I can truly enjoy the Oscar's tonight.

You have, indeed, had a close call. Your overwhelming sense of fullness, swelling and tiredness indicate internal injuries possibly with significant bleeding. You need to be more careful of yourself for your own sake, for our sake, and for the sake of your small furry companion. --FLO--

Thank you and yes I will take care of myself. I knew I needed to be around to walk and take care of Corky. I think I was fearful of a hospitalization. My sister would let Corky out for multiple times but he would miss his walks. I was also lucky I did not have work at this time because I am sure I would have pushed myself to be there. That time to rest and repair is just what I needed.

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tugon (imported) wrote: Mon Mar 03, 2014 1:36 am The swelling is down, pain is almost gone and it is nice having energy again. I have to say in spite of all my complaining I am tough enough not to have broken anything. Now I can truly enjoy the Oscar's tonight.

A fine relief for all!

The Oscars? This is magnificent! Would this be for Best Director, Supporting Role, Dog Walker?

Do tell!

daifu-orchid (imported) wrote: Mon Mar 03, 2014 3:49 am A fine relief for all!

The Oscars? This is magnificent! Would this be for Best Director, Supporting Role, Dog Walker?

Do tell!

Why for doing my own stunts, of course.

I went out to lunch with my sister and her spousal equivalent. Or common law husband after all these years. We had a nice time and good conversation along with mediocre food and bad service. Welcome to my town and it's rise to the banal. We ran a few errands and in the process poked a good deal of fun at one another. Our familiar humor seems cruel to others. My friend I was with when I flipped down the hill on my bicycle was shocked when we went to my sister's to have my wounds dressed. Her SO came out and referred to me as Lance Armstrong due to my cycling skills. Typical humor but my friend thought it was too soon since he was not sure if I were truly injured.

Adding to the day and not in a good way is when I was home and checked in on Facebook. I had a notice that the plans for a 40 year reunion was in the works. I was never so glad to get away from a group of people as I was on graduation day. My favorite movie after high school was "Carrie". I did go to my 15th reunion and was surprised all those bastards had amnesia. One woman asked me if I was married. I asked her what she used to call me in passing and does she think I was married. Another guy asked if I remembered all the fun at one of our classmates cabin. I said no I just remember what I was told would happen if I showed up. He responded with "oh we were only joking" and I mentioned that the threats "seemed very real to me". I had planned on being good and acting like nothing had happened but too many stupid questions made that impossible.

After walking my dog and visiting with others out walking their dogs I came home and called my sister. I told her about the 40 year reunion and that I had no interest in attending. I admitted that during much of that time suicide was my plan B. I was surprised when she told me she was surprised I had not committed suicide. She had told some of her friends she did not know how I survived. She struggled with her own stuff in high school but I was shocked she was aware of my struggles. My brother had shared with me how tough it was to have a gay brother but my sister knew how tough it was for me. I had no idea. I do not know if my brother will ever get how tough it was for me to be gay.

So no I am not going to see those people. I am sure they have changed and hopefully for the better. I just do not want to expose myself to them once again. Even the others who are gay now were not kind. Besides if I go to a 40 year class reunion I am certainly not old enough to attend.

I appaud you thoughts. Few wanted anything to do with me in High School and on my 35th reunion, only two people spoke to me out of a group of 50 more or less. High School times can be so harsh and damaging. If you are not a sports star or a really smart kid, you do not belong.

OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 11, 2014 12:51 am I appaud you thoughts. Few wanted anything to do with me in High School and on my 35th reunion, only two people spoke to me out of a group of 50 more or less. High School times can be so harsh and damaging. If you are not a sports star or a really smart kid, you do not belong.

OBB it has always amazed me that people either loved high school or hated it. A few are in the middle but most at one extreme or the other. One of my classmates who is truly a nice person was also treated so badly. She and I wonder why they think we would come. She shares my lack of interest in pretending that those were wonderful days.

I am sorry you also had a bad time. Like so many things if you did not go through it you cannot understand how it can stay with you. You certainly did not deserve what was done to you. I do not think of them often but when a reunion notice is posted many emotions come flooding back.

