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When mom first saw my new hair last November and noticed that I was growing a bust, she didn't know what in the world was happening.

She found out last December 30th when I told her I had changed my name to Sherry and that I was transitioning. At that time I did not mention that I had already obtained an orchiectomy, because I knew that would shock her terribly, and she was already terribly shocked as it was. For a while I didn't think she had to know about genital surgeries either past or future.

But in the meantime mom assumed that my entire transition was merely to capture male sexual partners. Since she is extremely religious, she went and asked me a long quiz of questions about my sexuality, most of which I refused to answer. I believed that disclosing my orchiectomy and the resulting decrease of libido would convince her that this wasn't about sexuality. I also knew she would be deeply disturbed, but I didn't know how else to end her obsession over my sexuality.

Meanwhile, mom has sought to learn more about transgender, only she is learing it through her Catholic church, and has made contact with two 'ex'-transgendered persons who supposedly 'converted' and were going back to the male role, meaning that she is not seeking to learn to accept, but rather looking for reasons to not accept what I'm doing. Those two contacts seemed to also mention SRS, and that made mom wonder if I'd already done that or if I was going to.

So when I brought her supplies up last Wednesday evening, and the discussion turned to my transition, I disclosed that I had been castrated back in 1999. So much for her myth that I was doing all of this for sexuality, but this shocked her even more than when I first doscloed my transition and name change last December.



Next, she asked me if I still had my penis and if I planned to get SRS. So I said that I was going to just get rid of the penis but not try to reconstruct anything from it. This also disturbed her tremendously.

So anyway, almost four years after I saw Dr. Spector, mom now knows that I was castrated, and while my adopted sisters are having families, mom will never have any genetic grandchildren, because I was her only natural child and I didn't bother to have any children before my orchiectomy.

It sounds like she's not taking it too well, either.



Best of luck on the mom-front, Sherry.

Sherry, my heart goes out to you, I know how important family exceptance is. I was not going to tell my family at first but after I was castrated I did tell my ex, she told my sons. I think if anything that today we are all much closer as a family. I hope your mom will come around.

Best wishes,

River

Me too.

She has to.

I know, it's easy to say, she has no say in your sexuality and no right to be hurt by the way you want to live.

I wish you all the best.

gus

Dear Sherry,

You and I are very much in the same place in our transitions. My family is also Catholic, but I have fallen, so to speak, from the faith for many years now. Transition is not only hard for us, it is very hard for family members also. I have seen this. For every major goal I achive, it seems to put more resentment and resistance among those that I am closest to. I feel sometimes like I'm fighting two battles, one to gain what I seek, and one to convince others how much I need to do this. It's not easy, by any standard.

I told my mom over a year ago about my goals I wanted to achive. Even now she still questions my decisions. Time can heal the wound we cause within our familys, some will never accept it though. When I first started my transition I was filled with so much joy and excitement I couldn't wait to tell everyone about it. But knowing this could cause much confusion I waited. That was one of the hardest things I ever done. Even when I did come out and tell it all, I still only gave out information that they could understand and take the time to absorb. It's been over 6 months now since I came out to everyone about my transition and I still have people asking me questions and I try to explain to them in a manner that they can understand. I fear this will go on for a long time yet, maybe even many years.

Your mom is taking this news as if she wants to find someone elses reason for you not to do this, not her own. I know you are a very intelligent and resourceful person and I would hope you had planned to present your mom with some documents, or maybe even a well published book on the subject. Could it be possiblly to take her to a PFLAG meeting, if one exists in your area? I have had a slight advantage in dealing with my social changes with my family. As you know I seek SRS surgery in the future and by doing so I need to see a therapist for the letters. I have, from time to time, asked for help from my therapist with issues dealing with my transition and family relationships. That is there job and they have helped others make the transition also, so they are most knowledgable in the dealings with family members. I know that for the surgery you seek no letter is required. Seeking profesional advice at this time may make the difference between losing and keeping your family together.

Knowing that you are the only genetic offspring in your family, I too have shared some of your guilt that I would never have any children of my own. Being the first born in my family, I felt for many years I had an obligation to fulfill to sire an offspring of my own. It wasn't untill about 20 years ago that some of the guilt had lessened when my brothers and sisters started to get married and have there own children. I was named after my father and I felt it was my duty to have a child and pass his name onto my own children, that will never happen now. At this point I no longer have the physical ability to do so, true there may be ways to overcome this, but it is my choice not to do so. It has taken me years to get over this because my parents had expected me to marry and raise a family. I know that my gender issues, even early in my life, had influenced my decisions.

I would hope that you be the one to influence your mom's decision and not for her to take it upon herself to seek the answers she is looking for.

Love and Hugs

Sherry it makes me sad to see what you and your mom are going through .It is hard on you because this is who you are and the person you want to be and all you want is people to accept you.It is hard on your mom because she can not understand what you are going through.Sherry i can only hope and pray that in time your mom will come to accept you as you are and Sherry you are in my prayers and may god be with you your friend sag111

I would like to thank all of you for the prayers and well wishes regarding the disagreement with my mom.

Before I started down this path, I knew that many of my family members would have difficulty with this. I knew there was a real possibility that mom or others would never accept, or even that some persons might cease to even speak with me. Transitioning women like myself do count the potential cost, and so far the cost has been less than what it could have been, as I still have the job where I transitioned in place, and I still have good relations with my neighbors.

I don't know what mom will do in the next year or two, but I do know what I will do, for I am almost twice the legal age of majority in my country, and I won't let her or anyone else dictate how I must live.

