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Why have you done this?

I have my own reasons, plans, etceteras. I've been reading posts here and wonder am I crazy, lonely, bereaved, desperate, or just plain trapped in perversion? Please ... take no offense to this.

I've gleaned that there are many reasons. Pain in the testicles. TS issues. Leave the testosterone and receive calm. Other things I can only guess about.

About me. In my 50's, been married a couple of times, exploring TG feelings. I hate those "things" down there ... or do I?

Well, for now, I'd just like to hear why, to get a sense of this eunuch world. To maybe see if I'm really real? Sounds kinda corny when I read it, but ..... <enter>

13 views, no replies.

Perhaps I'm not in the right place for answers.

It's Friday night in summertime.

Things are slow right now.

That and not everyone who reads posts.

Actually, only a handful of members DO post.

I think you're in the exactly the right place, and you sound just like a lot of us did "back in the day", so to speak.

Give the regulars time to read and respond.

I'm afraid you'll find there's no easy answers to your questions, though. What each person here feels/felt is unique unto them. But you are not alone. AND YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. You're not the only one with these thoughts. All of us have been there (are there) and here we are.

Every single person here has a story, and a reason.

And we share them and take comfort in that.

Welcome to the zoo.

Last edited by Paolo : Today at 09:56 PM. Reason: typo - not bad for a broken hand!

Who or what did you hit???

Anyway, a flock of the regulars are meeting on the West Coast right now and have limited time and access to computers. Give us a few days to scatter back to our various parts of the country and reconnect to the Archive.

It's now 10:30 at night and I'm just back from dinner with the crew. Again, tonight we were the last patrons in the restaurant - and getting dirty looks form a staff that wanted to go home. We were simply having far too much fun.

Your questions are good ones and deserve an answer when I have a keyboard that I can touch-type on, rather than do a one-finger dance.

Joanna,

Like Paolo says, we all have our own personal reasons for being here. In order for a good conversation to start, it would help if you open the discussion with more on your situation. Members with like situations may post and continue the conversation which in turn may help in your understanding of our new lives and maybe your's.

The West Coast E.A. Meeting of Members is well underway but I will be back to see your posts. If I can help, I will.

Hope this helps and please don't hessitate to reply.

Take care,

Let's see. Been married twice. Failure twice. Only after the second did I go to these TG feelings. That could possibly be because of the internet and its eye opening world. 'nuf said.

So here I am. I sometimes wish I was a woman. Other times I do not. I many times wish I could just rid myself of those things between my legs, sometimes to replaced by a vagina, sometimes I don't care. I want to be smooth and clean.

But I worry. Is it a fantasy? I worry I'll miss it and all the feelings it brings. I suppose the "chemical castration" is in order, so I'll know what it's like to be sans ..... sans ... just testicles or will I really know what it's like? I'm sure I'd need to go to counseling with one who is versed in this area. I love women, and without is that gone? It's gone now I guess, because I'm jaded. Is that it?

Damn, I'm just rambling, pouring out, I know not what else to do. Sorry.

Damn, I just read what I wrote. Clean? I need serious input, not just the typical flippant 'net 'put.

Jo

Joanna,

Glad you could join us here. Many TG folks start out as you are, questioning their identity and feelings about who/what they are. It's a hard decision to make on your own. The internet has much information to offer in these areas, if you know where to look, and sometimes it can be overwhelming as well.

I am transgender also and had spent many years gathering information and questioning myself as to why I felt this way too before going ahead with anything that would eventualy become permenent changes.

Here on this site you will find many personal accounts of eunuchs and transsexual's that may offer you a glimpse of what to expect and how they have delt with it. You will also find some information on chemical castration and the effects it has. As for what is best for you, no one can really say for sure. That must be left up to you. I can tell you that to transition from one gender to another is not an easy thing to do by any means. There are many financial and social hardships involved in transition.

I hope you take the time to explore and read this site and all it has to offer. And do not hesitate to post any questions you might have.

