EA Forums

intersexed (imported) wrote: Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:58 pm I was here under a different name a few years ago but lost the login information.

My story is this:

I was born intersexed, raised as male. At puberty, I began to feminize (breast development, body shape). By 13, I was as well-endowed as most of the girls in my grade.

I had my breasts removed at 14.

I masculinized later in puberty so I look more masculine now. However, somewhere in my mid-20s, my body stopped producing testosterone. My endo at the time suggested that I go on T shots. I didn't want to become more masculine as I felt 'in-between'.

I went a few years without hormones, then about 2 1/2 years ago, I went on estrogen to see what it was like. I was on it for 2 1/2 years and recently had to go off due to financial problems.

I don't identify as female. I don't identify as male. Just somewhere in-between. I live as male because I need to work in order to pay bills and living as masculine is easiest. I'd make a terrible-looking female.

But I enjoyed living as a male while on estrogen. Sure, it changed my body shape a bit and my face slightly. But I did not react negatively to it at all. In fact, I think it helped me gain a bit of understanding about women. I'm better able to sympathize than I was before.

(Though, having never lived as female or menstruated..there's obviously a lot I don't 'get' about femaleness.)

I'm considering going on the T shots just to see how they make me feel. I don't want to masculinize too much because I like being somewhere in the middle.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

nullorchis (imported) wrote: Fri Oct 23, 2009 10:44 pm Have you researched/communicated with androgenous persons.?

Look up "androgenous" in Wikipedia.

You probably know exactly where you want to be on the male/female sliding scale, physically, mentally, emotionally, and fashionwise.

Because society forces certain expectations upon us simply because of the body composition we were given at birth, we are forced into a personal quandry.

If you lived alone on an island, and had access to free medication and surgical procedures and there was no one to see or judge you, who would you be, how would you act, dress.

If you don't know, then do some introspective analysis.

If it doesn't matter how you look or dress on the island, then why should it matter here.

If you do know how you would look, act, dress, etc . on that lonely island, then what is holding you back from living like that now? Judgement and opinion of others? If that's the problem then you have not an identity crisis, you have an acceptance crisis. If you just have to live your life so that others will accept you then you need to accept this and move on. If however you crave and need to live your life so that YOU accept you, then you need to be insensitive to what others think of you....a not so easy thing to do, but do-able; maybe not on your own, you may need support of others who have been through the same debacle as you are experiencing.