Major life changes

[JessicaH (imported)]

I live most of my life as male but the female part is asserting herself much more every day and I'm sure that she will consume me in the future. Stacy is who I am and I only pretend to be that male that others see. He is just a facade of masculinity and may not even do it very well. I originaly made most of this original profile up as I just wanted to stay under the radar and make an occasional post. The guy that I pretend to be most of the time was banned a while back from this site but he won't be back. I Hope you will accept me for who I really am and not the angry guy who was once known here as Ramses.

The avatar is really me and was taken 10-31-10. While I may hold some core beliefs as the former Ramses, I don't care to talk about anything even remotely political. It just doesn't matter and is a waste of time and effort and only causes hurt feelings. I honestly think this board would be better off if political topics were banned with religion. I hope you don't delete me but if you do, I will just go away and not bother anyone here again.

I have got so much good information from this site in the last 8 years and it is a great repository of wisdom and infomation along with some wonderful people who care about the welfare of others. I'm tired of hiding my true self and I'm not going to hide who I really am on this board. I'm sure I'll be on double secret probation if not banned immediately but that's ok as it's their board to run as they see fit and they get to make the rules. As Mel Brooks sai, "It's good to be da King"!

[CharlieIn413 (imported)]

I live most of my life as male but the female part is asserting herself much more every day and I'm sure that she will consume me in the future. Stacy is who I am and I only pretend to be that male that others see. He is just a facade of masculinity and may not even do it very well. I originaly made most of this original profile up as I just wanted to stay under the radar and make an occasional post. The guy that I pretend to be most of the time was banned a while back from this site but he won't be back. I Hope you will accept me for who I really am and not the angry guy who was once known here as Ramses.

The avatar is really me and was taken 10-31-10. While I may hold some core beliefs as the former Ramses, I don't care to talk about anything even remotely political. It just doesn't matter and is a waste of time and effort and only causes hurt feelings. I honestly think this board would be better off if political topics were banned with religion. I hope you don't delete me but if you do, I will just go away and not bother anyone here again.

I have got so much good information from this site in the last 8 years and it is a great repository of wisdom and infomation along with some wonderful people who care about the welfare of others. I'm tired of hiding my true self and I'm not going to hide who I really am on this board. I'm sure I'll be on double secret probation if not banned immediately but that's ok as it's their board to run as they see fit and they get to make the rules. As Mel Brooks sai

d, "It's good to be da King"!

Stacy,

I can understand how you had anger issues in the past. Hopefully, you've overcome most of that and you can continue to be your true self as much as life allows you to be.

You look great in your avatar photo. Too bad you live so far away. I'd love to meet you in person if you lived close by.

Charlie

[JessicaH (imported)]

Thanks, Charlie. That is very sweet of you. I just hope they don't ban me again...

[AtlantaJim (imported)]

Stacy,

When you where in your other persona here you an I never saw eye to eye I had wondered what happened to you and I tend to agree on your wishing or at least thinking that banning politics form the board is a good Idea. I wish you well and hope everything goes well for you.

AJ

[JessicaH (imported)]

Thanks Jim. I'm sure it will go well or go to hell. May be a mix of both. I have a feeling that this is going to be a VERY interesting year...

[smoothie (imported)]

I live most of my life as male but the female part is asserting herself much more every day and I'm sure that she will consume me in the future. Stacy is who I am and I only pretend to be that male that others see. He is just a facade of masculinity and may not even do it very well. I originaly made most of this original profile up as I just wanted to stay under the radar and make an occasional post. The guy that I pretend to be most of the time was banned a while back from this site but he won't be back. I Hope you will accept me for who I really am and not the angry guy who was once known here as Ramses.

The avatar is really me and was taken 10-31-10. While I may hold some core beliefs as the former Ramses, I don't care to talk about anything even remotely political. It just doesn't matter and is a waste of time and effort and only causes hurt feelings. I honestly think this board would be better off if political topics were banned with religion. I hope you don't delete me but if you do, I will just go away and not bother anyone here again.

I have got so much good information from this site in the last 8 years and it is a great repository of wisdom and infomation along with some wonderful people who care about the welfare of others. I'm tired of hiding my true self and I'm not going to hide who I really am on this board. I'm sure I'll be on double secret probation if not banned immediately but that's ok as it's their board to run as they see fit and they get to make the rules. As Mel Brooks sai, "It's good to be da King"!

Hl Stacy.....first off I will have to say that you are an attractive looking woman!! I wish you all the best of luck in your future...... I did not know you in your past persona, but what I see with all your posts as SB is a very intelligent person that cares of other peoples issues.....I agree with you on the tremendous amount of information on EA, and the way people here care for one another.......

[JessicaH (imported)]

I'm back. I inadvertantly replyed to a post whick I was thinking economic and not political and I certainly didn't spin politics. My error and I was held to my word to not post in politics so "fair enough".