OK, now I'll just be silly .... if I do "it", will I still love Tool, or will I only want to listen to Lilith Faire type stuff??????????????? I'm listening now to 10,000 days, and such raw backbeat power!

Crap, sorry. That's SO sterotypical, but I guess that's where my head is at. Will I change much?

Jo

Joanna (imported) wrote: Sat Aug 05, 2006 4:51 pm OK, now I'll just be silly .... if I do "it", will I still love Tool, or will I only want to listen to Lilith Faire type stuff??????????????? I'm listening now to 10,000 days, and such raw backbeat power!

Crap, sorry. That's SO sterotypical, but I guess that's where my head is at. Will I change much?

Jo

Most likey your attitude towards sex (and/or that "tool") will change a great deal. You may find yourself not even thinking about sex. From a personal view point (and one who is on female hormones) I find that I still retain somewhat of a sex drive, but much different from a males sex drive. I no longer have the burning desire to think about sex 24/7 and yet I can be arroused on occasion if the mood permits. In other words, I am in control of my desires now.

Let me clarify that some. The things you love to do now may or may not change. You may find that your priorites will. That is, you might put more meaning on other things that do not seem important to you right now. Atitudes can and do change, mostly from the emotional change you will experience.

I think Joanna is referring to "Tool (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tool_%28band%29)" (The band), and 10,000 days is a name of an album.

I don't think music tastes will change tremendously. After all, girls listen to Tool too! (My ex-girlfriend being one of them )

Heck, when I'm mad with the world even I like to put on KMFDM/Die Krupps/Rammstein really really loudly and wake up the neighbours.

But I like just about any music, anything from Mozart to Nine Inch Nails to Jean Michel Jarre to Pet Shop Boys. You name it, I like it . The only music genre I find hard to enjoy at all is RnB. Though there are some songs I like. Oh that, and country and western. With the exception of a few artists, like Jonny Cash of course Okay okay, so now I'm rambling...

Yeah, so maybe priorities will change, the value you place in certain things may change. Perhaps this will subtly affect your tastes? But I definitely wouldn't expect your Tool albums to suddenly start gethering dust. No worries about that one

Sex on the other hand ... without getting too graphic ... and being single right now ... I can't even remember the last I ... well you get the idea And I don't even worry about it.

That part will change.

thefraj (imported) wrote: Sat Aug 05, 2006 5:39 pm I think Joanna is referring to "Tool (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tool_%28band%29)" (The band), and 10,000 days is a name of an album.

Whoops, guess I slipped on that one.

Well I use to read "Chastity Stories" for quie a while. Now EA. My real purpose was I think to learn how You and everyone expresses "fantasy" and "reality" and for me to figure out the "differense" . I have learned a lot on both counts and I havn't either figured out if the Herbs I am taking will do it all to "calm my Urges" etc ...Hi. Got to go. Regards JSm N3RF

Joanna,

Get yourself to a gender therapist so you explore your feelings. Wish I had done that when my issues started interfering with the rest of my life. You feel very alone in this and need to talk face-to-face with someone who understands these things.

Speaking from my own experience: Testosterone fortifies whatever maleness remains in a blended gender identity. If you get castrated, not only will you want to be female, you will feel female, and TG desires will strengthen.

Clean? Yes, I feel clean now that the perversions are gone. Unfortunately for ones like us, TG isn't a perversion; it's identity. So castration won't remove TG feelings.

Terri

Sorry Christina :p I didn't mean to be a smart arse, just thought I'd say to help clarify is all LOL

I agree with Bryan, it probably would be good to persue this with some kind of understanding therapist. But one point I would like to stress is you are not alone. It is just a matter of searching out the right people to talk to and making the right freinds you can talk about this with.

Comming here is a good start , and gives you an immediate group of friends you can talk to there are other TG resources out there on the internet, but will not be castration-friendly unless it's part of a wider process of becoming female.

