EA Forums

tugon, sounds like you'd be better off without a family. I outlived mine

MacTheWolf (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 12, 2015 9:36 am tugon, sounds like you'd be better off without a family. I outlived mine

Sounds like an excellent plan. It would not be so upsetting if nobody got along but they are a tight knit group. Sadly I am not welcome to join.

tugon (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 12, 2015 10:12 am Sounds like an excellent plan. It would not be so upsetting if nobody got along but they are a tight knit group. Sadly I am not welcome to join.

A familial "divorce" costs nothing but the loss of anguish and heartbreak from a bad situation. That was the case with mine, until they made a concerted effort at rapprochement. It was a peaceful time.

kristoff wrote: Wed Aug 12, 2015 11:21 am A familial "divorce" costs nothing but the loss of anguish and heartbreak from a bad situation. That was the case with mine, until they made a concerted effort at rapprochement. It was a peaceful time.

I do need to avoid them since they make me think of self harm. They are not good for me. They have never been good to me.

Oh but the torture continues. We are now arguing about the cost of the trip and how much more I owe than I think I do. Someone please do the math for me.

We stayed two nights in one city on the way to and from the wedding. Two nights in the city where the wedding was held. Two nights were $180.00 and the other two nights came to $508.00 for a total of $688.00. So far I have paid out of pocket $180.00 for the two nights in the stopover city. Three of us are splitting the bill and I would like to know what you think my share should be. I think I have done the math correctly but I am kind of beaten down and need some help on this financial issue. I do not mind paying my share but I will not pay more. Thanks all who respond.

Total bill divided by the number of people involved.

For round numbers, 3 people at $600, you owe $200.

Anything beyond that is unfair, and clearly someone who failed 4th grade math.

tugon (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 17, 2015 1:03 am We stayed two nights in one city on the way to and from the wedding. Two nights in the city where the wedding was held. Two nights were $180.00 and the other two nights came to $508.00 for a total of $688.00. So far I have paid out of pocket $180.00 for the two nights in the stopover city. Three of us are splitting the bill and I would like to know what you think my share should be. I think I have done the math correctly but I am kind of beaten down and need some help on this financial issue. I do not mind paying my share but I will not pay more. Thanks all who respond.

$688.00 divided three ways is $229.33 each. You've already paid $180.00, so you still owe someone $49.33. You can round up to $50.00 to whoever paid the $508.00 hotel bill and no one should be able to fault you.

Remember that just being related to someone biologically or through marriage does not necessarily make them "family."

JesusA wrote: Mon Aug 17, 2015 2:30 am $688.00 divided three ways is $229.33 each. You've already paid $180.00, so you still owe someone $49.33. You can round up to $50.00 to whoever paid the $508.00 hotel bill and no one should be able to fault you.

Remember that just being related to someone biologically or through marriage does not necessarily make them "family."

Thank you so much. That is what my math was telling me I owe. They can make you doubt yourself.

Corky and I were walking with CJ and Heather, a neighbor, when we began to discuss gender. We discussed both people in the news and others we have known who transitioned. All of a sudden I told her I was M to E transgender. Talk about your non event. She took it in stride without batting an eye. Maybe she sensed in me that lack of T or some other characteristic.

I have this very kind and caring boss at work which I might have a little of a crush. He acts like he wants to get to know me but that is nervous making for me. My knee cracked the other evening and he asked what was wrong. I said it was an old bachelor party injury. I was thinking he would laugh and let it go. Sadly it intrigued him and he mentioned knee pads. I said no after my friend the groom passed out the haters attacked me. I was actually handed my coat and told I better get out while I can. I did not share that part with him. In his very accepting mind he could not understand why anyone would try to harm me. He does not know this area and the amount of hate it contains.

In my part time job I am caring for a gentleman who has dementia. He is my age and he had been a drinker. I have recently learned of wet brain which drinkers can suffer with due to the lack of B1 in their system. Alcohol depletes B1 and since the diet suffers for alcoholics they often need supplements or injections of B1. Due to my wine consumption I am going to take it myself. I will try to talk to his son about following up with his neurologist regarding B1. He speaks so fluently of his life and loss but has poor input from others. He is not your typical Alzheimer's patient.

I changed the spark plugs and air filter in the car. I filled the tires to 32 PSI and filled my tank. Time to start shopping for tires. Added a little oil before the next oil change but saw my coolant was fine. I enjoy getting a little greasy.

