Different approaches

[erikboy (imported)]

Many people here are seeking for so called "eunuch calm". To get rid of disturbing sexual thoughts and obtain crystal clear mind. Some say that they have obtained clear and continuos thoughts without disruptions via castration.

Also many are seeking to be asexual, with zero libido.

As a side effect in most cases castrated people loose a lot of energy and feel weak.

that is all caused due to low T-levels.

I discovered an interesting site: http://www.wetdreamforum.com/

Many people on that forum wish to get rid of masturbation habit and sexual thoughts vie sheer willpower. Also they seek to be not filthy.

In some sense the goal is the same as for many here in EA.

The side effect of this approach - abstaining of any sexual activity - is T-buzz as they call it. It is a thought that continuosly and frequently jumps to sexual themes, it is also accompanied with some physical symptoms like getting easily irritated, frequent involuntary erections, restlessness.

Some people say they feel more energetic if they are successful in not thinking about sex or if they do some physical job or intense thinking. They call it "diverting a sexual energy".

My interest is rather academic here. I thought it is interesting to read for many. Still I am doing a academic test. I am using willpower to abstain from any sexual activity. So far I am successfully abstained for 12 days. I would say that it is not simple. I don't know if I have more energy. Perhaps. but constant fight with thoughts is tireing, time and self consuming. I am not very effective in converting sexual energy for other purposes. Perhaps it needs mind training and some behavioral habits. i don't know. I feel very often that I spend more time in fighting with my libido than it is rational. At the same time I feel I have made a very small step toward sexual energy conversion.

Perhaps the truth lies somewhere in between, too much libido will kill you and too little T will kill you too via to little energy...

Still, it is interesting. We'll see if anything comes out of that experiment.

[Hash (imported)]

This is a tough subject to broach. I struggled for years trying to resist the sexual temptations and sexual desires that so bombarded me daily. I actually believe that my constant sexual appetite inhibited my academic advancement simply because I could not focus on pursuing further education. I know some might say that that's a lame excuse, but if you're not motivated to improve your well being because you're distracted by your overwhelming sexual appetite, then it can impede your life by distracting you or misleading you. Simply put, strong sexual desire is like an addiction. Addicts seldom advance academically or economically and if they become addicted after achieving some success, it can rob them and destroy their lives.

Once I was castrated things did change, I did experience the eunuch calm and I stopped thinking about sex and getting castrated. (My castration desire replaced my sexual desires somewhere along the way, not sure how it happened, but I believe that sexual frustration had something to do with it.) So I had this tremendous overwhelming desire to be castrated, couldn't stop thinking about getting cut and attempted it multiple times. To make a long story short, Kimmel completed my castration and I descended into the eunuch calm, but didn't stop descending. I descended into a terrible depression and that's the extreme downside, not every eunuch has this happen to them to the extent that it happened to me. So I went to my doctor, she examined me and though she didn't fully understand why I was castrated, she gave me a prescription for some Andogel. I didn't use the required dosage, only about half, but it was enough to lift me from my depression. Now I use a small amount of compounded testosterone in cream form, each day. My testosterone levels remain low and that's where I like it. I'm afraid to go without any because my depression was so bad. But this low dose regimen has been extremely beneficial.

I theorize that my testosterone levels were too high, just how high I'll never know, never had my testosterone levels tested until after I was castrated. I no longer have those the overwhelming desires that I once had, though I do think from time to time about becoming a complete nullo and someday I believe I'll remove my penis. I'm not sure why I feel motivated to do this. It might be because of a rise of estrogen in my body or it might be because I think it's the way a eunuch should be. I hesitate to see a psychologist about it because I'm afraid they'll commit me to a psych ward and my wife doesn't want me to remove it. Anyway, low testosterone might bring you down to that place where you'll have more clarity of mind and a weak libido. I have libido, I do get erections, but it's not the same as it once was, thankfully. What's strange is that for me, I find myself wanting to please my wife sexually, I don't yearn to be sexually stimulated and would rather bring her to orgasm. Hearing her orgasm seems to set off something deep inside of me. I also think my penis has become desensitized and it's not the sexual organ that it once was, it's different, but that's me. I'm not sure if I've answered your questions or helped you, but I hope I have. Hash

[feedback (imported)]

I have not been able to describe how I feel nearly as well as you put it Hash. I did not have the depression you speak of but was very sick because of the tumor. However when put on full replacement I felt I had lost that calm and ability to empathize and I did not like it. I use 1/5 of the amount of androgel I was prescribed and find it is about right for me. I find myself feeling the same way about sex as well. Its different but very good.

