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Hi All,

I am relatively new to this site and am glad to have found it. I am a 30 year old male and while I identify as male, I have never felt that my male genitalia should be part of me. There are numerous accounts in the forums of life before, immediately after, and a while after castration. For those who are very serious or have already been castrated, when and how did you know that you needed to become a eunuch?

Thank you!

Jeepfan92 (imported) wrote: Mon May 09, 2022 4:30 am Hi All,

I am relatively new to this site and am glad to have found it. I am a 30 year old male and while I identify as male, I have never felt that my male genitalia should be part of me. There are numerous accounts in the forums of life before, immediately after, and a while after castration. For those who are very serious or have already been castrated, when and how did you know that you needed to become a eunuch?

Thank you!

From age of 17 years it seemed to me that male genitals are superfluous...

I was 10 years old when I castrated my first calf on my dad's ranch. I knew before that calf was off the ground that I too, would be castrated at some point in my life. When It finally happend 66 years later it was the most exciting thing I had ever had happen to me. Since that night on Jan 7th, I've never been happier in my life when I had nuts attached.

personally for me I never had that moment or thought. I got offered the chance to be castrated as a joke at a party with friends and [in my infinite mildly drunk 18 year old wisdom] decided "what the hell" and went through with it.

@CKAMoose Does this mean you are castrated or it was a play castration and you sill have your nuts?

If you lost them what was your reaction after you realized they were really they were off?

CKAMoose (imported) wrote: Mon May 09, 2022 11:16 am personally for me I never had that moment or thought. I got offered the chance to be castrated as a joke at a party with friends and [in my infinite mildly drunk 18 year old wisdom] decided "what the hell" and went through with it.

Wait a minute, what?? How did they do it?

Jeepfan92 (imported) wrote: Mon May 09, 2022 4:30 am Hi All,

I am relatively new to this site and am glad to have found it. I am a 30 year old male and while I identify as male, I have never felt that my male genitalia should be part of me. There are numerous accounts in the forums of life before, immediately after, and a while after castration. For those who are very serious or have already been castrated, when and how did you know that you needed to become a eunuch?

Thank you!

For me it was always there on some level for as long as I can remember. I can remember feeling at age 5 or so that those parts were not supposed to be on my body. Keeping in mind that age for me was in the mid-1970's, the only things I could find about males wanting those parts of their bodies removed/dealt with was Male to Female transgender people. Initially I thought that is who I was, but when I studied it more as I got older, I realized it wasn't right for me.

Then in the mid-late 1990's the Internet came along and I ran into a Usenet group called alt.eunuchs.questions - it was my first exposure to other men who felt the same way as I did. They were male, wanted to remain male, but all those "foreign growths" between their legs just were not right on their bodies and needed removal.

10 years after that first discovery, I was castrated, then nearly 20 years after the discovery, I became full fledged nullo when I had my penis and scrotum removed.

Becoming a nullo is the single best gift I've ever given myself. I'm so much calmer, relaxed, and engaged with the world than I've ever been.

I was really stupid in highschool and had poor choice in friends, and apprently they knew a cutter

CKAMoose (imported) wrote: Mon May 09, 2022 2:53 pm I was really stupid in highschool and had poor choice in friends, and apprently they knew a cutter

Sounds a little bit like fiction, or am I too harsh?

Just to answer the initial question, I already felt uncomfortable with having genitals since early puberty, so it was somewhere in my (early) teenage days when I started to think about getting the stuff down there completely removed.

Easy. 31st July, 2021.

Since I was a child I have felt like so many here, that I was well, male-ish, but the genitals were somehow not right. Since I was about 10 years old I have had different ideas about how the dangly bits might be rearranged more to my satisfaction. Then on the above date I ran across a photo of someone with no balls or scrotum, and I just knew. In a mind blowingly intense flash of recognition, I just knew that what I saw was absolutely right for me.

In the few years before then I had been gradually building up an idea that initially was a trans-scrotal tunnel. The tunnel gradually became bigger and bigger, finally becoming a sort of crescent shape to completely separate my scrotum from my dick shaft, leaving my balls to hang in a wrinkly skin hammock. This was all in my mind of course. I was not yet convinced that what I was imagining was what would fill the need. And then serendipity. That photo, and my quest to get castrated began. As soon as I saw I knew it has to be. This is how I might well be already except life dragged me off in another direction for a while.

