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Sometimes I just don't know what to do. This isn't necessarily castration related, but the TG board is so rarely visited that I thought I'd post here.

I really feel like just giving up. I could just try my hardest to live as a man. I'd be miserable and could very well end up killing myself, but at least I probably wouldn't face as many problems as transition might bring me.

I have felt bad since last night about this whole thing. I have a hard time believing I'm ever going to make it. I refuse to go full time without FFS. I just couldn't take the ridicule and harassment I'd get if I can't pass. It would tear me to pieces.

But I find that I'm being torn already. My family won't support me. I have no one IRL who supports me at all. I don't know if I can take this anymore. It's just too hard to be trans. Why couldn't I just have been born a girl? Things would be so much easier that way.

Do I just give up now before I get too far into this?

Then again, I can't take one more day of pretending to be someone I'm not. Each time I go outside and have to face the world this way.....as someone who isn't me at all....it's a nightmare. And the worst part is no one understands. All they do is call me sir as if that were some sort of honor. If I get one more sir, I don't know what I'll do. I don't want people to think of me that way. It just isn't right.

I'm feeling really lost right now I just wanted to let all of this out.

Just hang in there Plix, you have some folks on your side and things will change soon.

tal

Plix,

Do consider telephoning Uncle Wolfie. I can attest to the bad jokes from personal experience, but he is also a kind and caring person who will provide some local support. He's the closest member of your new Archive family to you - maybe even within walking distance.

Plix?

Are you able to travel, say next weekend to eunuch central?

tal

Plix i to can send you my phone number if you want it i am not TG but as many here i have some very good friends that have traveled that path and since we both have gone through castration we do have that in common.I as others will be glad to help you through this all we can .Mat God bless you dear and keep intouch we are all family here.

Plix,

You've been on my mind alot today, after seeing your post mid-afternoon. No wise words to share. Just want you to know folks are thinking warm/kind thoughts of you. Perplexed thoughts, too. (Does 'Plix' come from perplexed?)

TG is rough. Though I have no plans to transition, I look at my chest each day in hope of seeing development. (No HRT.) So there are some contradictions in my life.

BTW: Thanks for breathing some life into the TG forum. I visit each day hoping for updates. You're right -- it doesn't see much activity.

Keep the posts coming. Thinking of you.

You hang in there, kiddo.

You can't undo "boy puberty" overnight you know.

Stick with it and keep looking at Christina's picture...that should be inspiration enough!

We're here for you.

hi plix,you might want to talk to leona lee, I am sure chatting with her would help.She's been there and done that.Having the same feelings you talk about.

Take care my friend and remember that you have many family members here including myself who stand behind you.[twin]

Plix, about all I can tell you, is that you live in a world in which most of what people expect from you, makes no sense, and it's largely part of a control system that is intended to be used to manipulate you and everybody around you. Try to stop concentrating all the time about what other people think about you, and work out your own way of being yourself. And, most importantly, find other people who will accept you as you are. Practically all the people on the Archive accept you as yourself, and I'm sure there are a lot of others not far from where you live who would do the same. What other people think about you, is something which is never worth suffering or worrying about.

Plix,

I dont know what to add other having known you for such a short time we all I think feel the same way, You are family, you are one of us, we will always be there for you.

I am so looking forward to meeting you next week. I think we all have addopted you, you have touched us all.

River

PS. if you need to talk I will send you my number.

Hey Plix,

Did I read what River said right? Are you going out to talula's next week? If so, thats so cool. You will be meeting some of the most wonderful people around here. I cant wait for the day, Christina and I can travel out to talula's house for there get together that they have a few times a year I think...lol. Oh well, you have a great time with your new family Plix, if your going.

take care little sister,

love, Lilac

lilac (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 02, 2005 2:39 am Hey Plix,

Did I read what River said right? Are you going out to talula's next week? If so, thats so cool. You will be meeting some of the most wonderful people around here. I cant wait for the day, Christina and I can travel out to talula's house for there get together that they have a few times a year I think...lol. Oh well, you have a great time with your new family Plix, if your going.

take care little sister,

love, Lilac

I am going, and I am looking forward to meeting everyone.

Again I have to thank everyone for being so supportive. Even though I don't have any IRL support, it's nice to know I have a family here. I think I am going to struggle on and off with depression for a long time. It's probably just something I will have to get used to, but in the end I hope to succeed.