Very interesting about alcohol consumption and vitamin B1. I was not aware of the connection. I'll look in to it because I enjoy my fair share of adult beverages.

Tugon,

I can truly understand the haters issue. I am sorry this happened to you.

And it's over even tiny things, too. I had plenty of them this year doing baseball photos. No one has a sense of humor about ANYTHING anymore. Everything is offensive, it seems.

Good luck.

I agree with Paolo.. Can't say or do much without it offending someone.

I agree with both of you. You're offended? So what? Lots of things offend me but none of us were born with total satisfaction guarantees. We just have to deal with it like everybody else. I like the old saying, "I'm sorry, you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit". Or as a good friend says, "Just another pothole in the rough road of life".

As many of you know I was castrated in a cheap motel just outside of town. Now that I work in a hotel and was working my sixth straight night out of seven in a row I was chuckling how that would have gone over where I work. Oh the talk of scandal among the staff and I am sure the police would be notified. All the speculation and evidence gathering that would go on over the shocking scene. Surgical equipment and bloody pads everywhere to indicate a less than professional job.

These thoughts brought back the memories of why it was so important for me to clean the room the next day. Of course no help was given but I had a big trash bag and I was going to fill it no matter how I felt. After the procedure he brought in his dog who had been waiting in the van. My hotel is not pet friendly and in those days did not even know to ask if a dog was allowed. I was shaking my head wondering how many rules might have been broken that night. No surgeries, pets or excessive bleeding and you must discard your own biohazard wastes.

When I am tired and I look back on my life I often wonder how I survived. How I kept from ending up in the local news. How my biggest scandal was being gay. Oh if they only knew.

I can survive anything by listening to show tunes. A nice escape to Broadway. I was driving through town when I saw some cement work being done by a local company. One of the employees was my rapist/abuser. He was barking orders at someone and that image brought back memories of him ordering me around. What surprised me was the toll the drugs and alcohol had taken on him. He looked so shriveled and old. He looks so bad all I could think of was I had sex with Sméagol/Gollum. As dangerous as I perceived him in his youth he now looks pathetic. Of course I am sure he is still armed.

I need to update my avatar since my dog is beginning to show some signs of age. Still healthy, handsome but a little more grey and dragging me along for mile long walks. He certainly keeps me social when we are out and about. On one of our walks we recently found a cell phone when a father and daughter were looking for it. We saw a car with their dome light on and as we returned from the walk the light was still on so we knocked on the door of the apartment that had that assigned space. I also had my neighbor who has dementia but needs to walk for exercise. When the gentleman who is African/American opened the door and saw two white man and a dog he loudly exclaimed "What the hell" and I quickly shared that I just wanted him to know his dome light was on in his car. He slammed the door shut and in a few seconds came out and was thankful we let him know. Because I understand my reaction to situations I wonder what his past must be that he reacted the way he did. Now when we see each other we talk.

Work is going well and I excel. We have been continuous in our hotel being in the highest ranking. I receive the most guest compliments and am considered the reason we continue to set goals. My fellow staff are following my lead and emulating me. We all like each other and share mutual respect. I have never worked in a place this positive or supportive before.

Recently I think someone has showed some interest in me. Just another freak with a past history of a sex offender and is apparently up for trial again. Wow they sure can pick me. I was not interested from the beginning and luckily the internet let's you know who to avoid.

Good to see you post.

kristoff wrote: Wed Aug 12, 2015 11:21 am A familial "divorce" costs nothing but the loss of anguish and heartbreak from a bad situation. That was the case with mine, until they made a concerted effort at rapprochement. It was a peaceful time.

This Thanksgiving drove this need home even more. One of my sister's friends continued to interrupt me and I laughingly mentioned Parliamentary Procedure and I thought I had the floor. My sister who was doing the final prep of the meal grabbed a knife and turned and glared at me. After several humiliating comments and the fear of communicating I hung my head and ate. That morning I began showing symptoms of a GI bleed and prior to dinner it was a fear which after dinner became a way out. What a nasty person.

Sometimes the trash takes itself out. This past Saturday my sister sent me a PM via Facebook to list all the things I did wrong during Thanksgiving dinner. A number of you have had experienced my company in the past so you know how trying and troublesome I can be. The list might be too long to post here. I of course will not be joining her and family for Christmas. I think I need to keep my lack of social skills between me and my dog.

