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So it's been just over two years that I have been a eunuch. Did E the first year, then decided being female wasn't right for me.

Since then I have gone back and forth from T to nothing to T again to nothing again to T again to nothing again. Can't be good on the body or mind.

Each time I go on T, I always end up deciding that it is not right for me. I should know better. I didn't wake up one morning and decide I would get cut. It was something I did for a reason, and when I truly think about it, I just cannot bring myself to say it was a mistake.

Each time that I go back on T, I always get the fun of waiting for it to wear off when I go back off, something I have little patience for (but what do I have patience for? ) It is even more frustrating because the shots seem to take longer to wear off than real T. Been 6 weeks since the last shot, but seems more like yesterday. It must really stay in the body a long time, or I just get rid of it slower than average. There was some gel use for a short while after the shots, but the gel should not stay anywhere near as long as the shots.

Why can't I just do what I know I need to do and stay off the T? I really hope that this time is the time that I finally make the right decision and stick with it.

I can only speak for me. I have no regrets in becoming a Eunuch. I have not had any T, I do not see the need for T. Yes, I have lost some strength. Yes, I get tired more rapidly. But for me, it is the right thing. In part, I think it is a mind thing. If you think positive, it will be positive.

Plix, I have dealt with the exact same issue for several years, and it just doesnt seem to go away. A big part, I suspect, is one's original motivation(s). Examine those - then and now - and look for those NOT showing at the surface. I do know the "behind the scenes" story here, I just haven't gotten to the point where I have resolved it.

You are correct, the vascillation on the T and off is not good for the body. My hormonal system loses its "responsivity," if you will, the longer this goes on. Might as well toss the stuff in the river, by this time (for me).

Plix,

I wrestled with that same question for a long time myself. I am content with chemical castration and would not contemplate surgery unless there a clear medical reason for doing so. I have been unable to perform as a male in the sexual act not for going on 30 years. I wife and I have a very good relationship. My only regret is that I did not take the step sooner in my life.

Regards,

I use a small amount of "t" daily and my "t" levels range from 125-140 on average. This is enough for me and it keeps me competitive and sharp enough that I can function. Without this small amount I seem to get very lethargic and lazy to the point where I just don't care about anything and do nothing. But this is me. Hash P.S. My last "t" test was 92ml, not quite eunuch status, but close.

I think I'm having some of the "responsitivity" issues that Krister is having, though that doesn't seem to bother me all that much since my low "t" keeps me pretty much unresponsive (few erections). Why is this? Why does the body change in it's attitude towards "t?" I ask this because when a woman uses "t" it pretty much makes her "responsive." Curious, Hash

kristoff wrote: Sat Jul 28, 2007 10:48 am Plix, I have dealt with the exact same issue for several years, and it just doesnt seem to go away. A big part, I suspect, is one's original motivation(s). Examine those - then and now - and look for those NOT showing at the surface. I do know the "behind the scenes" story here, I just haven't gotten to the point where I have resolved it.

You are correct, the vascillation on the T and off is not good for the body. My hormonal system loses its "responsivity," if you will, the longer this goes on. Might as well toss the stuff in the river, by this time (for me).

Its just a theory but I think when I was low T for a long long time I lost (for a long time) a lot of the things I've tried to get back by going on HRT. Some things came back quickly. For example my mood improved in a few days. I got my energy back also very quick. And my anxiety problems seemed to go away with the energy etc. What took a long time was sex drive and mental focus. These took me months to get back to a higher level. So, my theory is that by switching on and off you might be missing the window of getting back some of the good stuff. In other words maybe you need to stay on it for many months to get the benifit. From what I've read men who are transitioning to female have to wait many months to years for feminization to develope. And depending on the age of the person it may not work as well. Perhapes thats part of whats going on with those of us who are a tad older.

I think that going without any HRT is much like our female friends who want to tough out menopause. Yes it can be done but this is why books like "Hormone hell to hormone well" are so popular. And frankly I think getting on a healthy level of hormones (Male, Female or Eunuch) can be a really good thing for many peoples quality of life.

One last comment about sex drive, erections etc. I've come to understand better some of the guys problems with this. HRT can cause a guy to experience a chemical "puberty" and I think many of us remember how goofy we acted when all our guy stuff started running at 100 miles an hour. As mature adults I think we have one extra thing going for us that a sex crazed horny 13 year does not. Experience and having lived a bit. So we don't have to feel the same need to respond or answer to every throb of our male "parts"

Plix,

Have you tried DHEA? When I tried it over a year ago, it felt like "testosterone-LITE." Even got some mild libido. Yet, it is available over the counter. Comes in pill form and doesn't stay in one's system for a long time.

You may be a good candidate for it. The stuff was too male for me, but it may suit you just right.

I'll bring my [unused] supply to Minneapolis for you. See you then,

Terri

I have never missed T, I have all the wonderful side effects from not having it but even with those it would never be enough for me to try T.

