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Hello everyone, first post here.

Ever since I was a young boy perhaps 9 years old i've wanted to be a girl. I'm not sure why, but my theory is that perhaps I was exposed to high levels of estrogen before being born.

Until fairly recently i've strongly opposed these feelings, as I was surrounded by intolerant family members and peers that I could not possibly show my inner self too, but now that Iv'e been living on my own for a year (i'm 19 years old) it is easier to be myself.

For the past four weeks or so i've been reading so many of these forum posts and admittedly watching enormous amounts of transexual porn. Eventually I just couldn't take it anymore so I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I attempted to fully castrate myself at home in my kitchen using shears and I was nearly successful. I got one of them off before I panicked and called 911 on myself. I spent three days in the hospital and two days in a psychiatric facility. The psychiatrists diagnosed me with gender identity disorder. Unfortunately my mother found out what I did, and she ignored my pleas and told a bunch of people about what I did. Whatever, people were going to find out anyway I suppose.

Anyway I decided to make this post because I recorded the attempted castration and I just published the video on BestGore.com I'm not sure if I can post links, but if you really want to see it just search for self castration on Bestgore.com, Or if you're reading this today My video is the first video on the site because it's so new. WARNING IT'S EXTREMELY GRAPHIC!

If you are determined to try this yourself DON'T!!! but if you're planning on doing something like this anyway DO NOT think that you can do this without IMMEDIATE medical attention you WILL bleed out and also your family will probably find out.

As far as the pain goes cutting through the scrotum isn't really that painful, but cutting through the internal membrane is extremely painful. Cutting the testicle itself off is the most painful part, of course.

I got no security warnings about the site.

However, if you want to share a video, please provide the direct link.

This is much like saying " go to youtube.com " and you'll find it.

Is this it?

http://www.bestgore.com/sexual-disaster ... e-at-home/

Again, no security alerts, click at your risk.

I'm sure that Losethem, our resident video expert, will be able to evaluate. Thank you, LT.

Now that the formalities are over...

Welcome to the zoo.

Sorry to hear what you've been through.

I would imagine we all have, in some way or another.

Hope you're recovering well, and enjoy the forums.

Okay, I understand. Here is a link to the video within my personal dropbox, although I feel I should mention that Bestgore is a community driven, activist site. It's not some scam/adware ridden site.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/awj0dpr4rai8f ... emoved1.mp 4?dl=0

And here is the bestgore link it is of HIGHER QUALITY because dropbox compresses videos during playback.

Paolo wrote: Sun Sep 06, 2015 11:12 am http://www.bestgore.com/sexual-disaster ... e-at-home/

Yeah, I think I found it.

I am just glad you're still alive.

I am too glad your alive. But duh? What were you thinking?

Wow...that took guts/balls to do that! I suppose you injected some numbing agent because you did not show any pain. That, at least is good, but to those others out there considering this, as you can see, there WILL be lost of bleeding so before cutting your balls of, just know you ARE going to go to the ER...and shrink.

I suppose number two is next? You should consider asking a doctor to do it, then you can get rid of the scrotum as well.

Don't worry too much about the family...they don't (usually) understand what people like us are going through but they will eventually catch up and treat you normally...it's just a shock for them at the moment.

Well, it's like I said many times here on the forums, if you TRULY WANT castration or penectomy, you WILL find a way to get it done. Desperation is a very strong motivator to achieve something.

Hope you feel better soon.

Wow, I was not prepared for this. Anyone reading/viewing please, this is certainly not the best way to do it as far as safety. Please if you absolutely must do it, research and read and get the correct equipment and supplies. I am basically blown away that dildobutt6969 was able to do this with a kitchen knife, common pair of scissors and over the counter minor pain meds. Especially without tying off the various blood vessels and nerves. Ouch. Probably should have not problem convincing a urologist of intent to remove the other.

It has been 2 weeks today since I went through with my self surgery and i'm fully healed.

If anyone is interested i've decided to post a link to a video showing how the scar has healed and what it looks like now.

Hopefully this isn't violating any rules. WARNING: This short clip contains male genitalia.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/t48pfyas8o2ic ... h.mp4?dl=0

I do fully intend to get rid of the left testicle and publish that video as well, but it will have to wait until there is a week long break in school. My self surgery set me way back in schoolwork and it was a bitch to catch up.

I will update this thread when I take care of that pesky other one.

You saw a shrink for 3 days. Didn't he/she convince the doctors it would be in your best interest to remove the left testicle as well?

I lied to the psychiatrist. I told her that I had no intention of doing it again and that it was a mistake that I regret. I wanted to be released from that mind numbingly boring facility asap.

Paolo - Not a video I've seen before so i'm inclined to believe it's original. Took me a while to get to it as I'm moving from the west coast to the east coast (again).

