Ready to get surgery -- my story with some worries

[BezTestisa]

Hi all! Greetings from North Carolina. I’m intact at the moment but wanted to share a bit about myself to see if any of you can relate.

I have always questioned my gender (I am a male, but unclear on if I am really a “man”). I’ve been married for 10 years, and my wife and I have an open relationship. But over time that’s really involved her finding boyfriends. Me? I am way happier reading a book about the history of England and the conflicts between early Christians and pagans. Yes, I am that kind of nerd.

My wife has a lover she sees regularly, and over time I have become less and less interested in sex and more and more interested in building a model of the oldest pubs in England.

I am not English. I just think it’s cool… we all have a thing. I like old English beer and the history of the country.

Anyway, they do whatever they do and I have been struggling more and more with how I’ll get bursts of sexual jealousy or energy but only on rare occasions. I’ve come to realize, after reading about the artist Michelangelo and his aversion to sex, that I don’t like what my balls do to me and they are not allowing me to live a fulfilling life, and living my dream of one day visiting England.

I’ve begun binding my balls hoping it would stop the intrusive thoughts I have about sex – with my wife or anyone. In the noisy age of social media, I feel these urges are more toxic and intrusive than ever, and I am challenged not to look at porn from time to time.

At a local trans and queer meetup, I learned about Eunuchs. I didn’t know there was a contemporary identity associated with this group – and this came after I started binding. Now I am intrigued. And I believe this is my true self.

An idiot former friend of mine said that Eunuchs were just some former torture to control children, and I was disgusted. Have you all ever run into that?

So, at this point here is where I am at. I have spoken to a gender affirming surgeon, and told her about my desires. She is on board to have my testicles extracted.

My wife’s lover has asked, as it gets him off for some reason, to have my balls kept after the surgery. They think it will enhance their sex life. And I am inclined to let them do that.

I asked the surgeon and she gave that idea the OK.

So, I am ready to go! I have yet to pull the trigger so to speak, but it’s coming any day now. I just wanted to hear your thoughts. Am I trans now? Can I just identify as a Eunuch instead of a man? Is this OK to do? Will I lose my wife to her lover? Will they display my balls and will I feel weird knowing they do stuff with them? How does this work.

Thank you all. Love the forum.

[WheelyFixed]

Welcome to the forum, glad to have you join us!

You ask a lot of good questions, some of them are things that you are really the only one that can figure out, others we can try to help...

Your relationship with your wife and her boyfriend(s) is something that we can only offer a bit of support on, but mostly you have to work together on deciding how you all feel about it, and the different aspects, particularly it sounds like the question of what they do with your bits....

If you do go for chemical or surgical castration, you definitely would fit the definition of "Male -> Eunuch Transgender"

The biggest caution I always offer is that there is no 'redo' on the surgery, once your balls are gone, there is no gluing them back on.... So be REALLY certain that this what you really want before climbing on that table for the surgeon...

I'd also be a bit amiss if I didn't point out that binding your testicles is moderately risky, as you can do permanent damage accidentally if you go to tight or to long... This can cause medical complications like blood clots or infections, etc...

It MIGHT be worth trying a period of "chemical castration" with something like Lupron injections before committing to surgery as this can be a bit of a 'test drive' to see if the results and how you feel are both what you expect and what you want.... It is also important to note that there can be some serious physical and mental health issues if you try to 'go natural' and not do some sort of hormone replacement - again something to think about... (Both of these are very strong recommendations in the WPATH SOCv8, which are the medical guidelines for anyone seeking gender modification, if you haven''t read it, you should...)

Your former idiot friend sounds like a lot of the popularly held modern beliefs, many of which are mostly wrong... It is true that most 'historical' eunuchs were castrated before or early in puberty, but I'd say that 'torture' was almost never the main motive - While it was generally a rather painful procedure simply because of the state of medical technology, i,e, no real anesthetics, there isn't any evidence that the usual surgeries were done with the intent of causing extra pain, and often herbs and or alcohol and other methods were used to at least minimize it as best they could.... It was sometimes done for 'control' considering that many were slaves or captives, and castration made them more 'tractable'... OTOH in the Byzantine era many powerful positions (a high percentage of what we class as "Civil Service" were reserved for eunuchs and families would arrange to have surplus sons fixed in order to get them into these positions... Given your interest in history, you might want to explore a lot of the roles eunuchs played as extremely powerful players in history, as well as the trade in them.... (Not British beyond having been born there, but I've seen some very serious speculation that St. Patrick may very well have been a eunuch! It is consistent and definitely possible with his known history, and there is NOTHING to suggest he wasn't)

Feel free to ask questions, or explore....

