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I am a gay male, 73 years old, married to a man for over 10 years. I am Caucasian, Democrat, spiritual but no religious preference.

I was born male but earlier this year became a eunuch due to medical reasons.

I am having difficulty adjusting to being castrated.

I very much miss having testicles.

I looked on the internet for any possible Eunuch Anonymous support group but found none.

If anyone can direct me to a suitable place on this web site where I can view comments by people who became a eunuch due to no fault or desire of their own I would appreciate this.

A little more info; my urologist prescribed Androgel which I have been using.

I find that this does not increase my interest in sex or sexual abilities.

I feel like I am in a dungeon of being useless, hopeless, with little to no hope of regaining any sexual functioning.

Although I know the equipment does work because sometimes in the middle of the night I will wake up with a very stiff erection.

I take advantage of this and manage to stroke to climax and ejaculation; however the experience still leaves me wanting and unfulfilled.

It just is not the same with no balls flopping in my groin.

Feel free to communicate by email: [email protected]

My private email account.

photoglenn.

Hey,

Welcome home. You are in the right place. You didn't say why you were castrated. Since you were put on Androgel, I assume it was not prostate cancer.

So, other than this forum, I don't know where to direct you for a discussion about why your scrotum is empty.

There are so many reasons this group is so strong. People here due to being trans either being MTE (Male to Eunuch) or MTF (Male to Female), medical reasons, desiring a decrease in libido.

Nonetheless, the reason we are all here isn't as important as the bonds we form while here.

So, you are very much a part of this group. Once we have you, we won't let you fall. Use us for triumphs or the worst day you have. We can take it. Sometimes we can only listen, sometimes someone might have a similar experience.

TD

Welcome, photoglenn.

Many males who have been castrated or otherwise have hypogonadism have to try several different testosterone formulations until they find one that works for them. One friend complained about the sticky mess of gels; they can also be unreliable as to dosage. There are also patches and injectable formulations including testosterone cypionate (weekly?) and testosterone undecanoate (10-14 weekly, some even need 6 weekly). I am on the latter. Individual needs vary greatly. If you were low-T or no-T for a while, it can take some time for your mood to recover when you are back on T. Please report your symptoms to your physicians and see if other testosterone formulations might be indicated.

Anyone on testosterone should have a regular whole blood count to monitor their haemocrit and detect secondary polycythemia (excessive haemocrit) which raises cardiovascular risk.

If you miss the physical feeling of testicles, silicone prosthetics are available, although these have their own risks. Harmed body image through loss of a body part may also harm enjoyment of life including sexuality. On the other hand, we have at least three recent members who are involuntary eunuchs and discovered that they very much liked being a eunuch. Individual response varies greatly.

The good news is that you are getting nocturnal erections. This likely means that your erectile function is in good working order.

I had it done voluntarily, so just want to be up front about that.

There are many reasons why you could be experiencing these symptoms. It's been just under a year since this happened to yourself. Have you had any lab work done after the surgery. Often a man will have quite a different level of testosterone in his body using the synthetic stuff (IE androgel, shots, etc.) than he had when he still had his testicles.

The body image issue may be important in your case. You've said you've had difficulty since the surgery adjusting to your new normal, but that in the middle of the night you're sometimes waking up with erections and able to use them to enjoy your body to orgasm. This leads me to believe this could be a non-organic issue - IE perhaps speaking with a therapist, and including your partner in that discussion, may be a possible solution. I'm in no way saying you've got any deficiencies there, just that sometimes getting this stuff off your chest with a disinterested third-party, can be helpful.

Another thought is this... have you experienced any depression symptoms, and if so, have you been given any medication for them? I only ask because there are many medications used to treat that which can also diminish sexual enjoyment and interest.

I really do hope you're able to find a solution. The people here are generally welcoming and will treat your respectfully with regards to your concerns and feelings.

Welcome to the site. please feel free to ask us any questions that are on your mind.

--LT

Sometimes the replacement level is way below what you had before. Encourage your Dr. To get you to the high end of normal range. Best of luck!

Hi photoglenn,

You came to the right website. There are lots of men and eunuchs on this site who got castrated for medical reasons or who have all kinds of ball problems. This website has past forums and non fiction articles about testosterone and artificial testosterone, castration related problems and solutions, and many different things that you will find useful. Lots of the men and eunuchs on here desire or voluntarily got themselves castrated. But many medically necessary castrated men also find the immense information on this website very valuable, especially the information on all kinds of artificial testosterone and other medications to help men remain masculine, virile, and keep a sex drive and enjoyment after castration.