[erikboy (imported)]

Very good post Hash!!!

I am exploring my mind and how I react to activated temptations. I am seeking to resist temptations. Resisting is a reciepe to failure in longer run.

I wish I could find a way to convert this energy into something meaningful. I admit it is difficult to focus when you sit behind your computer and I often find myself at a strong urge to masturbate immediately. Still, if I am in situation naturally requiring 100% attention I do not think much about sex or relief and I feel I am more energetic.

I have a friend who isn't very strong physically. At the same time he has unbelievable energy levels. His energy and not giving up mentality has made him a successful in almost any business he does. I envy his energy.

At the same time I must agree with Hash about addiction and advancement.

I need to explore how yogi's alter their minds and see if it is possible to use yogi's techniques in converting that sexual energy. I met one yogi once and the experience, well if you can say that talking could be an experience, was very encouraging and promising. Psychological Issues we talked about confirmed my scientific understanding and knowledge about human mind and thinking. To be short, our minds are made up of different pieces and levels of conciousness. In order to manipulate your mind you got to understand how it is built and how it is working. Well, I am far from being yogi myself. It is all about self mindcontrol from inside.

I think also that I need to test Androcur, to see what it changes in me.

Well, castration isn't bodymodification only. It is a mindmodification too. And I think it is more mindmodification than bodymodification. To my understanding (yogi understanding) castration is a deletion of a part of your mind that you are not able to control or direct.

Well, I am not sure if I will ever be successful in diverting sexual energy into something useful, so please don't think that I am against castration. I am just exploring possibilities to get rid sexual addiction. If there is any? More sex? And even more sex until you are exhausted and unable to function anyway

I still believe that that T-level and actual libido level obvious relation is superficial. There must be a separate mechanism that activates sexual desire. T-levels feed that mechanism indirectly somehow. We now that real T-levels in bloo drop very fast after castration. It is a matter of hours for T to drop half. Still sexual desire remain for week or two. How could we explain that? Also you have probably noticed that right after masturbation you have no desire. It is almost zero. Have your T-levels dropped to zero? No, I don't think so.

For scientists this mechanism is yet to be discovered that makes us horny. Perhaps then we could lower sexual apetites without lowering T levels. Without any negative effects like hot flashes, gaining fat, weak bones etc.

[ramses (imported)]

Ericboy, when a guy ejaculates there is a release of prolactin that causes the guy to loose most tinterest in sex and stop thrusting. It's natures way of keeping semen in the vagina since our cocks are designed to pull other semen out when we thrust thus increasing the chances of conception.

I belive that The T molecules lock into the T receptors on the cells and you only start haveing low T effects when enough of the T recepters are empty which probably takes a few weeks. You only have so many T receptor sites which is why you have free T floating in your system. Addinm more T than your body cand bind to causes the conversion of T to estrogen and DHT.

[moi621 (imported)]

Ericboy, when a guy ejaculates there is a release of prolactin that causes the guy to loose most tinterest in sex and stop thrusting. It's natures way of keeping semen in the vagina since our cocks are designed to pull other semen out when we thrust thus increasing the chances of conception.

I belive that The T molecules lock into the T receptors on the cells and you only start haveing low T effects when enough of the T recepters are empty which probably takes a few weeks. You only have so many T receptor sites which is why you have free T floating in your system. Addinm more T than your body cand bind to causes the conversion of T to estrogen and DHT.

The concentration of receptors may change also with use and need.

True for all membrane bound receptors and one mechanism of adaptation.

The number and concentration of membrane bound receptors is hardly static.

This is true for all thus studied receptors, opiate, steroid, adrenergic, etc.

Moi the

[erikboy (imported)]

Ericboy, when a guy ejaculates there is a release of prolactin that causes the guy to loose most tinterest in sex and stop thrusting. It's natures way of keeping semen in the vagina since our cocks are designed to pull other semen out when we thrust thus increasing the chances of conception.

I belive that The T molecules lock into the T receptors on the cells and you only start haveing low T effects when enough of the T recepters are empty which probably takes a few weeks. You only have so many T receptor sites which is why you have free T floating in your system. Addinm more T than your body cand bind to causes the conversion of T to estrogen and DHT.

