EA Forums

This could become a fairly general sort of thread for anyone who likes to ramble.

I think that a major thing in common that members of the EA forum have, is that when we first joined, we did so because we were unhappy.

At least in some shape or form.

We joined here because we wanted to make ourselves happier - though it could also be said that this is why we do many things in our lives.

For me, the idea of being chemically castrated is something that could make me happier. And anything that can cure loneliness is something that would make me happier. So these are subjects that I look into and try to find solutions to my general failings in.

Just having companionship is NOT a cure as such. The companion needs to be worthwhile to the individual, creating great happiness in their life than sadness.

So there are worthwhile companions as well as unworthwhile ones.

I think that we look at our own lives and try to work out if we can have a worthwhile one. And the answer to this lays in the truth of whether we ourselves are worthwhile enough or not.

Don't take this stuff as entirely me though. I'm mostly just rambling.

But rambling can inspire greater thought which is good - which is positive - which can lead to greater happiness.

My aim at chemical castration (at least in some form) is not going well at present. Sure, I've only been on Spirolactone for a couple of weeks, but I would have expected it to have done something by now. As it is I'm still as horny as a toad (not sure where this phrase came from - are toads out of the ordinary horny?). All the drug has done has made me feel bad. No, not depressed. But it has given me occasional chest pains and stuff (and I'm so blaazeh about things right now that I don't even care much about something like that), and I'm meant to not even be eating many foods that are usually good for me (fruit juices, bananas, pineapple, potatoe, alcohol ), and my eating and general living habits have been bad enough as it is.

I also felt quite trippy during the first few days (which actually wasn't too bad for something different, I've never been a recreational drug user!), and just now my body is very over heated. There have possibly been other things, but I haven't bothered to think about it all too much.

I haven't even bothered to take my 100 mg yet today, though I think that I will. It just ain't doing what I want it to do - and is only giving me negative side effects, which yes, does lead to some form of sadness.

It makes me wonder - how bad (or dangerous) can Androcur be?

In the sense that it can't be too more negative than Spirolactone.

I only have enough pills to get me through to my next meeting with my doctor whilst on 100 mg, so maybe I'll come off it for a bit, then build up to a phase on 200 mg to test it out. There could of course be further negative consequences to taking more of it, but I think that more of my bad health is simply caused by myself. I need to get back to running regularly and even do some small weights sessions on a consistent basis.

I am saying all of this while I am (again) just sitting in front of my computer screen!

Happiness can also be gained by decent interaction with others - which I'm hoping to get in replies to this thread post.

I have read on another thread that a lot of EA people like pets. Animals have rarely been a major part of my life, but the idea of changing this seems to have some merit. The image of me living with a couple of dogs (I think I would have to have more than one in order for them to not only have me as company - and I wouldn't be around all the time) seems a relatively happy one. I can't exactly suddenly try this out though - I am living with my parents. Maybe I will look into getting myself a unit later this year. Personally I'd be happy with just a very small place; one without a backyard/garden. But this goes against the pet dogs idea. Maybe I could look at getting a cat instead (even though they have a completely different personality).

On another thread it was mentioned how great it is that when you come home your dog is over the moon to see you - regardless of whether this is just for the food or not. How many people on the EA see having a good pet as being a reasonably adequate substitute for not having a human companion - in the sense of adding to ones life happiness?

Like I've said, this is mostly a ramble, but I'd love to hear some replies about anything mentioned above.

From a MtF:

I'm going through the transition and have been living full time for over 2 years now. I'm also currently castrating myself via alcohol injections - though I've only done two treatments. I've seen some positive results. My sex drive is down, way down and I'm calmer. I'm at the point where I've taken the edge off. I mention this only to let you know where I am, I'm not recommending it for you as it's permenant.

This is for you, luv.

Spiro - as we MtF's call it - is about as safe as you can get. The side effects are it effects your potassium levels and it makes you pee a lot. 200 mg will give you more of an effect but 300 will not.

It is simply a testosterone blocker. It works by keeping T from binding in your blood.

Spiro is the weakest of the the anti-androgens.

The strongest is Cyprotenerone acetate - otherwise known as Androcur, Siterone, etc. It shuts the testicles down - but only as long as you're on the drug. If you want them to come back, simply stop taking. It's used to treat men that have prostate cancer.

You'll get what you want but be careful. Do your homework on it. To much can cause liver or kidney damage - though from my own personal experience you wont need that much. Start with half a pill per day and work up from there. It's a build up drug - or at least it was in my case. That is, you don't feel the effects straight away, it takes time to build in your system but once it does it should give you what you're looking for. That calming effect, it brings focus....a state of bliss.

