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This may sound like a stupid question but I'm going to ask it anyway .

What's your major drive to become an eunuch? Is it about the body modification, or is it more about losing your sex drive because you don't like it?

I'm asexual myself, and I wonder if there are people who are sexual but would like to become asexual.

myra (imported) wrote: Tue May 02, 2006 2:21 am This may sound like a stupid question but I'm going to ask it anyway .

What's your major drive to become an eunuch? Is it about the body modification, or is it more about losing your sex drive because you don't like it?

I'm asexual myself, and I wonder if there are people who are sexual but would like to become asexual.

My two reasons were that I did not feel male and due to events in my life I became a sexual addict. I identify as a eunuch and am happier with myself. I am not asexual but in control of my sexuality. I have no interest in being asexual.

Hiya Myra!! And belated welcomes to the group!

You hit the nail on the head! I've always wanted to be castrated, and had weird thoughts that way since I was about 12. Though I did not conciously realise what this was until about 16 - when I started doing things to try and achieve the position I'm in now.

Why? It's hard to say. Maybe it's like asking someone why they're gay, or why some people do not identify with their birth gender. It's just a part of who they are. And castration is a means to calm the body and bring it closer to what I feel inside. I really can't say. I only know.

I know I hated the sexual urges that men have. I knew they wern't me, and that I was never a big fan of body hair. Everyone who knows me, (I hope, in a playful way) seems to think I'm gay. Which is okay, but not necessarily true. In the past this has caused problems, and people often see the body language and assume. But my feeling now is that the body language is of someone of neither gender, who is (as I've only recently realised) asexual.

I've known for a little while that I was neither male nor female and have escaped the masculin things which I always hated.

But the last few days I've spent on www.asexuality.org (http://www.asexuality.org) and reading the post by others, made me realise this is exactly what I am. What I have always been.

By this, I mean I can enjoy sex. But it is not an important part of me, or of any relationship. It's weird, I guess getting to know onesself is a lifetime experience

But this is just me, and there are a whole number of reasons men want castrating.

Thanks thefraj for a great link. I am interested in learning more. I must say that I am no longer interested in sex outside a loving relationship. If I can't be with the one I love then I can't be with anyone. Most of my sexual drive is due to my relationship. I honestly do not know if it ended if I would then consider myself asexual. Ah Rog you got me thinking again.

thanks for replying. It's nice castration by a medical professional is possible for those who want it. It's also great that your operation made you feel better. I realise that being an eunuch is not necessarily related with being asexual. Thanks for pointing that out.

For me, becoming a eunuch was a process. It started with the desire to cut myself, specially my scrotum. This went on for several years. I actually cut my scrotum in half vertically. This was both painful and excilirating. At some point, after several years of abusing my balls and scrotum, the desire to be castrated started to manifest itself. I would be driving home or sitting at my desk in the office and these overwhelming thoughts and desires to be castrated would come over me. I've never figured out the "why." The desire drove me to attempt it on my own, but pain and fear stopped me. I finally enlisted a sympathetic female co-worker to help me, but it wasn't good for either of us, though we managed to remove the left testicle. I ended up in the emergency room from that. And my female co-worker regreted helping me. However, for a while, the removal of the one testicle stopped/slowed my thoughts of castration, but after a year or so, the desire to be castrated returned. That's because the remaining right testicle picked up the slack and started pumping me full of testosterone again. I continued to abuse the testicle and abused it to the point where it shrunk and shriveled. Mind you, I could not stop or control my abuse. My urologist told me that had "hypogonadism" and was technically a eunuch because of my low testosterone count. Finally, this past March, I had Dr. Kimmel remove my remaining shriveled testicle. Now I'm officially a eunuch and love the control that I have over my body. I know and can understand why men rape, abuse, and hurt women, I know why they go to sex shops and buy porn, testosterone drives them nuts (no pun intended). It drives and pushes men to act out sexually and controlling the "drive" is difficult for most men. Fortunately for me, my drive drove me to hurt myself instead of others. Any way, that's my story. Hash

myra (imported) wrote: Tue May 02, 2006 2:21 am I'm asexual myself, and I wonder if there are people who are sexual but would like to become asexual.