Plix i am glad you are going to see the gang i have meet a few myself and may i say they are the best people i know.Take care dear and yes if you keep going and keep your eye on the finish line you will succeed. May God bless you my friend

Hey girl,

Wanted to let you know that I can relate to what you are going through as I am a TG MtF on harmones for the last 2 1/2 years. If you need someone to chat with, feel free to send me a PM. Hang in there girl and if you want it bad enough..... you will prevail.

plix (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 02, 2005 3:23 am I am going, and I am looking forward to meeting everyone.

Again I have to thank everyone for being so supportive. Even though I don't have any IRL support, it's nice to know I have a family here. I think I am going to struggle on and off with depression for a long time. It's probably just something I will have to get used to, but in the end I hope to succeed.

Better to struggle with what you feel makes you happy, than with what doesn't.

I wish u luck in ur endever. Remember things might get bad, but eventually they will get better, and time heals a lot of things. Remember EA as a source to rely on, it has a lot of members either going thru what ur doing , or have gone thru it. Please feel free to contact as u need. limpy

I picked up Plix last night at the airport and got her to Eunuch Central, her bags should arive later today. How scary this must be, to fly so far to meet people for the first time. I asked her if she liked going to the mall, we are going to the Mall of America one or two times this week. Girl after my own heart.

River

Plix you couldent be in better hands back their I just wish i was back their with you.Take care girl and have fun you need that

Well, today I have just returned from my trip to Eunuch Central. I really enjoyed my time out there and I loved getting the chance to meet everyone.

I had a lot of fun with River at the Mall of America Not just once, but twice!

Being out there has convinced me to put off FFS for a little while. I still want it just as bad, but I think I am ready to wait. I'll just do hormones for now. But I still may go see Dr. O to get an honest opinion on my forehead. I haven't decided yet. I am also considering paying Anne Lawrence a visit and seeing if I can get hormones from her.

I'll be doing great if I can just remember to be patient!

Thank you for the kind words. I did have fun at the Mall of America as well. I am glad to hear that you not going to rush it. It takes time for all this to happen and it will, just keep on the path.

I was lots of fun this last week, meeting people from all over and drinking some fine California Wine, thank you Jesus.

River

Glad to hear you had fun plix.

I am glad to hear your doing well.

An Antidepressant may help since you have been feeling depressed.

Zoloft,Paxil,lexapro may help you if in the correct dose.

Hope you feel happier, glad to hear you are feeling good and glad for being done.

I look foward to this also!

Have a wonderful day my friend!

Just know that you have a wonderful group of people here who love you and will support unconditionally. I know, because in darker times I was lucky enough to count on a member here who I can safely say I owe my life to.

When you're feeling blue or down, please visit Jennifer Diane Reitz's website (http://transsexual.org). She is very supportive, and has been through some terrible things.

But right now, I know you'll find comfort reading her article Reasons To Treasure Being Transsexual (http://transsexual.org/cherish.html)

Take care, We're here for you.

~Rog.

thefraj (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 14, 2005 6:31 am Just know that you have a wonderful group of people here who love you and will support unconditionally. I know, because in darker times I was lucky enough to count on a member here who I can safely say I owe my life to.

When you're feeling blue or down, please visit Jennifer Diane Reitz's website (http://transsexual.org). She is very supportive, and has been through some terrible things.

But right now, I know you'll find comfort reading her article Reasons To Treasure Being Transsexual (http://transsexual.org/cherish.html)

Take care, We're here for you.

~Rog.

Thanks for the kind words, and for the resources

I am a 23 year old male to female, pre-operative transsexual. I was 20 when I started transition. That being said, let me tell you who I was previously. I was an Airborne Ranger, in the US Army. I have 2 combat tours in Afghanistan under my belt, and I know EXACTLY where you're coming from! If you need ANYTHING, just IM me, and I am there for ya!

FFS is a rather invasive way to start transition. There are not many surgeons who operate without letters stating you have been fulltime. The Harry Benjamin SOC rules are in effect, and I don't know of an FFS surgeon in the States, or in Canada who will operate without meeting the requirements. What research have you done along these lines? Passability is all in your head. Grow your hair out, take your horomones, get electro if need be, and work from there. I will give you all the help you need, so long as you have a goal set, and a plan to get there. Plans are good! lol...

feel free to contact me anytime sweetie. I'm there for ya!

~Jessica

I'm not a huge fan of Dr. O

alot of his FFS results make girls look kinda like Odo from Deep Space 9, lol