EA Forums

Good afternoon to all,

My real name is Zach but pls refer to me as nutless_sac as that is what I wish to achieve someday. I am new to the archives though not new to the ideas of castration and eunuchism.

I have been browsing the eunuch archives for a couple of weeks now and I have learned so much about why I have had these thoughts of gender confusion since before I can even remember when I was a child.

One of my first thoughts about this I remember is when I was riding in the car with my mother. We lived in Rapid City, SD, I was 5 years old at the time. I am 29 now. I asked my mother why I was a boy. I wanted to be a girl. In typical shocked mid-western appall my mother responded with something short and to the point of to bad so sad deal with what you got!

For some reason that has just never sat well with me. I have always felt different. Acted different, and really just lived life by my rules. I have always wondered what it would be like to be the other sex. As time has gone on I have gotten involved in other things that have taken my mind off of it but I keep coming back to the fact that I do not like my testicles, and its not necessarily that I want to be female but I feel I would be happier as a female or without the dreaded T coursing through my veins. I am a complete sexaholic and my wife will attribute to that.

Through out high school and college all my best friends were always girls. I have always gotten along better with the female sex. Don't get me wrong there though I do love women and not to be confusing but I am married for 6 years to a wonderful woman and we have a 3 year old daughter.

But more recently in the last year I have been going through some changes in my life, and I find it more comfortable to wear womens underwear. In fact all the underwear I have now is female. Calvin Klein thongs, and boy shorts. I also wear womens shorts and some shirts. I am very metrosexual and So my wife asked me why I find it more comfortable. She asks me am I gay? There is no way that could be as I am male and I don't like other men in that way. SO how could I be gay I ask her in return.

So here I am exploring the many possibilities in life and I believe through this site I am beginning to figure out what my true gender is.

I look forward to chatting with so many of you as I have read so many great and wonderful stories, tales, trials, and tribulations.

Thanks for your time and listening,

nutless_sac

I wish you find your way someday. it's not so easy for many of us .

Here, I could learn and understand much, and I know better now what I want. And I know I'm not alone in this situation : male? female? other choice?

You're not alone here : good luck

(sorry for my english, I'm french)

jehan (imported) wrote: Wed Jun 27, 2007 6:03 am I wish you find your way someday. it's not so easy for many of us .

Here, I could learn and understand much, and I know better now what I want. And I know I'm not alone in this situation : male? female? other choice?

You're not alone here : good luck

(sorry for my english, I'm french)

Thank you, and same to you I hope you find what you feel is right!

Welcome Hello nutless_sac, yep there is ALOT of nice folks in here to whom you can relate to.I may not be able to help but still would not mind chatting with you at times.Hope you really do find with it is you are truely searching for in life and happiness. Until later!

Christie

Welcome to the zoo. Read, ask questions. Most of us are quite friendly and only bite when asked to. --FLO--

Welcome to a wonderful site whose keynote is tolerance and understanding: straight, gay, those who have gone all the way and been castrated, those who are contempleting it and those who (like me) know that it's best to keep castration in the world of fantasy. As you can see from many avatars (including my own) a whole variety of gender identities are present. And when a member is in a crisis or semi-crisis you'll see other members falling over themselves to offer the best advice they can. This is real "family" and welcome to it.

Hiya matey! Others have said it before, but a BIG welcome to our family! HUGS

nutless_sac, You are definitely in the right place and welcome. I am one of those that walks the same path as you describe. I've just been doing it longer. Gender Dysphoria is very difficult for everyone, especially for the women who's man has it. It is very difficult for a woman to understand why there husband wants to be a women. When they find out, they usually try to blame themselves for it or they want to know why you drug them into this. I have spent many years hoping it would go away, but the older I get, the worse it gets. My wife and I have been married almost 30 years and she hasn't dumped me yet, but it is a struggle for her. Like me, she is trying to cope. This is one of those conditions where you find yourself asking, why me? I have found there is a wealth of information at this site, maybe you will find something there that will help: http://www.firelily.com/gender/gianna/t ... nders.html

I was castrated and had my scrotum removed hoping that by getting rid of that which was most offensive to me would stop the feelings, I was wrong. Perhaps it didn't work because I am on testosterone replacement. I didn't want to go through the problems experienced by those that are hormone free. I also lean towards osteoporosis and I don't want that. I may have to try getting off the T or maybe going on Estrogen, I really don't know right now. It would really be good if you can afford it or have insurance, to see a gender therapist. They might be able to help you sort things out. Since you have been feeling this way your whole life, it is gender dysphoria and you are not gay, unless you want to consider yourself a lesbian.