It works so well that those of us that know we want to be permenantly castrated recommend it to those that are thinking about permenant castration. It's our way of making sure they're making the right choice. If they don't like how it feels, they can stop taking it and things will return to normal. No harm, no foul.

I'd recommend the jump to androcur but like I said, do your homework. Research everything you can about the drug. Here's a start:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyproterone

Raynestorm

raynestorm (imported) wrote: Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:00 pm Spiro - as we MtF's call it - is about as safe as you can get. The side effects are it effects your potassium levels and it makes you pee a lot. 200 mg will give you more of an effect but 300 will not.

For some people spiro just does not work well, does not provide the T-blocking effects, and gives nothing but the awful side-effects (cramps! dizziness, fainting, etc.). When I first started taking it it was the greatest thing in the world! And then it began to take more and more to get me there, until finally it just stopped working with anything other than insanely high doses. 100mg twice-a-day was great at first; then I needed 100mg 3x/day; then 400mg a day even! The higher dose I took, it seemed the more my body blocked its T-blocking effects.

Also as for being as safe as you can get, a few times it made me feel like time was slowing down, like my mind was slowing down -- very scary! I guess that was from blood pressure dropping too low? Not to mention fainting and severe dizziness and blackness upon standing.

I would think cyproterone acetate would be a superior solution, but that never worked for me either, no matter how high I dosed them (may have got a bad batch maybe?). Depo-provera didn't do anything for me either. Hmmm. I think it's probably just me.

Back at'cha'all with that ramble! Bwaa!

--

Pets? My cats bring me much joy each and every day. I don't think it's an adequate substitute for human companionship, but it can enrich ones life, that's for sure.

Thanks for the rambling guys and gals.

Postatracura - do/did you have VERY high sex drive, as in far higher than even most men? Most people that I have read about on the EA who have used Androcur have had it effect their sex drive a great deal, so maybe your sex drive is just really high?

I am hoping that mine is not so high, but then again, lately I still 'like' to masturbate on most days.

In fact yesterday I did this twice!

So you have cats, but not a human partner then? Nice to know that your cats enrich your life though.

Raynestorm - Your post is pretty cool. Thanks darl. I'm trying to keep up with the "this is for you luv!"

Maybe after one month on Spiro I will stop taking it for about 2 weeks, then have another month on 100 mg, then 2 weeks on 200 mg - which will be when I run out of it. It's also when I next see my doctor. I could have a better idea by then if the drug is going to be at all useful to me for any longterm period of time (at the moment I think NOT). My thoughts right now are that at that point I would like to start on Androcur (or something similar), though I doubt my doctor will allow this just yet (he is a nice guy, but still finds it a bit difficult sometimes to comprehend the road that I've wanted to go down), and in some ways this is fair enough. I can't say for 100% certain that I want my sex drive gone on a fairly permanent basis. But right now I would like it gone, and I want to see how much inspiration I have for important facets of my life when it is no longer a factor. A main thing concerning that would be writing which I love, but at the moment seem to have no desire to commit any serious effort towards long term projects. I have many (in my humble opinion!) great book ideas, but at present I just want instant gratification with my writing - and my personality in life used to differ to this (I used to be a fairly serious long distance runner which required training for long term goals, and my first book involved putting MANY hours of serious time into it). So I suppose I am saying that I am just more blazzeh about life these days and would like to get back into some of my better habits.

What a ramble!

Hang on a minute.

"

raynestorm (imported) wrote: Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:00 pm That calming effect, it brings focus....a state of bliss.

"

You da man!!!

Sorry, I mean woman lol

Another thing that I very much should do before I ever start on Androcur is to have some of my sperm frozen (though I am so lazy about many things, hopefully I bloody well get around to doing that!). My idea of having children has been mixed to say the least - I've often tried to take a help the world look at things (though how much can we really help/change the world?) and had an idea to just adopt, maybe from a poor country - the world is overpopulated as it is, etc. But actually if I was really with an awesome companion then to have our own kid would be life enriching I reckon. As for kidS, we would have too see how big a monster the first one turned out to be!

So the freezing of sperm would give the option of having our own kid if I happened to get onto Androcur long term and it effected my sperm/sex drive permanently.

It never ceases to amaze me just how many really nice people there are on these boards. And I mean genuinely nice. I don't really fit in with a lot that is said on the EA, but for me it is still a great place to hang out on occasion. It is, dare I say it, a little life enriching!