You need to post at least 5 times on here before your private messaging becomes active to allow people to private message you on this website and for you to answer them. I d suggest you post a few more times to reach your 5 posts on here. Then men and eunuchs can anonimously message you on here, using their user names on here to private message you on this website.

You could post to tell us what medical problem caused you to get castrated ? And what things are causing you the most problems now ? Did your dr offer you artificial testicle implants to fill your scrotum to look and feel like you still have balls ? How have you and your man handled your necessary castration so far ?

As you can see on here reading past posts, some of us are way more into our balls and sex than others are. You are welcome here as a ball, masculinity, and sex loving eunuch.

Photoglenn welcome aboard. This is exactly the place you are looking for to find honest support. We don't care if you are a democrat, libertarian, socialist, gay, straight, young, old or anything else. Welcome to perhaps the most complete source of eunuch information and support archive found on the planet.

As a voluntary eunuch I need and want to be more sympathetic and understanding toward involuntary eunuchs. So Photoglenn by all means welcome and please feel right at home. We'll be more than happy to answer any questions you have.

No, thankfully it was not cancer.

After my second epididymo-orchitis, very painful, and successfully treated with antibiotics, 2 weeks each time, once the pain subsided the second time my balls shrank to about half their original size and became hard and numb. When squeezed there was no pain or sensation.

The urologist ordered an ultrasound. When he got the results the analysis was that there was no blood flowing through my testicles.

His recommendation was to have them removed. Since they were useless I said OK.

Under general anesthetic he removed them out of the scrotum. I learned later that there are 2 methods of removal, through scrotum and through inguinal canal.

I asked him afterwards, why not through the inguinal canal; his response was that this method was used when cancer was present and it is more complicated and risky.

Following the pathology analysis there were no tumors, no cancer, and the end analysis was necrotizing testicuclar vascularitis; a very rare thing. After two episodes of epididyo-orchitis my balls just died a slow death.

Now I suppose for a younger person this would be a catastrophic disaster. For me, being already over the hill as far as aging decling in testosterone and no real need for a libido or sexual performance, or in search of a partner, since i am happily married, this was not the end of the world.

Even so, after almost a year, I am very much missing that part of me that went along for the ride over the past 72 years.

I seem to have developed a sort of Post Castration Emotional Trauma. While I have no practical need for balls, I just plain miss them.

And Santa did not bring me a new pair either. I see that there are many types of interest in this group. More than likely my needs might be served better by seeking out psychiatric counseling, which I am not willing to do. I do not like to communicate verbally face to face with anyone about this

Even my husband and I do not discuss it. I know there is no going back but am struggling to go forward. I dwell on my loss almost constantly.

Now, I will admit there are at least 3 advantages to being castrated:

1. No more pain

2. Never come down with the painful epididyo-orchitis again

3. No risk of testicle cancer.

The Androgel seems to be having little to no results as far as libido and performance are concerned.

I suppose it will help prevent any of the other negative side effects of having NO testosterone.

Even BEFORE the surgery my testosterone level was a mere 45ngl.

Since being on Androgel it has risen to a respectable 105

I happen to have a testosterone lab report from a few years back when it was 230 ngl.

So, there you have it.

Being much older probably than many or most of the other members of this group, perhaps my past, present experiences might be of some value to someone.

In any case, that is an update.

My surgeon never mentioned prosthetic testicle replacement.

I have researched that since and learned that this is best done before the scrotum is closed and stitched.

Later implants carry risk of infection.

Besides which I have no desire at all to go through the scrotum pain again.

So faux testicles are out of the question.

I suppose decreasing or stopping the Androgel would not be a good idea.

I just wonder if it is giving me some kind of negative mental consequence.

Just partly edging me up to an almost libido with no real impact.

Thank You catoboros. I am adding your input to my list of things to do.

Thank you JessicaH. I will ask my physician about this on my next visit.

