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To give you a brief summery about myself, I'm fully intact. And I plan to stay that way. I fear castration. But I'm fascinated by it. I don't wanna be a(n) eunuch. But I come here to seek the reason why ANYBODY would wanna mutilate their "gonads".

Nonetheless, on occassion I'll have dreams/nightmares about castration. And I don't know why they reoccur.

These dreams don't invole ME, per se, however it is hard to articulate what's happening in the dream. It's as if I'm watch a Alejandro Jodrowsky film (almost all his movies have castration in them).

The scenario in one dream involves an actor who is playing a prisoner. He's up against a wall and blind-folded as if he is in a firing line. However he is naked and his legs are spread wide. His fleshy balls hanging low. He's whimpering. He knows what is about to happen. And then someone, takes a small hatchet and slashes his nuts. The organs are left dangling in the bloody mess.

This dream has haunted me. For days. And I guess it is technically a nightmare.

The other dream takes place in India. And invovles the homeless.

I'm a bit shaky on the details since it's been months since I've had this dream. But one of the main characters is a deformed "man" who somewhat looks like a cross between the Elephant man and one of those aliens from Close Encounters. He lives in a tent full of vomit, trash and excrement. He does, however, have a friend (or side kick). One day, a con man cons them out of money. The friend/sidekick tracks down the theif and threatens to feed his balls to the deformed man. I'm not clear what happens thereafter, but I think the deformed guy (and some children) ceremoniously feast on the theif's balls.

Weird dreams, I know. I don't usually have dreams like these.

But they haunt me for days...

XXX (imported) wrote: Sun Nov 03, 2002 1:53 am To give you a brief summery about myself, I'm fully intact. And I plan to stay that way. I fear castration. But I'm fascinated by it. I don't wanna be a(n) eunuch. But I come here to seek the reason why ANYBODY would wanna mutilate their "gonads".

You probably won't find it as long as you have "contempt prior to investigation". "Mutilate"?



Suppose I told you the truth. Would you believe it? Would you believe that my castration had nothing to do with "mutilating" my testicles? I simply wanted to eliminate the effect of the male hormone, testosterone.

Why? As Dr. Spector once wrote, "In either the case of TS or Eunuch, a deep calm serenity develops which, from then on, makes life far more worthwhile."

If you are having nightmares, one of the best ways to handle them is to expose them to the light of day. As soon as possible after you wake up, WRITE THEM DOWN. Read them when you are fully awake.

If that is not sufficient to destroy their power over you, post them to the Archive for others to read and to comment on. This is a very understanding and sympathetic group. Most of the regulars here really DO care and would be willing to help you to understand the fears (and possibly attractions) that produce the nightmares.

Many of us don't really know why we are here, except for the caring and supportive group of people who make up the core of the Archive. Read, post, become a part of the group.

Jesus has a great point there.

Keep a blank pad and pencil by your bed and write it out when you wake up, before you begin to lose details. If nothing else, sketch in the good stuff and fill in the details later.

I did exactly this with my story 'FOR YOUR OWN GOOD'. I had this same nightmare on and off for like 15 years ... and writing it out made it go away.

You mean, you try to remember your nightmare, write it down, make a story or maybe even a movie from it and after that it's "gone"?

And then somebody like XXX wonders where he got them from...?



But earnestly, I don't know where you're pointing at, XXX.

gus

Sorry, Andrew. Castration is mutilation in MY book. Mutilation is a politically incorrect word around these woods.

For the record, I don't think any less of you folks if you choose to be eunuchs. You can do whatever you wish with your body. Each to his own.

It's just that castration isn't for me.

Heck, I have enough trouble going to the dentist and having a tooth pulled!

I think MOST (American) men feel uncomfortable with castration.

Mutilation or not, it's not my cup of poison.

Gay schmay & Straight smate...

Just leave me Tinkerbelle and a little fairy dust to get her drunk...

she has a nice ass... :tongueout

XXX (imported) wrote: Mon Nov 04, 2002 5:16 am Heck, I have enough trouble going to the dentist and having a tooth pulled!

If you aren't careful the tooth fairy will be doing a lot more than looking under your pilllow. :tongueout

A-1

I hope so for years...

Is it as simple as that?

How about Transexual Male->Females?

Maybe cutting the body is necessary for completeness of the soul?