Awesome rambler and writer - signing out.....for now.

I've never read anything about Androcur affecting your sperm long term. As soon as you stop taking it, things return to normal. I'd definately recommend it if you're thinking about castration, luv. Kind of a, "test drive".

It would SUCK if you castrated yourself permenately - say via injections - then found out that you didn't like it.

My sex drive has dropped, I'm calmer now and I'm more affectionate toward my wife.

Who, by the way, has a 3rd party (another MtF) coming into our relationship. My wife is the Domme, I'm the slave and the other person would be the alpha so she'd be over me.

Three way relationship with three way sex? Yes, please. And it was HER idea!

Life is good.

raynestorm (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 20, 2011 12:28 pm I've never read anything about Androcur affecting your sperm long term. As soon as you stop taking it, things return to normal. I'd definately recommend it if you're thinking about castration, luv. Kind of a, "test drive".

It would SUCK if you castrated yourself permenately - say via injections - then found out that you didn't like it.

My sex drive has dropped, I'm calmer now and I'm more affectionate toward my wife.

Who, by the way, has a 3rd party (another MtF) coming into our relationship. My wife is the Domme, I'm the slave and the other person would be the alpha so she'd be over me.

Three way relationship with three way sex? Yes, please. And it was HER idea!

Life is good.

Androcur here I come!

Maybe...

You had me cracking up. I was thinking about Seinfeld.

"I'm not an orgy guy!"

But if I was ever in a threesome I sure as hell wouldn't be the alpha!

And "her idea" is bloody funny. A lot of men are asking, "where the hell is my wife's kinky side?"

Anyway, maybe in May I can start my "test drive." That can be my birthday present!

loveableleopardy (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 20, 2011 10:05 am Thanks for the rambling guys and gals.

Postatracura - do/did you have VERY high sex drive, as in far higher than even most men? Most people that I have read about on the EA who have used Androcur have had it effect their sex drive a great deal, so maybe your sex drive is just really high?

I used to map out masturbation plots in 8-hour chunks... my libido was crazy high.

So, I could use some advice.

Am trying to figure out if I should try Androcur or an SSRI or both or something else.

Basic situation: about 50 years old, 2 largely grown kids, my wife's sex drive has pretty much crashed over the last 5 years (she's the same age) while my sex drive has declined only gradually -- I still beat off at least twice a week; for several years now we've made love maybe 2x or 3x a year at most, she doesn't really even enjoy being eaten or fingered, even though she screams with pleasure when she lets me love her to the Big O; I love her, and she has an auto-immune disease and is afraid of my leaving her alone and sick, which I would never do, we've been together for 30 years and have a genuine emotional bond; I want to be together for the long haul including if/when we eventually have grandkids; she is leery of cuddling out of fear that I get a hardon and she can't deal with it; I miss being touched and held so much I am nearly crazy with sadness and depression and have even started to think about suicide but that would be so selfish and cruel to her and the kids; I have been attracted to guys since forever, and had a couple of gay relationships when younger but have always preferred sex with women; I will not cheat on my wife but can't continue to handle this bind where I have no sex, no touch, yet a considerable ongoing sex drive.

I know a lot of the guys on this forum are transgendered or in process or have body image issues and have suffered from social putdowns and violence and crap a lot worse than I have ever seen. I am sorry to come here and whine. But I really am at the end of my rope and could use some advice.

Peace.

You're not whining, and you're not alone. Although I may be GID/MtF, I've dealt with the same relationship issues over the last few years. Wife doesn't ever give a thought to sex in any way, shape or form since menopause, and always makes excuses when asked about it. It's frustrating, aggravating, and gets unbearable.

To the OP,

I can't speak for chemical castration as I never did it, but i can speak about the effects of very low testosterone. I found that in spite of hot flashes, UGH!, and a reduced ability to get erect, that I still had a libido, albeit a less pressing one. The lack of erections proved to be very frustrating since there still seemed to be an occasional need.Whipping a limp noodle was no fun at all.

This calm that others speak of never was there for me. I got depressed, and lithargic. I had so little energy, that even getting up to go to work was a challenge.

As to the pets thing, This I can share with you on. My darling dog is the apple of my eye. When my ex left and did some really horrible things , she was the constant in my life. I got that greeting when I came home, and she was more than willing to snuggle up with "Daddy" at night. I now am partnered again, but she has not changed. It does cause some stress in our house that I am so close to the dog. Even so, I'd say that she helped me thru some rough times, and was a means of companionship when I felt I could trust no humans.

