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i can only go by my own life and experience. i self harmed all my life and i know it was directed at my genitals. i determined that it was because i needed to eliminate testosterone from my body. it was not that i want to be female (though i do feel that being female is as far from being male as a person can get - so if i can be, i will be). but for most of my life, even though i know my acts were to eliminate testosterone, i never put that into words.

so knowing my own need to get rid of the T, i wonder why men who get the orchi may still want the HRT with testosterone (and not estrogen or nothing). I can understand if the orchi was for a medical reason such as cancer, but if a man wants to rid himself of his balls, why then would he opt in for more T?

all my life i was haunted by the effects of testosterone on my mind. immediately after my orchi almost 4 months ago, that noise was gone. i finally have some of the peace i was so desperately wanting and needing. i'd never choose testosterone. i am certain that others would and maybe some others don't, but i would like to understand why those who do, do.

When I manage to get the operation I'll be on Tesosterone Replacement Therapy.

My general reason for the operation is medical -- I have had torsions for years and now have constant pain, and swelling that makes my Crohn's (autoimmune) disease impossible to control. But the arguments I am having with fertility-fetishist doctors, some of whom have told me they'd prefer me dead to infertile, are pretty wild. When faced with doctors like that, I'm aware I may have to go down the gender MtE route even though that's not quite the most accurate description of my desire to see the back of my balls. I expect people in the "sub-clinical" category of "my balls have given me reason to hate them" might also not have a desire to be low-T.

When we are born we don't know what does what. There is no reason all our T shouldn't be made in some other organ. So I think the association with having/not having balls with having/not having T is an academic rather than emotional kind of knowledge. They are separate load-out toggles on the dashboard of bodily idealisation.

My desire for castration has nothing to do with eliminating the natural testosterone source, I've never liked having the balls and scrotum hanging below my penis, these parts have never felt right being there for me. If they could be relocated to inside my body and still function normally without health risk (like cancer), I would choose that instead of castration.

Nidaho Rachel (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 20, 2022 2:02 am My desire for castration has nothing to do with eliminating the natural testosterone source, I've never liked having the balls and scrotum hanging below my penis, these parts have never felt right being there for me. If they could be relocated to inside my body and still function normally without health risk (like cancer), I would choose that instead of castration.

I have a similar situation...

I have always tried to maintain the natural functioning of the endocrine system of my body, both before and after my "modification".

I avoided the use of chemicals that suppress the natural production of testosterone by the adrenal glands. For the same reasons, I limited the use of synthetic hormones (only on the recommendation of a doctor).

Almost the same story here. It was not the testosterone I wanted to eliminate, it was just a side effect of the nullification. That's the reason why I take testosterone after having my genitals removed.

For me it was the elimination of testosterone.

If i had a choice i wouldn't be on HRT, but I'm on estrogen to protect my bones.

Fixet (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 21, 2022 12:20 am For me it was the elimination of testosterone.

If i had a choice i wouldn't be on HRT, but I'm on estrogen to protect my bones.

Yes this is very much as it is with me. can i ask why you wanted to eliminate testosterone? If you are ok with it, I'd love to hear. I wonder if some of us here have more similarities. for me it was because T was not compatible with the person inside trying to be a person. All my life it made me make many bad decisions, i was not able to live up to being male, it left me with much distress and heartbreak and self anger and rage. As for protecting my bones, fortunately at the moment my testing shows normal bone density, but testosterone is out of the question. i absolutely don't want it. my doctor is ok with estrogen and i am too except that i have other health issues that might make it dangerous for me. and of course i do have some feminine leanings (now more than prior to surgery) that maybe others don't necessarily have. I still have to see if my health issues can be resolved and if so then i'll be on estrogen for sure

Well the short version is, when i was young, I didn't really wanted to grow up, more in the sense of I didn't want to become a man.

When i went through puberty, i dislikes my bigger penis, hair started to growing on other places etc.

I also didn't like to masturbate, but i had to do it to get some relieve. What also didn't make it easy, I've never had sexual feelings for a woman, or man.

But i also don't want to be woman, that I am for sure about that. At this point even never talked to someone about this, and I ignored it for myself.

When i was like 21-22 years old, i also started to get hairloss, and then i started to panic kinda, and that was my trigger to starting my journey.

I found out what would be the cause of hair-loss (DHT, Testosterone) even developing more hate for testosterone. And in that same time period there was a talk show on the Dutch television about Transgenders more on the medical procedures.

Like they also talked on the show about puberty blocker and sex hormone suppression...I didn't knew what i heard!, i didn't know something like that existed. Then i started to search on the internet, and found this site as well.

And then I knew it, I wanted to be a eunuch, everything felt in place. My first topic about it: http://forums.eunuch.org/showthread.php ... ome-advice (ive lost the account one time of inactivity)

This is the story in a nutshell

Ow yes, my hair loss stopped, and gained maybe 90% back.