The combination of small town Ohio, small catholic high school and the years from 70-74 were a bad combination.

Yes, I attended what seemed like a penal colony, but I still remember some happy times. Abuse and whotnot? Sure, endemic in such places, but amazingly we survivied.... Now life is better, I think!

A whole 3 people acknowledged me at my 35 high school reunion. The Garbage Man, The School Bus Driver and a Welder. No one cares. The only reunions that are worth while at the MoM's.. I am very glad that I am a Eunuch. I would not want it any other way. I miss Luvpain99 so much. None of you could understand how much. He met the world to me.

It is safer to go to a MoM, then to a class reunion. Much more gratifying.

OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Thu Mar 13, 2014 1:58 pm It is safer to go to a MoM, then to a class reunion. Much more gratifying.

You are correct OBB they are much more gratifying. I also have much more in common with MoM attendees than I do with former classmates.

Well I received a job offer last night. I accepted the offer last night. Today I pissed in a cup and thank god there was a mirror in the bathroom. Between eunuch penile shrinkage and weight gain I need a mirror. Now I just need to wait for information regarding orientation. Oh and I will be working nights which should help cut back on my drinking.

I will be working for a large chain where there should be chances for promotions. I will be the shift supervisor so I am glad it is not totally entry level. My boss is a woman who seems matter of fact. I think we will get along well or we will be at each other. Either way I am fine.

I think I have had enough years of pain and suffering. Watching people in pain when you are unable to convince the powers to be that they are suffering is frustrating. My last clients, a husband and wife, had miserable times because family chose to not notice what shape they were in and kept thinking if they do more they would feel better. The father had a type of diarrhea you see when someone has a mass. I told the nurse daughter this and she ignored it. Her father had two large masses beginning in his bladder that had grown out to other organs. He died from 4 types of cancer, one of them being bone cancer. Hospice was not called in until the last because the daughter wanted control. When the mom broke her leg I kept banging the drum that the leg was broken. One week after the fall they finally took her to ER. Her leg was broken which is no surprise due to the discoloration, swelling and drainage. Five years with this family sent me screaming from home care.

I will be glad to learn new things. I of course will want to excel. I can still help advise our customers with home health care supplies. Of course working nights I can look forward to robberies since we have a pharmacy. Oh and I will be working close enough that I can walk to work. At my age and in today's economy and after 25 years in healthcare it is nice to be doing something different but not that far removed.

Congratulations! I wish you well in your new job. --FLO--

This very good news!

-A mirror needed to get the job? Maybe we all should take guidance from Uncle Flo's avatar?

daifu-orchid (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 23, 2014 1:24 am This very good news!

-A mirror needed to get the job? Maybe we all should take guidance from Uncle Flo's avatar?

I am so dyslexic in front of a mirror. I kept moving the cup in the wrong direction. What a comedy of errors. As a child someone put me in a mirrored fun house. I finally closed my eyes and felt my way out. I was so disoriented and anxious when I was finally free of the trap. I did not know left from right, up from down and was bruised from bumping into walls. I am glad most stores did away with three panel mirrors.

Glad to hear you are moving on from being a care giver. I was care giver for my mother for 25 years. Yes, there comes a time for a change in life. You can not do it forever.

Congrats on the new job! It can definitely be exciting to do something different. I hope this job turns out to be nothing short of wonderful for you!

plix (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 25, 2014 6:55 pm Congrats on the new job! It can definitely be exciting to do something different. I hope this job turns out to be nothing short of wonderful for you!

I am looking forward to learning new things and having new challenges. I like the idea of doing multiple tasks and being around different people. The last ten years it has been myself and the client. Now I will work along side others and greet the public. I needed a job that forces me to be social. Of course the opportunity for advancement and more money is nice.

OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 23, 2014 1:56 pm Glad to hear you are moving on from being a care giver. I was care giver for my mother for 25 years. Yes, there comes a time for a change in life. You can not do it forever.