It all happen in our brains which is least understood organ. It works on mix of chemicals and electrical impulses. I am not sure if all substances have been discovered that affect brain function. It is possible to inhibit sexual arousal in brain by many different ways. So, how T affects our brain? are there other substances in between?

Science hasn't solved question, why some people are homosexuals and how they become homosexuals. Is it brain chemistry? Is it genetic? Is it a decision (that one I don't believe despite human mind is almighty for believers)

[tugon (imported)]

Science hasn't solved question, why some people are homosexuals and how they become homosexuals. Is it brain chemistry? Is it genetic? Is it a decision (that one I don't believe despite human mind is almighty for believers)

Maybe if they research why some become heterosexual they might answer more questions. After all that desire to reproduce is so primitive in nature. I think homosexuality is a more advanced state.

Humor inspired by frustration of why everyone wants to know why I am gay and never have to explain why they are straight.

Please return to the topic of this thread as thread hijacking is now over.

[Hash (imported)]

Perhaps the most advanced state is achieved when one becomes a pure eunuch, but for most, the chemical changes or the drastic loss of testosterone upsets the male system so that he can't function, at least initially. Depression and hot flashes can be eventually overcome. I wonder how long term eunuchs feel about this?

[erikboy (imported)]

I am kind of blogging here

We all can remember our puberties, how it started and how it felt. It seem to me that our bodies are very sensitive to T at the beginning of puberty. Full T-levels are reached at age around 17-18. If I remember it correctly. It remains on the peak till around 23 years and then starts to lower slowly. These are average figures of course it varies person to person.

But yes, I can remember that age of 14,15 I got hard very easy on almost anything. Masturbating to orgasm took only 1 minute. It all happened much earlier than T peak levels.

What I think is that brain developes patterns how it reacts to increasing libido. At first there are no reaction patterns. It seems to me. For example WDreams. They are easy to come at puberty, but later in life it is difficult produce those while abstaining from any sex. Also first WD seem to have almost no sexual content. Probably because there are no patterns in brain yet. It just feels extremely good.

Thats my theory of course. No scientific proof

But also there is extremely little scientific research how sexual behaviour patterns are developed. Still I am sure that there is something we inherit from our parents.

[nullorchis (imported)]

Mind Over Body can be done, but not in all things. Via your mind you can lower stress, you can make yourself ill, etc. You might be able to slow down your heart rate but unlikely via your mind you can stop your heart from beating or stop your breathing or prevent the need to evacuate the bladder or bowel.

Nature created sex for a reason; continuation of the species. And in most living things it is something that is beyond the mind and beyond control.

Via drugs or surgery, suppression or elimination of the chemical in our body that empowers our sex drive is, in my observation, the only way that you are going to be able to divert or stop the forces of nature. Just as you could use your mind to not pee or take a crap, eventually the forces of nature are going to overwhelm your ability to have mind control over your body.

In the case of sexual relief, you may be able to avoid intercourse or masterbation, but there will be a price to pay in sexual anxiety and frustration that is going to backup into your psyche which will contribute to internal conflict. Our sex drive is just one of those things that nature made to be almost beyond our control. If you happen to have a low T level then controlling it might not be so difficult.

[mrt (imported)]

Perhaps the most advanced state is achieved when one becomes a pure eunuch, but for most, the chemical changes or the drastic loss of testosterone upsets the male system so that he can't function, at least initially. Depression and hot flashes can be eventually overcome. I wonder how long term eunuchs feel about this?

Based on the experiences of a friend who was castrated for cancer and can't use any hormones the issues continue. Being able to deal with them can get better but the core issues remain at least for years (so far)

[erikboy (imported)]

Mind Over Body can be done, but not in all things. Via your mind you can lower stress, you can make yourself ill, etc. You might be able to slow down your heart rate but unlikely via your mind you can stop your heart from beating or stop your breathing or prevent the need to evacuate the bladder or bowel.

Nature created sex for a reason; continuation of the species. And in most living things it is something that is beyond the mind and beyond control.

Via drugs or surgery, suppression or elimination of the chemical in our body that empowers our sex drive is, in my observation, the only way that you are going to be able to divert or stop the forces of nature. Just as you could use your mind to not pee or take a crap, eventually the forces of nature are going to overwhelm your ability to have mind control over your body.