When it comes right down to it (no pun intended) some of us have a love/hate relationship with our genitals.

For me it was for the comfort and look of not having any nuts down there.

I also like to be in control of my hormone intake but mainly staying on testosterone.

This is a very interesting discussion. I hope I can contribute a little, although I am still inexperienced. My goal is impotence. I and my partner are bothered by my erections. So I am currently experimenting with Androcur, but not long enough to have reached my goal yet. I just don't know what my life would be like without testosterone. If the consequence was just impotence, bring it on! But if there are other unknown consequences, I'll have to try to learn from the experiences of others. That's why I'm glad this forum exists. But I already agree with the thought of the topic creator: why eliminate the source of testosterone to add it later as a drug. I was in contact with a man who was castrated for medical reasons. He found it great to be able to control his horniness via testosterone supply.

After my event it took a while for me to realize I needed to return to medical help because something wasn't right. More about that soon as I write it up and get it posted somewhere. I honestly didn't notice much of a change at all over the entire time frame as far as libido goes. Before the accident, then after... was about the same. Then on hormones and nothing changed. I've since then made the choice to stop taking them. That was about five years ago and I still feel quite normal. I simply weighed the ups and downs. Andro-gel was expensive, sticky, and annoying to put on. On the up side, no hugging which was a big plus for me because I'm not a fan of physical contact. I didn't even try the pills. The patches either didn't work or wouldn't stay stuck on...depending on the brand, and I ended up simply getting an injection every other week. This was great because it meant two weeks between doses. It was super inexpensive. I used just over two vials a year to keep me at a fairly average level. Down sides.. the shot hurts a little. Not much at all, but some people might not like it. Still, the discomfort was not even something I considered in my choice. What I did consider was that it is extremely annoying getting syringes. Especially in a tiny down because everyone just thinks you are a drug user. So I couldn't get those without showing them my prescription which meant then that everyone in town instantly knew I was on HRT.

This led to some very interesting conversations around town now and then. I eventually got over that though. Ultimately I quit because it made very little difference. Even with the precious few down sides, there were even less positive gains for me. Yes, I did gain some weight, but not much and it was easy to loose. Hot flashes were a nuisance for a few weeks but I'm an HV/AC tech so I just tuned up my air conditioner and could set it to nuclear winter when that popped up... yeah, the room mate loved that. There was some shrinkage of the fun time bits, but I don't like physical contact anyway so I didn't care at all about that. The biggest reason though was that after many years on it, I started to get the occasional blood test where my hormone levels are three or four times the maximum it should have ever been or even higher. Then for a random time it would be fine. Taking the shots the entire time, every two weeks like I was suppose to. Now THAT did cause problems. Serious mood problems among other things.

The doctors idea was to go from every two weeks to every three. So by the time I was going back in, I was running on empty for almost a week most of the time which meant several days of unpleasantness. In the end I decided to just stop taking it, wait for myself to adjust, and keep moving forward... and it worked. I am so much happier now. I do find myself smiling quite often when I think back to that accident and the few months after it.

To help answer the question though... I agree that I think a lot of it is academic. We're painted this picture by society and movies that testosterone is what makes a man... manly. And that without it, you lack vitality and courage and sexual potency. The effects of having it and not having it very likely influence different people on a very large scale. From what I understand the fact that I am fully capable of sex and still do feel the same level of urges and desire I always did is very rare. I don't know how the test works but I remember when I first got tested they told me it should be between 300 and 600 or something like that and I was at 17. Then for years it hovered right around 450 to 550.. upper end of the scale. Then suddenly I would get tested.. and I always had my blood tests done in between shots.. it would be 1200 or 2000. They would verify it at the hospital (The clinic in my town uses a private lab for tests and not usually the hospital.) and then they would panic, call me in, draw more blood and run a second test and it would be normal again with the time between draws only usually being a few days. This led to more tests and checks and no more T while that was happening and over a few weeks my levels would drop down into the double digits again and...ugh.. it was a terrible cycle.

In the end my quality of life is much better. I still go in twice a year for the usual "You're almost 40 and work around a lot of dangerous gasses and chemicals" style bloodwork and physical. They still test my hormone levels every time.. and they hover between 15 and 20. My thoughts may be slightly skewed tough as I didn't choose castration, but I was castrated in an accident. If hormones worked in a more profound way for me... if I noticed a lot more of a difference and they did to me what all these stories and reports say it should do, I would almost certainly choose it.

For myself, I think I will be using TRT after the surgery. Unlike a lot of people here, I don't want to loose my libido. I am quite a sensual person, and enjoy it. It just happens that I don't identify as a man. Nor a female for that matter.