In my case, we're talking age 9. I had an event I interpret as a partial torsion -- in any case it was painful enough to make me fall over. I've had this since, intermittently, and since 2019 the pain has been highly variable but never hone. It's also a bilateral phenomenon. My view on this is some malformation makes my cords prone to damage, and that the inflammatory processes and pain since 2019 are my active Crohn's Disease doing what TNFa does best... but despite peer-reviewed studies into this it is politically controversial for my UK Crohn's doctors who silo narrowly into gastroenterology. At the moment I'm waiting on a) a diagnostic cord block to rule out spine damage causing referred pain (this the twists would just be a cremasteral reflex); and b) the WPATH SoC v.8 so I could petition to get my nuts out without implied feminisation.

Anyway, as I have had unpredictable severe testicular pain from the first premonitory rumblings of puberty it is unshakably ingrained in the formation of my sexuality. I was on this site as an undergrad (so, I guess 19/20yo ish) with my blurb saying "I'm pretty sure my nuts are going to be best got rid of at some point, but I'm unsure right now" -- a procrastination that has well and truly sailed. I'm glad I integrated into the community early though, as the support of peers is really healthy. Prior to that, in candidness, my thoughts mostly revolved around envy of animals, who seem (in a daydream framing, at any rate) to experience much less protracted healthcare access problems in this area...

Superfluous is a very good way to describe how they feel. Not necessarily unwanted, but rather not supposed to be part of my body.

Losethem (imported) wrote: Mon May 09, 2022 1:13 pm Wait a minute, what?? How did they do it?

For me it was always there on some level for as long as I can remember. I can remember feeling at age 5 or so that those parts were not supposed to be on my body. Keeping in mind that age for me was in the mid-1970's, the only things I could find about males wanting those parts of their bodies removed/dealt with was Male to Female transgender people. Initially I thought that is who I was, but when I studied it more as I got older, I realized it wasn't right for me.

Then in the mid-late 1990's the Internet came along and I ran into a Usenet group called alt.eunuchs.questions - it was my first exposure to other men who felt the same way as I did. They were male, wanted to remain male, but all those "foreign growths" between their legs just were not right on their bodies and needed removal.

10 years after that first discovery, I was castrated, then nearly 20 years after the discovery, I became full fledged nullo when I had my penis and scrotum removed.

Becoming a nullo is the single best gift I've ever given myself. I'm so much calmer, relaxed, and engaged with the world than I've ever been.

Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. I remember learning about male to female transgender people when I was much younger and was more interested in the removal of the male genitals than anything else. It was not until later that I read about eunuchs in historical documents that it really clicked for me. It's wonderful to hear that you are so happy and fulfilled. The notion of my male parts being "foreign growths" is such a good way to put it. It's not that I dislike them, but that they don't belong.

I learned about eunuchs since before puberty from Chinese history, when I was growing up in Hong Kong. I have taken great interest in them.

During puberty, around 12 years of age, often times, I dreamed that my penis would grow longer and longer. Of course, it never did. But it grew up to all but just short of 3 inches soft.

At the same time, I also dreamed about being able to take off my genitals like taking off my clothes, and at times, I would dream about having it taken off and forgetting where I left it. I would feel both panicky but also happy to have lost it.

Around that time, since to my disappointment, I realized I couldn't take off my genitals easily, I found out how to tuck my penis back inside my body. I liked both the smooth looked and the pressure my penis felt. I would roll up my jockey shorts into very tight g-strings, just to tightly keep my penis tucked in all day and all night. When I woke up with painful erections tucked inside, I started disliking my hard-on's.

The wish to really become a eunuch took form only after the age of the internet. Once I found out BME, the old Yahoo groups, and EA, I realized I wasn't alone. I also got to learn about real experiences of being castrated.

Very shortly before I discovered EA - just a few months ago... After I was hurt in 2010, I found that my left me with what I called "Marvin the Martian syndrome" from the famous cartoon line https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fcaXmpZydI - everything down below sort of worked up to the 'magic moment' and then "Where's the Kaboom?...." NOTHING... If I kept trying past that point, it became painful, the same way 'normal' sex would if you tried to keep going w/o giving the a rest break... Major frustration, pretty much worse than not trying...