River

There are some types of steroids on the market specifically targeted for women which aren't supposed to have such side effects as facial hair and so forth. --But I have never ever researched or checked up about that other than doing a little google study once. (And of course an awful lot of the information on the web would probably get you in trouble some how.) I, myself have just gotten rid of those two little orbs I hated so much and the doctor said that they were big. But then I do remember being concerned about them getting big a few years ago and being told nothing was wrong. But as far as such testosterone related symptoms such as facial and body hair, I never had much even far less than my Indian relatives and so a few years ago I began to wonder why I was wasting money on a razor two or three times a week and just decided to grab the tweezers. (I should have followed that advice given to me although in jest thirty years ago.) Anyway this time around after my procedure when I plucked out my hairs most of them didn't reappear (at least for me) meaning that as long as I don't have a moustache then I could just as easily wear a shirt dress or something plus a few beads and nobody would know the difference (which I have done before). And if I do just remember to speak louder than I normally do which hightens my voice and smile then my voice can even pass too. (I always hated hearing someone with a deep voice but having an obviously overly feminine enunciation and inflecton, --definate overkill on a hopeless situation.) But anyway I know that those types of steroids are out there for a more or less neutralizing effect and you might even be able to persuade someone to prescribe tem for you if necessary but then again... --What do I know?

Since the actual surgery my motivations have definitely changed, or at least the new motivations were not at the surface beforehand. If what used to be on the surface were the only motivations, there would probably not be much reason for me to stay off T. The main original motivation was the gender issues. While I don't fit the stereotype of what a man should be (at least on the inside - people tell me that on the outside I am very masculine, probably because of that flat affect problem I have), I now know that does not make me female.

The current motivations are mostly libido elimination, so I do not necessarily consider sex drive to be "the good stuff." Before surgery I thought it might be interesting to be without libido, and I may have even sexualized the thought, but it was not really the main goal. Now that I have experienced life without libido and then went back to having it again, I realize that I much prefer being without. Although I do suspect that mrt's suggestion about it being like puberty again could play a role in my discomfort. But there are other reasons as well.

I've thought about DHEA, but now that they want to make it a controlled substance, not so sure it would be a good idea. If you want to bring it with you though, I don't see any harm in giving it a try

A neutralizing hormone - something many of us at the EA have wanted for a long time. You'd get all the benefits of hormones without any masculinization or feminization.

There was a window when my second puberty was troubling. The change from "contempt" for sexy women to desire was difficult. As a techno geek I spent quite some time studying the effects of Testosterone and found the podcast comments of a young women who had started Female to Male transition with injectable testosterone. What she said was that the urges, sexual thoughts and what she perceved as changes in her attitude disgusted her. She felt like she was turning into a typical male "jerk" but then it dawned on her that there are men in the world who are not stereotypical male jack asses. What made them different? And then I remembered by own (First puberty) and came to the same conclusion that she did. Just because there is "food" you don't have to obey your bodys urge to shove you face into the plate and make a pig of yourself. Just as a young boy just out of puberty who does not use any self control masturbates 4 or more times a day.

I know some people (even adults) have urges that are so strong they can't control them. For them I think I understand their wish for castration so that they don't hurt others etc. Others I think (like me) just need a short period of time to get used to the "DRIVE" (And thats a good description) to get wired back into feeling "male." I used the term "good stuff" which I think might offend those into sex drive elimination. If I can use the food analogy again. Testosterone hooked up my "taste buds" for sex again. And I found that sex with low hormones (was possible) it was like eating oatmeal vrs a 7 course meal. For me being sexual and being able to appreciate it is very "good stuff." However - some of the "drive" stuff can be distracting. On the good end my wife right now benifits from a lot of attention she was not getting before. I'm also told that I'm a far nicer person with my hormones at a healthy level. She said before this "Everything made you mad" And my sense of humor was pretty bad as well as my desire to do anything. For me this was just a non life. It looks from the outside to be depression. On the inside I thought it was normal. Awful. But normal.

I can see how switching that puberty like period on and off would not be comfortable. If your an old Star Trek fan imagine Mr Spoke getting emotions, then turning them off then on again.

If there was such a thing as a little Testosterone = a little drive I would say dial up slowly but I think its more like a light switch thats ON or OFF. At least for me.

The concept of a hormone that does not give you sexual / gender effects is thought provoking. Let me think and ask out loud. Is it the "gender / sexual" stuff thats the spice of life? And is it that when we don't have that we start to experience depression like effects? I don't honestly have an opinion.

I thought DHEA was still OTC? I used to use it but my doctor thought it to be driving up my E2 more then I wanted. I've read that transdermal DHEA does not do that.

plix (imported) wrote: Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:08 am Since the actual surgery my motivations have definitely changed, or at least the new motivations were not at the surface beforehand. If what used to be on the surface were the only motivations, there would probably not be much reason for me to stay off T. The main original motivation was the gender issues. While I don't fit the stereotype of what a man should be (at least on the inside - people tell me that on the outside I am very masculine, probably because of that flat affect problem I have), I now know that does not make me female.

The current motivations are mostly libido elimination, so I do not necessarily consider sex drive to be "the good stuff." Before surgery I thought it might be interesting to be without libido, and I may have even sexualized the thought, but it was not really the main goal. Now that I have experienced life without libido and then went back to having it again, I realize that I much prefer being without. Although I do suspect that mrt's suggestion about it being like puberty again could play a role in my discomfort. But there are other reasons as well.

I've thought about DHEA, but now that they want to make it a controlled substance, not so sure it would be a good idea. If you want to bring it with you though, I don't see any harm in giving it a try

A neutralizing hormone - something many of us at the EA have wanted for a long time. You'd get all the benefits of hormones without any masculinization or feminization.