To dildobutt... PLEASE! I'm Begging you! don't do the second one the same way. I'm a full nullo after first being castrated and what I saw in your video is VERY dangerous. I want you to achieve your goal, but I would like to see you achieve it with the least complication possible. I want a new eunuch, in your case, sister, not a dead one. I'm amazed your first one didn't have more problems.

Again, I'm very supportive of your desire, but I'm also VERY worried about your chosen method of getting there. Please seek different help before you do the next one. I'm sure I'm not the only one worried about you in this case.

--LT

Honestly, I really don't think I was in that much danger. In fact, I think I would have had time to get rid of the other one if I hadn't over reacted at the first spurt of blood.

Once I got to the hospital (20 minutes after removing it) my blood had already coagulated into a hematoma. I sat in a waiting room on a stretcher for 2 and a half hours with gauze covering the wound because the urologist had "more urgent" patients to attend to.

Hi, db6969. First, I'm very happy you're OK. Second, I wish you hadn't lied to your shrink, but ... I'm not here to judge.

I'll be honest with you. A few years ago, it came as a very great shock to me when I learned that castration and penectomy fantasies (credit our EunuchWorld stories) turned me on. Since then, I've been yearning to see a real, live castration because I thought it would get me off.

My friend, with all due respect, when I watched your video, I was not aroused and I did not get off. I was stunned by the sight of you jabbing the knife into your scrotum, and then using serrated shears to forcibly pick open the skin when snipping didn't work. I had to fast-forward to the end at that point, just to see you finally cut the testicle from your body and realize you were bleeding out, and needed to get to the hospital.

Again, I'm very glad you're OK! And I am not judging you, because I have no idea how you're feeling about wanting your other testicle gone. But please, I beg you, seek a professional's help next time. If you show up at a hospital with the same bespoke injuries, who's to say your psychiatric confinement won't be more severe? And what if your bleeding is too severe next time? Please don't assume that things will go exactly the same way, and that you'll have everything under control. Is doing it yourself worth your life? Please ... think about that and the effect it will have on those who love you.

I wish you the very best.

HorseRenoir1 (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 09, 2015 5:47 am My friend, with all due respect, when I watched your video, I was not aroused and I did not get off.

Aww, man. My video didn't turn you on? It's because i'm fat, isn't it? :'(

Way to hurt my feelings.... just kidding.

I just picked up a pack of razor blades, so it should be quicker and neater next time around.

Please don't use razor blades. Find a good doctor who will do it in a hospital and stay safe. It's the safer and better way.

dildobutt6969 (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 08, 2015 8:15 pm Honestly, I really don't think I was in that much danger. In fact, I think I would have had time to get rid of the other one if I hadn't over reacted at the first spurt of blood.

Once I got to the hospital (20 minutes after removing it) my blood had already coagulated into a hematoma. I sat in a waiting room on a stretcher for 2 and a half hours with gauze covering the wound because the urologist had "more urgent" patients to attend to.

You are entitled to your opinion, and it is your body, but I still recommend against a repeat of what you just did. What do you think will happen the second time you show up to the hospital like that? You were able to escape the clutches of the shrinks and psych ward THIS time, but if you show up again they may not be so generous. I will repeat, what you did is incredibly dangerous. you used no suture material that I could see, did not clamp or tie off the cord, or actually take any precautions against infection, bleeding out, and numerous other things that should have been taken into consideration.

I'm a person who has been where you are now. Desirous of not having testicles and possibly penis, and never in a million years would I have contemplated doing what you've done as it is very dangerous. For what it's worth, this is coming from a licensed nurse, who has gone through castration and penectomy himself, who has knowledge of infection control and anatomy.

Do what you feel you need to do, but I caution others that watch your video not to see or use it as a how to. You're taking your life into your hands, especially if you have no medical coverage.

--LT

Losethem (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 09, 2015 6:49 am What do you think will happen the second time you show up to the hospital like that?

They'll all think i'm insane, of course. They won't be far off either.

Losethem (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 09, 2015 6:49 am You were able to escape the clutches of the shrinks and psych ward THIS time, but if you show up again they may not be so generous.

It'll be fine. I might end up in a facility for a week at the most. I'm not suicidal or homicidal, so I highly doubt they'll commit me or anything. Besides after I cut the other one off, there won't be anymore cutting and i'm pretty sure the shrinks are aware of that. Also the food is damn good.

Losethem (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 09, 2015 6:49 am Do what you feel you need to do, but I caution others that watch your video not to see or use it as a how to.

I could not agree more. It's a very bad idea.

dildobutt6969 (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 09, 2015 6:30 am I just picked up a pack of razor blades, so it should be quicker and neater next time around.

And alot more blood.

