Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

I'll always consider my work transition day as a second birthday, this time as being 'born' into a new gender and presenting as a woman, Me!, in all areas of my life. I'm really excited about this event and want to have a celebration of some type, probably on Sunday May 18. I've just got to come up with some good ideas for the party. I'd like to do something out of the ordinary. I've still got a little over a month to think about it and suggestions are welcome!

It seems like a whole new world is opening up for me with all kinds of possibilities. My life has become very full in the last few months and that's a really good thing. I'm meeting really terrific people, in person and virtually, on the Archive and I'm finding new friends in unexpected places elsewhere. Life is really good.

I'm going to use this thread to record my experiences with transitioning. There will be frustrations along the way and it helps if I write down both the good and the bad. I'm certain the good will far surpass the bad.

[joanne-f (imported)]

Good luck with it. I'll read what's happening with your transition with great interest (as I'll be going down the same road in a few months). May it lead to great happiness

[tugon (imported)]

I am sorry I will not be able to attend your party but we will do something special during the August MoM. Many of us will be cheering you on and will be here for any bumps in the road. I am such a creature of habit I could see me walking into the men's restroom and hiking up my skirt to use the urinal out of routine.

[kristoff]

I am sorry I will not be able to attend your party but we will do something special during the August MoM. Many of us will be cheering you on and will be here for any bumps in the road. I am such a creature of habit I could see me walking into the men's restroom and hiking up my skirt to use the urinal out of routine.

How do you think I feel when I hike my habit? Shows off the combat boots, thigh high hose, and the garters.

[Danya (imported)]

Just a quick note in response to Tugon's 'bumps in the road'. I am pleased to announce some minor breast development after 3 1/2 months on Androcur followed by 2 months on spironolactone. Things are very sensitive there

I will be out of town for a few days visiting my brother in California. We've never gotten along well but there are some signs that this could change. He feels strange about my transitioning but would like to try to have a better relationship. I'm keeping my expectations low, partly because he's a very conservative Christian and also because of the way he has treated the rest of the family over the years, including the last time I saw him. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and if something at all positive comes out of the trip, that's good. Whether that would turn into a long-term improvement in our relationship is open to question.

Unlike the rest of my family, I never tolerate his insensitivity and unkind words and he knows it. If he starts to get out of hand, I'll tell him I'm going to stay at a hotel instead of with him. If he gets more relaxed and reasonable, he can call me and we can resume our conversation.

This is the brother who thought it was his responsibility, 5 years ago, to tell me homosexuality is a sin. I was identifying as gay then. I didn't let that remark slide then and discussed his statement calmly but assertively. He later apologized. I'll use the same approach on this trip.

-Danya

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

Good luck, Danya! --FLO--

[Tclosetgirl (imported)]

That first breast development, along with the pain/sensitivity is an awesome time - enjoy it as it is short lived!!!

I'm kind of between an AA and A cup, if I ever go the T-blocker route again I will go all out, B cup perhaps...

Another pleasure I hope you will enjoy is having some suckle on them.....that is a VERY pleasurable sensual feeling!!!!!

I wish you well with your brother too!

[Danya (imported)]

Visit to see my brother - I was totally rejected. He copied me on an email tonight to thank my sister-in-law for being available to listen to him after I left (more on how I left another time). He thinks being transgender is a choice and he doesn't approve of my choice in this. He stated flat out that my behavior in this is 'bizarre' and that he doesn't support me.

Other things he wrote in the letter to my sister-in-law clearly show he doesn't get me at all in many other ways. Right now, I'm dealing with my feelings about this and I'm not at all happy.

[Danya (imported)]

I'm posting here my response to the email (letter) my California brother (see last post) sent to my sister-and-law and me tonight:

'CA brother's name', you are way off base here in every way. You just don't get me. I can live with that but there are a few things I will say here:

1. Gender Identity Disorder is not a choice. It's not a behavior. It's not a behavioral choice. It's considered a treatable medical condition.

