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Lately my social circle has begun to expand and I'm making a number of new friends. This has caused me to consider the possibility of coming out of the "eunuch closet," so to speak. It's pretty much the same dilemma I had when I first came out as gay years ago: I don't want to have to watch what I say about myself, and I don't want to have to wonder "would this person still want to be in my life if they knew"? I don't like keeping secrets about myself and it's starting to really bother me that I don't feel I can be open about this part of my life, even with older friends I've known for years. So far only my partner and two close friends know of my eunuch status (excluding the members of this site, of course).

I was wondering if anyone else has had any experience with "coming out" to their friends as a eunuch, what kinds of reactions they received, and how they dealt with the inevitable questions about "why"? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

just take your time and just tell the people who need to know

and work it graduly

but thats my expereance

Why would you feel the need to tell anyone beyond your partner?

I've told quite a few people. Some cringe or cross their legs, most are interested for about 3 minutes, and then most seem to forget all about it in short order or just don't give a damn.

I have come out to most of my non-work friends and several work friends including my boss. I have had nothing but positive reactions but then again I work in a University environment where most seem to have an open mind. It makes me feel people really know me when they really know me so to speak.

I can actually have fun with things as well. Last week I was at the bar and this one guy I drink with was looking at a Playboy and he showed me this one chick in the book and I said OMFG!! Look at her nails they are awesome! He almost fell on the floor laughing. I present as male but have some feminine qualities as well.

There are so many ways to deal with something like this and a lot of variables involved. Whatever you choose to do I hope it works out for you!

kristoff wrote: Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:14 am most are interested for about 3 minutes, and then most seem to forget all about it in short order or just don't give a damn.

Kristoff, it sounds like most people you've told have treated it like it's no big deal, which is really the best reaction one can hope for. It definitely gives me food for thought.

To answer your question, Randy, it isn't so much that I feel the need to tell people as I'm tired of feeling the need to keep it secret. The fear of being rejected because of my eunuchism has made it harder for me to make new friends and in some cases caused me to withdraw from existing ones. I went through the same thing when I first came out as gay and it's frustrating to see myself repeating the same pattern.

kristoff wrote: Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:14 am I've told quite a few people. Some cringe or cross their legs, most are interested for about 3 minutes, and then most seem to forget all about it in short order or just don't give a damn.

Actually, that is my case. No one even raises an eyebrow or ask about it. For the most part, it didn't take 3 minutes for everyone to forget it...even my family. If something comes up and I remind them (in answer to something) they seem surprised that I had it done.

Gandalf

My experiences have not all been positive. My longest friendship remained intact but my next oldest friend sent me a dismissal e-mail. Some friends that seemed accepting have drifted away. Just be careful and remember if you share the knowledge with them they may share it with others.

I have to say that I agree 100% with Randy. In most of our cases this is a totally personal decision that we've made and it is not understood by the majority of people. It's really no one else's business as far as I'm concerned.

My policy - if you're not sleeping with me, then you don't need to know.

The only friends I have told are all members here so that does not count, I did tell my family, all of them and they except it and we have moved on.

In the end the decision is yours and I guess the best answer I can give you is to do what feels right.

River

Since many folks have always suspected and will always suspect that I am an FtM (transman), sometimes I come right out and tell them that I am a eunuch and was born male (although hardly). Being in a college town though most strangers would identify me as a young male (that is until I bring out my AARP card). I do most of my transactions with people that are familiar with me. I haven't been carded for a few years but once about five years ago I had the cops called in on me questioning who I got my ID from. I had to explain to them that I had defunct (at the time) testicles. In the end I was given my ID back but boy what an ordeal. I can't have more than two or three drinks at a time anyway without becoming seriously ill like food poisoning. Yes with me at times it does become very necessary to come out as a eunuch.

My good friend has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He was fully outgoing about it. He's worried as he should be, but they caught it early.