In the case of sexual relief, you may be able to avoid intercourse or masterbation, but there will be a price to pay in sexual anxiety and frustration that is going to backup into your psyche which will contribute to internal conflict. Our sex drive is just one of those things that nature made to be almost beyond our control. If you happen to have a low T level then controlling it might not be so difficult.

It would not be adequate to compare sex drive with the need to empty your bladder. The second one is a physical need. Bladder may rupture if you do not empty it, it is a life threatening condition. Not having a sexual release is not life threatening condition.

I met a yogi and he teached me how to handle thoughts. It has helped me greatly. I have abstained before this time, and those times have been continuos fight and resistance with this urge and with greatly reduced ability to work.

If I look inside me where my thoughts dwell, I can see different sources of forerunners of thoughts (emotions) and thoughts that are waiting for my attention. I can select what will I think next about. It is all based in emptying your mind. Empty your mind from thoughts, don't let them overwhelm your mind! When you are able to do that, you can select thoughts on what you are going to work next.

Sounds fantastic? Yea, I am still learning how to do that with some success.

When you are drunk, then you are under influence of substance called C2H5OH but, with concentration you are able to clear your mind. Not 100% but mostly. that is just one example how to overcome substance influence.

Have you ever had a melody on your brain that you couldn't get rid of?

Learn how to clean your mind of waste!

We can not speak about substances that create libido. We don't know what causes it. Libido is all in our brains. We know that Testosterone could enhance it. But it is not the Testosterone which create the urge intermittently. Why I think so? After masturbation you have no interest to do anything sexual

. Have your T-levels dropped to zero?

I think not. When you get aroused, did your T-levels rise from zero to normal? No, I think there is a mechanism we haven't discovered yet.

Even eunuchs have wetdreams. It is rare but it is a fact. thus wetdreams are not the expression of very high T-levels. Also T-levels in teenagers are not so high (maximum is reached between ages 18 and 25), but they feel overwhelmingly obsessed with sex not speaking of wetdreams and spontaneous erections they have so frequently.

What I feel, is that there is a impulse generator in me that sends sexual impulses to my thinking space. If I let those impulses to develope and grow, it will be difficult to resist as it had already filled my inner space. And in the end you will loose. The earlier I deal with those impulses I get, the easier it is to keep your mind clear. Put them aside, do not let hook you by those impulses. It requires constant attention and dealing I agree. but it is much easier to deal early than late.

Castration would be equal to killing that impulse generator. But then you have to deal with other sources of mindwaste anyway.

Allright folks, I stop here. There is just too much to tell.

[erikboy (imported)]

Just few additional thoughts on my mind exploring experiment.

How to suppress unpleasant thoughts... As I have explained earlier, there is an inner space in everybody which is filled with emotions and thoughts. It is this space where your thoughts dwell, where you feel.

Well there are several ways of suppressing unpleasant thoughts and feelings. One is to deal with the actual source of this unpleasentness. Like if you have a need to piss then you go and relief yourself. In many cases such kind of killeng the source of unpleasentness is not possible. Then most probably one tries to fill his/her mind with other thoughts and emotions, so there is very little room for unpleasent thoughts/emotions. It works, only it makes you also incapable to work. Your mind is already filled with something else. Typically you get drunk or party. Or both. But you can't do that constantly. Then there is other way, use antidepressants, which signal your brain that everything is just fine. It is a chemical approach. It kind of fills your mind with chemical satisfaction. I can't speak much about that how it feels as I have never used those drugs. Then there is a way I am just exploring. I am learning to empty my mind. So there is not thoughts, no feelings nothing. Just pure and essential me. Then you can turn your attention to what ever you choose to feel or think. Rather than fight inside a boiling soup of feelings and thoughts chaos.

It isn't as easy as it is said. To keep your mind clear and empty you need to deal with all kind of impulses you are getting, that trie to fill your thinking space with itself.

I am not sure if it is true, but that is what I feel. When my libido sends another impulse that tries to initiate a chain reaction I recognize that impulse and my 'mind administrator' almost automatically kills it, as I have kind of preprogrammed my mind 'administrator' to do that. It feels like a big eraser inside me just sweeps over and erases that impulse.

So that is what I feel. It is difficult to speak about things you barely understand.

A 'mind administrator' it is part of me, but it seem to act independently. It can be preprogrammed. It is full of prejudices and stereotypes. It contains your 'values' system.