XXX (imported) wrote: Sun Nov 03, 2002 1:53 am To give you a brief summery about myself, I'm fully intact. And I plan to stay that way. I fear castration. But I'm fascinated by it. I don't wanna be a(n) eunuch. But I come here to seek the reason why ANYBODY would wanna mutilate their "gonads".

Is it as simple as that?

How about Transexual Male->Females?

What if you were one of the many men who live a life of misery, unhappy with your gender assignment? (Hehe, Before you ask ... I'm NOT one of them!)

Maybe cutting the body is necessary for completeness of the soul?

Perhaps there is a very small overlap between eunuchs and transexualism in some ways?

XXX (imported) wrote: Mon Nov 04, 2002 5:09 am Sorry, Andrew. Castration is mutilation in MY book. Mutilation is a politically incorrect wo

XXX (imported) wrote: Mon Nov 04, 2002 5:16 am rd around these woods.

For the record, ... It's just that castration isn't for me. ... I think MOST (American) men feel uncomfortable with castra

tion. Mutilation or not, it's not my cup of poison.For many American men the problem might begin when (as boys) they are taught to view their penis and testicles as being something wonderful and great, not just another body part with an essential purpose.

Also, one does not have to be gay to dislike those things. If you stay here long enough you will learn that men have many reasons for disliking their penis and/or testicles. However, you rarely hear about it because of the social stigma related to their removal. Can you think of any surgery with a greater social significance?

I have always functioned as a straitht male with only one sexual partner (a female) but have disliked my penis and testicles since I was old enough to realize the basic outward difference between girls and boys.

A transition as mtf was never possible for me and the most I can look forward to now is total nullification. However, my only intimate desires are for my wife (a straight female). What does that make me sexually?

Gay schmay & Straight smate

A-1 (imported) wrote: Mon Nov 04, 2002 12:13 pm ... Just leave me Tinkerbelle and a little fairy dust to get her drunk ...

she has a nice assRemember, Peter Pan was a girl!

Image originally posted by A-1

XXX (imported) wrote: Mon Nov 04, 2002 5:16 am For the record, I don't think any less of you folks if you choose to be eunuchs. You can do whatever

Mac (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 05, 2002 1:02 am you wish with your body. Each to his own.

It's just that castration isn't for me.

Heck, I have enough trouble going

Mac (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 05, 2002 1:02 am to the dentist and having a tooth pulled!

I think MOST (American) men feel uncomfortable with castration.

Mutilation or not, it's not my cup of poison.

Poison?

I am quite sure castration is not for you, as it is not for most men. Even when Jesus made it clear that he wanted his male followers to castrate themselves for the Kingdom Of Heaven Sake, he admitted the teaching was not for everyone, just those who could accept it. Most males will NOT accept this teaching.

But again, I do NOT regard it as mutilation, or "poison".

After a lifetime of wanting them gone pain finally won and I did it. I remember as I walked down the hall after the surgery to meet TheFraj and LuvPain who were there with me, that for the first time in my life I felt complete.

Funny you look at it as mutilation but how would you feel tomorrow if your doctor said you had cancer and that they had to be removed. I hope that never happens to you but there are some in this group that fit that scenario. Of all the eunuchs that come in here, each of us had our own special reason for having it done, all different then the next, all supportive of each other. It maters not what are sexual orientation is, we are all brothers.

Check your Fairy Tales...

Peter Pan was a boy.

True, many women have played the part on stage, but in the story he was a "...little boy who refused to grow up." Quite appropriate for the Archive, I think.

http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/

The young girl, (love interest?) was Wendy. She had several little brothers.

And of course, there was Tinkerbelle, the fairy.

http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/iso_tinkerbell.html

Captain Hook was the villian, with a hook instead of a hand Rt. side and a wooden leg on the left side. (or was it vice-versa?)

Oh well, that's the story and I'm sticking to it.

I won't tell you how the fairy tale ends, but it is worth a trip to the local public library to get the book and read it. I am leaving that research up to you.

It is a beautifully written story.

...As if gender made a hell of a lot of difference around here anyhoo

A-1

> I won't tell you how the [Peter Pan] fairy tale ends, but

>

A-1 (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 05, 2002 5:33 am it is worth a trip to the local public library to get the

> book and read it. I am leaving that research up to you.

I've watched the video before. Didn't all the kids decide to grow up in the end?

>

Mac (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 05, 2002 1:02 am For many American men the problem might begin when

> (as boys) they are taught to view their penis and

> testicles as being something wonderful and great, not

> just another body part with an essential purpose.