There are many here that have the same feelings that you do. It's kind of weird how similar our stories are. No one really knows why we are the way we are, but there are many thousands of us. All you can do is find a place where you can deal with what you've been given. You probably can't do it alone. Just be careful in what you do as in some instances, there is no going back. That is why in those areas where you can, go on a test drive. If you think castration is the answer, try the chemical way first. I was hoping changing the physical would be enough, but I was wrong. Now if altering my hormones is not enough, I don't have the scrotal tissue needed for SRS. I'm probably too old to change my ways any way. I find it hard to imagine trying to be a 6'4" women.

Any way if we can help, don't be afraid to ask. Someone will have an answer.

Nutless_sac,

Welcome aboard. This is a friendly board and one I have been on for some time. The deal with becoming a girl is, to me, how well you can pass. I realize some have different opinions. I just don't pass worth a hoot (period.) If I could, I probably would have gone the TS route some years back. As it stands, I have a good life and look forward to the rest of it.

My only other comment is that one should consider every step carefully. If you decide to take hormones, find a good doctor. They are around, but require some looking. Hormones should not be played with casually. I have not seen you so cannot comment on how well you might be able to pass.

Anyway, good luck and do not be afraid to ask questions.

REgards,

WOW! What a warm and inviting welcome. I am feeling better already. I must say that I have learned a lot from this site and I hope in turn I will be able to give back.

Again, thank you for the warm welcome and

nutless_sac (imported) wrote: Wed Jun 27, 2007 4:49 am I look forward to chatting with

all of you soon.

A belated welcome to our menagery. I've managed to deaden one ball so I am halfway there. Good luck on your journey towards... whatever....

Dear Kangan,

What was your process of deadening the one nut?

And thanks for the welcome!

Welcome N.S. I read your profile and part about anger is interesting to me. I had some anger problems, mood etc but the weird thing is that it was not too much testosterone it was too low (I had Orchitis / Mumps post pube and it friend my testes a bit0

Since I got on Testosterone replacement everyone thinks I've become a sweetie. And it made my life better in a lot of other areas. Mood, energy, anxiety, sex drive etc.

Whatever you decide PLEASE consider getting a hormone panel done to see where your at now. Then speak to a doctor about what is going through your mind. Even if the don't directly assist you (If your transexual they should!) they can try to make sure you stay healthy while your doing it. Whatever it, is.

nutless_sac (imported) wrote: Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:05 am Dear Kangan,

What was your process of deadening the one nut?

And thanks for the welcome!

Try reading my thread "Acting on my desires...." (http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=11210)(Can someone post the link for me?)

Hi and welcome

I can relate to much of what you said.

I have always gotten along so much better with girls, and growing up most of my friends were girls.

I even got to the point where I believed I wanted to be a girl. Turns out it wasn't right for me, but it could definitely be right for you, and I know you will find your true self if you give yourself enough time. Time is the key, and giving things time is not what I am good at As long as you can do even a slightly better job then I did, you should be fine

Let me know if you want to talk. I was castrated a couple of years ago, so I do have some idea as to what the experience is like.

Welcome to the Boards, nutless_sac, hope we can help you explore this side of yourself.

Yeah, welcome aboard nutless_sac. There are so many people who find this place informative and supportive as you probably already know.

Welcome to the EA You will find plenty of people to talk with here both on the board and through the message system, one on one, where that is appropriate. I can relate to your feelings having felt that way myself for more years than I want to admit to but and still all here but have been sorely tempted on occasion. Don't rush into anything. take your time. Talk with others here and then decide whether you want to go forward with some real information under your belt. yyou will find that here.

Welcome Aboard!!

I'm new here myself, with a lot of the same issues and hoping to find some answers. I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone here. I can see that this is a giant family.

Randy

hi and welcome i am in sydney australia and would love to be castrated by a visitor to my shores.any one travelling this way get in touch

Please do not post personal information or phone numbers. There is a private message and email system here if you want to share such information.