Docs mostly didn't have a clue about what to do, tried a few drugs, which didn't work, and after a while the GF and I basically gave up... (She hit menopause almost the same time I got hurt, so she wasn't all that bothered by this)

Between non-use and I suspect some of the drugs I was prescribed for various things (a side effect that was never mentioned, but several of them appear on the list of anti-androgenic meds that has been posted here...) my penis has shrunk to less than thumb size, to the point where its hard to grab in order to catheterize.

While I was aware of castration of the historical involuntary and accidental sort, my impression was that it was a quite undesirable state, mentally, socially, and of course sexually.... I thought my inability induced frustration and discomfort was just something I was stuck with, just like all the other frustrations that come with paralysis...

It also didn't help that I was constantly hearing stuff from the larger SCI community that 'Sex is still possible, it's just different' Likely this is true for those w/ traumatic injuries, but I have an ischemic injury that has a lot of different effects, and seems to be the most ignored form of SCI. (There are tons of foundations and researchers working on traumatic injury, I can barely find ANY research on ischemic injuries (I'm told they don't even have an 'animal model' for it) and have been turned down for many studies because I don't have the 'right' kind of injury)

Around the beginning of the year, I stumbled across some eunuch related questions on Quora, that had answers from one or two voluntary eunuchs claiming some intriguing sounding benefits that got me interested enough to look for more information, which pretty quickly got me to EA...

I spent a month or so lurking and reading lots of threads, and the more I read, the more it clicked for me as a possible solution... So I ended up registering and starting to ask more questions... This got me going down the path to where I'm at now, just starting the chemical test.... If it goes well and we find a satisfactory solution to the bone-health issue, I hope to go for surgery in a few months... According to the doc I'm working with, in addition to getting rid of the testicles, it is likely that they can do some other trimming in the area to help with access for cathing...

WheelyCurious

how many times can a person brutally attack his sex and not realize it needed to be removed? I didn't put it into words for a long time but I knew what I needed to do right around the time they began to mature.

I had the realization in college. I wanted to be a film actor. About 24. Wanting to give my balls to a lady had extra meaning. But also,just can't stand the aggression. I also really struggle with the near addictive quality of the sex drive from testes. I've tried every brand of cig and every type of alcohol to deal with the issue. Finally,I'm accepting myself as a eunuch and moving forward at 39.

I was really into mountain biking in my younger years and would fantasize about a crash that resulted in losing my testicles. I also remember seeing female friends and family members and being very envious of the smoothness pretty much since puberty. When I learned about transgender people and in particular transgender women, I remember being very interested in how they would hide their junk to pass. I've been using one of the methods I learned from a MTF forum for the past 6 years to hide the bulge and stow my junk out of sight. Your post and the others are very affirming. It's truly wonderful to hear that you were able to realize your wishes and dreams.

I have been fond of classical ballet since childhood. I was curious about the intimate moment...

What does a male ballet dancer wear under his tights?

How is it possible that male ballet dancers don't have an erection while closely dancing beside their female partners?

Male dancers wear a specialized undergarment called, creatively enough, a dance belt. From a performance standpoint, it keeps everything in place to prevent injury.

From an aesthetic perspective, it "smooths" everything so the groin isn't shown in graphic detail while wearing tights. And it is snug enough that it keeps spontaineous erections from becoming visible.

- - -

That would be what we call a dance belt, which is a special type of jockstrap that keeps your junk out of the way when you need to do all sorts of jumps, pirouettes and splits.

It's especially padded and lined up front, so no visible penis lines are seen over the tights.

They can be found in all sorts of colours (especially black, white, grey and nude), but the preferred colour to wear onstage is nude, due to its versatility with all sorts of tights.

* * *

https://www.quora.com/How-is-it-possibl ... e-partners

* * *

Dance belt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dance_belt

How to Wear a Dance Belt

https://www.wikihow.com/Wear-a-Dance-Belt

Valery_V (imported) wrote: Tue May 10, 2022 4:07 pm I have been fond of classical ballet since childhood. I was curious about the intimate moment...

What does a male ballet dancer wear under his tights?

