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A lot of wannabes come on the forums looking for advice because they worry that they'll experience regret post-castration. I want to share my experience with that.

I was castrated in 2015. Since then, my relationship to it has really run the gamut. During sex, I love being a eunuch. When I'm around other modded men, I love being a eunuch. Yet often during the day to day I experience some shame and regret. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I often think that intact men are "more man" than me and that's a cause for shame. I can be in a roomful of guys and it'll occur to me that I'm probably the only eunuch in the room and I feel alienated.

I do have a tendency to overthink, and I did go through a very difficult period post castration for a range of reasons (medication change, finally addressing childhood abuse experiences, etc.) so there may unfortunately be some operant conditioning happening here too. With any luck, I'll get it all in perspective at some point.

And yet, I know that if I hadn't been cut in 2015, it would've been in 2016. And if not in 2016, 2017. On top of that, I go through long periods either waxing or waning on going nullo. Which was my exact experience in the years leading up to castration. Very odd, I think, if becoming a eunuch was truly a mistake.

I guess I want to say my experience hasn't been so clear cut (ha!) As YAY!!!!! or NOOOO!!! I didn't expect that, and I think it's interesting. Hopefully, my experience may be helpful to others.

Thank you for your post!

I have been on the fence for some time now whether to proceed with my desire for castration. So often all we see on these broad's are how much life is better without testicles.

The fact that you still have some regrets, but would do it again and thinking of going nullo is interesting. If you don't mind I would like to learn more.

I wish you well in embracing your life choice. You have a great source here to help you.

Hi Nidaho, I pretty much covered it, but I'm happy to elaborate if you have questions.

Qunuch81 (imported) wrote: Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:47 pm I was castrated in 2015. Since then, my relationship to it has really run the gamut. During sex, I love being a eunuch. When I'm around other modded men, I love being a eunuch. Yet often during the day to day I experience some shame and regret. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I often think that intact men are "more man" than me and that's a cause for shame. I can be in a roomful of guys and it'll occur to me that I'm probably the only eunuch in the room and I feel alienated.

I do have a tendency to overthink, and I did go through a very difficult period post castration for a range of reasons (medication change, finally addressing childhood abuse experiences, etc.) so there may unfortunately be some operant conditioning happening here too. With any luck, I'll get it all in perspective at some point.

And yet, I know that if I hadn't been cut in 2015, it would've been in 2016. And if not in 2016, 2017. On top of that, I go through long periods either waxing or waning on going nullo. Which was my exact experience in the years leading up to castration. Very odd, I think, if becoming a eunuch was truly a mistake.

I guess I want to say my experience hasn't been so clear cut (ha!) As YAY!!!!! or NOOOO!!! I didn't expect that, and I think it's interesting. Hopefully, my experience may be helpful to others.

There's an old saying, "Never compare your insides to other people's outsides".

I'm not a eunuch, but I have "hidden flaws" in various places on my body. I have what I feel is a limp. Yet, I've known people for years who will have seen me walking on a given day and say, "did you do something to your leg, you're limping". Yet, that limp is almost 40 years old. I have family members who've never seen me not wearing shoes.

I imagine in a business meeting there are people who I'd see as "perfect" who could have many body issues I'm unaware of:

A female worker who's had a breast removed from cancer

Someone with a burn scar from a childhood stove accident

A colleague who is embarrassed by a full "zipper scar" from having had open heart surgery and never goes to the pool or beach

Scoliosis that someone works hard to hide

That person that always sits near the door because they have a colostomy and just in case the colostomy bag needs to by emptied they don't want to be seen leaving to take care of it

Losing massive amounts of weight can leave flabs of skin on the arms, belly and legs - there might be someone in that meeting whose wardrobe has been selected to hide that

I'm not attempting to minimize your feelings about being a eunuch in a room and not knowing if you are the only one. Your feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. People like to "blend in". Which is why so many people hide various body issues.

You're an amazing guy. The fact you had the guts to get your testicles removed makes you ever better. You're no less a man than any other you'll meet.

TopManFL: you hit the nail on the head and drove it deep to the mark. That was perhaps one of the best ways I've read from somebody describing people's often inward feeling in regard to the outward appearances of other folks we come into contact with. So well put and I hope many will ponder it's implications for years to come. There are so many with physical disabilities that could learn from your remark. We all need to after all stop comparing ourselves to others. We are each individual and unique in our own ways. I call this (variety) and it is variety that spins this planet we all share. Thank you for such wonderful encouragement.