I figured if he can be that outgoing and unembarrassed why should I be?

I knew he might have to go through some androgen blockade therapy, so I used that as a way to start the conversation.

He and his girl friend both knew I'd been hurt in a bike wreck, I'd just kept the particulars to myself that's all.

So while sitting around a bonfire, with beer, I announced the fact that I'm a eunuch. And that was pretty much the end of it, I got a little pity, and we enjoyed the rest of the evening.

They were the first people I'd ever told, and yeah, for some reason it does eat at you keeping a secret. I don't know why, but it does.

From what I can tell from that experience, people don't care. If someone likes you, they like you. Testicles don't make you any more friendly, probably the opposite!

Thanks for the input, Streetglide. In my case it's a little different since my castration was a personal choice and not one of medical necessity. Since having it done I've worried that people would question my mental stability or decide I was "too weird" for them. But yes, you're right, it does eat at you.

Streetglide,

One of my best friends has prostate cancer and has talked to me quite a bit about it and the options he had. He finally had some surgery done and is doing well but impotent. So I shared with him the fact that that I had my testicles removed and he was very compassionate and understanding. Then he asked me if I could still get erect. When I told him yes, if I took enough testosterone, he said well, that isn't so bad then with a real change of attitude like getting erect was that important to him. I didn't tell him I don't take that much testosterone for a number of reasons.

Thought I would update this thread by way of a very interesting experience I had just recently. As I've said elsewhere in the forum, my partner (who I'll call "T") and I have an open relationship. This is mainly for his benefit as his sex drive is (understandably) much higher than mine and I don't think it's right to expect him to sacrifice his needs just because I chose to be castrated. Well, a couple of weeks ago we had an overnight visit from a friend of ours (I'll call him "J") who occasionally plays with T. We all stayed up late into the night and eventually T became tired and went to bed, leaving me and J alone together. As we talked, J began to rub my feet as he often does since I frequently have pain from working on my feet, and he is very good at giving foot and back rubs. Only on this occasion he didn't stop at my feet, but gradually worked his way up my legs and eventually to my crotch. I was nervous but also exhilarated that this incredibly attractive muscle bear was making advances toward me. The next thing I knew both our clothes were off and we were having sex. He of course noticed my empty scrotum but didn't seem the least bit put off by it. On the contrary he seemed to really enjoy playing with it. After topping me anally, he masturbated me to orgasm, after which I jokingly pointed out to him that he could now brag that he'd made a eunuch cum. He laughed, and began to ask me about my castration and whether it was the result of cancer or some kind of accident. He could see that I was nervous about discussing it and assured me that after all the carnage he'd seen in Iraq (he's an Iraq war veteran), nothing I could tell him would shock him. He was quite intrigued when I told him that it had been elective, and listened with interest as I briefly explained my reasons for choosing castration and the difference it had made in my life. He wasn't bothered at all, and replied that as long as it had helped me and I was happy with the results, then that was all that mattered. I went to bed that night feeling really good about finally being able to open up to someone besides my partner about my eunuchism. I think it actually brought me and J a little closer as friends, and it gives me hope that I can continue to learn to be more fully open about who I am. (Oh, and by the way I told T everything the next morning. He was happy that I got to play and proud of me for opening up about my castration.)