Thank you. Yes it is time for a change. As a caregiver the duties begin near the end of life. I used to say I felt like the angel of death since I was hovering around at the last. It will be a nice break from pain and suffering. There are still a few people that I would drop everything for if they needed me.

Just walked the dog after eight hours of work and Dwight is singing while I drink some wine. Better than orange juice I must say. Scrambled some eggs, toasted a slice of bread and refilled my glass. Third shift gives a different perspective of the world. I find myself quite comfortable with the denizens of the dark. We seem accepting of each other's plight.

Sing it Dwight "Ain't That Lonely Yet". The last two nights I have been trained by a man that is the most rude and condescending person I have ever met. I could have knocked him on his ass for being such a prick. He made a list and when I went to check it I said I will do what is next. He said I have already done it. So then the next time I asked him what he wanted me to do next and he said check the list. Two whole nights of always being wrong. I thought oh great another abusive relationship. Here I am once again always being wrong.

I do not have to work with him tonight. This job may be short lived. It is only retail but they are acting like it is life or death. I find them all rather curious and the job boring.

I don't know if I could handle working nights - I admire your ability to do that! Retail sure is challenging, and during my time there I learned it was not something I really wanted to do for the rest of my life. However, you might want to hang in there a little longer before making any final decisions. Best wishes!

Well I quit my new job. Yes 6 nights was enough. It was a combination of them and me. First the them was the incredible urgency of the tasks that need to be completed. The last night I worked and the manager who was training me had a reset to do which took her 7 hours. She assigned me to the office for my assessments which took 2 1/2 hours with interruptions to wait on customers. After I completed the ones that were needed I went back to routine tasks. Normally it takes two employees to accomplish all the night shift tasks so I knew we were running short of time. I asked her how we should prioritize the remaining tasks and she said "It all needs done". Well pull a rabbit out of my ass I had no idea how that was going to happen. There sadly was much more telling than training in my 6 days of employment. Faster, faster is what I heard most of the time. Wow I am rushing in retail the way I used to rush to Code Blues to save a life. Hey kids it is only retail.

Now for the me. OMG my legs were killing me. As I have mentioned before my three types of blood cells are at alarm level low and may be lower than last reported. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the muscles and I think mine were suffocating. My thighs would burn and my calves ached. I often looked at my pants to make sure they were not singed. Then home in bed trying to rest they would cramp. Believe me I take supplements for many things including magnesium for my muscles. Towards morning moving my legs were like dragging lead. I was envious of the Tin Man and his hollow tin legs. Arriving home it was time to walk my dog. As much as I love my dog I was resenting the walks I used to enjoy. The days when Michael and I would work out I was used to how the legs would feel after leg day. The more you worked the legs the less intense the burn was but over the past six days the pain worsened with each day.

This could all be a combination of age, lack of T and poor blood. I will be looking for a job that requires some time at a desk or does not require so much hustle. I will not try nights again. Wow it is tough to face and acknowledge limitations. Oh well I feel better about tonight's long walk with my dog. He does not seem to notice I am 58 years old just his walking and hunting buddy.

I was hoping this would work out for you, but it sounds like you did what you needed to do!

From what I understand, that fast-paced thing is pretty typical in business environments today, especially in retail and other customer-oriented workplaces. This is a fast-paced world we live in, and the pace is only getting faster. A lot of the reason for it is because people have often come to expect to get through things as fast as possible. Customers want to receive service immediately and have it completed quickly so they can rush off to the next demand on their time. Businesses have to adapt by requiring all tasks to be completed as quickly as possible.

My internal clock runs at a much more leisurely pace than most of the world, and I suffer when it comes to jobs. My first boss at the bank often told me that a big weakness of mine was that I did not display a "sense of urgency." Apparently I was supposed to treat every task as if someone would die if it wasn't completed that instant. I know that I neither enjoy nor thrive in fast-paced environments as job postings insist upon, but unfortunately those fast-paced jobs are often the easiest to come by for those with little work experience, and slow-paced introverts have to pay the bills just like anyone else. With your skills and experience, you should be able to find the kind of job you are looking for.

If your health was suffering, then leaving the job was definitely a good decision. You need to take care of yourself first.