How is it possible that male ballet dancers don't have an erection while closely dancing beside their female partners?

Male dancers wear a specialized undergarment called, creatively enough, a dance belt. From a performance standpoint, it keeps everything in place to prevent injury.

From an aesthetic perspective, it "smooths" everything so the groin isn't shown in graphic detail while wearing tights. And it is snug enough that it keeps spontaineous erections from becoming visible.

- - -

That would be what we call a dance belt, which is a special type of jockstrap that keeps your junk out of the way when you need to do all sorts of jumps, pirouettes and splits.

It's especially padded and lined up front, so no visible penis lines are seen over the tights.

They can be found in all sorts of colours (especially black, white, grey and nude), but the preferred colour to wear onstage is nude, due to its versatility with all sorts of tights.

* * *

https://www.quora.com/How-is-it-possibl ... e-partners

* * *

Dance belt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dance_belt

How to Wear a Dance Belt

https://www.wikihow.com/Wear-a-Dance-Belt

I have been tucking (https://www.transhub.org.au/tucking) for the past 6 years. The dance belt seems to work in a similar fashion to some of the other undergarments I've seen that are designed to be affirming for folks who don't identify with male genitalia. They don't facilitate a tuck but they do compress things so that there is a much less noticeable bulge.

I am now so used to having things tucked away that it feels weird and uncomfortable when my stuff is not tucked.

Jeepfan92 (imported) wrote: Wed May 11, 2022 1:40 am I have been tucking (https://www.transhub.org.au/tucking) for the past 6 years. The dance belt seems to work in a similar fashion to some of the other undergarments I've seen that are designed to be affirming for folks who don't identify with male genitalia. They don't facilitate a tuck but they do compress things so that there is a much less noticeable bulge.

I am now so used to having things tucked away that it feels weird and uncomfortable when my stuff is not tucked.

As I understand it, TUCKING and pulling down for freedom of movement of large amplitude (ballet splits, etc.) is less convenient and less safe ...

By the way, the presence of some bulge is welcome for a male dancer .

These are all wonderful, thoughtful, and interesting replies. Thank you for asking this question, Jeepfan. It's fascinating to see so many paths to a decision.

I don't have much to add, but I never pass up a chance to talk about myself. I first started questioning my gender at the age of 12. I just didn't feel like I related to any of the other boys my age. But I knew I wasn't a "girl," so I had to be a boy, right?

Then at 13 I learned about castration from a book, Valide, by Barbara Chase-Riboud. She has a scene where a priest describes in great detail the Ottoman process of castration. For many glandular reasons I was a "late bloomer" so even though it got me very, very excited I didn't get erect. In a sense that's when, deep down, I knew I wanted to be castrated.

It's taken me so long to get to this point (I'm 34 now). Partly was learning about and then embracing my non-binary identity (there was a third option, a "third sex," if you will, all along!). Partly was that for so long I thought this was just a fetish because of my initial (and very often subsequent) reaction.

Once I finally moved out on my own (my career journey didn't take the paths I had hoped) and talked to some trans friends, I realized it was time to ditch those freeloaders between my legs. Finish the process that nature had started.

ToTheQuick (imported) wrote: Wed May 11, 2022 9:57 pm These are all wonderful, thoughtful, and interesting replies. Thank you for asking this question, Jeepfan. It's fascinating to see so many paths to a decision.

I don't have much to add, but I never pass up a chance to talk about myself. I first started questioning my gender at the age of 12. I just didn't feel like I related to any of the other boys my age. But I knew I wasn't a "girl," so I had to be a boy, right?

Then at 13 I learned about castration from a book, Valide, by Barbara Chase-Riboud. She has a scene where a priest describes in great detail the Ottoman process of castration. For many glandular reasons I was a "late bloomer" so even though it got me very, very excited I didn't get erect. In a sense that's when, deep down, I knew I wanted to be castrated.

It's taken me so long to get to this point (I'm 34 now). Partly was learning about and then embracing my non-binary identity (there was a third option, a "third sex," if you will, all along!). Partly was that for so long I thought this was just a fetish because of my initial (and very often subsequent) reaction.

Once I finally moved out on my own (my career journey didn't take the paths I had hoped) and talked to some trans friends, I realized it was time to ditch those freeloaders between my legs. Finish the process that nature had started.