I am actually feeling better knowing there is no point trying to fit in to the group. They give me nothing I need to grow as a human being. I do not want to feel bad about myself due to family. There are a few friends who enjoy my time and company. A co-worker pulled me aside and mentioned how long it took me to recover from the wedding I attended with family. I knew I felt bad with thoughts of self harm but I did not realize others watched me suffer.

I will be 60 in March and it is time to become who I am without any negative influences. Maybe it will be my Thoreau years in a one room cabin with my dog and my thoughts.

Not Thoreau but Yeats

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

By William Butler Yeats

tugon (imported) wrote: Sun Jan 05, 2014 1:59 pm I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,

And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;

Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,

And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;

There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,

And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,

I hear it in the deep heart's core.

tugon (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 09, 2015 6:22 am Sometimes the trash takes itself out. This past Saturday my sister sent me a PM via Facebook to list all the things I did wrong during Thanksgiving dinner. A number of you have had experienced my company in the past so you know how trying and troublesome I can be. The list might be too long to post here. I of course will not be joining her and family for Christmas. I think I need to keep my lack of social skills between me and my dog.

I am actually feeling better knowing there is no point trying to fit in to the group. They give me nothing I need to grow as a human being. I do not want to feel bad about myself due to family. There are a few friends who enjoy my time and company. A co-worker pulled me aside and mentioned how long it took me to recover from the wedding I attended with family. I knew I felt bad with thoughts of self harm but I did not realize others watched me suffer.

I will be 60 in March and it is time to become who I am without any negative influences. Maybe it will be my Thoreau years in a one room cabin with my dog and my thoughts.

Gee, you too? I came to the conclusion after being away from my family for 3 months when I moved east again, then visiting for Thanksgiving, that I'm much better without them. I wish my brothers would have moved east and left me with my mother (I still care for her), but I had to get away from them and their insane, negative attitudes and dragging me into their drama.

Though I'm in a new town, with no friends at present, I'm still much better off than I was around them. I smile more, I chat with more people, and I have nobody telling me what to do or when to do it, or that I'll be doing, "What they say" when the time comes.

Frankly, I'd prefer moving to Europe (I have dual EU-US citizenship), but moving across an ocean is logistically difficult.

Tugon, you are not a bad person at all. Family can be so hard and mean. They just do not understand at all. I have been there. The majority of my family has dis owned me. I live with Bob and it hasn't been a picnic. Holiday's are always lonely. Hang in there buddy. You are a great person. You have great people skills. You deserve so much better.

Merry Christmas tugon.. I hope you have a great holiday season.

OneBallBoi (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2015 1:02 pm Merry Christmas tugon.. I hope you have a great holiday season.

OBB of course I wish the same for you. This will be my first family free Christmas. Of course no one can understand my dislike of being treated poorly. They gave it to me and for years I took it but no more.

tugon (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2015 4:02 pm This will be my first family free Christmas. Of course no one can understand my dislike of being treated poorly. They gave it to me and for years I took it but no more.

Congratulations! Very well done. It is your life. The only way to stop this treating, is to ignore it. Ignoring them will hurt you maybe for a while, but it will hurt them much more. It is the only way to make them think about what they did to you. I wish you a very happy New Year!!!

I hope you had a relaxing holiday. I know mine was better sans family. It's amazing how much people think they are in control of your life, isn't it?

--LT

Same here, Tugon. I hope it was a good one for you.

I've found that I have much nicer time with those who aren't my biological family.

Thanks all, I was not sure I would not cave. Putting myself first is always the hardest thing for me to do. My brother called to let me know my sister would apologize and bury the hatchet. I was about to mention she would only dig it back up and use it again. I also received a PM via Facebook from my youngest nephew full of emotional manipulation. I did find it interesting that my brother thought it was just my sister with whom I was upset. He must have forgotten how he sat me down at the wedding to scold me like a petulant child about my taking a picture.

I think my people pleasing days are over. I still want to be kind and helpful to others but not at the expense of who I am. From the time at age eight when we escaped from my father and I was told by mother and an aunt that I was now the man of the family I took that role seriously. Much of my birthday or Christmas money went to the family to help. The others kept their money. At 16 when I had my first job I took pride in taking everyone out to Ponderosa Steak house for dinner. After all it was what a provider does. Now almost 60 I am becoming my own caregiver.