Get a dog, but only one, you'll have a stronger bond with just one. It is not the replacement for human companionship, but it is a great therapy when no humans are around .

Raymar

frankwilder (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:49 pm So, I could use some advice.

Am trying to figure out if I should try Androcur or an SSRI or both or something else.

Basic situation: about 50 years old, 2 largely grown kids, my wife's sex drive has pretty much crashed over the last 5 years I am sorry to come here and whine. But I really am at the end of my rope and could use some advice.

Peace.

Frank, if you read through some of the various threads you will see that a lot of men here around your age in life have lowered their sex drive for the same reason. Your first step is to talk with your wife and suggest that you start taking some sort of medication so that you're not horny all the time. Once your wife realizes that you don't want to poke her every time you're close to her, she'll be able to sleep next to you and let you touch her without the fear that you'll be asking for it.

There are risks with taking any medication. I started takng herbs and SSRI. Neither worked for me and eventually I switched to Androcur. Without testosterone, the side effects can almost become debilitaiting, but eventually my body adapted to them. Then I went to alcohol injections to make my new low sex drive permanent.

Although I am still able to have sex, I no longer crave it and it is no longer the driving force in my life that it once was. I like it this way and so does my wife. I look forward to sleeping with her every night without the tension of hoping to get laid.

PS: I agree with what Raymar said before my post.

Response to frankwilder:

My situation is very similar to yours. I'm 55 and my wife is 59. She became menopausal about 15 years ago, and it was around that time when we first mused over the idea of castration as a 'fix' for our sex drive mis-match. It's a long story, but she developed breast cancer a few years later, and all the treatments and side effects have made her feel even less sexy. Along the way we read up on the various methods of castration, and found out about all the probable and possible side effects. I have tried cyproterone acetate (Androcur) a few times, but I have not been able to cope with the side effects very well and have stopped taking the drug after a week or two on each 'attempt'. I have problems with my sleep anyway and when my testosterone drops I find that I can't sleep properly at all, and that just isn't sustainable for me. I might try a different drug sometime, but in the meantime I'm working on my sleep issues: I'm having some counselling plus complementary therapies (ei. reflexology) and am feeling a lot better. On a whim, I recently bought a book 'The Sex-starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido' by Michele Weiner Davis. My wife and I have been reading it together and, although we don't exactly fit any of the models that the author uses as examples, we are finding it very interesting and it seems to be helping us a lot. I think the most useful aspect of this is that my wanting to read it with her has made my wife understand that I do still love her and want to have a sex life WITH HER. It's also made us both realise that she still wants to have one with me too, it's just that she didn't feel capable or attractive enough. We've both discovered a lot about ourselves and each other, and we are feeling a lot better about ourselves and each other. PLUS we've put aside some quality time for it and had some very nice sex lately. Her orgasms are still very fleeting and slight, but we're not letting it bother us.

I'm not trying to plug that book in particular (although we do think it's very good) because I'm sure there are many similar books out there that might be as helpful. The main message I wanted to give you was that we thought we knew the dynamics of our relationship, but we have learned some very helpful stuff. We thought that the differences in our sex drives (ie. I often have spontaneous sexual thoughts, and she doesn't) was all to do with our hormones, but it seems that lots of couples - even young couples - have a similar mismatch and it's just as likely to be the woman who seems to want sex more than her partner, so it isn't a sexist issue.

If you're having suicidal thoughts you need to do something about that right now. I'd suggest you get yourself some sessions with a qualified psychotherapist. It's working very well for me, and I think it'll probably work for you.

frankwilder (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:49 pm So, I could use some advice.

Am trying to figure out if I should try Androcur or an SSRI or both or something else.

Basic situation: about 50 years old, 2 largely grown kids, my wife's sex drive has pretty much crashed over the last 5 years (she's the same age) while my sex drive has declined only gradually -- I still beat off at least twice a week; for several years now we've made love maybe 2x or 3x a year at most, she doesn't really even enjoy being eaten or fingered, even though she screams with pleasure when she lets me love her to the Big O; I love her, and she has an auto-immune disease and is afraid of my leaving her alone and sick, which I would never do, we've been together for 30 years and have a genuine emotional bond; I want to be together for the long haul including if/when we eventually have grandkids; she is leery of cuddling out of fear that I get a hardon and she can't deal with it; I miss being touched and held so much I am nearly crazy with sadness and depression and have even started to think about suicide but that would be so selfish and cruel to her and the kids; I have been attracted to guys since forever, and had a couple of gay relationships when younger but have always preferred sex with women; I will not cheat on my wife but can't continue to handle this bind where I have no sex, no touch, yet a considerable ongoing sex drive.

