EA Forums

Hi everyone:

For me becoming a eunuch is not a fantasy or some fad desire.

All of my life, I have been gay and fighting it tooth and nail. My attraction to men is something I have had to fight and an issue that I can't live with. As a Christian, I have found myself very conflicted and have known for several years that the day would come when I would need to become a eunuch, that my sex drive would not bring me to places that I don't want to go; that I know "for me" I should not go.

To compound the problem, I also am highly manic and find that my sexual tension is multiplied endlessly because of the hormonal imbalance. Though medication "can" help, medication has not been a cure. Consequently, I live with constant guilt.

I have thought about chemical castration but due to its "non" permanent effects, this solution would not be a "final" guarantee for success.

Consequently, I have considered "banding" and have found a company that can supply me the necessary equipment inexpensively.

What are your thoughts? Your advice? What should I do for pain management during the procedure?

My plan simply is to apply the "band" and then when the scrotum turns "black" for lack of blood circulation, to admit myself into the hospital for surgery. As a Vet, I would automatically be transferred to a VA hospital and by my necessity, they would be "forced" to comply with my desires.

I have talked to my VA mental health provider and he is adamently against my wishes, but I have to have PEACE and be able to live with myself.

The only reason that I have desired to become a eunuch is because I am so in love with Jesus, I can't live in such constant defeat and shame that my own humanity has caused me.

I have enclosed my email address for your use in this matter.

My deepest regards to all as I rejoice in your found freedom.

Art Brooks brooks_art @ yahoo.com

brooks_art (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 07, 2010 10:39 pm Hi everyone:

For me becoming a eunuch is not a fantasy or some fad desire.

All of my life, I have been gay and fighting it tooth and nail. My attraction to men is something I have had to fight and an issue that I can't live with. As a Christian, I have found myself very conflicted and have known for several years that the day would come when I would need to become a eunuch, that my sex drive would not bring me to places that I don't want to go; that I know "for me" I should not go.

To compound the problem, I also am highly manic and find that my sexual tension is multiplied endlessly because of the hormonal imbalance. Though medication "can" help, medication has not been a cure. Consequently, I live with constant guilt.

I have thought about chemical castration but due to its "non" permanent effects, this solution would not be a "final" guarantee for success.

Consequently, I have considered "banding" and have found a company that can supply me the necessary equipment inexpensively.

What are your thoughts? Your advice? What should I do for pain management during the procedure?

My plan simply is to apply the "band" and then when the scrotum turns "black" for lack of blood circulation, to admit myself into the hospital for surgery. As a Vet, I would automatically be transferred to a VA hospital and by my necessity, they would be "forced" to comply with my desires.

I have talked to my VA mental health provider and he is adamently against my wishes, but I have to have PEACE and be able to live with myself.

The only reason that I have desired to become a eunuch is because I am so in love with Jesus, I can't live in such constant defeat and shame that my own humanity has caused me.

I have enclosed my email address for your use in this matter.

My deepest regards to all as I rejoice in your found freedom.

Art Brooks brooks_art

@yahoo.com

Art,

Being both gay and Christian is fairly common, so you're *not* alone on this!

There are a number of Christian churches - Metropolitan Community Church (http://www.mccchurch.org) is probably the most well-known - that provide ministries for the GLBT community. I'm not sure how tied to your current church you are; it sounds like you've spent a lot of time in a conservative/fundamentalist church, so I can understand why it's a problem.

The religious attitude toward homosexuality is based in large part on the Holiness Code in Leviticus; if you do some research, you'll find that a *lot* of that code is, from *today's* standpoint, pretty ridiculous!

It's obvious that you're consumed by guilt over your homosexuality. That's how religion controls people; they exploit guilt! The problem there is that manipulating people through guilt does *nothing* to foster *spiritual* growth; it's a throwback to the Angry God of the Old Testament!

Have you ever thought that there was a higher purpose for you being gay? If you believe that God's Will controls us, then maybe it was God's Will that you turned out gay! Would God let people be gay if He didn't have a *reason* for it?

To be blunt, castration is *not* the answer for you!

I don't know where you live, so I can't give you specific information about where to turn, but remember, "Seek, and ye shall find"!

Hope this helps!!!

-YPA

Art, castration would be the worst mistake you could make right now. Your sexuality is what it is, and if your church has a problem with it, then you need another church. Only once you take ownership of your sexuality and recognize it as an important part of you, will you be able to view it (and yourself) for the wonderful things that you are.

Taking ownership of your sexuality doesn't mean going to every gay bar in town and dancing around in a G-string, unless that's somehow your thing. It means experiencing love, holding, being held, and knowing that this is all right. Love is one of the things that defines us as human, and to cut yourself off from it, so to speak, would be to deny part of what makes you human.

Knowing and being sure that you want castration is not always what it seems to be. The idea can sound like it will be everything you want. Most only look at some effects. The other effects have to be understood. Those effects can be very hard to handle. A very high percentage of eunuch's end up on testosterone any ways. The physical and emotional effects are too hard to deal with. Castration may cause even more mental problems.