EunuchAusTX (imported) wrote: Mon Oct 26, 2009 12:33 pm Thought I would update this thread by way of a very interesting experience I had just recently. As I've said elsewhere in the forum, my partner (who I'll call "T") and I have an open relationship. This is mainly for his benefit as his sex drive is (understandably) much higher than mine and I don't think it's right to expect him to sacrifice his needs just because I chose to be castrated. Well, a couple of weeks ago we had an overnight visit from a friend of ours (I'll call him "J") who occasionally plays with T. We all stayed up late into the night and eventually T became tired and went to bed, leaving me and J alone together. As we talked, J began to rub my feet as he often does since I frequently have pain from working on my feet, and he is very good at giving foot and back rubs. Only on this occasion he didn't stop at my feet, but gradually worked his way up my legs and eventually to my crotch. I was nervous but also exhilarated that this incredibly attractive muscle bear was making advances toward me. The next thing I knew both our clothes were off and we were having sex. He of course noticed my empty scrotum but didn't seem the least bit put off by it. On the contrary he seemed to really enjoy playing with it. After topping me anally, he masturbated me to orgasm, after which I jokingly pointed out to him that he could now brag that he'd made a eunuch cum. He laughed, and began to ask me about my castration and whether it was the result of cancer or some kind of accident. He could see that I was nervous about discussing it and assured me that after all the carnage he'd seen in Iraq (he's an Iraq war veteran), nothing I could tell him would shock him. He was quite intrigued when I told him that it had been elective, and listened with interest as I briefly explained my reasons for choosing castration and the difference it had made in my life. He wasn't bothered at all, and replied that as long as it had helped me and I was happy with the results, then that was all that mattered. I went to bed that night feeling really good about finally being able to open up to someone besides my partner about my eunuchism. I think it actually brought me and J a little closer as friends, and it gives me hope that I can continue to learn to be more fully open about who I am.

I am so glad that sharing with J went so well. Sounds like he has seen enough in life to know what is important. I am glad he recognized your being happy with yourself is most important. We all need more friends like J and backrubs are a plus.

in my case, didnt matter to anyone, those at work who had seen me on the floor from the pain, (chronic orchialgia) pretty much understood, after I had surgery, most just asked if the pain was gone now, and went on, like the others, 3 minutes later all forgotten,

every once in a while I`ll end up on the butt end of a joke/comment at work,with that being brought up, but its just the normal on the floor joking around,;)

Your most recent experience is quite different than just "coming out" and telling people you had elective castration.

How is this different than telling people you had elective foreskin removal?

Why is it important to tell people about your genitals. The subject is basically a private one between us and our Dr. and intimate contacts.

It just seems an inappropriate topic to discuss with people, unless you regularly engage in sexual subject matter with them.

In any case, you have to be willing to loose a friend or two if you start sharing this information. (Which means they were not really a confidant or a friend anyway).

crankshaft (imported) wrote: Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:57 am in my case, didnt matter to anyone, those at work who had seen me on the floor from the pain, (chronic orchialgia) pretty much understood, after I had surgery, most just asked if the pain was gone now, and went on, like the others, 3 minutes later all forgotten,

every once in a while I`ll end up on the butt end of a joke/comment at work,with that being brought up, but its just the normal on the floor joking around,;)

Having seen you in pain I am sure they were supportive of you to have the source of pain removed. I am glad you can be open. It is a little different when you tell someone you had perfectly healthy testicles removed because you knew you were not male. That can make for some interesting conversations or the end a conversation for good.

I totally get this. Being transsexual, it was the secret that hurting me. It made me a liar and made me hate myself. By not being my authentic self, I could not really share who I was with anyone. My life became meaningless.

I deal with people coming out of the closet all the time. I believe that coming out as transsexual is one of the most difficult things a person can do. I see coming out as eunuch much the same. It's perceived as a choice, when for those doing it, it is not a choice, other than to choose living happy.

There are some people who might care enough to break off relationships with you, but for the most part people are too busy with themselves to really care. There is the old saying: "You wouldn't worry too much about what people say about you if you knew how little they were saying".

Unlike transsexuality, eunuchism is not "in your face" kind of thing. The only people who know are those you tell. Unlike transsexuality, where most people are going to know, except for those who pass extremely well, which is the minority. So even those who might have strong feelings about it, would not be embarrassed to be seen with you or seen as approving of it.

Remember. "Those who matter won't care and those who care won't matter."

Elizabeth

Elizabeth said....................."