2. We spent lots of time talking about your life and didn't get to my gender discussion at all until Saturday evening at dinner. We spoke about my gender stuff for maybe 20 minutes, tops, of the time I was in California. [My brother had stated I had shown no interest in his life when I spend lots of time talking about it.]

3. You insulted me by talking about my 'bizarre' behavior and follow it by telling me 'there is no support'. What you are refusing to support is me in being who I really am and it is a rebirth. You don't get that and it is a very big deal, indeed. So, when you reject who I am as a person, which isn't a behavioral choice at all, and insult me on top of it, I will leave.

4. Everyone who knows me well would say I'm one of the least self-centered people around, thank you. [Clearly, my brother stated that he saw me as very self-centered ]

5. Everyone who really knows me will always very strongly state that I don't see things in black or white absolutes at all. Not being accepted for who I am is a very big exception to this and not negotiable. You don't accept me so that's the end of that.

What I was hoping for from everyone was some eventual understanding and support. I've made it clear from when I first brought this up that I know it can be difficult for people to understand. I can handle someone saying something like 'I don't get this at all but I'm trying to understand'. I can easily live without this support and acceptance but it would be a very good thing if someday this existed. I'm always open to hearing from any of you but I won't pursue further contacts.

[joanne-f (imported)]

I'm so disappointed in your brother's reaction. He seems like he's totally wrapped up in his own life that he can't even begin to understand what's going on in yours (or take the time to find out).

I'm so sorry that's happened. Rejection from a family member must hurt. I hope you can deal with it. Always remember we are here for you.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

A very disappointing encounter for you. It is too bad that he reacted so badly but I'm sure that it won't deflect you from your path. --FLO--

[mrt (imported)]

Whew... Its hard for him to grasp this but I suggest you ask him how he would feel if he woke up in a female body and people were telling him to get over his "problem" and start acting like a women and please have a normal sexual relationship with a man because it is "normal." Oh, and tell him that in your case this "problem" started when you were very young and he probably was able to see there was a problem even then.

In short its a medical issue not a social activity!

Then let him really think about it for a long while. If he is not a total dunce he may get an idea of whats going on with you and why its important for you t odo this. You might then explain how dialing down the male hormones has helped you where for many people it would make them feel awful etc.

[gpb3aol (imported)]

Danya,

Once before I said you and I are very much alike. My brother disappointed me. He attempted to steal from me. I know it's not the same thing but the feelings of being hurt, of betrayal, the rage of how could he, second guessing my own feelings, are probable the same.

I (I'm not saying you should) just ended up making the decision to end all interaction with my brother (over 20 years now). I sometimes feel bad about it, but I know my life is better not spending all that time in turmoil.

You have found a way to become who you really are. You don't need anyone to approve your decision.

As always, with my love and support.

Pauline.

[_g (imported)]

Danya, Just remember you did all you could. Your brother will have to come around in his own time. If he is a Christian, is not being a very good Cristian. He my be in one of those Christian Far right or left churches were your not a member of my church your going to H#%%.

[Danya (imported)]

To all of you (Joanne, Uncle Flo, MrT, Pauline and _g),

Your comments and support are extremely important to me and I am most appreciative. You folks are, in a very real way, my family.

[Danya (imported)]

This is what I wrote to a friend at work who asked if I was surprised by my brother's reaction, slightly edited:

I was a little surprised because he said he wanted to work on having a better relationship. Yet he thinks what I'm doing is a choice, I should accept his opinion and be who he wants me to be. Fat chance for that.

The gender stuff came up for the first time during my visit over dinner on Saturday. My brother asked if I wanted to go to church with him. He is a very conservative Christian. I stated that I would not go to a church that did not accept me for who I am. He then came out with "Remember the old song 'Jesus Loves Me This I Know'" ? I hadn't a clue what he was getting at but I clearly stated that I absolutely know I am loved by God. I just don't need a church where the people are not truly loving, or at least giving it an honest effort.

