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It is almost 6 years ago that I joined the Eunuch Archive. I was too shy to introduce myself, but exposed something about myself in my profile and my comments in the threads personal messages. I missed a place a thread or blog for my self where I can vent my thoughts and others can react.

I didn't like the bodily changes during puberty, banded my balls and had later a very strong desire to have my balls and sac cut off. I hoped to find and join a eunuch community. I want to understand myself and others. Why this longing for castration? Sometimes I wonder:"Why are these balls still dangling between my legs?" Like my balls are my thoughts and desire still dangling too. It is not black or white and I caught myself that the perception of my memories is far from perfect.

Dutch is my language and English often hard to read and write.

6 years ago I was castrated by Dr. Kimmel. I knew that I needed to be castrated for over 30 years but could not find a suitable urologist until 2008. In my opinion, you are a good candidate for the surgery. But where? By whom? Do not try it yourself.

Another European guy who is looking for a surgery. Well, I guess I know what you feel, but in Europe is tough to get it. We have to go to US which is a little bit expensive, but if it is really important for you.... I already started to collect money.

n Europe is tough to get it.

In Europe there also are legitimate reasons why an orchiectomy would be prescribed, such as testicular lumps, accompanied by acute or chronic pain. While it might take some effort and time to reach one's goal, it can be accomplished. Read some of the testimonials from contributors on this site who have been able to attain their desire to be castrated in a medical setting. You don't need to travel to the U.S. to get it done.

Thank you Kangan 2008, Danny 1969 and unencumered for your reactions, I'm very happy with them. It is a nice idea Kangan that I joined the EA when you had your castration. In two hours I'll leave for a week and am I not able to write a proper respond, that will be later.

What I meant with "

Peter47-NL (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:13 pm Like my balls are my thoughts and desire still dangling too.

" is that the desire is not as hard as a rock, it is swinging, I have tried things to reach my goal and I have my hesitations too.

Well, I visit few doctors during last year with complaining of testicles pain, no success so far but now it looks like it moved forward. The new doc recommended new tests, incl. T level. The results should be available next week. On sono is everything ok but the pain remains

I know some guys reached the goal by this way, so I keep trying the same but docs are very strict in that matter. Even when there is not visible any issue with testicles.

Danny1969 (imported) wrote: Thu Jul 31, 2014 7:44 pm Well, I visit few doctors during last year with complaining of testicles pain, no success so far but now it looks like it moved forward. The new doc recommended new tests, incl. T level. The results should be available next week. On sono is everything ok but the pain remains

I know some guys reached the goal by this way, so I keep trying the same but docs are very strict in that matter. Even when there is not visible any issue with testicles.

Me too went to see my doctor complaining testicular pain. Especially my left testicle hurts a lot, it is one clew of varicose veins. While free balling and walking naked, it hurts with each step. I want to have that testicle cut away anyway. I was told to wear no boxer shorts only supporting briefs.

I also tried the to talk about Male to Eunuch Gender Dysphoria with a psychologist and my family doctor. The psychologist was the very first person in real life to who I spoke about the subject. He was very friendly and understanding but couldn't help me. My family doctor was a little surprised. I told him about my castration desire and the Eunuch Archive and he would take a look at the internet for the studies of Jesus. I expected him to refer to the subject at a next visit. Reading the information of the local Gender Dysphoria Clinic, I don't see any reference to the Eunuch Gender Dysphoria. The talk with the psychologist and my family doctor were huge steps for me. Now I feel a little silly. I prefer to go the regular way and not to go for some cutter.

unencumbered (imported) wrote: Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:21 am In Europe there also are legitimate reasons why an orchiectomy would be prescribed, such as testicular lumps, accompanied by acute or chronic pain. While it might take some effort and time to reach one's goal, it can be accomplished. Read some of the testimonials from contributors on this site who have been able to attain their desire to be castrated in a medical setting. You don't need to travel to the U.S. to get it done.

It must be a true reason for a castration and not a fake. But maybe I have to talk to some doctors again. And of course I have heard about members of the EA who got castrated in Europe by a cutter.

Funny, I joined the Eunuch Archive two days after the birth of a grand nephew, who said when he was 3 yo very emphatically: "I'm not a boy, I'm a girl!!!"

It´s crazy world. I mean one thinks about issue for long years and suddenly something similar happens your relative! Let¨s support "her" as much as possible. Re: testicular pain. I visit 4 doctors during last year, my experiences and feelings are very embarrassed. The 1st one looked me as I´m stupid when I asked him for testes removal due to huge pain. Another one said I must to get to used for the pain and to take daily high dosage of painkillers. Another were some mix of those. It´s really really stressful. I went through various researches and scans without clear result. The pain is often very strong, difficult to walk. I fully understand : Peter47-NL

I feel me the last days so restless. Weeks, sometimes months go by that I think let those balls still quiet and chatty swing between your legs. The desire is at the background and then suddenly I want my balls and sac to be cut off as soon as possible. Then I think about the offer of a cutter, but I prefer to go the legal and more safer way. In that case I have to talk again about the subject with my GP: "I mentioned that I had this desire, but the longing for a castration is not gone!". Or talk with an urologist. Or make phone-call with the transgender department of the VU hospital.