I just went through the same thing this year and it's been hard to deal with. I did go to counseling for a couple months and it did help. You need to see an endocrinologist they know how to do your HRT properly doctors don't know what they are doing with HRT I know this from my experience I inject testosterone cypionate 200 mg every 7 days and take an estrogen blocker twice a week to keep my estrogen levels in check before the endocrinologist started me on the blockers my sex life was dead most doctors don't check your estrogen levels when they do your blood tests so ask for it. I've done the gels patches and injectable testosterone and the injections have worked the best. It's been 9 months since my castration and it's still hard to deal with but it was worth getting it done because I was in pain non stop for 3 months before it was done. I'm 53 now and because of prostate problems the medications have taken away all my sexuality so I can feel your pain. Also synthetic testosterone doesn't come close to the real stuff in my case. Hope I've been helpful. Chip

Chesleyt (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 27, 2019 1:26 pm I just went through the same thing this year and it's been hard to deal with. I did go to counseling for a couple months and it did help. You need to see an endocrinologist they know how to do your HRT properly doctors don't know what they are doing with HRT I know this from my experience I inject testosterone cypionate 200 mg every 7 days and take an estrogen blocker twice a week to keep my estrogen levels in check before the endocrinologist started me on the blockers my sex life was dead most doctors don't check your estrogen levels when they do your blood tests so ask for it. I've done the gels patches and injectable testosterone and the injections have worked the best. It's been 9 months since my castration and it's still hard to deal with but it was worth getting it done because I was in pain non stop for 3 months before it was done. I'm 53 now and because of prostate problems the medications have taken away all my sexuality so I can feel your pain. Also synthetic testosterone doesn't come close to the real stuff in my case. Hope I've been helpful. Chip

Chip aka Chesleyt, Thank you for your input. Although I have no prostate issues, your input is useful. I am adding it to my list of things to research. Especially the injectable testosterone. The Androgel was working at first, but seems to be not working now. Perhaps some other hormones are blocking it, or ??? In that my personality is not very outgoing I find it impossible to discuss my situation or feeling with anyone except my long time Primary Care Physician, on clinical issues, not emotional issues.

While I have a feeling of being despondent over being castrated, I am just in the doldrums, not depressed.

Emotionally I need to find a way to accept myself and not be self critical. I spent almost my entire life being in the closet as far as my homosexuality is concerned. At long last those days are over. Now I find I am back in the closet because I absolutely do not want anyone to know I have been castrated. The transition from being a male to a eunuch is just one giant leap into abyss that is extremely difficult to absorb or accept.

I now doubt myself in perhaps being too quick to say OK to my urologist's recommendation that he remove my infarcted testicles.

I should have asked more questions such as, what might happen if he did not remove them.

They were small, hard, and did not hurt when squeezed but at least there. I was not unhappy with that predicament. Sure they no longer produced testosterone, but since cancer was not initially diagnosed, and there was no initial evidence in blood tests of cancer, perhaps just using a Testosterone Replacement would have been sufficient.

I never considered the emotional impact of what castration would look or feel like or that I would transition from Male to Eunuch, a category that is sometime looked down upon more than homosexuality by many people.

After looking at posts from people here and looking at some medical and government studies it appears that men who desire to be castrated, once castrated, feel good about their decision and about their self and self image. That is an interesting thing to me, as not wanting to be castrated I now have a low self image of myself having made and accepting, the unwanted, switch from Male to Eunuch.

So, in addition to my libido and interest and ability to perform sexually, I am very despondent over my predicament. Not depressed, just in the doldrums as it were. Both issues combined are like a tidal wave of catastrophic events to me. I guess what I am asking those who are satisfied with being castrated:

What are the advantages and how can I find a positive self image and satisfaction with my physical situation which is not going to change.

I need to develop a new point of view and outlook if I am ever to recover emotionally.

Plus I will be seeking additional hormone counseling from my Primary Care Doctor.

Hi Photoglenn, I am in my 70th year so an older, albeit more recent, member of this group and over the last decade have had a series of medical issues which I had never experienced before. Perhaps one of the problems for you is that you are not seeing this as simply a medical procedure on the advice of your doctor and specialists. Sure, you are technically a eunuch, but self-perception is really important in these instances, and you will see from some of the discussion threads here that the men who are members of this group have a wide range of view on how they identify.