Hi, castrated Aug 2015 and no regrets. At the time I was a femininized androgyne male with no plans to get cut.

I became a eunuch after tearing and twisting my ball cords in a climbing accident. Nearly 3 years on I am a lot

more feminine and perfectly OK about my eunuch status. The only difficult period for me was the first year post

castration. To start with I was embarrassed about not having any testicles and I had to go through a period

of adjustment before I was au fait with it. Now I feel that being neutered has advantages, it helped me transition

to tgirl and was my ticket into the fascinating world of transgenders, MtFs and eunuchs. Justine x

TopMan, thanks for that reply. And LoseThem, you're a sweetheart as usual ��

The difference between being castrated vs. having a surgical scar is that we live in a gendered world. "Not having balls" means a lot of things a scar does not. I'm not denying that it's wrong to marginalize anybody. I'm just saying that social programming also plays a role in my self image. Though of course that's true for all of us...

I came to a point to where I didn't care who knew and it was a real freedom for myself and now most who know me know and I joke about it and made up my mind if someone has a problem with it it is their problem not mine!

Qunuch81

Reading your real posting, I am so unsure how to reply.

Me: Castrated in Dec 2017, so 5mo, 24 days ago, by choice.

Overthink - heck yeah. Life is complicated, and isn't all rainbows and daisys. I won't throw a lot of sunshine and lollipos on life, but for me, personalally, it was the correct choice. However, it's a really tricky decision, and you look back and ask a lot of really deep and self-examining questions.

Its more common for older men to be eunichs than among younger men. There doesn t seem to be a big negative reaction or image among older men. Younger men do view men of their age different because sex is such a big thing for younger men. Reproduction is a huge facet of being a younger man. So, younger men have greater difficulty dealing with castration and its affects on a man than older men do. Most older men are experiencing some partial castration affects on their body from age alone. They can handle the topic better than most younger men can.

My beautiful young wife suffered emotionally over her appearance when she lost her left eye to cancer. Years later what she said she truly regretted was not the loss of the eye, but allowing her vanity, insecurities and poor self-image to rob her of several years of fully enjoying life.

It may sound over simplified, but it really is very simple. We all have control over our emotions if we can just resolve to exercise that control. Don't allow insecurities or regrets over anything rob you of fully enjoying your life and your unique status as a eunuch.

And as for feeling less of a man, know that true masculinity emanates from the mind and not the balls.

Qunuch81 (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 11, 2018 5:35 am TopMan, thanks for that reply. And LoseThem, you're a sweetheart as usual ��

The difference between being castrated vs. having a surgical scar is that we live in a gendered world. "Not having balls" means a lot of things a scar does not.

I agree 100 percent.

Our society does consider testicles to be the seat of manhood.

In the same way that we endow a female's breast with being a woman.

I'm not a female who's lost her breast to cancer. Neither am I a man whose testicles have been removed.

Our society also has many other "norms" which can lead to people feeling inadequate because they don't fit in that mode.

Being "potty trained" is also something our society expects adults to have accomplished.

My mother lost her colon about 30 years before she passed away. It was an emergency because a blood clot had cut off the blood supply to her colon; it was gangrenous and causing sepsis. There was no long run up to her losing her colon. She just woke up from surgery with a bag attached to her side and her small intestines draining into the bag. It turns out that if a person drinks enough water and keeps electrolytes in their diet it is possible to live without a colon.

I can't imagine what her reaction was like and I was there watching her. At first she was a bit embarrassed by it. She even had several accidents. One was in the bathroom at a restaurant they'd stopped at while in their RV. She literally had poop all over her clothes. A woman came in and my mother from behind the stall door asked her to help. She just needed a change of clothes (thank the gods in heaven they were in the RV) and her ostomy "kit".

She didn't know this woman. Yet, the lady went out, found my dad told him what happened. He brought the change of clothes and the "kit" and the lady took them to my mom. The lady insisted on helping my mother get cleaned up and this stranger even went to the management and asked them to send someone in with a mop after they left the lady's room.

I'm not sure if having an ostomy is equal to having no testicles.

I do know that your feelings are real and I'm not trying to diminish them at all.

My mom joined an ostomy group in the city where she lived. She would visit people at their homes who were going to have ostomy surgery. Most ostomy's are placed in a planned operation due to a chronic illness being treated with surgery. Cancer is another reason ostomy surgery is needed. Most people get to plan the placement of the stoma (the hole) based on the kind of clothes they wear if the surgery is planned.