Considering that safe castration is relatively affordable.... well, it is your life.

fhunter wrote: Wed Sep 09, 2015 9:02 am And alot more blood.

Considering that safe castration is relatively affordable.... well, it is your life.

I'm a bit of a DIY kinda guy. lol

there is a castration video on youtube that shows the basics. if you're intent on being a do it yourselfer, watch it first...

about 30 years ago, I opened my scrotum much like in the you tube video, but I didn't know enough to squeeze the ball out of the hole4 and remove the tunic. I started poking around inside the sac with the Xacto knife and nicked an artery. My sac swelled up to the size of a soccer ball by the time I got to the ER...I told them it was an accident...I dropped a knife and stabbed myself in the sac...

Nope, not this video.

It's stolen.

Youtube link removed.

P

Nope, not that video.

It's stolen.

P

I'm not sure if you're claiming that the video I posted is not mine, but I can assure you that it most definitely IS.

I have a bunch of raw unedited footage to prove it. Jam packed with thrilling behind the scenes footage of me bitching and moaning about the pain. lol

Not you, the link.

It was to a stolen video frequently posted here.

Sorry for the confusion.

Paolo wrote: Wed Sep 09, 2015 12:16 pm Not you, the link.

It was to a stolen video frequently posted here.

Sorry for the confusion.

Oh, haha I feel dumb now.

...

HorseRenoir1 (imported) wrote: Wed Sep 09, 2015 5:47 am Second, I wish you hadn't lied to your shrink, but ... I'm not here to judge...

I tell you, had you told the shrink the truth that you WILL remove the other testicle as, after many years of contemplating being an eunuch, you are now taking matters in your own hands due to the lack of medical professional cooperation, she would have recommended an Urologist to remove the other one. She would have noticed that:...

1) you are honest in your desire and actions to do it...ie. you NEED this done and are not crazy!;

2) you are not suicidal, but you just could not handle having testicles anymore; and

3) you are serious about removing the other one if a doctor still refuses to do it . After dealing with a medical professional, like herself, it will be safer for you (and her reputation) to recommend a professional to remove it. Should you die after removing it yourself, it will reflect badly on her and the hospital.

Case in point...I wanted both my nipples removed by a medical professional, and my Plastic Surgeon just said, "yes", "yes", "yes" but I could just never get him to actually schedule a date and DO IT! So, one Sunday afternoon I was like you (fed-up) and took matters in my own hands by injecting Lignocain in my right nipple, taking a box cutter and removed my nipple. As my attempts to stop the wound's bleeding was unsuccessful, I went to the ER and they stopped the bleeding. They could not close the wound and advised me that I must consult a Plastic Surgeon to do it as the intern was of the opinion that a skin graft was necessary. The next day (Monday) I had an appointment with my shrink so told him I removed my nipple because I wanted my nipples removed but my Plastic Surgeon was continuing stalling for time! My shrink knows that I'm not crazy because we walked a reasonably good journey by now, and he also knows that I'm a nullo. He understood that I'm desiring to get rid of as much sexual stimulation short from removing my brain; so he phoned my Plastic Surgeon and, as they both know me and my situation, they agreed to remove my left nipple as well.

The same thing happened with my penectomy. I could not convince an Urologist to remove my penis, so I killed my penis off by strangulation...I did not cut it off (avoid bleeding, avoid clots with aspirin). Three days later gangrene set in, so I went to the ER... the urologist did not want to remove my penis but tried to save it. Now listen carefully...a shrink came to my hospital bed and I told her the truth, that I want to be nullified! So after two days of speaking to her in my hospital bed, the Urologist came to me and informed me that they are going to remove my penis and scrotum and relocate my urethra.

So, (this advice is for everyone who truly desires castration or nullification and such)...get a shrink you feel in your heart you can trust and whom you can walk a path with. He will get to know you because you will talk a lot. Tell him/her your desire to modify your body to conform to who you really are. This will make your journey much easier because surgeons really listen to recommendations from shrinks. The medical world (specially shrinks) are really undergoing a massive paradigm shift regarding our community's issues. GET A SHRINK! He's your ally, not your enemy.

So dildobutt6969, I can see you a enjoying the attention you are getting on this forum but take this...you are gambling with your life! If you have a death wish, we can't stop you but if not, LISTEN to the advice given to you by the experienced Eunuchs on this board...and don't do it again...not like that. Avoid bleeding! Kill your testicle off with alcohol, Calcium Chloride or Burdizzo...or even better let a shrink do the work for you. You CAN be castrated...just do it the right way.

What is our motto here on EA..."AVOID BLEEDING!", "AVOID CLOTS", "AVOID INFECTION" and if possible "GET PROFESSIONALS TO DO IT"

Best regards

YN