Cheetaking243 had a very practical list in her thread "What is the biggest thing stopping you?" I'll take look at that list again. Things have changed in my life and a fresh look at the case is never wrong.

http://forums.eunuch.org/showthread.php ... highlight=

In two days it is six years since I joined the Eunuch Archive.

Last week I was on the road with my bicycle in the woods. I felt my balls on the saddle and imagined they were gone and how it would feel, biking without balls. Then came in my mind that a two kilometers further on there is a young bull in the woods behind a fence. It is a white Charlonais bull, to breed the Charlonais cows, a fat French meat cattle. This young Charlonais bull has the biggest balls I have ever seen in my life. His huge balls seem to hang between his hind-legs with thin rope or string. While cycling I hoped the bull would be close to the fence so that I could see his balls and I was thinking how I would greet him when I would pass him:"Hello bull, how are you? I wish to pass you without my balls, while you have your football balls still dangling between your legs." Finally there was the bull and how nice, he was standing close to the fence so I could watch his huge balls very well. "Oh no! Bull where are your balls now? Your balls are gone! No, this is not fair bull. You lost yours and mine are still shifting on my bicycle saddle."

This topic got me thinking about my past. For all my life I not just "wanted" to be castrated I CRAVED it . The frustration of realizing there was no safe way to achieve what I needed was a matter of great despair for me.

Then an odd thing happened; once my nuts stopped producing testosterone (from Everclear injections) after about a year I no longer craved castration. I would still like it they were removed but now that I no longer have any feeling in them and that they no longer produce testosterone seems to be almost as good as full surgical castration.

This I find curious, odd, and a great relief.

nullorchis (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:13 pm This topic got me thinking about my past. For all my life I not just "wanted" to be castrated I CRAVED it . The frustration of realizing there was no safe way to achieve what I needed was a matter of great despair for me.

Then an odd thing happened; once my nuts stopped producing testosterone (from Everclear injections) after about a year I no longer craved castration. I would still like it they were removed but now that I no longer have any feeling in them and that they no longer produce testosterone seems to be almost as good as full surgical castration.

This I find curious, odd, and a great relief.

I can't say that I CRAVE it now, that was certainly in the past. Although I didn't know about the possibility to kill my testicles by injecting them with alcohol, I might have done it. Now I'm much older and I have a low testosterone level, my penis has shrunken and when I hear the difference between eunuchs and intact males, I'm pretty close to the eunuchs. It feels different now than in the past, in some way I got used to those two useless things between my legs. Today I don't drink alcohol, I can't stand it anymore. Should I inject that stuff in my balls and suffer from the pain time after time?

I often wonder what would be the best age for a castration. I think it would be between 30 and 45. At 30 you can know what you have to give up to gain your goal and at 45 you still can expect to live a significant number of years as a eunuch. Each year that I get older is a year tardy.

I would also underline the contribution of Peter47-NL. One of my balls stopped producing testosterone when I was 37. And this should be the latest age to be castrated. But I have not found a willing doctor to complete the op and to remove the second one. I am sure the I would have avoided all the troubles and difficulties in the meantime like marriage, an annoying wife and sexdrive, who lead me to bad experiences with other females.

In these former times I have not the courage to acknowledge being a gay.

Peter47-NL I have been reading your posts and can relate to your feelings. When I first became aware of the idea of castration and how that might change me I was excited. Sometimes the excitement would fade almost to a fear for having those feelings. It took a number of years before I was convinced it was right for me to make a permanent change.

My reasoning also changed through the years. I falsely believed I would become more passive and therefore more accepting of my life. I also thought passivity would allow me to be faithful again but I had already read between the lines and abandoned religion. Of course I had the times I thought I should be a woman before I knew I was eunuch.

What I have found post castration is a better understanding of why it was important for me. Some of the reasons that I used to justify for myself the need for castration were not real but the need was real. Knowing now that I am a different person than I thought I would be after many years without T I support you in your choice. Since the outcome can be a surprise in some ways I rarely encourage castration. I think you are following the right path in contacting health care professionals. If they do not help you surgically maybe they can help you clarify your feelings.

Always, the best of luck,

I think Tugon has it right again. These are choices and ones to be chosen carefully, and not to be be denied.

While I would not encourage anyone to be castrated, I would certainly support a well considered decision to proceed. DIY is a bad idea.

Life consists of many stages from infancy to senility, with much to be enjoyed along the way. It has been fun as a kid, the times as a younger and older adult, intact and eunuch. As one goes forward along this road, one can't go back, so transitioning from one stage to the next needs the right time. Some changes are beyond us - they come with the passage of time and life events. The others are the stuff of personal choice.

I also believe that as we own these bodies, we should be free to enjoy them as we wish, including mods to them as we wish. This includes pretty much anything the individual, with due consideration, wants: tats, hair color, circumcision and genital mods, castration and yes, getting nulled.

The art of it is to enjoy each stage to the max! -Which presumably means not missing out on any?