You know it's interesting how you put it that way. I assume you're going with the "asexual = no sexual desire" thing. Some of us aren't here about sexual desire, but about the other negative consequences of certain hormones. And sometimes it's hard to tell where you draw the definition of sexual desire. If you have an automobile, except it's missing its wheels, its seats, its body, its engine, is it still an automobile? Many of us are trying to get treatment precisely because there are artifacts of what would be a sexual desire in most people, and in us it's a cause of depression, anxiety, obsessiveness and stuff in a way that's unrelated to sex. Some people here find it rather revolting to have sex with a woman, but have a deep desire to be a woman, and those two are sometimes connected very strongly. I can think of two cases I've seen where someone wanted to undergo gender reassignment surgery, and once ey had been castrated, after that the hatred for eir body shape, style and uh... plumbing evaporated with the hormones. It's rare, but it does happen.

As for myself I can consistently say that I've never met anyone I wanted to have sex with. It just doesn't happen. But I do get a lot of hormones sometimes, and it really messes with my head, and I don't appreciate that. I'm not saying it makes people look more attractive, I'm saying for instance it makes me freeze up in thoughts like gears grinding to a halt, makes my metabolism all screwy where I have too much energy or not enough, or where I'm too hot or too cold in the same temperature room, and yes occasionally I do end up obsessing about certain physical ...acts I suppose. I have nothing against them personally, but I'd rather not have them draining my creativity like a hole in my head. If that's not an endocrine problem, I don't know what is! But does it make me sexual? I'd probably enjoy sex, I guess, maybe, depending, but then I'd probably enjoy cocaine too. Does that make me a cocaine user?

You raise a good point polecat. One that stopped me from accepting being asexual for sometime. I always assumed that "asexual" meant "absolutely no sex at all".

But - for me - what it means is that sex simply isn't important. If I was with someone who never wanted sex, that would be okay. And when I first meet someone, I never think about sex with them - I don't look at their body and think "wow s/he is hot". I latch onto the persons personality and how nice or interesting they are. To talk to, to be with.

I think even those who identify as asexual will probably say it covers a broad spectrum. My take is that you can have sex and still be asexual, if sex was not one concious goal when entering into a relationship. And not essential to the relationship.

thefraj (imported) wrote: Thu May 04, 2006 8:48 am You raise a good point polecat. One that stopped me from accepting being asexual for sometime. I always assumed that "asexual" meant "absolutely no sex at all".

I believe the official term for that is 'virgin' and, outside of certain religious cults, it isn't exactly a noteworthy achievement.

thefraj (imported) wrote: Thu May 04, 2006 8:48 am I think even those who identify as asexual will probably say it covers a broad spectrum. My take is that you can have sex and still be asexual, if sex was not one concious goal when entering into a relationship. And not essential to the relationship.

I'd call that more an asexual relationship than being asexual persay. Those are very common even. Between you and your boss, you and your carpool members, you and the person you met on the bus, you and the checkout clerk at the supermarket, there are many relationships we enter into where sex isn't the conscious goal, nor essential.

I like to define asexual as nonsexual meaning you don't get into sex for one reason or another. There are specific forms of it, for instance if your reason is that you were convinced sex is bad enough to take a vow not to engage in it, they call that celibacy. Celibacy is useful for organizations that can't have their members spending a lot of time working through who's doing who, and is often an obligation for members of monastaries and business offices. Other kinds of asexuality might be sexual phobia, lack of arousal, lack of desire, inability to see people as attractive for sexual purposes. Some people define asexual specifically as people who feel no desire for sex, but I don't really agree there. Or rather I hesitate to judge people based on what we desire, because we aren't allowed to choose what we desire. At least, not without the help of certain useful chemicals.

on AVEN an asexual is defined as a person who has no desire to have sex and who doesn't feel sexually attracted to another person. Most asexuals have a form of physical arousal, but they are not very much into it. Asexuals are most of the time physically able to have sex, but they don't long to do it. Some masturbate, some don't (I don't). Some people are hyposexual (lowered sex drive) instead of totally asexual.