What I do, I explore one ore other issue and make a desicion how to deal with same issue next time, and my 'mind administrator' gets programmed.

It can be described other way, but here I choose to describe it this way.

The other thing is belief. In what you belive? It is almost the same thing I talked above. It is a way how your mind is preprogrammed to behave with your thoughts and emotions. It is very powerful force. Unfortunately people do not preprogram their mind 'administrator' knowingly. They let it happen on strong emotions. Which could be irrational. It seem that strong believers 'mind administrator' is more easy to 'program'.

So, I do not believe in Gays who turn into hetero's. I don't think it is really happening. For some reason only strong believers can turn that way into hetero's. What is happening is just that thing I call 'mind administrator' starts to select what to feel and what not to feel. It deletes all inaprpriate thoughts at the root. the action of 'mind administrator' could be detected if attention is paid, only it is inapropriate. Some call it gods will or finger or think that this 'mind administrator' work is a god work or help from god with dealing inapropriate feelings or thoughts.

I will stop now again, as my thoughts haven't crystallized enough to describe them in understandable way.

[erikboy (imported)]

Ericboy, when a guy ejaculates there is a release of prolactin that causes the guy to loose most tinterest in sex and stop thrusting. It's natures way of keeping semen in the vagina since our cocks are designed to pull other semen out when we thrust thus increasing the chances of conception.

I belive that The T molecules lock into the T receptors on the cells and you only start haveing low T effects when enough of the T recepters are empty which probably takes a few weeks. You only have so many T receptor sites which is why you have free T floating in your system. Addinm more T than your body cand bind to causes the conversion of T to estrogen and DHT.

I was thinking about what you said.

Prolactin is one substance we know. But then, when you get impulse to think about sex, or you see something sexually arousing, then this is this 'other mechanism' starting to work in your mind that makes us feel our libido. If there was no arousal you never knew you had a libido. When you get erection, it doesen't mean that your T-level has risen suddenly.

T rather enable that libido mechanism to work actively. it is like a fuel for car. there is something more you need than simple fuel.

Perhaps T enable some kind of neuron impulses to travel one or another way. Or there could be more substances be involved with brain.

[erikboy (imported)]

Another post about my mind exploration.

About this sexual impulses generator. It is fuelled by Testosterone. The higher is T-level the stronger impulses you get and more often.

When this generator activates at puberty, those impulses have not forced your brain to develope behavioaral pattern. It means that you feel sexually aroused (horny), but you do not know what to do about it. This impulse can be seen as a triggering mechanism that in normal adult triggers certain behavioral pattern. For example seeking for relief via masturbation. It forces you to seek for sexual pleasure. One or another way. During the life adolescent will develope such sexual pleasure seeking behaviours.

I can remember it myself very clearly when this 'generator' started to work in me. That morning I felt really horny and my penis was rockhard. Only thing 13yo could do is to touch himself there, as feelings in genitals invite you to do something about it, which in return causes pleasure. Thats how we learn to masturbate.

I think it would be right time to teach adolescents sexually. Don't ask how. I only know why. It is because this is the age when your brain is able to develope sexual behavioral patterns. Later it is nearly impossible to change that.

It is the age when we start to think what is sexy and what is not. Brain is programmed at that time. (remember when we born, our brain is a clean sheet of paper)

I know that there are some inherited mechanisms how brain will react to external impulses... I know, that is the inherited part.

Well what is sexy then? From anthropological studies and history we know that different things in different societies have been considered sexy.

For example in Ancient Rome circumcised penis was a gross view, it was absolutely bad taste. For most.

It seem also that this impulse generator is more sensitive to T in earlier life and gets desnsitised as man ages.

To back my words littlebit, there is a scientific study of hypogonadal boys and girls. they were put on different hormonal regimes and tested their sexual behaviour nocturnal emissions etc..

Nocturnal emissions and masturbation are directly related with T-levels. It is not that high T level cause you to masturbate, it is because it activates your Sexual impulses generator.

here it is:

http://jcem.endojournals.org/cgi/conten ... /7/2281#T3

wikipedia say so:

One factor that can affect the number of nocturnal emissions a man has is whether they take testosterone-based drugs. In a 1998 study, the number of boys reporting nocturnal emissions drastically increased as their testosterone doses were increased, from 17% of subjects with no treatment to 90% of subjects at a high dose

[SexlessC23 (imported)]

Well, my testosterone level tests near the top of the normal range. I have never had a nocturnal emission in my life. But I have always masturbated frequently.