Tugon and daifu-orchid are correct. You may think that you need castration, but you might find out afterwards that it was a mistake. I recall one fellow some 6-years ago who had surgery, and then about 6-months later, he changed his mind and started T replacement therapy. Oops! Big expense and then another life long expense - all for nothing. You MUST be really, really certain, before you have the surgery. In my case, I had made up my mind and then had to wait for several decades until I found a surgeon. By that time I was totally ready. Trying some anti-T drugs might be one way to get the effects of castration without the irreversible reality.

Good luck to all of you who are contemplating castration. Please be patient and don't do anything rash....

Good wisdom. Find out how it is to be a eunuch first, and then after due consideration go and be one -if you still want it.

Lots of ways to do, but it seems that when medical professionals want to completely shut down T production, they usually choose Lupron -but it's expensive.

I got done for medical reasons, and at first didn't like it at all, but now life's good and I'm happy with it. -Another stage along life's road and also to be enjoyed with the next, whatever that brings....

hi,

i am new to this forum a. I am looking to be castrated but where i live it can only be done in hospital...Can all of you give me some advises or tips hoe to fake medical reason so the urologyst can remove me testicles? Iread about injections, but don't like them..Is there any other method?

thanks

hi,

potentialeunuch (imported) wrote: Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:38 am i am new to this forum a. I am looking to be castrated but where i live it can only be done in hospital...Can all of you give me some advises or tips hoe to fake medical reason so the urologyst can remove me testicles? Iread about injections, but don't like them..Is there any other method?

thanks

You need to read more posts. I cannot advise or recommend any DIY method. I don't think that faking something will work. You need a valid reason. Be patient and investigate further. Analyze your own feelings, etc. Talk to a suitable medical professional or counselor. Patience, patience. All things will happen in due course....

Peter47-NL (imported) wrote: Sat Aug 16, 2014 11:56 pm I feel me the last days so restless. Weeks, sometimes months go by that I think let those balls still quiet and chatty swing between your legs. The desire is at the background and then suddenly I want my balls and sac to be cut off as soon as possible. Then I think about the offer of a cutter, but I prefer to go the legal and more safer way. In that case I have to talk again about the subject with my GP: "I mentioned that I had this desire, but the longing for a castration is not gone!". Or talk with an urologist. Or make phone-call with the transgender department of the VU hospital.

I wrote the quote about a year ago. Now I don't feel restless anymore. My balls are still dangling between my legs. I don't think that my balls and sac have to be cut off as soon as possible, better yesterday then today. Saying: "Next year I have to be a eunuch." is nonsense. I think it is a process with many sides and steps. Last month I had the varicose veins in my right leg removed. The way to this operation was an inner struggle of years, but when I finally went on the operating-table I was very quiet and followed the operation under local anaesthesia. One of the veins went up to the point of my groin where also the veins of my testicle go inside my body. That vein in my groin was bleeding and hurting a little the day(s) after. The professional skill of the surgeon and the caring atmosphere in the clinic was so relaxing. This operation on my varicose veins and the after care made that I lost my fear for the pain of a castration and made aware that I want a castration in such professional and caring atmosphere and after care. Until I find such an caring atmosphere and will have a key to open the door to such an atmosphere, my balls will still dangling in my scrotum between my legs.

Something else. I have used "BreastGro" capsules with herbal estrogens. At first for about 3 months. When I started it, I was as flat as possible, only some firm outstanding nipples and flat disk shaped tissue underneath my nipples. My nipples and my fully flat 'breasts' got itching after some weeks, then my nipples went very puffy and sore. I know that others who used Androcur had a same experience. I stopped because I got in a situation where I was afraid people would ask me fore what I was using these capsules. After some months I ordered capsules for 8 months. This time no fear for questions and no puffy and sore nipples, but slow minimal growth of my 'breasts', almost nothing compared too others, but for me a clear visible and tangible result. Now I'm almost finished my capsules for 8 months. I wonder to order new capsules for 8 month or should I try Androcur? I lost my fear for questions about taking pills. Androcur is only obtainable with a prescription of a doctor.

Androcur, a doctor, (eunuch) transgender therapy. It is a way step by step, many steps to go. At least I lost my fear for castration, the pain. I trust myself to think about Androcur. That are 2 steps. I feel for some feminization and being a eunuch = a castrated man with a penis.

BTW I got a semi hard erection when I thought about ordering Androcur. What to think about this?

Yesterday I met Jesus in Amsterdam and it was a wonderful event, which I'll never forget. He showed me his presentation for the conference and we talked about castration, the brain, eunuchs and the EA. We had a drink on the terras of the hotel watching the old harbor of Amsterdam, the unendless strearm of pedestrians and cyclists and we had a lovely vegetarian dinner in the big floating chinese palace restaurant.

The point about the brain interests me very much. And now I believe the stupide question I have in mind for years is probably not so stupide at all. The question is: "Why am I not castrated as a boy?"

Androcur is available from United Pharmacy (China) with out a prescription if you wish to try a chemical test first.

experiment (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 21, 2016 6:39 am Androcur is available from United Pharmacy (China) with out a prescription if you wish to try a chemical test first.

Thanks for the tip, but I don't like chemical castration and if I would use it then only with the controle and prescription of a doctor.