This is open to other interpretations though

myra (imported) wrote: Fri May 05, 2006 2:03 am on AVEN an asexual is defined as a person who has no desire to have sex and who doesn't feel sexually attracted to another person. Most asexuals have a form of physical arousal, but they are not very much into it. Asexuals are most of the time physically able to have sex, but they don't long to do it. Some masturbate, some don't (I don't). Some people are hyposexual (lowered sex drive) instead of totally asexual.

This is open to other interpretations though

Interesting. I didn't know that was the definition of that. I myself may fall into that category as I have never really had any desire for intercourse, though I do have a sex drive.

Hello. I have been reading the posts / replies with interest.

I would like to say that sex and male / female estrogen testosterone is not bad That is what brings love to the world, and, beaitufull children. There is nothing more beautifull than a working marriage, that in which children have loving parents that provide not only love but happiness and security.

In my case, I am an eunuch, but, not by choice. I grew up not knowing what wass going on in me, but I knew something was really wrong. I could not understand why the rest of the kids where so obsesed with sex, teasing ea other, talking about girls, and harrassing any kid that looked soft or too nice. I was that kid, and it was a nightmare, to have to endure harrassment, name calling, they called me all the girl names you can imagine, and teased me as gay. I was not, I am not, and I will never be one, but that scared my mind for ever. I think my eunochoid problem was something like a curse, because, I do not think a God would want to give normal sexual development to all kids but one, and have that one be mercilessly teased to the point of mental trauma. It would be evil of me to castrate a male dog, cat, chicken, and put him in a cage with male intact animals.

As years went by, I was so embarrassed about the shape of my body, w round hips, small penis and miniature balls, wimpy muscle tone,saddle like fat deposits on the side of my laegs and a but that looks kind of female. I never had any gay inclination whatsoever, and this body issues were very disturbing. I got to question myself, thinking, if everyone thinks I am gay, and I look weird,,,,what is this ???? is it that God wants to twist me into being one?????

Years later I found out, well in my 20's, that I had eunuchoidism due to thyroid gland failure. If you have no thyroid hormones, the effect is the same as in eunuchoidism, because w/o thyroid hormones, your whole body can not function properly, thyroid H being the building blocks for everything in our bodies. Needless to say, it was way too late. The only hope of being a normal person would had been if I were to receive thyroid and testosterone treatment before the age of 17, when the body growing channels close for good.

I have the midset of a normal male, I love women, but I see that I have been cursed, and I live inside a body that will never allow me to be myself.

If I did not committ suicide, is , I think, because I have no testosterone, no balls.....there is no day I stop thinking about this. Why other men, even criminals and the worst scum of the earth have what everyone has, and I had to be cursed.

Never, never say that it is better to be asexual. What happens is that we, human beings, we have to accept and master the art of being adults. Procaliming the being asexual is better.... is just to put our heads in a hole like an Ostrich.

I may be the only one thinking like this in here, but, I am not happy, and, I feel cheated by life, by God, and, humilliated beyond believe.

Thank you for reading.

...

pinquita (imported) wrote: Fri May 05, 2006 11:21 am There is nothing more beautifull than a working marriage, that in which children have loving parents that provide not only love but happiness and security....

I truly do NOT mean this reply to be confrontational, but I simply do not nor cannot agree with this statement.

There are many things in life -- for me -- that are as beautiful, and in many cases even more beautiful. For instance, to see a well honed human body in its natural state is wonderful beyond words. And then there are some scenes, views or vistas of mother nature at work (e.g., some sunsets/sunrises in the area of the Philippine Islands, colorful fall folage in eastern Canada, a vista of the valley/volcano/Pacific ocean from my living room [sala], etc.) that can only convince one that there must be a higher power at work in our universe, or even the smile of an innocent, newborn baby, a genuine hug from a close friend, some selected musical interludes (consider Bach, Beethoven or Tchaikovsky), etc., etc.

I find beauty in a lot of things and places and feelings, not just one. But then, maybe you were just trying to emphasize a point. Again, please do not be offended by my response; you just hit a hot button with me.

Beauty exists in the mind of the observer.

At least primarily, if not exclusively.