She'd also go to the hospital and visit with people who had emergency surgery or perhaps had been missed prior to surgery.

People with a new ostomy had so many fears. Would they still be able to play with their grand kids? Could they travel? What about airport security? Sports? The smell? How to tell family and friends that they have no control over passing gas and it would make "sounds"?

My mom told them that her grand kids had never know her without the ostomy and she played with them, held them and baby sat with them. She shared having traveled to Alaska, going on multiple cruises, taking a train trip through Canada, visiting California from going to the Rose Bowl to Lake Tahoe and more. Airport security is aware that many people have had an ostomy put in and she'd never had a problem. She actually was still on her bowling team for about five years after getting the ostomy. But broke her shoulder and had to give it up. The smell is a problem - she admitted that. But, there were deodorants to put in a clean bag that helped a great deal. As far as uncontrolled sounds, everyone of her family and friends knew about it and didn't care.

I can't speak for my mom. From the outside looking at her life I think going to visit people with a new or planned ostomy helped her as much as it helped them. I know she did it for years and assumed if it wasn't helping her, she'd have stopped.

On here, you have the same ability. You can support those thinking of becoming a eunuch. Further, you can offer support to those who've lost testicles because of cancer or other health reasons.

Your experience is so valuable. Your strength is needed in this community. Your hope is priceless to those that are feeling hopeless.

I'm so glad you are here and that you are sharing and enriching this community with your story.

Thank you so much.

Thank you seanthomas and TopMan for those responses and stories. Good perspectives. I doubt I'd feel this way if my balls had been taken involuntarily, due to illness. In that situation you're "a survivor" rather than "a pussy." I do find though that reading about men getting castrated voluntarily helps me realize I'm part of a larger community. Like so many things, the silence contributes a great deal to the stigma. Come to think of it, I bet this is how "gay" felt for many men in more difficult times. I've actually been toying with the idea of speaking publicly about our community and my own status. That might help a lot...and not just me.

Qunuch81 (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 12, 2018 4:30 am Thank you seanthomas and TopMan for those responses and stories. Good perspectives. I doubt I'd feel this way if my balls had been taken involuntarily, due to illness. In that situation you're "a survivor" rather than "a pussy." I do find though that reading about men getting castrated voluntarily helps me realize I'm part of a larger community. Like so many things, the silence contributes a great deal to the stigma. Come to think of it, I bet this is how "gay" felt for many men in more difficult times. I've actually been toying with the idea of speaking publicly about our community and my own status. That might help a lot...and not just me.

My wife has occasionally been asked by her former surgeons to speak to women and children (strangely, never a male) who have just lost an eye and though initially far from intrepid, she soon came to love the opportunities. When she shows up with an eye patch and big smile she said it always had an impact. Yet the patients were not the only beneficiaries and it really gave my wife a sense of accomplishment, comradeship and even joy and she maintains contact with many of them. Although I am not ready to openly discuss my castration in public, I do maintain a personal blog to share my thoughts with men facing castration due to prostate or testicular cancer. However, I welcome those seeking voluntary castration with open arms and somehow can relate.

Qunuch81 (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 12, 2018 4:30 am Thank you seanthomas and TopMan for those responses and stories. Good perspectives. I doubt I'd feel this way if my balls had been taken involuntarily, due to illness. In that situation you're "a survivor" rather than "a pussy." I do find though that reading about men getting castrated voluntarily helps me realize I'm part of a larger community. Like so many things, the silence contributes a great deal to the stigma. Come to think of it, I bet this is how "gay" felt for many men in more difficult times. I've actually been toying with the idea of speaking publicly about our community and my own status. That might help a lot...and not just me.

There is so much difference in perception. For castration, I was a survivor. aka a bump in life that has to be overcome if possible. It sounds nice, and brave but it isn't the choice it appears to be. We have to do these things and help others get through them too. That is how it is to be a fellow of the species.

Now, I try to get ready for wholly elective and maybe even more life-changing surgery. While I'll be as open as I can about it, society places a stigma on procedures of this kind, even though the surgical adventure is likely to be a considerable challenge. Maybe it is the good folks of EA who bring much of the wider support of "survivor" to our more narrowly defined group here?

Anyone can cheer for the "survivor". - Good folks here cheer for even those of little cheer.

daifu-orchid (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 12, 2018 9:14 pm There is so much difference in perception. For castration, I was a survivorMaybe it is the good folks of EA who bring much of the wider support of "survivor" to our more narrowly defined group here?

Anyone can cheer for the "survivor". - Good folks here cheer for even those of little cheer.