Thanks again for all the wonderful replies. As it turns out as I was just reading my thread that I haven't been on for a week or so, I got a phone call from my Uroligists nurse. She has set up an appt. for me to sign the necessary paper work to release liability and to go forward with a full castration.

A little background over the last week. I, several months ago injected 2.5ml over a three week period of Everclear into my left teste. It has been bothering me ever since with minor pain and discomfort. I also injected the right at the same first session with about .5ml of everclear.

I saw my GP doc on tue. for a follow up of an infection I had a while ago and discussed my testicular discomfort with him. He ordered a Testosterone panel, and an ultrasound on both testes that afternoon. The ultrasound has shown that my left teste is for sure much smaller than my right and that both of them have cancerous looking tissue inside. So he sent me back to my urologist who I had seen once before for my sub-incision procedure earlier in the year.

He looked at the scans and is worried about the cancerous looking tissue especially in the left, but noticed it in the right as well. He wants me to wait for three weeks and get another Ultrasound to verify that the cancerous tissue is there(and not a false scan) and we would procede with removal of at least the left and wait and see how the right does.

After discussing with my wife last night and knowing my family history(father died of multiple cancers, one of which was testicular, but also lung, brain, liver, and prostate; and my grandfather also had testicular cancer) we have decided together as a couple that we are ok with the one child we have together(4 year old girl) that I would go ahead and ask the doctor to remove both at the same time and then begin a testosterone regimen to keep balance in my life. I know my testosterone levels have always been very high(I was shaving my face at 12 years old and I have a very short temper and fuse). So it will be nice to be able to control my T levels my self and not letting my testes over produce.

So my doctors nurse just called and setup my first appt to schedule everything on next Monday at 3:45 in the afternoon. From there it will be a day or so before the surgery is done at the local hospital.

I can't believe this is really happening and I don't have to do any injections or search for a cutter. I was just straight up with my doctors and now its happening.

I will keep you all posted on what happens next week and from there on out.

Again thanks for all your kind words and hope and we will talk to you soon!

Thanks

Nutless_sac

My hope and suspicion is that what looks like cancer is actually scar tissue from the alcohol injections. Normally, the follow-up test would be a biopsy, I am surprised at this course of action. Either way, I am pretty certain the pathology will show scar tissue, best wishes.

Yeah I am pretty sure its not cancerous but it is getting me to my goal of castration.

nutless_sac (imported) wrote: Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:19 am Yeah I am pretty sure its not cancerous but it is getting me to my goal of castration.

Go for it! and be sure to keep us posted on the operation and your recovery....

Well it has been almost one week after surgery! Whoo hooo!!! Though after another CT scan the doc decided not to remove the right ball and only took out the left Oh well I am one step closer to where I want to be.

I am very bruised down there on the left side of my scrotum. The doc did the procedure where he removes all of the testicle and cords all the way up into the abdomen. Which I found nice as then I don't have to worry about cords re-attaching themselves elsewhere! So I have a small incision at the top of my bikini line and I am pretty much numb all the way down the left side of my genital area except my penis. I did get the results from the pathologist and as you and I all knew that it wasn't going to be cancerous. But he was quite curious about how the massess ended up there in the first place so I told him I used to play soccer(which I did) and I used to race bmx bikes(which I did) so those were my excuses as to why the scar tissue was formed inside the testicle. Though between all of us here on the forums know it was my Everclear injections (Don't do that by the way).

So all in all my womens underwear fits much better, my right teste is swollen from the surgery yet but is not tender or anything as it is mostly dead anyways due to the Everclear(don't do that). So the doc wants to monitor the right and my hormone levels and I see him every month now for six months and if it gets worse we will remove the right due to medical necessity(I think I can make it get worse!(Don't do that))

I am sore at my incision and it is a bear to sit up or stand up after sitting for awhile but it is much better than I had expected. I never did take any of the oxycodons' prescribed to me for the pain. I went into surgery at 9 am and I went home at noon. It was all done under general anesthesia and I was really groggy the rest of last thursday. But I woke up friday feeling only a little pain at the incision site so I went to work. Even rode my motorcycle. The office where I work was really nice and had a potted flower set sitting on my desk for when I came back to work on Friday.

Will keep you all posted on progress and what the doc says in future appt. Also thanks for all your support and kindness on this site. Very much appreciated.

Thanks,

Zach