.

pinquita, I don't say sex is a bad thing, or people who are having sex are bad.

I just said that I personally don't enjoy sex. I don't mind if other people enjoy it, and won't critize that. I was just expressing my personal feeling about it.

I don't agree with the statement that hormones provide love. Love is possible without sexual attraction. You don't need your testosterone level to really love someone. There's also something like emotional closeness.

I can understand you are going through hard times, since you consider sex as being important for love, but that's somewhat different for asexuals. Someone who is asexual doesn't care about sex, so they don't feel they miss anything. Being without sex may be a nightmare to you, but to an asexual it's the normal way of living. Living with sex is the thing that is hard for us, having sex doesn't feel 'natural' , we are happier without it.

Myra. How did you become asexual??

I need to know your answer, so I can exchange points of view w you. I understand your position, but I need to find out the origins of it . Where you affected by eunuchoidism as a result of hypogonadism ?? hypothyroidism?? Klinelfelters syndrome?? or any other phisicall situation?? or are you asexual by choice???

Thanks.

PD: Yes, I am having a hard time dealing w this. When you are given

no choice on a material issue, it can be difficult.

Reading your post over makes me think repeatedly that you need to see a counselor to talk about these things. Obviously, you are not likely to be able to change much of your current physical situation (there ARE some things the Doctors can do to help, but it is a bit limited); but, there IS MUCH that you can do to change and help to start healing what is in your heart, mind, and soul. You obviously carry much pain; such burdens are always lessened by sharing them, hopefully with someone who can help you to find a way to live with yourself with greater ease and comfort and acceptance. I wish you well,

Krister

Thanks Krister. Unfortunately, what you say is true,there is no hope, and that really hurts. every person I see on the streets, every woman I see , every happy couple, everything, even animals, remind me that I am not normal. It is very difficult to deal w this. It is worse that the worse punishment anybody could get, because the punishment is within me.

Thanks for your words.

BudleyBare (imported) wrote: Fri May 05, 2006 3:23 pm I truly do NOT mean this reply to be confrontational, but I simply do not nor cannot agree with this statement.

There are many things in life -- for me -- that are as beautiful, and in many cases even more beautiful. For instance, to see a well honed human body in its natural state is wonderful beyond words. And then there are some scenes, views or vistas of mother nature at work (e.g., some sunsets/sunrises in the area of the Philippine Islands, colorful fall folage in eastern Canada, a vista of the valley/volcano/Pacific ocean from my living room [sala], etc.) that can only convince one that there must be a higher power at work in our universe, or even the smile of an innocent, newborn baby, a genuine hug from a close friend, some selected musical interludes (consider Bach, Beethoven or Tchaikovsky), etc., etc.

I find beauty in a lot of things and places and feelings, not just one. But then, maybe you were just trying to emphasize a point. Again, please do not be offended by my response; you just hit a hot button with me.

Budleybear. I understand what you say. Are you an eunuch by choice?? or are you a eunuch by reasons of physicall condition?

If a person decides to be asexual by choice, that is perfectly ok. But is has to be achieved by mastering your body, and controlling yourself.

There is no need to castrate and or mutilate your body to achieve that goal. To do that would be the equivalent of saying, I am a good person, because I have a 24 / 7 body guard that keeps me out of trouble. By castrating yourself you take away choice, and you have that " body guard " in place 24 / 7 .

In my case, It hurts to know, beautifull women that I could meet, the woman that could be my companion for life, that posibility is been taken away from me. Choice is choice. Corraled or forced to a line of thought is not a choice.

pinquita (imported) wrote: Tue May 09, 2006 4:08 am Myra. How did you become asexual??

I need to know your answer, so I can exchange points of view w you. I understand your position, but I need to find out the origins of it . Where you affected by eunuchoidism as a result of hypogonadism ?? hypothyroidism?? Klinelfelters syndrome?? or any other phisicall situation?? or are you asexual by choice???

Thanks.

PD: Yes, I am having a hard time dealing w this. When you are given

no choice on a material issue, it can be difficult.