For reasons that remain unclear, I don't really see the penis as part of male genitalia. The 'male' component, at least in my mind, is the nuts. Anyway, that my body will be a little biased towards male feels about right to me. I like my dick, we've had some fun times together.

When I had my Orchiectomy done, it was with the specific intent of getting rid of the Testosterone. This due to the fact that I had been indulging in ever more hazardous self bondage and other types, of activities.

I had been on generic Androcur for 11 months prior to my Orchiectomy, but never quite attained a castrate Testosterone level in my blood. About six months in, I started getting some Gynecomastia which was very uncomfortable. Just my T-shirt rubbing across my nipples hurt. Some Tamoxifen took care of that issue. I started tapering off the Androcur about 8 weeks out from my scheduled surgery as you are not supposed to quit that stuff "cold Turkey" and things were looking okay. No erections, no stupid autoeroticism thoughts and I felt good.

Got the Orchiectomy done by Dr. Arnkoff and that did not go well. He was alone as his assistant who was his Daughter-in-Law was off on Maternity leave. I was not happy about that as my appointment was scheduled four months in advance, he could have told me about the conflict or rescheduled the procedure.

Anyway, the suture line in my Scrotum looked like shit. Way crooked, weeping for three weeks afterward and I had significant swelling in my pubic area. It took about six weeks for the thing to pretty much heal and I felt pretty good. About four months after, things were not going well; night sweats you would not believe. I'd wake up with all the bed linens soaked. That is if you could call it "waking up" as I was not really getting any sleep.

So about two months of that and I got online and ordered some topical Testosterone cream. A couple of weeks into that, and things were looking much better, sleeping okay, no night sweats, but the autoerotic crap was sneaking back into my thought train. I kept up with the Testosterone and about a year after my Orchiectomy, I was right back where I started from with the damn Testosterone screwing up my life. So I started trying to figure out how to get a Total Penectomy done in the USA. That was a question which took five years to resolve.

In discussions with the Surgeon who performed the Nullification procedure, he stated that it was not good to go without any sex hormones, I needed to take one or the other. I told him there was no way I would take Testosterone again, so he said I needed to be on Estradiol if not Testosterone.

So I have been on Estradiol since, my PCP guys is ameniable to LGBTQ patients, so he even gives me my scripts for the Estradiol. Bit of an issue figuring out the right dosage, and I'd rather not have the breast development, but my life is so much better now than before, just wish it had not taken so long to find the answer to a substantial part of the stress in my life.

zeebster (imported) wrote: Sat Jul 16, 2022 11:43 am When I had my Orchiectomy done, it was with the specific intent of getting rid of the Testosterone. This due to the fact that I had been indulging in ever more hazardous self bondage and other types, of activities.

I had been on generic Androcur for 11 months prior to my Orchiectomy, but never quite attained a castrate Testosterone level in my blood. About six months in, I started getting some Gynecomastia which was very uncomfortable. Just my T-shirt rubbing across my nipples hurt. Some Tamoxifen took care of that issue. I started tapering off the Androcur about 8 weeks out from my scheduled surgery as you are not supposed to quit that stuff "cold Turkey" and things were looking okay. No erections, no stupid autoeroticism thoughts and I felt good.

Got the Orchiectomy done by Dr. Arnkoff and that did not go well. He was alone as his assistant who was his Daughter-in-Law was off on Maternity leave. I was not happy about that as my appointment was scheduled four months in advance, he could have told me about the conflict or rescheduled the procedure.

Anyway, the suture line in my Scrotum looked like shit. Way crooked, weeping for three weeks afterward and I had significant swelling in my pubic area. It took about six weeks for the thing to pretty much heal and I felt pretty good. About four months after, things were not going well; night sweats you would not believe. I'd wake up with all the bed linens soaked. That is if you could call it "waking up" as I was not really getting any sleep.

So about two months of that and I got online and ordered some topical Testosterone cream. A couple of weeks into that, and things were looking much better, sleeping okay, no night sweats, but the autoerotic crap was sneaking back into my thought train. I kept up with the Testosterone and about a year after my Orchiectomy, I was right back where I started from with the damn Testosterone screwing up my life. So I started trying to figure out how to get a Total Penectomy done in the USA. That was a question which took five years to resolve.

In discussions with the Surgeon who performed the Nullification procedure, he stated that it was not good to go without any sex hormones, I needed to take one or the other. I told him there was no way I would take Testosterone again, so he said I needed to be on Estradiol if not Testosterone.

So I have been on Estradiol since, my PCP guys is ameniable to LGBTQ patients, so he even gives me my scripts for the Estradiol. Bit of an issue figuring out the right dosage, and I'd rather not have the breast development, but my life is so much better now than before, just wish it had not taken so long to find the answer to a substantial part of the stress in my life.