I know a lot of the guys on this forum are transgendered or in process or have body image issues and have suffered from social putdowns and violence and crap a lot worse than I have ever seen. I am sorry to come here and whine. But I really am at the end of my rope and could use some advice.

Peace.

First, I'd like to recommend therapy. Thoughts of suicide should always be dealt with on a therapists couch. I know, I've been there and it's one of the reasons I'm usually in therapy.

As to your wanting to lower your testosterone, or "T" as we call it here. Yes, I'd recommend Androcur. Like I tell everyone here, do your homework. Research all you can about Androcur...how it works, dosage, side effects, etc.

I used to be on it and it castrated me quite well. I LOVED the feelings it gave me. It really is amazing what happens when you remove T from the equation. I was calmer, more focused, more emphathetic, I was

raynestorm (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 20, 2011 12:28 pm more affectionate toward my wife...

we still had sex but it wasn't lust driven, it was love driven. We looked at sex as a bonus with no pressure. That feeling is one of the reasons I decided to make the change permenant via alcohol injections.

But before I did, I did my homework. There's a thread here that's was over 43 pages long at the time and I read every post from every person. I researched it on the internet and gathered as much info as I could. So I can say without hypocrisy that should you decide to start Androcur to do your homework.

200 mg is a dose a day is toxic to your liver. I started with 25 a day and worked up to 50.

We have a saying on this board, "Your mileage may vary", or YMMV. What worked for me may not work for you, or that you may have to tweak it a bit.

The great thing about Androcur (goes by other names, including Siterone) is that if you stop taking it, everything returns to normal.

Me, I'm a MtF and that's not going to change so permenant castration is a great thing and something I'll never want to change. Part of the reason you want castration is for your wife and your relationship. Something may happen to change that....she could suddenly end up wanting sex or your relationship may end. It's not probable, but it's possible. Androcur keeps the option open just in case. If nothing changes between you and your wife, you can take Androcur for the rest of your life. But if something does change, all you have to do is stop taking it. Although I'd recommend doing so gradually as doing so suddenly can actually raise your T levels.

I hope I helped.

Raynestorm

Chemical castration certainly cures me of my companionship needs, but not in any way that I have read about in this forum!

Let me explain.

When I was a boy of 6 a garage door that was yet to be screwed in place, fell on my head and knocked me out! No one made anything of it (this was back in the early 60's). I think that it did some damage though.....

A couple of years after that I started getting the urge to cross dress and be a girl. Roll the clock on over 40 years and your scribe is someone who is still a cross dresser, but more to the point has never been in any relationship or even been kissed. My only sexual outlet is "self relief" and as my objects of desire are men I suppose that make me a virgin gay.

What a ramble you say - quite correctly.

I don't know if the blow on the head did do damage around relationships, but I've always has this fixation on a sex change, but one that no one would knew about. That's mainly because I would always look like a man in a dress! But it would just be for me.

Well, my first step last March, after reading much of what has been written about chemical castration, I started on 100mg/day for one month on Siterone and estrogen patches for breast development (not something you want I know). I then dropped down to 50mg/day of Siterone as a maintenance dose.

This really worked for me.

Where does companionship come into this? Well, it's the cross dressing thing. There's quite a lot of papers out there about the roots of the hobby, but there's a theory about the wife/husband rolled into one for companionship. I don't know if it is true, but one thing I do know. Siterone, took away all this turmoil and guess what, the self relief and cross dressing stops and then.....peace........

The problem is that during my period of peace, I start to worry about the health risks with what I am doing and so stop. Then the cycle starts all over again.

Since March, I have stopped and started three times.

I am now start my forth as of today.

My last stop was the end of November and I was interested that no function had returned. I thought that the effects were proving to be permanent, as can be in some circumstances, I was happy. But then last Fridays, the thoughts started to return

I wish I could break the stop/start cycle.....

Enough of my ramble.......

raymar2020 (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:32 pm To the OP,

I can't speak for chemical castration as I never did it, but i can speak about the effects of very low testosterone. I found that in spite of hot flashes, UGH!, and a reduced ability to get erect, that I still had a libido, albeit a less pressing one. The lack of erections proved to be very frustrating since there still seemed to be an occasional need.Whipping a limp noodle was no fun at all.

This calm that others speak of never was there for me. I got depressed, and lithargic. I had so little energy, that even getting up to go to work was a challenge.