It would be very wise to try out chemical castration for a half year or more. It will give you a real idea on how it will effect you. If it works out well with you then look into castration. No reason to jump into something that you will be sorry for the rest of your life.

Nothing wrong in being gay. Some say that 10% of to population is gay. You may not know it for they are not out telling the world that they are gay. If you get castrated you will still be just as gay as your are today. Castration can not change that.

Banding is very painful. There are many risks of doing it. Once you go to the hospital you may get your balls removed. You can very much also be admitted into the mental ward. You will be listed as doing self harm. I am not sure if you want to go through that.

There are very many posts of guys trying the banding. So very many had bad side effects. Do the research before you make a mistake.

Welcome to the Archive.

I am usually the contrary voice to people saying "don't get castrated", but in this case I'm on their side. I think you would be doing this for the wrong reason.

At this point, I would say at the least that you need to take more time to reflect on why you would want to do this, and if it is to make others comfortable with your own sexuality, then I'd say don't do it. You do not do this because others are uncomfortable with your sexuality. You do it because it is a deep down, unremitting desire within yourself.

Given what you said, I think this would be the most horrible mistake you could make in your life. I'd exercise EXTREME caution before you take this irreversible step.

--LT

I to must say make peace with yourself before you alter yourself. When I was young and began to feel sexual attractions and realized it was for men I had some religious based guilt. Then when I truly looked into myself and realized I was a good caring person and that the love I felt was natural for me even if not for others. As you would seek a second opinion from a doctor I would speak with ministers from other denominations about you being gay. Give yourself a chance to be happy with you.

I agree with bobbie, Losethem and the others. At this time and with these circumstances castration would be one of the worst things for you to do. Castration will not "cure" being gay. Being gay and being a eunuch are not opposites. And, the plan you have chosen has so many flaws that I can only forsee an unsatisfactory outcome. You will not be happy with the results. --FLO--

Dear Friends:

I have closely examined each of your posts and it would appear that you "all" are in agreement.

My desire to become a eunuch has nothing to do with my sexual orientation. I realize whole heartedly that my sexual orientation will always remain what it is.

What this has to do with is my ability or inability to "commune" with Christ and that is the only motivation that has ever driven me.

You all have said that I need to take time. How much time? In fact, this has been a subject that I have prayerfully considered for over 25 years.

The root of the problem is Testosterone production and its ability to fuel the proverbial fires. Being manic, this problem is only multiplied.

I thank the gentlemen that stated I should try chemcial castration first to see if I can tolerate the side effects, he has spoken most appropriately. This is probably the best course of action for a six month period.

I have been in contact with an oveseas vendor for medication w/o a prescription and I will need to be educated on the best meds to use, doseages and cost effectiveness --- but this is all research that I am willing to invest.

I hope that in reading my introductory letter, that you do not believe I am looking for a "quick" solution or a "quick" fix. In fact, I have wrestled with this for 25 years but in 2004, I "knew" that in my need for PEACE, I would be forced to take this step.

My peace is more important that anything else. My ability to "commune" with Christ is more important that anything else. When my peace has become so grossly violated that communing with Christ becomes impossible -- then something must change.

I still welcome your input but I pray that you realize that my sexual orienation is not the issue -- but hormonal imbalance and unrest. I have taken ownership of who I am, but at the same point - as a Christian, I cannot allow my own humanity to take control of my responsibiity and hinder my ability to live for Christ.

I will continue to do as I have done --- to research all available options and to make the right choice that is RIGHT for ME.

Again, warmest wishes in your found freedom.

Art

brooks_art (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:44 am Dear Friends:

I have closely examined each of your posts and it would appear that you "all" are in agreement.

My desire to become a eunuch has nothing to do with my sexual orientation. I realize whole heartedly that my sexual orientation will always remain what it is.

brooks_art (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 07, 2010 10:39 pm All of my life, I have been gay and fighting it tooth and nail. My attraction to men is something I have had to fight and an issue that I can't live with. As a Christian, I have found myself very conflicted and have known for several years that the day would come when I would need to become a eunuch, that my sex drive would not bring me to places that I don't want to go; that I know "for me" I should not go.

Art

Sorry but I am a little confused but wish you well on your path.

I agree with all the advice that has been given on the topic. I will add one thing. Becoming a eunuch will only diminish your ability to have "normal" sex (wqhatever Normal is).

It will not take away your feelings. It will make it more difficult to fulfill them whether gay or straight unless you go on hrt. You will still have to deal with the feeling you have for men even after castration.

Frustration city

Would you be willing to explain what you mean by "communing" with Jesus?

And why testosterone prevents it?

Is there a specific church that you think takes that position?

The most "fundamental" churches I am familiar with seem to think that

nearly any sexual activity is forgiveable. Why do you feel so out of

bounds?

I think it's really sad that your beliefs force you to deny who you are.

Dear Friends:

brooks_art (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:44 am What this has to do with is my ability or inability to "commune" with Christ and that is the only motivation that has ever driven me.

Art

The unsolicited advice: stay in the church, but not necessarily the fundamentalist denomination you're in.

