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Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2002 8:41 pm
by thefraj (imported)
As I've already mentioned, I'm a 21 year old eunuch-to-be (9th September this year! .. can't wait!
). But I'm concerned I'll have trouble letting people know of my decision.
I gather Andrew is quite open about his choice, and I'd love to know how you best explain to someone - causing the *minimum* amount of distress! After all, there is a huge social *shock factor* surrounding this whole issue!
I'd love 2 hear from anyone with experience telling friends too. And, particularly those who's friends may have *avoided* them, since 'comming out'.
...and, of course, anyone just willing to comment!
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2002 8:58 pm
by Andrew (imported)
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2002 1:44 am
by Losethem (imported)
I really wish The Fraj well, but I'm having trouble finding someone here in the states that will help me with this and I'm 31.
I know there is a shortage of help in the UK and I'm really curious how you (the fraj) found help at your age there.
Good luck with your upcomming change.
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2002 8:38 am
by Paolo
thefraj (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 20, 2002 8:41 pm
But I'm concerned I'll have trouble letting people know of my decision.
That all depends on who you WANT to know about it. I mean, you don't really run about discussing the state of your genitals with everyone NOW do you!?
I think that's something that "I" personally would only share on a need to know basis, or with very, very close friends. I would think that only those very special and close people in your life would need to know about it, and then again, ONLY if YOU really wanted/needed them to know.
It's also not really a dinner table conversation topic either, if you think about it ... unless you plan on really really disrupting a restaraunt somewhere!
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2002 11:42 am
by androboy (imported)
thefraj (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 20, 2002 8:41 pm
As I've already mentioned, I'm a 21 year old eunuch-to-be (9th September this year! .. can't wait!
). But I'm concerned I'll have trouble letting people know of my decision.
I gather Andrew is quite open about his choice, and I'd love to know how you best explain to someone - causing the *minimum* amount of distress! After all, there is a huge social *shock factor* surrounding this whole issue!
I'd love 2 hear from anyone with experience telling friends too. And, particularly those who's friends may have *avoided* them, since 'comming out'.
...and, of course, anyone just willing to comment!
the big question is why you "need" to "come out" to people in the first place. there is no need for people in general to have that much knowledge about you or anyone else, for that matter.
there are obviously some people you will have to tell -- but that should be on a need to know basis determined on a case by case basis.
outside of some of the people here on this board, my mom, and the medical people involved -- very few even know that i am a eunuch. they don't need to know. unless you are a porn star, what is or isn't between your legs just doesn't matter in the long, medium, or short runs.
of course, my situation is probably significantly different from most others who have sought castration or nullification, and the truth is most people would probably offer me more sympathy than disgust -- but, i'm not all that fond of either emotion.
my advice -- for what it's worth -- is to take each situation on an individual basis. does a certain individual need to know that you have been castrated -- if they don't, then don't say anything. remember, the first thing most people will ask once you announce that you are a eunuch (besides possibly asking what a eunuch is) is "Why would you do something like that?" and require more explanation than you'd probably want to offer.
whatever you do -- the very best of luck to you on your upcoming surgery and the other matter.
david
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2002 10:26 pm
by JeffEunuch (imported)
I was voluntarily castrated 2.5 years ago and few people know. I see little benefit to discussing whether I have balls or not. I go nude socially a lot and actually put off having my balls harvested for at least a bit just to convince myself that I would continue to be comfortable being nude at the beach and clubs, in locker rooms and group showers and with buds. No one ever asks. I mean no one. Most don't pay close enough attention to genitals to know if I might or might not have balls. I suspect most just think I have very small balls just because there are a lot o' guys out there with small ones. A lot o' guys also have balls that ascend into their inguinal canals when they're hard. Even casual sex partners that have free access to one's genitals likely think this is the case as they fondle the empty sac.
The subject has only come up a few times. There's been some discussion on this board re. what to tell one's docs. One just tells their medical practicioners the truth. They'll know within seconds of commencing an exam of your genitals, and they'll continue to provide care services after they do know. Any story works with others that are going to notice the absence of mass in one's sac. I can add that no one has ever been put off by my being ballless. Most casual sex partners enjoy fondling or licking the empty sac or the underside of the cock all the way to the base with no balls in the way. OTOH, I've told those closest to me and most can't get enough of feeling my lack of balls even if they'd never dream of having themselves castrated. The only thing that matters to most guys is that you get a hard cock. Of course, this is the view of a guy that only has sex with guys.
Do what you want to do for yourself. Only SOs and those closest to you need know what you're up to. I was fairly open with many guys about my sexual fantasies prior to having the bilateral orchiectomy. Four friends most open to my fantasies were present for the procedure. What impressed them the most was how easy it was in the hands of someone that knew how to do it. They and a few others know my darkest side and are quite accepting and even supportive. They know I'm healthy and full of vigour, and that's all that matters.
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2002 1:13 am
by thefraj (imported)
I totally agree guys
. But therein lies a complication: I persue this dream to attain happiness about myself (don't we all!), but if I wound up having to conceal this *dark* secret from the outside world... have I really achieved happiness at all? Why do any of us feel the need to hide this?