He then told me what I was doing is bizarre. I stopped him, still calm at this point, and said it would be more helpful to hear something like he's having difficulty dealing with it but was trying. Instead he told me I had absolutely no support in this 'choice'. I then told him there was no sense in continuing the discussion and that we couldn't have a relationship under his conditions. I then told him I was catching a cab back to his place to get my stuff and I'd be leaving immediately. As I was waiting outside for the cab, I got Jesus on my cell phone and he helped me calm down and said some terrific things, as he has a habit of doing . He totally understood and said I'd done all I could, which is certainly true. At that point I thought I understood a little how a gay or trans teen might feel who's been disowned and thrown out of the house for who he or she is.

The only down side of leaving was I drove back to LA and it was dark when I arrived with no map. I drove around an hour and a half before I found a place to stay that seemed to be in a good neighborhood.

You are correct, in learning how to deal with people reacting this way, although I'd already thought this out in advance. I never raised my voice or sounded angry (although I was seething inside). Realistically, I cannot sit through dinner with someone who refuses to accept me for who I am and is insulting about it besides. I did tell him I hoped someday he'd see things differently and I'd always be open to hearing from him.

BTW, he is a physician and yet has no clue about so many things in people's lives.

[Danya (imported)]

Again, many thanks to everyone who responded here and others I spoke with over the phone.

It helps me a lot to post what's going on here and since last night I've been feeling much stronger and back to my usual sense of well-being about where I'm headed. I'm still feeling somewhat nauseated, literally sick, from my brother's response but that will pass soon.

I've read an article online with a title something like "Transitioning isn't for Sissies" Very true but I am up for it.

There was one thing I found funny in my brother's list of my life-long character flaws, sent to my sister-in-law and me. He said I was acting like a whiny teenage girl Hooray, I thought, perhaps he's getting it after all! Nah, I don't think so.

[Danya (imported)]

I am totally into this minor breast development and enjoy the pain and sensitivity simply because it shows something is really going on. If I could only find the right guy, well maybe I'd settle for any guy for this minor a deal , to suckle them, I know I'd be in heaven!

That first breast development, along with the pain/sensitivity is an awesome time - enjoy it as it is short lived!!!

I'm kind of between an AA and A cup, if I ever go the T-blocker route again I will go all out, B cup perhaps...

Another pleasure I hope you will enjoy is having some suckle on them.....that is a VERY pleasurable sensual feeling!!!!!

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Danya,

I'm so sorry to hear of your ordeal with your brother. It's hard to understand those who consider themselves "Christians" yet offer no understanding or acceptance, for they don't really get it.

I am a Christian and I do understand that Our Lord taught us to "Love each other as I have loved you" and "Do not judge, least you be judged." Their beliefs are like an Ala-cart meal. They pick and choose what they care to believe in and disregard the rest that is beyond their tiny souls and minds to accept or understand. Woe be unto them, for they know not what they do.

I know exactly were you're coming from, for I too have suffered the same injustices at the hands of my immediate family.

As I have said before, it's their loss, not yours for they will never allow themselves to get to know the beautiful person you really are.

Be strong and pray for them. Their going to need it!

[Danya (imported)]

Thank you, Erica Ann, for your kind and very true words. I consider myself a Christian at heart and I'm very fortunate to attend one of the few Lutheran congregations that is truly welcoming, with no reservations at all, of everyone. The essential truth of Christianity, from which everything else flows, is unbounded love.

No wonder that the many churches that don't get this drive so many away.

I agree. What they don't get is what they will be missing in knowing me.

I like your attitude!

-Danya

[gpb3aol (imported)]

Danya,

Well that the problem, he's a DOCTOR, part of their training is to be God like. I've only known one doctor with compassion, and she was a trangender woman. I guess it could be worst, he could be a lawyer. (just joking, don't want any emails from the bar association).