[erikboy (imported)]

Well, my testosterone level tests near the top of the normal range. I have never had a nocturnal emission in my life. But I have always masturbated frequently.

You have masturbated frequently, that is the answer why you have never had Nocturnal emissions. Nocturnal emissions tend to be manifestations of non satisfied sexual desire in longer period plus high sensitivity of this 'sexual pulses generator' to testosterone.

[erikboy (imported)]

This is now another message about my ongoing experiment after a while.

For the beginning. 80% of all the new things in human life happens in his or her first 15 years. After that life becomes... well I don't say dull, but self repeating. Knowing that I want to increase this remaining 20%.

It seems the same with my experiment. Most happens in the beginning. But still I have discovered for myself something I didn't know before and would like to share.

It is again sexual desire. But this time from the aspect of creation. I have felt that. Being sexually deprived from satisfaction. That internal desire, burning and dissatisfaction that pushes artists to create something. Ancient times it was called Muse. It wasn't uncommon in ancient times that poets infibulated themselves. Creating desire to create in them, to get inspiration, and being restless.

It is interesting, that ancients acknowledged that feeling in them and named it - Muse. The source of inspiration. Desire to create. Restlessness.

What I have felt is that it is still difficult for me to concentrate on things that do not touch me 'personally' I couldn't describe it different. But if I get inspired by something I like personally and deeply, I could be extra efficient and creative. I could create art that astonishes even myself, being satisfied with my creation. The result is not mere 'average' with a smell of hard work.

Thats when my Muse touches me. And if she doesn't I am unable to do almost anything.

If I only could make living on the wave of inspiration and creation!

If we look through history, most great artists and creators have been men. I haven't seen anybody trying to explain that scientifically. But i think it is related to simple substance - C19 H28 O2. - T.

It is that burning feeling that pushes forward. Creation offers relief and satisfaction. Simple.

Sexual lives of these men have been colorful. These that we know about. Sexual objects are source for inspiration. A Force. It is a way (Muse) how sexual energy turns into something more than dull average.

I think it is the same engine that drives sex and art. So I understand that.

Basically thats all I had in my mind. And probably I will be quiet for even longer interval.

[erikboy (imported)]

Another update. I feel that my body and whatewer other systems within are adjusting. after abstaining from masturbation and sex 66 days I start to feel more or less 'normal' without the urge to do it or constant and painful thinking about that. Interesting what is it in me that is changing? is it T-level that is dropping fast? I don't think it is valid. There must be something else going on in me. What is positive I feel energetic. Not that much more energetic, but there is a certain difference.

I haven't heard or read of any scientific survey or work on how abstaining from sex and masturbation affects endocrine systems, ir if it does affect at all.

[Dave (imported)]

You are not devoting energy or time to masterbation. Instead, you are devoting that time and energy to other pursuits. Part of it is the lower testosterone and part of it is you changing your behavior. Good job.

[erikboy (imported)]

You are not devoting energy or time to masterbation. Instead, you are devoting that time and energy to other pursuits. Part of it is the lower testosterone and part of it is you changing your behavior. Good job.

Well, I am devoting my energy into fighting against masturbation. It consumed me more than just masturbating. Only now after so long abstaining I could say that I have reached something normal. I do not need to fight with myself so much anymore. I have small periods of time that I forget about desire to Masturbate, when I feel that my mind is normal.

I don't know for how long I will continue. Perhaps till I reach 90 days or 100 days. But I do not intend to last forever like that. It constantly requires my willpower that I could use somewhere else.

After that I would like to try chemical C. to see the difference. It would be as a part of experiment.

[erikboy (imported)]

I have stopped abstaining after 99 days. I didn't made 100, but I don't care.

In the morning I had a massive erection and penis was extremely sensitive. Sensitive - it is not precise word. Very different feeling like it is going to explode in orgasm. I was fully awake, eyes open, I didn't hold myself back. I let my mind play with these erotic feelings and thoughts until I got an orgasm. I got it without any physical touch or stimuli. Just my imagination.

I do not plan to continue, as I don't see any use for abstaining.

After orgasm the pain in my testicles went away and my mind felt extremely sane and calm and normal. Like I never felt before.

That was a huge relief.

thats it.