As to the pets thing, This I can share with you on. My darling dog is the apple of my eye. When my ex left and did some really horrible things , she was the constant in my life. I got that greeting when I came home, and she was more than willing to snuggle up with "Daddy" at night. I now am partnered again, but she has not changed. It does cause some stress in our house that I am so close to the dog. Even so, I'd say that she helped me thru some rough times, and was a means of companionship when I felt I could trust no humans.

Get a dog, but only one, you'll have a stronger bond with just one. It is not the replacement for human companionship, but it is a great therapy when no humans are around .

Raymar

A lot of men do genuinely want to cuddle/snuggle with their partner, but there is that prick downstairs that just never shuts the fuck up, "Give me some action!" it yells

I like the fact that so many people on the EA can talk (with us and with their partners) about sex and especially about trying to even up the desire level of both partners (doesn't matter whether it be a man-man, woman-woman, woman-man, it's frustrating for both partners if there is no balance). It is such a major factor in human happiness-sadness and life really could be better if sex could be discussed more openly in general life.

I will not be expecting to get the so called Eunuch calm, as a result of future medications, but I am hopeful. I use the word hope differently to expect. I will not consider my life to be completely hopeless if I can't get what I want from certain medication. But I think that I should make the best out of whatever my situation is, so if I had to always keep my sex drive (until it starts to dwindle with age) then I would try for better habits, such as quick masturbation (not wasting time on it), which I have done with minimal success in the past. There are always ways to try to improve things.

If Androcur made it impossible to get an erection, but I still greatly desired to have one (and was extremely frustrated by this), then I would just get off the drug. It would be a minor disappointment, but that is all.

And with medicine and science always progressing who knows what will be available in just 3 years time as options for us folk?

Raymar, is your partner jealous of your closeness with your dog?

I think that to get just one dog might be best for the human, but what about the dog? Wouldn't it get lonely during the day? I'm not holding that against you man, just creating some conversation/thought.

I like that your dog is not

raynestorm (imported) wrote: Tue Feb 22, 2011 12:22 am jealous of your new partner. A very cool canine indeed!

"200 mg is a dose a day is toxic t

o your liver. I started with 25 a day and worked up to 50."

Thanks for the advice Raynestorm.

And thanks for you ramble Lindsey. It is an interesting suggestion that you make that the desire to cross dress is a part of a desire to be ones own companion (the being a male and female rolled into one). I never would have thought of anything like that, and would have just assumed that it was an interest that some gay men had.

Keep rambling when you feel like buddy.

Yes my partner can be very jealous of my closeness with the dog. There are times when I am doting on her , and he is the one that wants to be doted on. We work thru them though. She gets her "daddy time" every day, and that seems to work out well.

Having one dog is fine. What mine does during the day when we are away is act as guard dog, and sleep. Her routine is such that even when I am home on weekends she tends to spend most of the day sleeping. She has many toys, and on occasion I come home to find that she has pulled out several of them, cause she was ready to play. On those days she will greet me and then go get a toy as if to say "OK Daddy, now we play together".

Raymar

Thanks so much for the feedback and the support and ESPECIALLY for sharing your own stories. This is the first time I have not felt weird or alone in quite awhile.

Raymar, your dog sounds wonderful. Our mutt passed away after more than 12 years and we still miss the sound of her nails on the floor. She could be both fierce (you did not want to run across her if you were a rabbit) and so gentle and loving and non-judgmental. Very happy to hear you have a new human partner in the house and one who has the canine seal of approval to boot. He should be honored!

Riven, special thanks for the book recommendation and an amazing description of your own journey in love and partnership. Your story, and nonames', and others like it here gave me the guts to start a (continuing) conversation with my wife about bringing more balance to our situation via my moving in her direction.

Raynestorm, you absolutely helped. I appreciated your advice to see a therapist now and to proceed stepwise on libido pruning. I called the HMO to see if I could get in front of a therapist sooner than the 6-weeks-out appointment they gave me when I called before. There was a cancellation and I got to see a nice, young, friendly psychiatrist today who put me on Prozac for the depression. He found my welcoming approach to the possible "sexual side effects" unusual but he didn't freak. He did mention what it is like to treat kids who had a parent who checked out early. Sounded like bad karma to me.

lindsey, you are so beautifully descriptive about your thoughts and hopes and wishes and experience, and you are FUNNY! Please, please continue to share your experience as you enter Round Four.

SO, for now, time to start the Prozac, see where that goes, learn more about Androcur, keep open the conversation with my better half. Fare forward.

raymar2020 (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 23, 2011 1:20 am Yes my partner can be very jealous of my closeness with the dog. There are times when I am doting on her , and he is the one that wants to be doted on. We work thru them though. She gets her "daddy time" every day, and that seems to work out well.