I understand your reluctance to seek counselling - our generation of men were conditioned to deal with emotions internally, and I have never sought any emotional or psychological support for the long standing issues I have had. However I expect that when I approach my doctor about castration I will be referred straight to a counsellor.... I think if you have a good relationship with, and confidence in your doctor you can sift through the advice and experiences you find here and have a clear discussion on the post-procedure issues you are having. Finally, our endocrine system affects us both physically and mentally so both sets of symptoms are to be expected.

If you are only at 105ngl, it's no wonder you are feeling sexless and depressed. Many docs will supplement if under 400. If you don't have any other health issues, there is no reason you can't be at around 700. Feeling dull, depression and bored with life are common symptoms of low T.

Arachnid (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 28, 2019 9:04 am Hi Photoglenn, I am in my 70th year so an older, albeit more recent, member of this group and over the last decade have had a series of medical issues which I had never experienced before. Perhaps one of the problems for you is that you are not seeing this as simply a medical procedure on the advice of your doctor and specialists. Sure, you are technically a eunuch, but self-perception is really important in these instances, and you will see from some of the discussion threads here that the men who are members of this group have a wide range of view on how they identify.

I understand your reluctance to seek counselling - our generation of men were conditioned to deal with emotions internally, and I have never sought any emotional or psychological support for the long standing issues I have had. However I expect that when I approach my doctor about castration I will be referred straight to a counsellor.... I think if you have a good relationship with, and confidence in your doctor you can sift through the advice and experiences you find here and have a clear discussion on the post-procedure issues you are having. Finally, our endocrine system affects us both physically and mentally so both sets of symptoms are to be expected.

Discussing my feelings and emotions with anyone face to face person to person is something that I have always had great difficulty with. Yes, indeed my new self identity as being a "Eunuch" is causing me great personal distress. Since I will always be castrated, I need to develop a way to embrace my new identity and not think of it as a negative thing. I will be working on this in 2020. With so many men being chemically or surgically castrated due to prostrate cancer, one would think that there are many people who are dealing with self identity conflicts. I have only known one friend who had testicle cancer, in one testicle, which was removed. We have never discussed his operation. It is just not the kind of thing one discusses. I will never discuss my operation except with my husband and doctor. I have received good input from others about Testosterone Replacement options, such as different product, injection instead of gel, which I have added to my list of things to discuss with my doctor. In that my procedure was medically necessary I had no need for advance counseling, although looking in the mirror, there should have been some counseling in advance to prepare me for the emotional and mental side effects. That is something that Urologists should do to prepare you for the new body you will have.

JessicaH (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 28, 2019 12:48 pm If you are only at 105ngl, it's no wonder you are feeling sexless and depressed. Many docs will supplement if under 400. If you don't have any other health issues, there is no reason you can't be at around 700. Feeling dull, depression and bored with life are common symptoms of low T.

My doctor always tells me I am at normal level, even when it was at one point it was higher. I keep a list of the numbers and they have ranged from 4 to 230. I will surely discuss this with my physician on my next routine visit. Yet, there must be a point at which is too high and might cause negative side effects?

Losethem (imported) wrote: Tue Dec 24, 2019 11:04 am I had it done voluntarily, so just want to be up front about that.

There are many reasons why you could be experiencing these symptoms. It's been just under a year since this happened to yourself. Have you had any lab work done after the surgery. Often a man will have quite a different level of testosterone in his body using the synthetic stuff (IE androgel, shots, etc.) than he had when he still had his testicles.

The body image issue may be important in your case. You've said you've had difficulty since the surgery adjusting to your new normal, but that in the middle of the night you're sometimes waking up with erections and able to use them to enjoy your body to orgasm. This leads me to believe this could be a non-organic issue - IE perhaps speaking with a therapist, and including your partner in that discussion, may be a possible solution. I'm in no way saying you've got any deficiencies there, just that sometimes getting this stuff off your chest with a disinterested third-party, can be helpful.

Another thought is this... have you experienced any depression symptoms, and if so, have you been given any medication for them? I only ask because there are many medications used to treat that which can also diminish sexual enjoyment and interest.

I really do hope you're able to find a solution. The people here are generally welcoming and will treat your respectfully with regards to your concerns and feelings.

Welcome to the site. please feel free to ask us any questions that are on your mind.