I suppose we need to gently and steadily change public opinion about this whole subject. After all ... if people think its OK for women to have hysterectomies, why not castrations???
This makes me sooooo mad!
But thank you all soooo much for your support! It's a HUGE comfort in a time of Great uncertainty! :p
-Rog (aka TheFraj)
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2002 4:30 am
by Mac (imported)
thefraj (imported) wrote: Thu Aug 22, 2002 1:13 am
I totally agree guys
. But therein lies a complication: ... if I wound up having to conceal this *dark* secret from the outside world... have I really achieved happiness at all? Why do any of us feel the need to hide this?
There shouldn't be any need to conceal either castration and/or penectomy from the outside world. You should be able to live as though everything is normal, even if your clothing makes it obvious that something is missing. If for some reason it becomes obvious to others - so what!
It would, however, be inappropriate to call their attention to your condition by verbally telling everybody.
Personally, I would feel more comfortable wearing a tight swim suit or short (slim fitting) shorts if I were nullo. I am very conscientious about having a noticable bulge down there.
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2002 5:28 am
by SplitDik (imported)
If you really want to be accepted then you shouldn't push it into people's faces. If the topic comes up, discuss it -- if it doesn't come up, don't bring it up.
Certainly you should fight if you encounter prejudice! But I don't think you need to make everyone you know aware of what your crotch looks like.
Ask yourself, why do you need to tell anyone? If you truly want to be comfortable with yourself, then you should care whether anyone knows or not.
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2002 5:53 am
by thefraj (imported)
Again, I agree... (chuckle), its not like i go around telling EVERYONE "hey buddy .... I'm a eunuch!!! look at my crotch!!!" <Although it would be fun to see peoples' reaction
>
But clearly, when the topic 'comes up' with someone close (who really ought to know!); I'll need to be able to explain it away comfortably and clearly. I'm not so sure I can do this right now: But I'm working on it.!
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2002 11:34 am
by androboy (imported)
thefraj (imported) wrote: Thu Aug 22, 2002 1:13 am
I totally agree guys . But therein lies a complication: I persue this dream to attain happiness about myself (don't we all!), but if I wound up having to conceal this *dark* secret from the outside world... have I really achieved happiness at all? Why do any of us feel the need to hide this?
rog,
are you getting castrated to make yourself happy or make a statement to the outside world? if your desire for castration is for personal happiness, then the very fact that you have accomplished your personal goal should bring you happiness without the need to proclaim it to the outside world.
the outside world is a big place filled with strangers who really don't have any need to know your most intimate personal facts.
i don't make any secret of the fact that i am gay -- at the same time i don't go around introducing myself by saying "hi, i'm david and i'm gay and oh, by the way -- i'm also a eunuch."
by the same token, i don't tell people on first meeting them that i like red firetrucks over the yellow ones, that i much prefer anchovies on my pizza over canadian bacon, or that i like panda licorice over all other brands of licorice. folks in the outside world just don't need to know any of that in the beginning. i'd rather they get to know who i am first and then we can get down to sharing the more and less intimate additional facts about me.
the outside world just doesn't need to know that much about me or anyone else at a first greeting. and, to tell the truth -- most of my friends really don't need to know that much intimately personal information.
are you seeking to be looked upon as a person or as an object -- perhaps an object of curiosity, an object of ridicule, or even an object to be avoided?
you are a unique person first, last, and always and the outside world should come to know you as a person. after that -- in the right circumstances and as the situation warrants, you can share more personal details.
again, good luck with the upcoming surgery and your decisions about everything else. i hope that everything turns out even better than you could have hoped and dreamed it would -- it did for me. my only regret is that i had to wait so long and go through such unbelievable shit to get what was right for me.
david
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2002 8:17 am
by Riverwind (imported)
Why do you need to come out?
Life goes on, I have been chemically castrated for a year and no one knows. Having my balls cut off in 2 weeks will not make a difference and I still will not tell anybody.
Re: Problems for eunuchs 'comming out'.
Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2002 1:24 pm
by Christina (imported)
quote:
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thefraj (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 20, 2002 8:41 pm
As I've already mentioned, I'm a 21 year old eunuch-to-be (9th September this year! .. can't wait! ). But I'm concerned I'll have trouble letting people know of my decision.
I gather Andrew is quite open about his choice, and I'd love to know how you best explain to someone - causing the *minimum* amount of distress! After all, there is a huge social *shock factor* surrounding this whole issue!
I'd love 2 hear from anyone with experience telling friends too. And, particularly those who's friends may have *avoided* them, since 'comming out'.
...and, of course, anyone just willing to comment!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello thefraj,
I may be able to give you some insight on your decision for "comming out". My situation is much different than yours. As a male to female transsexual, I will have changes that cannot be overlooked, and "must" come out in my transition. You, on the other hand, can decide who you want to tell or not. As I begun my transition, I made the decision to tell a few of my family and close friends of my plans. I picked the ones that I thought I could trust, and I made the right choices. If you do tell anyone, it should be someone you trust and can talk with. It helps to talk to someone who is understanding and would care about you. No one has to know of your situation unless you want them to know or you have an S.O. Then they should be informed of your decision before hand. If "you" want castration and it makes "you" happy, then why risk telling anyone that might not understand your decision.
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