First of all I'm a woman (sorry if that wasn't clear, I thought it was, myra is a female name and it's in my profile) so I 'm not an eunuch of course. I don't have a medical condition which can explain my asexuality. I'm a woman with an ordinary female body who has no interest in having sex, nor with a man, nor with a woman. I never felt sexual attraction, not in my teens, not in my twenties. I don't know why that is. If I love someone, it's because of his/her personality. I simply don't feel attracted to bodies. I don't exactly know WHY not.

I do sympathise with your condition. I can understand it must be hard for you.

wishing you the best!

Everyone is unique, and I'm sorry to hear you have such pain about this, Pinquita. Firstly, you are not alone with the condition -

www.endocrineweb.com (http://www.endocrineweb.com/hypo1.html)

"over five million Americans have this common medical condition. In fact, as many as ten percent of women may have some degree of thyroid hormone deficiency" And most of all, you are normal. Different I suppose - but then everyone is different on some level, in one way or another.

I'm not sure anyone chooses to be asexual, as nobody chooses to be gay. I was never comfortable with the strong sexual urges - it just wasn't me (just as being very male wasn't me!). And now I'm happy with who I am, and would call myself asexual only in the sense that sex is not something I actively look for or think about. Of course, with the right person maybe things could be different. But it will depend on the relationship and will not be essential to the relationship.

Hope you can come to terms with your condition, Pinquita! I think Krister maybe right - it may help for you to talk to someone. And, even though most people are here by choice, it is still a very caring community for you to discuss things like this!

pinquita (imported) wrote: Tue May 09, 2006 4:20 am Are you an eunuch by choice?? or are you a eunuch by reasons of physicall condition?

At the present time I am 1/2 eunuch, and that was not by choice. I underwent emergency surgery on December 28, 2005, and came out of it less one testicle. The alternative was death (the surgeons said another 6 hours and the alternative would have resulted). Subsequent events are now leading to the pending removal of the second testicle, and that surgery is likely to be next week, give or take a smidge. There is some minor degree of choice in this second surgery, which is being scheduled for two procedural reasons that are closely related to the December event, but now I do have a bit more say in things. I have decided to go for it, not because of an interest in body modification, but rather it just makes sense for me given my prior experiences in life, my medical condition, my age, and also based on things I have learned in very short order post-December surgery. (This web site has been a wonderful resource, but not the only one that I have used.) Also, becoming a eunuch for me is not about removing sex or gaining control over sex, because I have not had an erection for over 22 years due to other life saviing surgery in 1984.

A lot of thought and emotional "stuff" have transpired recently. But I am now not only comfortable with what is to be, but actually looking forward to getting on with my life. Things will be different, but I believe better -- for me. Everyone's mileage will vary, so they say. I truly believe that. I am doing what is right for me, which may be the exact wrong thing for others.

I have no desire to be female or feminized to any extent, or transgendered, etc. This is not about body mods (e.g., tattoes, of which I have none, nor piercings, etc.). At least for the present, I plan to keep my scrotum, but who knows what the future may bring in that regard.

folks beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what appeals to one does not appeal to another. A fine body male or female is a wonder to behold, for those of us who love mother nature we should value it and be gratefull for what we have to enjoy and certainly remember those who are in less favourable circumstances. Medical conditions that have not been detected through error or uncareing parents is unforgiveable let us support others in our love and support by contributing understanding and encouragement.

Patient (imported) wrote: Sat May 06, 2006 12:56 am Beauty exists in the mind of the observer.

At least primarily, if not exclusively.

.

Life is like a tree full of Monkeys.

The top monkey looks down and sees all smiling faces of the monkeys trying to climb to the top...the bottom monkey looks up and sees all asses...

it's all in your perspective.

2% of world population is asexual. There is no specific reason for them to be asexual, as there is no reason for someone to be gay. They just are.

myra (imported) wrote: Wed May 10, 2006 12:01 am 2% of world population is asexual. There is no specific reason for them to be asexual, as there is no reason for someone to be gay. They just are.

AND IF WE TRY TO CHANGE THEM , WE WILL DO JUST ONE THING : MAKE THEM UNHAPPY. sorry for my english

in french: on ne peut faire qu'une chose pour eux,en essayant de les faire changer : les rendre très malheureux !