One thing I would like to stress is that gender identity - for me - wasn't as simple as being either male or female. Nor is it terribly important for me to be accepted as female (though my alter ego does come out (http://thefraj.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/Rebecca.jpg) occasionally ) But perhaps my identity lies somewhere along a continuum which lies between the two extremes. Some poeple are more masculin, some more femanine. I'm somewhere in the middle. Perhaps ever-so-slightly more on the masculin side?

Which is why I recommend exploring these feelings with some kind of therapist. Explore the source of the desire for castration. I found - thinking back to my childhood - there were lots of strange behaviours which made me realize these traits had always been with me and was a deeper rooted identity issue, than a simple "desire to loose my balls".

I don't know I'm just thinking of what is best for you. Please find a therapist if you havn't already!

~Rog

Dear Joanna,

Welcome to EA, or as some refer to it as "the zoo". I'm one of the many TG/TS girls that are members of this community.

You'll find many people here that can answer your many questions and hopefully provide you the information you are seeking.

In response to some of your inquires, I can only offer my own experience on the following.

Joanna (imported) wrote: Sat Aug 05, 2006 4:51 pm will I still love Tool, or will I only want to listen to Lilith Faire type stuff??????????????? I'm listening now to 10,000 days, and such raw backbeat power!

My musical tastes have not changed. Still love my rock!

Joanna (imported) wrote: Sat Aug 05, 2006 3:48 pm I suppose the "chemical castration" is in order, so I'll know what it's like to be sans ..... sans ... just testicles or will I really know what it's like?

A good place to start. I was chemically castrated for a while before I made the situation permanent. I didn't really feel any difference between chemical and surgical, so it is effective.

Some of your current interests may wane, but they will be replaced by other things that will become more important to you. There's not going to a drastic change. Hormones cannot change the basic person you are. Christina is very much right on this point.

Terri also offered some very good advise in seeking out a gender consoler, but make certain they have a background in GID. The wrong person can cause more harm than good.

Hang in there with us. I think you will find that you may even make some new friends here.

Joanna,

I think you'll find that you're being flooded with good advice.

It can just take a while sometimes.

As for changes in tastes, I think you'll find that if you should TRY chemical castration, there won't be much that changes along those lines.

I still like all the things I did before - food, music, hobbies, etc.

I still drive an obnoxious gas-sucking 4wd truck and wouldn't be caught dead in a compact high-mileage car or minivan! I still listen to heavy metal from the 80's, grunge, and also opera and choral music. I'm very spread out. I can go from KISS to Pink Floyd to Vangelis or the Vienna Boys Choir all in a matter of hours.

Now there's an idea - the VBC performs "The Wall"!

(My testosterone production went to hell after some medical problems, but the effect is the same - low number, same effects, I think.)

But so far, I think you've got some sound advice. Please stay with us!

Thanks all.

I've heard a few things, some on this board, so more opinions are requested, questions that would be repeated to a medical professional one day.

Being tired. I think I read this here, where you don't have as much energy? How drastic is this?

Gaining weight. It's already hard enough keeping it off. Is it even more difficult without Testosterone.

Bones. Are they more susceptible to weakening, like osteoporosis as in women? Would calcium supplements counter it?

Calming effect. Oh if true, I'd like to not wanna feel like smashing all the other foolish commuters. It's funny, when I go out dressed, I drive much less aggressively. I wonder if that would hold on everyday commute hell though.

Less risk of Prostate cancer. I read this someplace. There's a good one.

I could probably look this up. Chemical castration inhibits testosterone production?

Joanna

Joanna,

Thanks for returning and staying with us. I added a couple of comments to your questions below. Let us know if you have other questions as I tend to believe these responses will spawn more...

Joanna (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:04 am Thanks all.

I've heard a few things, some on this board, so more opinions are requested, questions that would be repeated to a medical professional one day.

Being tired. I think I read this here, where you don't have as much energy? How drastic is this?