--LT

I have no depression symptoms, just despair. While some, perhaps yourself, consider me "fortunate" for having a medical need to be castrated, I have not yet come to that conclusion. I will try my best in 2020 to realign my mental and emotions to accept the new me and not fret so much on the loss. While I have been getting some good input on testosterone options, which I plan to discuss with my physician at my next routine visit in January, I am beginning to wonder if I should just accept my "good fortune" and become testosterone free, since I have the option. To anyone who has done this, what would be the positive and negative side effects of this from personal experience. Sure I looked up on the internet, but there is nothing better than to hear it from someone who has actually gone from having normal testosterone to no testosterone. The artificial testosterone is not working very well for me, so chosing to go testosterone free is another option that I might consider.

You are very likely not going to get any bad side effects in the 7-800 range but it's good for your Dr. to keep an eye on your blood lipids and red blood cell count (RBC). Your doc may say 200 is normal for a 72 year old man but a lot of bad things are normal for 72. You can have the T levels of an 18 year old and feel like a new person. I highly recommend finding another Dr. to manage your T levels. If nothing else, there are T clinics and anti aging clinics all over the place. The Dr should also prescribe Anastozole twice weekly to keep your T from aromatizing into estrogen.

I highly recommend testosterone cypionate injections every 5 days, 7 days max between intervals. Levels drop sharply after 5 days.

photoglenn (imported) wrote: Sun Dec 29, 2019 2:02 am I have no depression symptoms, just despair. While some, perhaps yourself, consider me "fortunate" for having a medical need to be castrated, I have not yet come to that conclusion. I will try my best in 2020 to realign my mental and emotions to accept the new me and not fret so much on the loss. While I have been getting some good input on testosterone options, which I plan to discuss with my physician at my next routine visit in January, I am beginning to wonder if I should just accept my "good fortune" and become testosterone free, since I have the option. To anyone who has done this, what would be the positive and negative side effects of this from personal experience. Sure I looked up on the internet, but there is nothing better than to hear it from someone who has actually gone from having normal testosterone to no testosterone. The artificial testosterone is not working very well for me, so chosing to go testosterone free is another option that I might consider.

One thing in the Eunuch Archive is those of us who are eunuchs, have come to being so through a variety of reasons. I would not consider it fortunate for you, because you never wanted this to happen in the first place. In my case, being voluntary, I do consider myself fortunate. What I am is sympathetic with you, as it's a typical human reaction when someone is going through a difficult process. I'm sure we've all had some difficulty in life somewhere, so can be supportive.

I'm much like yourself, have difficulty opening up to people in person. The only thing I can offer is I had to see a therapist in person to complete the voluntary journey I went through. Where this is similar for you and I is it was incredibly difficult for me to do that. But... I did it. Once I was able to get over the anxiety of doing so, it was very helpful.

I'm in agreement with most of the folks here about the testosterone concerns. I think once you get those sorted, things will get much better. Having been on high doses and low, I have seen a variety of issues with my testosterone therapy. I found I had symptoms much like you're describing when my levels were low. Back in late 2015, I found myself around this time of year just getting by, going to work, and then I was so drained by the end of the day all I could do is come home, turn on my tv, and hide under a blanket. Then I got a much higher dose, and that went away. The problem was, I got that Red Blood Cell (RBC) count issue someone else mentioned. So we've moved my dosage down, and it appears the issues I've had one either side are starting to mitigate.

It's going to be a process, but I think once you get this sorted, life is going to be much, much, better.

--LT

Photoglenn: your question is way to subjective. "What are the positive and negative" side effects of no testosterone? For an individual who would be transitioning from male to female the answer would be quite different than the one suffering prostate cancer. For one it might be to extend their physical life while the other it might be to follow some fancy. The positive and negative in this case is something that only you can weigh in your situation.

I am unable to identify with your crisis since I am a voluntary eunuch. I am not a MtF but am a voluntary eunuch. You have some common issues I can identify with and have dealt with in a way that worked for me. Those solutions I settled for are not necessarily the ones others might follow. In the end there are many suggestions to be listened and considered but you must first decide the avenue you wish to follow.

On my upcoming follow up visit with my doctor later this month he will again run a lab test on testosterone.

If the number is below 300 I will inform him I want my prescription increased so that it can be above 300.

Before Androgel my lab test was 89; After Androgel they have been 105, 112, 230.

This leaves in libido never never land. Edging with a libido but never actually to achieve satisfaction.