Well and beautifully put. I think I need to spend more time on EA.

Daifu, if you don't mind sharing, what is your upcoming elective surgery?

The answer is that after much consideration, I'd like to be a nullo.

I am happy to have decided and much look forward to it all being done. Maybe I'll blog the reasons if there is interest.

I'm apprehensive about the process but very much looking forward to the opportunities.

Congrats!! And yes, I'd be interested in hearing the reasons.

I am afraid that I will regret castration. And it stops me to remove my testicles. Most of castrated guys regrets!

russianboy (imported) wrote: Wed Jun 13, 2018 8:40 pm I am afraid that I will regret castration. And it stops me to remove my testicles. Most of castrated guys regrets!

Hi russianboy, if you feel like you need to have it done, you may want to just go ahead and do it. Do you think you will not have peace if you don't do it? Do you think you'll regret not having done it? In my post, I was trying to point out that it's not as simple as "do it and you'll feel great" vs. "do it and you'll feel miserable." I think you may very well have a mix of emotions, much like you do now. Do with that knowledge what you will. Good luck!

Qunuch81 (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 11, 2018 5:35 am TopMan, thanks for that reply. And LoseThem, you're a sweetheart as usual ��

The difference between being castrated vs. having a surgical scar is that we live in a gendered world. "Not having balls" means a lot of things a scar does not. I'm not denying that it's wrong to marginalize anybody. I'm just saying that social programming also plays a role in my self image. Though of course that's true for all of us...

How you said volumes. Social programming indeed plays a huge roll on everybody. We are now living in a generation of young people who have been socially programmed to believe that it is one of lifes requirements to continue on to college after K--12 basic education. Of course that basic education is strictly designed to give youth the ability of reading and understanding the rule of society and to function with the system society created for trade. Not every young person needs or is capable of higher learning. In fact we as a society are now suffering from the lack of trades craftsmen thanks to the philosophy that you're nobody without a college education. We as a society need to get away from all of this social engineering. Society hates individual thinking because society feels it cannot control the individual who thinks for themselves. And let's face it, society is ALL about controlling every member of it. Of course it also played a roll during my life. I did not go to college because society pressured me to do so. I went to college in order to learn how to learn and in my profession that is the most basic core principal. However, society did pressure me into doing the expected things of society. Making money to pay taxes, having a mate to procreate in order to increase the size of society etc etc etc. Society did not enable my individual desires and in fact attempted at every level to mitigate them. It was only when I realized that I did not live to benefit society but needed to live for me that things improved in my life. Had I simply gone along with the so called "social norms" I would not be enjoying my life as I do now. SO to hell with society. Do what is right for you rather than what is right for society. Of course without causing harm to another.

Begoneboy (imported) wrote: Sun Jun 17, 2018 11:30 pm How you said volumes. Social programming indeed plays a huge roll on everybody. We are now living in a generation of young people who have been socially programmed to believe that it is one of lifes requirements to continue on to college after K--12 basic education. Of course that basic education is strictly designed to give youth the ability of reading and understanding the rule of society and to function with the system society created for trade. Not every young person needs or is capable of higher learning. In fact we as a society are now suffering from the lack of trades craftsmen thanks to the philosophy that you're nobody without a college education. We as a society need to get away from all of this social engineering. Society hates individual thinking because society feels it cannot control the individual who thinks for themselves. And let's face it, society is ALL about controlling every member of it. Of course it also played a roll during my life. I did not go to college because society pressured me to do so. I went to college in order to learn how to learn and in my profession that is the most basic core principal. However, society did pressure me into doing the expected things of society. Making money to pay taxes, having a mate to procreate in order to increase the size of society etc etc etc. Society did not enable my individual desires and in fact attempted at every level to mitigate them. It was only when I realized that I did not live to benefit society but needed to live for me that things improved in my life. Had I simply gone along with the so called "social norms" I would not be enjoying my life as I do now. SO to hell with society. Do what is right for you rather than what is right for society. Of course without causing harm to another.

I couldn't agree with you more.

I have spent the first forty six years of my life trying to conform, doing what's expected of me and trying to make others happy, and I just ended up a miserable pretty much suicidal alcoholic... Now I've started to do my own thing and I've never been happier, and haven't needed a drink for over six months and counting.

I used to be confused - now everyone else is, and I'm finding that I much prefer it this way round!

Completely agree with Begoneboy, your sexuality is whatever you want it to be. I never fitted in with society and don't plan to start now. Justine x