While I dont really spend much time here anymore, I'm still happy to be here as there are a lot of nice people here. I do find myself spending much more time on another board related to M2F trans issues and just merely reducing T is much less of an issue at this time as I have managed to permanently lower my T and may finish the job at a later time but I'm ok with where I am and I feel at peace with that.

I have made friends lately with several m2f girls and they have all been so nice and helpfull and the last month has been full of new experiences and the world seems to have opened up to an infinate amount of possibilities. So right now, life seems new and exciting and I truely feel ALIVE!

[Caith721 (imported)]

...

merely reducing T is much less of an issue at this time as I have managed to permanently lower my T and may finish the job at a later time but I'm ok with where I am and I feel at peace with that.

Might you share with us your particular method for "permanently lowering" your T, or was it simply getting rid of one testicle?

[JessicaH (imported)]

Might you share with us your particular method for "permanently lowering" your T, or was it simply getting rid of one testicle?

It's detailed in the alcohol injection thread. It should be the last post on that thread. Getting rid of one testicle will not do anything. Your remaining testicle can easily work twice as hard to keep up whith the T demands from the pituitary gland (or is it the hypothalymus?).

[Caith721 (imported)]

Thank you, Stacy. Yes, I'm well aware that a single testicle is enough to make up for a missing one. Darn it.

[micropenis (imported)]

Welcome back my friend. You are looking good!

I am also limiting my posts on politics. Political opinions have nothing to do with sexual/gender identity, yet most here seem to be on the far left.

[JessicaH (imported)]

Welcome back my friend. You are looking good!

I am also limiting my posts on politics. Political opinions have nothing to do with sexual/gender identity, yet most here seem to be on the far left.

Thanks MicroPenis. It has been a good and interesting year for me and I am making steps to get where I want to go. I have lost 45 lbs. so far this years and people always take a double take if they haven't seen me in a while. I have to stop and look in the mirror all the time because I am still amazed at how much better I look. It's not vanity but just getting used to seeing this new person in the mirror!

Thanks for your comment and I'll update this post regularly with whats going on. It looks to be a really interesting weekend coming up so I'm sure I'll have something to report later!

[butterflyjack (imported)]

You do look great Stacy...Is that your hair? Nice....Good going on the weight loss..I could stand to lose about 25 pounds....specially when I stand..hehe

dragonfly

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Stacy,

I am happy you are finding your way to being who you were born to be. We've connected privately by email on a number of occasions and I am glad for that.

I wish you well on your journey.

Hugs,

Danya

[JessicaH (imported)]

Dragonfly- thank you for the compliment. That's not my real hair yet but it is the same color. My real hair is only a little shorter and im lucky to have a full head of it with no gray! I will have to post another pic soon with my real hair.

DANYA- as usual you are sweet kind and wise beyond your years. Im happy to call you my friend and I hope to see you this comming year!___

[JessicaH (imported)]

I have been one E injections for a week and took my second last night. This morning I noticed that my already already enlarged breast have already started changing. I have always had more than most guys have on the chest and I think it is mostly from a sensitivity to E.

I don't have any soreness under the nipple or anything but a week isn't long enough to make the duct gland start growing yet. But my breasts are definately fuller and the areola and nipple seem much more pronounced. It also seems like they have more fulllness and have more tightness to them but no pain.

I have come out as transgendered to a few close friends lately and while they of course are concerned about me and any life changing decisions that I may make, they have stated that they love me unconditionally and will be there for me no matter what! It's a lot to drop on someone who has never really put any thought to tg issues and it takes a bit to wrap your mind around it to understand it. I commend my friends for their open mindedness and compassion. I guess I have done a good job in picking my friends!

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Judging by your picture, Stacy, I would concur with your statement reference large breasts...Veddy nice...dragonfly

[Am I you? (imported)]

Stacy

Thank you for posting such a personal expose.

I said in another post "Good for you"

I feel as we are a family all headed together

in search of our dreams and asperations.

Some of us will get there and others will fall

short of their individual goals, however we all

seem to pull together to help each other.

I admire you for all the input on all the threads

I would be honored to be able to call you

MY FRIEND STACY

AM I YOU?:dong:

[JessicaH (imported)]

Thanks, Dragonfly

I am u?, thanks for the sweet post. I am happier now than I can ever really remember but at the same time I am more scared and unsure of the future of so many things.

I have a longtime friend that is just like a sister to me and we go so far back that our moms were friends for many years before either of us were born. I have to smile when I say "sister" because she very well may be my half sister, but that's a whole other story..lol. I have been struggling with telling her my deepest secrets and it just seemed so important to do so. I really didn't have a doubt that her love for me was unconditional so,,,,, I told her yesterday.

A week or so ago, I called her and asked her if she wanted to see my "halloween" costume for when I went out with a friend in Beaumont. Of course she said yes and I sent her a picture of "me". She was pretty amazed at how good I pulled it off and admitted to what everyone always says that "we realy DO look alike"! We got a good laugh and I told her to delete the pictures and not show anyone and she said she would but why not show my wife and her husband but I tod her no and she agreed.