It is hard for family to accept the transition and the coming out. It takes time. Best wishes.

Just to say, I admire your strength and wish you all the best.

Hopefully, your Mother will come round in time.

LOL

Sherry (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 11, 2003 12:15 pm I would like to thank all of you for the prayers and well wishes regarding the disagreement with my mom.

Well, just to prove I'm an AOLer...me too wishes you to be able to work this out. For what it is worth, I think the cats also support you. Right, Pearly and Conway?



Dogs have Masters, cats have staff.

Hello, Sherry dear.

Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 2:19 am When mom first saw my new hair last November and noticed that I was growing a bust, she didn't know what in the world was happening.

It is amazing that some parents don't see this all along, that their "son" is really their daughter.

Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 2:19 am She found out last December 30th when I told her I had changed my name to Sherry and that I was transitioning. At that time I did not mention that I had already obtained an orchiectomy, because I knew that would shock her terribly, and she was already terribly shocked as it was. For a while I didn't think she had to know about genital surgeries either past or future.

But in the meantime mom assumed that my entire transition was merely to capture male sexual partners. Since she is extremely religious, she went and asked me a long quiz of questions about my sexuality, most of which I refused to answer. I believed that disclosing my orchiectomy and the resulting decrease of libido would convince her that this wasn't about sexuality. I also knew she would be deeply disturbed, but I didn't know how else to end her obsession over my sexuality.

Yes, quite a quandary. And this stems from some people's belief that we transition for sex. I hope that she will understand that it is not about sex--it is about gender.

Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 2:19 am Meanwhile, mom has sought to learn more about transgender, only she is learning it through her Catholic church, and has made contact with two 'ex'-transgendered persons who supposedly 'converted' and were going back to the male role, meaning that she is not seeking to learn to accept, but rather looking for reasons to not accept what I'm doing. Those two contacts seemed to also mention SRS, and that made mom wonder if I'd already done that or if I was going to.

Unfortunately, (as you know), Catholic churches are often anti-TG, so that is precisely the wrong place to learn about transsexuality. I would suggest the book "True Selves," by Mildred Brown. It very well captures the reason why we are transgendered and what we must do. Non-T people can learn quite a lot from the book and understand what we go through in our difficult lives as a TG person.

And I am appalled at those that "converted" the two TS women back to manhood. That was an atrociously evil and cruel thing to do to these people. The only known "cure" for Gender Dysphoria is transition and living as your mental gender. Forcing people not to do this is completely selfish.

Gender--male, female, in-between--seems to be hard-wired in the brain. It cannot be changed. Many of us are born with the gender of a female and the body of a male. This is not a difficult concept to grasp.

I hope that your mother can become better informed of your condition. Perhaps you can steer her in the right direction as to where to look?

Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 2:19 am So when I brought her supplies up last Wednesday evening, and the discussion turned to my transition, I disclosed that I had been castrated back in 1999. So much for her myth that I was doing all of this for sexuality, but this shocked her even more than when I first disclosed my transition and name change last December.

It may have been shocking, but does it seem good that she now knows? She is getting to know her daughter a little better now.

I am sorrowful if this did not go well. I was fearful that it might not, but yet waited for this time to come. In the end, I hope that since she now knows, this disclosure may help with your mother's acceptance of her daughter Sherry.

My mother was the first person that I told about my orchiectomy (besides my T friends). She actually took it rather well, but I know that your mother and mine are two different people.

Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 2:19 am Next, she asked me if I still had my penis and if I planned to get SRS. So I said that I was going to just get rid of the penis but not try to reconstruct anything from it. This also disturbed her tremendously.

I am saddened that she did not take this well. But from your earlier writings, I am not surprised. Yet now that she knows you better, your relationship--mother daughter--may begin to finally develop?

Your choice of penectomy may be a very wise one for you. Not all TG women wish to have a vagina. Mine comes with much maintenance as well as two yeast infections so far, and for nothing, really--I assume that I will die a virgin, and I cannot bear children anyway. The best thing about SRS is that "it" is gone.

Sherry (imported) wrote: Sun Mar 09, 2003 2:19 am So anyway, almost four years after I saw Dr. Spector, mom now knows that I was castrated, and while my adopted sisters are having families, mom will never have any genetic grandchildren, because I was her only natural child and I didn't bother to have any children before my orchiectomy.

Your adopted sisters are having families! And they may have children. Your mother may love these grandchildren. After all, are they any less human than "genetic" grandchildren?

It is not your fault (or hers) that you were born this way, but you were. I hope that there is much love and acceptance in your future.

I care deeply for you, and want you to have the best life that you can.

Warm hugs,

Kelly

Kelly_2 (imported) wrote: Thu Mar 13, 2003 9:23 am Not all TG women wish to have a vagina. Mine comes with much maintenance as well as two yeast infections so far, and for nothing, really--I assume that I will die a virgin, and I cannot bear children anyway. The best thing about SRS is that "it" is gone.

I suppose there is always "self-love".

I heard that women, unlike men, can do it without even touching themselves.

Sherry it is hard to know what it is like to do what you are doing.So i know it must be hard for your mom to understand.But if i had only one thing to say to you and your mom it would be to listen to her when you can and talk to her when she will listen and love her if she will let you .so hang in thair Sharry and i will keep you in my prayers .

Darling Sherry, I too wish you everything nice. i m sure your mom will come around, tho. it may take a while, guess you cant rush her, we all have some difficulty with family, as they are the ones we are close too, I'm not religious though i will say a prayer for you happiness , love Trix