I had the surgery for similar reasons but I never tried chemical castration. for me, I felt and feel that with chemicals, I'd have the option to back out and I even might have but I believe that to be a bad decision and I've known for years I needed real castration. I was right about that. I've been hesitant about estradiol but I love the idea of feminizing things happening to me. I'm gradually working my way toward it. I'm also planning further feminizing surgery in the area, but I'm not doing this to be a woman. I just want a feminine version of non sexuality and genderality

For me using TRT is just a continuation of using it to maintain my libido. I had slowly lost my libido some 10 years ago; I believe the cause was a very stressful job and aging. Doc put me on Androgel and everything was back to normal. Then about 2 years ago I noticed my testicles were getting very small and starting to ride up in my groin most of time. When they were in my groin it was uncomfortable. I went off Androgel for a short time and my Testosterone levels dropped to castrate levels. My doctor said they weren't working before I started Androgel and probably would never work again. After giving it some thought I decided that if they were not working and never would then just get them removed along with the scrotum and be done with it. Well, my doctor wouldn't hear of it so I found a cosmetic surgeon in Atlanta that would do it. I had it done on April 20th, 2022, and after the recovery I am thrilled with the results. I am still on Androgel and have no plans of stopping. I must say I love the look and feel of no balls and wouldn't take them back if I could. Everything is still working as before, with a better look.

I totally agree. my feelings exactly

Late to the thread, but for me:

I (mostly) like the hormone, but I hated the organs.

I had* hypogonadism & gonadal hypofunction. When I was 20 years old, I only had T-levels of around 300 (still enough to start balding, sighhhhhh). I had low energy, couldn't grow much facial hair, and was fairly fat (260 @ 5'10"). I finally coaxed my endocrinologist to put me on T (he was fine! with a 20-year-old! at 300!; I don't see him anymore.)

When my levels hit about 800-900, my weight melted off. 60 pounds in about 4 months. I had more energy, and could put on muscle. Still can't grow a beard; turns out that one is just a genetic quirk.

For various reasons I had to go off of my T for 3 months and was miserable. I gained 20 pounds in a month. I've been on it again for about a month and a half, but so far I haven't been seeing the effects I'd like (still low energy, weight stabilized but not going down)

So yeah, there you have it. Even though I identify as a Eunuch and have been castrated*, the health effects of not being on T are just too severe, even if it does trigger dysphoria and I hate the other body hair (everywhere but my head; no justice, I tell you.)

*I got it done!

Awesome story beekeeper

dee2essohkay (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 20, 2022 12:15 am i can only go by my own life and experience. i self harmed all my life and i know it was directed at my genitals. i determined that it was because i needed to eliminate testosterone from my body. it was not that i want to be female (though i do feel that being female is as far from being male as a person can get - so if i can be, i will be). but for most of my life, even though i know my acts were to eliminate testosterone, i never put that into words.

so knowing my own need to get rid of the T, i wonder why men who get the orchi may still want the HRT with testosterone (and not estrogen or nothing). I can understand if the orchi was for a medical reason such as cancer, but if a man wants to rid himself of his balls, why then would he opt in for more T?

all my life i was haunted by the effects of testosterone on my mind. immediately after my orchi almost 4 months ago, that noise was gone. i finally have some of the peace i was so desperately wanting and needing. i'd never choose testosterone. i am certain that others would and maybe some others don't, but i would like to understand why those who do, do.

My own reason for castration and then continued dependence on testosterone replacement was that castration was recommended as early as age 24 by several MDs as a result of recurring testicular pain. I had very short cords connecting the testicles to the inguinal canal. I had also experienced a serious rupture of a previous undiagnosed hernia at age 7, and had a minor hernia on the other side. The doctors called it a "congenital defect" resulting from the way I had been positioned in the womb. At that age I was thinking I might someday want to conceive children and simply waited 'til following child conception to have the testicles removed. I've been painless since.

For me it was stupidity, but I know some people who like the look/feel of not having any nuts down there, I know some people who its a sexual thing or fantasy for either them or there partners and are still interested in sex and sexual relations. I know a guy who was MTF but decided after getting castrated that it wasnt for him. I know one person who got it on a whim while in Mexico.

There are a LOT of reasons why someone would want them gone but would still want T.

chrisbinalman (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 14, 2022 11:07 am I know one person who got it on a whim while in Mexico.

On a whim? Do tell more!

No we don't want names...

I heard opinion of the person (nullo): it would be possible to keep testicles only for the reason as natural testosterone is better also free .

I never had anything against testosterone as it is necessary hormone for nullo considering itself the man.

Losethem (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 15, 2022 12:01 am On a whim? Do tell more!

No we don't want names...

the story I got told [with evidence that he did get castrated] was something along the lines of "college vacation and being drunk with idiot friends who suggested it", which should give you an idea of what happened

I believe I'd have to question the ethics of any professional who would castrate a drunk college boy. Especially one that drunk!