These replies have been very well said, very interesting, and extremely helpful. I'm very grateful that you all are so willing to share your backgrounds on the subject. Hearing the ways that you arrived at the decision really helps me articulate how I feel too which is very affirming.

It started with puberty and I guess I hated all the changes my body went through and blamed it on my balls, so I wish to get rid of them always since then. Thanks to the internet I found out I am not alone having this wish, nevertheless I was full of doubts all the years if it would be a good idea to become an eunuch or not. One and a half year ago I finally had the opportunity to get castrated and have never regretted since then.

I realize the thread is for castration but I was castrated as part of my nullification so I will put together my thoughts for others.

I have never been very sexual and the concept of having a penis just didn't really do much for me. I didn't dislike it but I felt insecure because it wasn't overly big and I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't like when it got hard. It was a great tool to pee from but I didn't really even masturbate until I was in my 40s and then it wasn't very often. I identify as male and gay and like to be around guys but not for sex.

I was always intrigued by the idea of nullification but never thought I'd do it. I had been in the EA chat room for probably 20 years and always thought it would be a cool mod but never considered it serious. I ended up meeting a friend from another state online who had been nullified. I flew them to me for a week of hangout time just to explore and learn their story. We had a great time together. It turned into something that seemed to be fun and kinky to have done.

I started reaching out to psych professionals 'to see if I could actually get a letter' but still didn't plan to move forward. I also scheduled a consult with a surgeon in another state. I figured it would never hurt to understand better and have options.

After about 4-5 months, just before my consult, the idea got into my head and I couldn't get it out. I started sitting to pee 100% and thought that would be a huge stumbling block but it actually wasn't that bad. The consult didn't go well so I tried to find another surgeon. I found a urologist doctor who had never done it but really wanted to 'start doing nullifications' for his patients. He gladly accepted my case and was engaged from the very first meeting. He had done about 40-50 SRS/GCS surgeries so I considered him qualified to do my procedure. Turned out that I got 3 psych clearance letters and I had a surgery date in Nov of 2019 (right before Covid-19) in a real hospital. It was only 11 months from the first phone call to surgery. I was very lucky and very happy to get everything removed. I wasn't nervous about the procedure or the outcome. That actually bothered me because I should've been nervous about the most major surgery I've ever had. I realized after it was over that I charged at it like a bull so there was no room for nerves or apprehension.

When I woke up following surgery it felt like a sandbag was laying on my crotch. It would be about 24 hours before I would see the final result because of the bandages. One of the things that surprised me the most was from the moment I woke up following surgery, I had a sense of ease and peace in my mind that I actually felt better now that I knew it was removed. That was very reassuring for me. The doc did an amazing job with the scar and 2.5 years later it's barely visible anymore. I tend to heal quickly and well from cuts and such. I did use some scar patches to help with healing.

Since my initial surgery, I've had some plastic surgery a year later to reduce the bulge of the mons pubis. That was very successful but am now considering a "lift" to tighten it even further. I've already had a consult on that. I'm just concerned for the scar and the healing of that. I have a little more thought to do on that.

This is the most advanced explanation that I've put together so I hope this helps and/or makes sense to others. It's such a huge step but shouldn't be feared. The other major thing I did was remove the word 'want' and replaced it with the word "NEED" to have this done. When it will improve your quality of life, it truly can be a need and needs to be thought of that way. It also helps when dealing with professionals to identify your reasons for moving forward.

keyman419

Hard to put an exact date on it but general unease in early teens became desire to be castrated in mid teens.

20s saw it become very serious and acceptance that it wasn't fleeting.

30s saw attempts and eventually success

When I was 3 or 4 I remember being in the bathtub playing with toy boats and then playing with myself and thinking why my parts down there where made to hang out and get in the way. And I remember thinking more than once how nice it would be not to have anything hanging down there. Then later I tried riding a bicycle and I hit my nuts on that top frame tube and it was the worst pain ever. I thought to myself how having these things hanging there unprotected was such a bad idea, they should be up inside of me. It just kind of went from there and when I got into my 20's it became this irresistible fantasy that I wanted to fulfil one day. Now at 48 is seems like the perfect time.