Pauline

[joanne-f (imported)]

I find some christians very odd. You would think if they followed the teachings of Christ (which I think is central to being a Christian) they would love one another and not judge others. But some people have a very narrow point of view of what being a christian is, they tend to condemn people to hell who don't fit into their own worldview. Which is not love. Certainly not the love that Jesus spoke of. These days I tend to think that these people are just bigots, and they use their faith to justify their bigotry. Fifty years ago they probably would have been racist and would have used their faith and the bible to justify their racism (as they did in some parts of America pre-civil rights).

My father was a priest (Anglican, which is Episcopalian in the U.S.) and was quite liberal. So I was brought up in a very christian household, but I virtually walked away from the Church when I was in my late teens. While I still have a spiritual side these days it's probably more closer to paganism than christianity. If anyone asked me what I believed in I would probably say "I'm not sure". I think spirituality is a lifelong journey, a lifelong personal quest. The problem I see with the more evengelical/fundamentalist christians is that they have taken a dogmatic approach to their beliefs thus everything is already explained and laid out for them and because of that their spirituality never grows or never goes anywhere.

[_g (imported)]

I am totally into this minor breast development and enjoy the pain and sensitivity simply because it shows something is really going on. If I could only find the right guy, well maybe I'd settle for any guy for this minor a deal , to suckle them, I know I'd be in heaven!

That first breast development, along with the pain/sensitivity is an awesome time - enjoy it as it is short lived!!!

I'm kind of between an AA and A cup, if I ever go the T-blocker route again I will go all out, B cup perhaps...

Another pleasure I hope you will enjoy is having some suckle on them.....that is a VERY pleasurable sensual feeling!!!!!

Yes having the breast stimulated even when I was young was erotic even before I had gyncomasta, now with larger tits it's even more erotic.

[mrt (imported)]

I find some christians very odd. You would think if they followed the teachings of Christ (which I think is central to being a Christian) they would love one another and not judge others. But some people have a very narrow point of view of what being a christian is, they tend to condemn people to hell who don't fit into their own worldview. Which is not love. Certainly not the love that Jesus spoke of. These days I tend to think that these people are just bigots, and they use their faith to justify their bigotry. Fifty years ago they probably would have been racist and would have used their faith and the bible to justify their racism (as they did in some parts of America pre-civil rights).

My father was a priest (Anglican, which is Episcopalian in the U.S.) and was quite liberal. So I was brought up in a very christian household, but I virtually walked away from the Church when I was in my late teens. While I still have a spiritual side these days it's probably more closer to paganism than christianity. If anyone asked me what I believed in I would probably say "I'm not sure". I think spirituality is a lifelong journey, a lifelong personal quest. The problem I see with the more evengelical/fundamentalist christians is that they have taken a dogmatic approach to their beliefs thus everything is already explained and laid out for them and because of that their spirituality never grows or never goes anywhere.

I think it helps to think about the Religious "Leaders" of Christs time. You would think that some of them would get it but the vast majority were so into their own made up deal that they didn't have time for God. I think of Jesus angry and of course it was in the temple which I think is a message of us in modern times to at least ponder that the people in charge of our church might be just as dumb/evil.

There ARE Christians out there. I know some and I hope to be a good one. Its not easy at times! I really don't think its a matter of being Liberal either. Politics don't make you good or bad. Most politics in my thinking make you dumb for trusting the bastards if you ask me!

Listening to what Jesus said vs what others want you to do because they translated for him is very important.

[plix (imported)]

Danya,

I am sorry to hear that things are not working between you and your brother. It is disappointing that he cannot show a more Christ-like attitude toward you.

However, I have some good news. My own brother (who as you probably remember, rejected me for the same reasons) called me out of nowhere the other day. I was pretty surprised. We spent nearly an hour talking about just stuff. We even agreed to consider hanging out and some point in the near future. Anyone who knows me and my brother knows that this is highly surprising on his part. He has treated me like scum up until now.

The reason I am telling you this is there is a chance things will change in the future, just as they seem to be changing in my case. Keep the door open, and your brother may one day decide to come back into your life

Until then, know that you have so many friends here at the EA who care about you and are here to support you through your transition.