Elizabeth (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:40 am Unlike transsexuality, eunuchism is not "in your face" kind of thing. The only people who know are those you tell. Unlike transsexuality, where most people are going to know, except for those who pass extremely well, which is the minority. So even those who might have strong feelings about it, would not be embarrassed to be seen with you or seen as approving of it.

Elizabeth

And for many who are gay and lesbian, who don't "wear it on their sleeve", being homosexual is also not an "in your face" kind of thing. Wanting to be a eunuch is to belong to a micro-minority, perhaps similar in some ways to having mis-matched sexualities (physical and identity). As a male I want to remain male, except for the need, desire, craving (for whatever reason or reasons) to be a eunuch male.

Will I still be gay once I am a eunuch?. I would prefer that, but it is a question I won't know the answer to unless I can become a eunuch. I have tried chemical castration and it appeals to me. According to eunuchs who have also tried chemical castration first before surgical castration there is a significant difference between the two and I can believe that to be true.

What is it we seek? Acceptance, understanding, or avoidance of rejection and critcism? Or all of these? There are a few among us who completely reject the opinions of others and do as they please with complete disregard of opinionism. Most of us who are in some kind of sexual mis-match struggle with our own identities and being true to ourselves only because we do care about what others think of us. If we only thought of ourselves being gay, lesbian, sexually mis-matched, or any other "being different" condition would be overcome with no concern or delay whatsoever.

That we care what others think isn't necessarily a bad thing, except when it overshadows our caring for our own self.

nullorchis (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:20 pm And for many who are gay and lesbian, who don't "wear it on their sleeve", being homosexual is also not an "in your face" kind of thing. Wanting to be a eunuch is to belong to a micro-minority, perhaps similar in some ways to having mis-matched sexualities (physical and identity). As a male I want to remain male, except for the need, desire, craving (for whatever reason or reasons) to be a eunuch male.

Will I still be gay once I am a eunuch?. I would prefer that, but it is a question I won't know the answer to unless I can become a eunuch. I have tried chemical castration and it appeals to me. According to eunuchs who have also tried chemical castration first before surgical castration there is a significant difference between the two and I can believe that to be true.

What is it we seek? Acceptance, understanding, or avoidance of rejection and critcism? Or all of these? There are a few among us who completely reject the opinions of others and do as they please with complete disregard of opinionism. Most of us who are in some kind of sexual mis-match struggle with our own identities and being true to ourselves only because we do care about what others think of us. If we only thought of ourselves being gay, lesbian, sexually mis-matched, or any other "being different" condition would be overcome with no concern or delay whatsoever.

That we care what others think isn't necessarily a bad thing, except when it overshadows our caring for our own self.

Some of my old ruminations on topic. Evolving... more at 10:00

http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=10075

tugon (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 22, 2009 10:07 am My experiences have not all been positive. My longest friendship remained intact but my next oldest friend sent me a dismissal e-mail. Some friends that seemed accepting have drifted away. Just be careful and remember if you share the knowledge with them they may share it with others.

When I first came out of my gay closet I told a friend of mine at the beginning of my work shift. By the time I my shift was done he had told all of our friends. I was going to tell them all anyway, but still.

You can always tell people that it was because of some medical condition! Think of it this way, How would they check out the facts?

PS...In college a gay friend of mine had to be circumcised. He told me that the Doctor felt it was to tight and might cause cancer. I was the only one on campus he told, but his walking bowlegged was a dead give away if others asked he had a canned response about some surgery. One April 1st day I decided to pull a joke on him and walked up to him then placing my hand on his shoulder I said, "you shared some personal information with me about being circumcised, so I will share something with you! I was castrated a few years ago." Right away he said, "TMI" (To Much Information) and started to freak out. As I walked away to get my ride home I said, "What day is this?"

hi iam sinds this weekend a real eunuch so noby now this none of my friends and not my fam think i wil get it for me self and not coming out white this ore if y coming out dond now how i must tell thate to others