Having one dog is fine. What mine does during the day when we are away is act as guard dog, and sleep. Her routine is such that even when I am home on weekends she tends to spend most of the day sleeping. She has many toys, and on occasion I come home to find that she has pulled out several of them, cause she was ready to play. On those days she will greet me and then go get a toy as if to say "OK Daddy, now we play together".

Raymar

You make some good points. I had completely forgotten about the fact that most pet dogs get very little sleep at night because they are keeping watch on the house/property, and therefore like to sleep a lot during the day (therefore not feeling too lonely when the human is at work). I think that I would prefer to get a dog than a cat, though not particularly sure of what type. Maybe if I did get one in the future it would be a case of just looking around with an open mind and just 'knowing' when I see my best companion!

That is a really nice image that you present regarding your dog getting the toy and greeting you.

As for my medication, I have decided to take a break from it (therefore it will be the first stage in nearly nine months for being off medication - doesn't seem like anything significant, but previous to last June I was never on any regular meds). The Spiro is just doing nothing for me. I only feel negative effects so why continue with it (even though it's only been about 19 or 20 days)? My sex drive is still way too high. I am also giving blood in early April and want to be strong for that - Spiro may have made doing that dangerous. I will also try to get back to some healthier living habits - this is not so much to do with Spiro, but just me being lazy, not exercising, too much time in front of computer, etc. At this stage I think I will give Spiro another try in April, and maybe after a couple of weeks on 100 mg increase to 200 mg for a bit and see if that does anything with the sex drive. Even if not, then I will soon be seeing my doctor again, where I will very likely argue very strongly in regards to getting a prescription for Androcur. For now I will look forward to being clean and seeing how that feels again.

If reduction of sex drive is an intermediate goal, while less than perfect, there are many non-caustic things you can do that will help to lower the amount of DHT in your body. Ordinary food and herbs. Loads of data on this on the internet, especially in body building web sites; they tell you what lowers testosterone - which is what they do NOT want, but it gives you a starting point on what TO do to not increase testosterone and even possibly lower testosterone.

Not a perfect or permanent solution, but perhaps better than nothing. If spiro isn't working and your body is able to tolerate androcur then that might be a next level to consider and evaluate. Spiro gave me swollen tender breasts. Only side effect I had from siterone was loss of interest in sex and sex drive. But it is a caustic and not cheap chemical and not necessarily permanent and potentially harmful to one's liver if not administered in a medically responsible way.

loveableleopardy (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 23, 2011 7:23 pm I am also giving blood in early April and want to be strong for that - Spiro may have made doing that dangerous.

I w

as chemically castrated for over 2 1/2 years. I got an injection of Depo Provera every 28 days and took 100mg of Spiro daily. I also have given blood regularly- certainly not every 8 weeks like they have for minimum spacing but was over 5 gallons some time back. My blood type isn't horribly rare but isn't very common and occasionally they will call when they have an immediate need for it. I never had an issue when I was on Spiro and they never asked. It wasn't on their list of questionable drugs. Some time after I was castrated, I did have an issue with a low hematocrit which made sense since testosterone is useful for making red blood cells. So I started taking an iron supplement and that issue was resolved.

frankwilder (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 23, 2011 11:51 am SO, for now, time to start the Prozac, see where that goes, learn more about Androcur, keep open the conversation with my better half. Fare forward.

Since Androcur is not sold in the US, you may want to investigate DP instead, which is and is used to reduce libido in males here.

Great suggestion about DP, which lead me to the fairly extensive postings by consideringthecut from 2007 to date. I'm sure there are other such threads here as well. The level of chemical/experimental and psychological detail provided by thoughtful guys posting here is invaluable. At times I feel like I'm in a virtual grad seminar.

You have correctly intuited that I am searching for a balance that allows some, if lower that I would choose, level of sexual activity with my wife, but with substantial reduction in my natural sex drive so my body doesn't drive me crazy.

So, I could use some advice.

So you asked for it, here it is.

First of talk to your wife. Second talk to your wife. This is the mistake that I feel many of us make. I talked to my wife about castration and she finally agreed, but had I talked to her about the initial problems I would have found out that we could have repaired our relationship quicker and easier. In fact we did. I am a eunuch now, but our sex life is incredible.