Really? Most American boys are actually taught to view their genital

Mac (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 05, 2002 1:02 am s as being something wonderful and great?

*boggles* I didn't know that.

A bit off topic, but in light of the Peter Pan posts ... Peter was usually played by woman in all but the animated productions much because of the same reason that led to the Era of the Castrati - no one could find a boy actor who could pull it off and was big enough with a high enough voice. Enough said on THAT one.

Sandy Duncan who played Peter Pan on Broadway was one of many women who portrayed him in theater.

I liked her better as a sweet character, not as a wise-ass M-C in that Game show series "Weakest Link".

That just goes to show how talented of an actress that she is. She is probably one of the most under-rated actresses in the country. She is really great!

So, did you enjoy Robin Williams portrayal of Peter Pan in the movie "HOOK"?

He is the only actor that I can imagine that could beat Krister's "RED NUN" outfit.

A-1

P.S. my high speed internet connection is down tonight and I am working through a ISP & telephone line.

It sucks.

Just one thing about Peter Pan which you may not know.

When J.M. Barrie wrote the story he assigned all of the rights to the Great Ormond Street Hospital for sick children.

They still receive royalties from the work and use the money to provide services to sick children from around the world.

Tinkerbell still lives!

LOL

My obsession with being castrated initially began with dreams about being castrated. It was always me being castrated, usually in a medical milieu, but not a hospital. I didn't know then that one's testicles could be expressed outside the sac and the cords sliced. A surgeon would just slice off my entire package (nuts and sac). I gradually realized that I did want it. It then grew to daytime thoughts and then to a full blown obsession.

As I tell others, I had always had a very tight package, and a urologist told me in my 20s that I would eventually have physical problems with my testicles as I aged - infections of the epididymis. I did. My production of testosterone eventually decreased 'til I was diagnosed with hypogonadism.

I'm not sure that either the fantasy or the physical problems by themselves would have been sufficient to cause me to follow through. Together they were. I did finally follow through, and I think it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I only sought to have the physical organs removed and did not seek to affect my sexuality. I'm just a ballless guy.

Andrew (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 05, 2002 3:48 am But again, I do NOT regard it as mutilation, or "poison".

Would it have been better if I substituted the word 'tea' instead of 'poison'?

***********************************************

And since when did I mention that I was straight?

Some of you people are reading too much into my intial post.

Sheesh.

Riverwind (imported) wrote: Tue Nov 05, 2002 4:33 am Funny you look at it as mutilation but how would you feel tomorrow if your doctor said you had cancer and that they had to be removed.

Aah. That's different.

Cutting off your hand: mutilation.

Cutting off your nose(inspite of your face): mutilation

Cutting off your nipples: mutilation

Cutting of your foot: mutilation

Cutting of your balls just for the hell of it: mutilation

So? Tattoos are mutilation, piercings are, even coloring your hair is a form of temporary mutilation.

I'm still a fence-sitter on the topic as far as my body parts are concerned, but you speak of modifications as if they're bad things.

Eisenhower had his appendix removed, voluntarily and without medical need, because he could NOT have a common infection incapacitate him during a battle, and appendicitis was common enough to be a concern. Was that mutilation? Sure. Was it justified? Yup.

Just because it's not to my tastes doesn't make it evil. It might make it something that *I* don't like, or that I don't want to look at, but that's a reflection on my choices and tastes, not someone else's.

(Personally, I believe that modifications/looks that you force onto others, to push their buttons, are boorish and dumb. That goes double for the creep in the Nazi SS outfit, with the swastika armband, who trots around the S/M events from time to time. Thanks, but go push someone else's buttons for a while.)

-jab

jab (imported) wrote: Thu Nov 07, 2002 5:16 am (Personally, I believe that modifications/looks that you force onto others, to push their buttons, are boorish and dumb. That goes double for the creep in the Nazi SS outfit, with the swastika armband, who trots around the S/M events from time to time. Thanks, but go push someone else's buttons for a while.)

So, when you take your leaded Louisville Slugger that you shag balls out to center field with and smash the creep in the nose hard enough to put the majority of the base of his nose on his left zygomatic arch...

1. Is this body modification?

YEP!

2. Is it justified?

I DUNNO...

3. Is it fun?!

HELL YESSSS!

(maybe not for him, though, even though it was a GRAND SLAM)

A-1