WheelyFixed

[Evolve]

Welcome to the community/site. I echo Wheely's suggestion of a chemical trial before pursuing what's an irreversible procedure. Six months which is what I did prior to moving forward should be enough time for an adequate assessment of whether to go further.

[wanasoso2]

I would also advocate for the chemical castration try first. Although I'm still "intact" it's the way I would maybe try in a moderate future. I try to get rid of sex, like you, but I'm not enough sure to go on with being fixed. I'm always ambivalent. I'm not surprised of my attitude toward a possible castration because usually guys would take years to make the move. This is what surprise me in you story, I feel that the time window of it is quite short. If so, it would be a good idea to consult a queer/trans experienced psychologist. Good luck and you're more than welcome to share the next step in your journey.

[Neutrum260725]

Since you're apparently interested in castration, I can only echo "WheelyFixed" and strongly recommend reading the WPATH's SoCv8. Be aware that this is a one-way ticket and a life-changing procedure. Take your time and mentally rehearse all possible scenarios to identify and, if possible, avoid potential future problems. Be aware that you will change not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. If you perform a "chemical test run," it's helpful to keep a diary so that you can still understand what happened, when, and how, even after some time has passed. For example, you will become much more emotional, so you'll find yourself tearing up more easily than before.

Furthermore, you should talk to your wife about your thoughts and wishes, as she is also "affected." Above all, take your time with your decision until you are absolutely certain that this is the right thing for you. Talk to your doctors about osteoporosis, bone density measurements, and hot flashes. Don't neglect depression either.

For me, it was important to suppress my libido. This gave me an effect commonly referred to as "eunuch calm." It's a wonderful feeling I wouldn't want to be without.

All the best!

[eggless splitty]

Hy Beztest, we all will have our own spezific story and history. my urg to loose my little male stuff, especially my eggs, i feeled already as an little boy, when i notonce knew why the stuff will swing around there between my shanks. There i dreamed from an accident, which would remove or destroy the little danglers. Later they were always a centre of my focussed torturing with all ways. on the other side i m happy in the retroperspective that the both were healthy still and enough to make four childs with them. Wherby i have to notice, that the most wonderful moments in the life of a man will be the together wished and knowingly fillings up of a wifes pussy with his seed! Thats a so much overwhelming and deep into your soul burning feeling and difficult or not to describe.
But after fullfilling of this task the both were free to their finally exit. And so - when they were useless and dead - i carried them into the ER with a bit complaining about hurts. Two days later i went at home with two wonderful fresh plasters and the proud and released feeling of an fresh made eunuch. And i feeled me onto the highest level of a man finally! A greater level in my eyes a man cant reach, when he has overwhelmed his great and always nagging sex-drive, respectively the causers.
You should feel yourself as a man, or a male or something else - as you will feel and definite youself - equal what will hang and dangle still between your shanks. Your brain will show you what you will be and feel yourself, nobody others, haha. Let them tell some silly stuff - you will be as like you are. And when your eggs will be cut off, than you will be the same, because you will be now so as your feeling it will order you.
Thats is all, what will count! And when your wife will be happy with your at her board stored eggs in a jar - even as an funny highlight for her tea-time or party or date with her mounter - then be happy also! When you are in love with your wife - then the world will be okay, because it will not disturb you, when another mans boner will bring her the needed fun. Let the both make and fuck - perhaps even you will like it to watch such a hot number. Your wifes fun is also your fun, because you will love the life with her together?
Be proudly and happy - with or without eggs and with or without a male tail - it doesnt matter. Only how and if you will live in a good way with another sympathical or loved human. For me it was always a wife - although there was less sex and nearby no sex anymore after menopause...
And always when i had a great rage about the missing sex - i remembered the sweet young girl, who i had on my arms in young years, sometimes nakedly, when i carried her so wonderful nice struggling in the water... then my rage will go down...

[dandelion]

when i carried her so wonderful nice struggling in the water... then my rage will go down...

Not sure I follow you here, and I sure hope I'm just misunderstanding it

[eggless splitty]

what is to misunderstend Dandy? we were camping in summer at the Baltic Sea at the nude beach of course. And sometimes i grasped her, took her onto my arms, the sweety and went to the cold water. And she screeched and struggled so sweety until we were into the water and wet and have rampaged so wonderfully. And she let me love and mount and fuck her, let me make her over the years four wonderful childs... how i could be angry to her, when her sex drive is gone and down and im standing there with my full eggs. Then it will give only one good and orderly way out : kill these nagging eggs and remove them, the little bastards, haha...
btw: today i cant carry her onto my arms, because my arthrose... ( and because perhaps the many pounds, which are grown around her shanks, ass cheeks, chest, boobs, aso...) on the other side: all these many pounds are very nice for touching and massaging...