Like many of us our sex life took a nose dive after 4 children. My wife would want to for a while then it would dry up again. I was so frustrated I couldn't take it anymore. After I was castrated our marriage was really no better, although sex did go up for a while. My wife did not bring up the real issues (quite frankly she never really thought of it). It wasn't until we pretty much had a knock down drag out fight that the truth about what bothered her about me came out, and pretty much my frustrations against her as well. We made a conscious decision to change things and life has gotten so much better. No sex didn't instantly change, that took months. Women have to absorb love for a while before they can open back up. She didn't quite believe that the changes were going to be permanent for several months, but once it started sinking in sex improved. And it is still getting better.

Your wife may not want to talk about it, but please don't let that end the dialog. Ask her to go see a marriage counselor with you, it is imperative that you two talk this out. Tell her that you want to be with her forever, but that you feel your marriage could be even better than it is.

There is no guarantee that talking, or counseling will increase her sex drive, (honestly in and of itself it probably won't), but if there are unaddressed issues, they will almost always kill a womans sex drive. One book I can recommend would be Kiss me like you mean it (warning written by a Christian author). He makes a lot of good points in the book on how to make women feel good about themselves and their relationships (some points can be skimmed).

Sometimes women can have issues such as vaginal dryness, or pain with sex, that they feel embarrassed to tell their doctors. If she has any of these issues they need to be addressed as well, as they can be easily treated. Low libido can be treated as well, if, and only if, she misses being intimate.

Now, if you; 1 open up all the channels of communication, 2 address/eliminate any unresolved issues (believe it or not for women it can be as simple as picking up your clothes and putting them in the correct hamper, or as difficult as she feels fat and un-sexy), and 3 possibly speak to a counselor (one who deals with sexual dysfunction would be best), and she just flat out wants nothing to do with sex, then talk to her about chemical castration. In this situation it would be a reasonable choice.

Be honest with yourself. Castration is actually the easy way out. Working on a marriage that has issues is hard. Please do not sell yourself short and take the easy way out. Also are there other reasons that you would like to be castrated? This was also an issue for me. I actually loved the idea of being a eunuch, and my lack of sex life was just another reason that I used to justify getting it done. It would be better to try the above to repair the intimacy in your marriage before taking matters into your own hands.

Good luck.

Thanks people for the posts. I'm just not in a great mood to bother replying right now.

At the moment I am losing in the battle of the pursuit.

Thanks nullorchis for the suggestions about doing other things to reduce my sex drive a little. Unfortunately I am too lazy to bother to try (or just not motivated). I really would like to have NO sex drive actually. I think that with some sex drive I still want to masturbate, so in some ways it doesn't matter much whether I have 100% sex drive, or 70% or whatever.

Today is the first day of a THREE day weekend. Yippee!

Or at least it should be.

I just have no excitement about anything. I live in a wonderful free country, am not rich but have money to go and do stuff, yet there is just zilch inside of me. I read the other day of a quote that said that depression is a cause of not working or of not being occupied, and there is a lot of truth to that. Even though work can be tiring and stressful, we don't (usually) feel too depressed while we're doing it. And I was really looking forward to this long weekend and now I'm like, whatever.

I am off the spiro now, and was going okay in the happiness stakes for a number of days afterwards, but have since really gone downhill. Been masturbating heaps, and I'm not sure if this is because I am highly depressed (partly about the spiro having no effect on reducing my sex drive) or whether the masturbation is making me highly depressed. What comes first, the chicken or the egg?

Anyway, by Wednesday life was becoming a little too much for me. Could be a lot of little things. I'd had three very late nights in a row (doing mostly bad things) before work days - and I knew that I was barely making it to work each day, but I still kept doing it and sabotaging myself. I just can't stop myself a lot of the time.

Depression and tiredness may have made me more agitated at work. Or it may have just been a bad day. But on Wednesday I was very stressed, though I didn't show it. Since then I have put myself back onto anti-depressants (Lexam/Lexapro), and while I am still masturbating daily, before it was a little harder to ejaculate, and more importantly I have been much calmer inside since Thursday (also helped by a decent sleep Wednesday).

Tomorrow I think I will start again on 30 mg of Lexapro, but taking 2 tablets in the morning and 1 at night. It is something different. It can help me get

loveableleopardy (imported) wrote: Sat Feb 19, 2011 12:07 pm through to my next meeting with my doctor,

who HOPEFULLY will prescribe me some Androcur.

I have still been having some good times in life - such as last night playing Monopoly with friends - but the times when I have all the freedom in the world are mostly bad or boring, and this is ridiculous, since these should be many of my BEST times. Writing can help a little I guess and I will try and do some more of that now.

Hopefully my next post will be a little more positive!