There are many ways to stay in line with the teachings of Jesus, without embracing the intractable rules of the Southern Baptists, the Pentecosts, the Seventh Day Adventists, and so on. Many of those denominations are about control of the masses by poorly taught ministers who control their congregations with fear and veiled hatred.

Find a nice Episcopal church that has good pot lucks, likes you for who you are, not who you make yourself out to be, and get to the heavy lifting of feeding the poor and tending to the sick.

Ditch the fundamentalists who tell you that you're damaged. If you truly believe that you're one of God's creations, why sacrifice part of yourself to live within the made-up hatred that the fundamentalists use to keep each other in line?

jab (imported) wrote: Fri Feb 12, 2010 12:48 pm The unsolicited advice: stay in the church, but not necessarily the fundamentalist denomination you're in.

There are many ways to stay in line with the teachings of Jesus, without embracing the intractable rules of the Southern Baptists, the Pentecosts, the Seventh Day Adventists, and so on. Many of those denominations are about control of the masses by poorly taught ministers who control their congregations with fear and veiled hatred.

Find a nice Episcopal church that has good pot lucks, likes you for who you are, not who you make yourself out to be, and get to the heavy lifting of feeding the poor and tending to the sick.

Ditch the fundamentalists who tell you that you're damaged. If you truly believe that you're one of God's creations, why sacrifice part of yourself to live within the made-up hatred that the fundamentalists use to keep each other in line?

I couldn't have said it better myself. Anybody can become a fundamentalist minister and selectively read his own prejudices into the Bible. At least the Episcopalians, Catholics, Lutherans, etc. have some quality control, and they're a bit more "big tent", though the Catholics have a split personality on the gay stuff. If you want a strict application of tribal law from a desert tribe, well...you have that option too...but I don't know why you'd put yourself through that. Me, I like my shrimp and bacon.

Maybe I'm too simple but I ask myself if Jesus was here would he say "FUCK you! Your Gay!" I just don't see it. There is a lot of sin in this world. And none of us is Sin free. I think the bigger picture of morality are things like Adultry and rampant fornification. Breaking up families and such. Maybe your idea of being gay is really bad like breaking up homes of couples that have kids and such?

Anyway, I think the idea that castration or any type will bring you closer to God goes again what (I think?) every christian outfit is saying. I applaud the idea that you want to have a closer relationship to God and to be a better person. But here is the baggage you buy with this. Most of us who are in this boat will admit that serious depression comes with low or near zero testosterone levels. And its not just a "switch" that turns you sex drive off. You can also expect difficulty with mood, thinking clearly and much more. I know we hear that some people reach some sort of Eunuch Calm state but its not that many and even most of these folks admit some kind of mental health crisis or two along the way. It seems to me you trade some anguish over homosexual feelings for serious mental health issues and thats just not good. Why not speak to a therapist now? Talk to her/him about your conflicts and what sorts of things you thinking about. If you have TRICARE you have a mental health policy correct? Get out some of that paper work and figure out how to put it to work.

PLEASE do not attempt to band yourself. This is a device that works with Farm Animals and they can't tell you how much this hurts or how removing the bands at the wrong time can cause serious health issues. *Its NOT worth drying over.

If you follow Bobbies advice and try Chemical Castration you may (Quickly) understand why this is not a solution to what your doing and it would be far better that you give it a short try and quit then to damage yourself, end up in the ER (or WORSE) and have to be committed in a mental health ward for being self destructive.

I'm not as good a Biblical expert as others but are not all the "anti gay" stuff old Test? And if you decide to go by the old covenant are you not also obligated to be fully Kosher (For example) and many many many MANY other things? Talking to your minister and asking them about this would (I think) be of great value. Have them spell out exactly whats wrong with being Gay *And I would be curious what they say.

I usually don't comment on threads where the motivation for castration involves wanting a closer relationship with Christ. The reason is that since I am not Christian, I can't really understand that motivation. Being an outside observer I hesitate to comment.

Having said all that, in this case I do feel the need to chime in. I have known many people throughout my life who have struggled with their gender and/or their sexual identity. I can see a clear difference between being motivated out guilt and shame, verses the need to become physically the person you are mentally and spiritually.

To put it bluntly there is no surgical procedure to remove shame of one's sexual desire or guilt over sexual orientation... It is far easier to find a more accepting environment than it is to have one's sexual identity surgically removed. If you were to become a eunuch because you find being gay incompatible with your chosen religion you would not have accomplished anything but going from being a gay man to a gay eunuch.

To put it another way... Who you are is not in your balls

Although I am not Christian I do feel somewhat safe in saying that any truly loving God would not condemn you for something as immutable and intrinsic as your sexual identity.

In the same way that you have reached out to the eunuch community for support I think you should also reach out to others who have struggled with the same issues as gay christians as you are now.

Please take a look at MCC Church of the Cross Roads. I found this result when I searched "Gay" on their website. (http://www.mccchurch.org/AM/Template.cf ... isplay.cfm)

http://www.mccchurch.org/AM/Template.cf ... isplay.cfm