This is true today. I suffer from little motivation and feel tired all the time. Lack of testosterone has a lot to do with the issue energy loss.

Joanna (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:04 am Gaining weight. It's already hard enough keeping it off. Is it even more difficult without Testosterone.

Yes, weight gain is real for a lot of us Eunuchs. Most of us have a difficult time dropping the weight that comes on rather quickly when other transitional events in our lives come to the forefront. You will hear stories of little to no weight gain but those guys are few and far between. If you are like most of us, weight gain will be real. Exercise is a good way to ward off the gain and diet change works even better.

Joanna (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:04 am Bones. Are they more susceptible to weakening, like osteoporosis as in women? Would calcium supplements counter it?

It is not a bad idea to consume additional calcium after castration. Better to be supplimented than not.

Joanna (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:04 am Calming effect. Oh if true, I'd like to not wanna feel like smashing all the other foolish commuters. It's funny, when I go out dressed, I drive much less aggressively. I wonder if that would hold on everyday commute hell though.

Calm in your life after castration depends on you. Like I mentioned before, its the individual who experiences his experience. Sorry to be a bit confusing there but the saying is true, 'Castration affects individuals differently. Only you can tell us how it affected your life." For me, the calm was always there in public prior to castration but in private, the calm seems real. Real enough to know its true, you may experience the calm.

Joanna (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:04 am Less risk of Prostate cancer. I read this someplace. There's a good one.

Sure, this is true. Once testosterone is removed from your body, seminal fluids produced by the Prostate glan reduce to almost nil amounts. You can say your Prostate glan benefits most by the Calm mentioned above.

Joanna (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:04 am I could probably look this up. Chemical castration inhibits testosterone production?

I have no experience on this issue but several others here will tell you something in the affirmative.

Joanna

The main thing is to ensure that what you perceive as "TG feelings" are not some other dissatisfaction expressing itself. Some people will consider TG simply because of the human tendency to think the grass is always greener on the other side; they think "since my life sucks and I'm a man, maybe life wouldn't suck as a woman". Or sometimes you may hate your male sexuality without actually wanted to be female. Perhaps there is guilt, or pain, or past abuse that makes you feel dissociated from your male sexuality.

In any case, a true TG feeling would mean that you deeply desire for the world to see you as female, and that your deepest love would be felt when you are loved as a woman.

Definitely see a gender therapist to sort all this out!

I have read that many who have similar desires to become a woman, get castrated to reduce their testosterone, and then never follow through with the rest of the TG operation. It could be that some of your feelings to become a woman will end or be reduced to the point that you won't go through with it. Hash

Eunuch is a valid gender identity. There are far more possible genders than the simple polar pair of "male" and "female". I know a couple of people who have made the FULL male-to-female transition with sexual reassignment surgery who later decided that they weren't female either and settled on "eunuch" as their identity. I know one Female-to-Male who has since settled on "eunuch" as well. Take your time. Explore your options. Don't do anything irreversible until you know for sure.

WOW so much great advice and I am now just reading this thread for the first time.

First and most important, take your time.

As you know this is not an instant answer of how to fix things, having said that there are several things to do that I would recommend.

See your regular doctor, have a blood test, check liver and testosterone count: you might even want to get a bone scan. This gives you a benchmark or starting point that you and your doctor can check from time to time to make the best health decisions you can.

See a head shrink, talk about everything and understand who you are, what is between your legs dosen't matter in this context. Remember the biggest sex organ is the brain.

Ask your doctor for a castration drug that you can take for a year, yes a year, this will let you take castration on a test drive and it will also get you to a neutral place, not male or female.

After you have done these things you might know what or which way you want to go. It could be TG or Eunuch or even Male.

Remember only you can make this decision, dont let anybody force you or try to convince you of what you should do, this is one of those decisions you must make alone.

Between now and that point down the road where you make your decision you will have thousands of questions, post them here and you will get answers. Remember though that everybody is different and what I experience may not be the same for you.

I wish you the very best and good luck,

River