Her husband Lex , who is a really close friend of mine, just got back from a 7 month tour in the middle east. He is on leave right now and they of course have been spending all their time together so I haven't been able to really talk to her alone. I called her for something the other day and we talked a bit and then she made a nervous laugh and said, "Lex want's to see the pics, can you send them again".

I was a little mad at her for even telling him that they exixted but I also felt a strange relief . So,,, I sent them some pics along with ones I hadn't showed her and it was kinda obious that it wasn't justa Halloween outing as there was more than one outfit over multiple pics.

It was my way of saying something to them without really saying something and I know Alex caught on a bit and I could tell the wheels were turning inside his mind but he was his normal polite self and didn't make any deal out of it. He was rather floored by the pics and couldn't believe it was me and how good I pulled it off and all that. He even joked and said I looked, "Doable." lol

So back to yesterday. I called Kristina and told her I was emailing her something and I wanted her to read everything over closedly and then get back with me. I put several links to my posts on Susans.org and then.... I hit....SEND. It's amazing the power of a click and the knot in you stomach it can leave knowing you just sent something that you can't possibly retrieve. She did quiz me about the cryptic tone of the call but I told her she would just have to read it. I told her that it was OK to share with her husband but that was her decision. That was about 4pm yesterday.

I was making my usual 5 hour sunday evening drive form the DFW area to the Beaumont area wher I work during the week and I checked my email about every 5 minutes and nothing... I chatted with a friend for hours while driving (Iknow, typing and driving is dangerous...) and she knew I was on pins and needles. It was a long evening and I was just dying to hear something. Of course all these things are running through my head and I'm second guessing my decision to be so honest.

So I pick up Paula and we go to Valeries and we all get ready and go out to The Pub to watch a drag show and have a few drinks. I didn't have much in the way of pockets so Paula has my cell phone in her coat pocket. She holds my phone out as it plays "I can't get no satisfaction" and I look at the phone and it's Lex... It's 11:48 pm and he has never called me that late so I know it's "the response".

I find a quiet corner and answer and it starts off with a normal conversation about the dinner I cooked the night before, chilling in the hot tub, and just our families spending time together the night before which is a common Saturday night for us. I played along for a while and he eventually got to the point and addressed the email. After mentioning it he said, "Iwant you to know one thing first and foremost and that is we love you unconditionally, no matter what happens or what you need to do."

I almost teared up and I told him that I felt the same way about them. My friend Lex surpassed my highest expectations for love, friendship, compassion and acceptance. He asked alot of questions about things and what the next step is and all the things someone would ask who has never really thought about such things. He was making such an effort to connect and understand and I will always be thankful for that.

He told me that Kristina felt the same way but she just didn't know what to say at this point. I understand that it's lot to wrap your mind around when someone you are so close to and have know for so long, just springs something on you like that. I suspect they will be doing a lot of reading and trying to understand. They are of course worried about the implications and the road ahead and just a general concern for ME. Friends truely are "the family we choose". I guess I have to pat myself on the back a bit in realizing what a good job I have done in my life in choosing who I call friends.

I have now told the only friends in my life who could really hurt me if they turned their back and all 3 of them have amazed me and told me their love for me was unconditional and that I can always count on them. It really is amazing...

So that's the story so far. I will write more as the story unfolds. I'm going to call a therapist today that I got referred to so I can set an appointment. I need to do what I can to deal with this so when it comes time to tell the wife, I can prove to her that I did what I could and even sought professional help and maybe even have a therapist that can talk to her about it and help her with it.

It is liberating to share this with friends as it just feels like a burden being lifted from my soul. So right now, the most important people to me know except my wife. She is the most important friend I have and there is so much more at stake. I have to make sure I can't fight this any longer and have no choice but to take it to the next level. It may sound selfish to do but the other alternatives would truely be harder on everyone. I guess it's not really a choice at all. Nature can play some very cruel jokes...

This weekend will be the first time that I will see them in person since I came out to them. Kristina's birthday is today and mine is tomorrow so we are going to have a dinner (I'm cooking of course) with lots of drink and time in the hot tub.It's going to be interesting since my wife will be there so I expect some "knowing looks" and inuendo... lol.

It's kind of funny because I called Kristina this morning to tell her happy birthday and she asked if I was "cooking as usual." Of course I said yes because I love cooking for them and I'm a much better cook than she or my wife so it works out for everyone eating...lol.

I stayed with them for a month when I first moved back to the Dallas area and since she just had a baby, I did as much cooking and cleaning as I could to help out. They really hated to see me leave after I got the apartment set up and my wife moved down. Llex commented several times then and afterward that I would really a great wife for someone someday...lol.

So Kristina laughed this morning when after we went over the cooking details when I joked that Lex always said I'd make someone a good wife. It was a knowing kind of laugh but we didn't talk about any of the new disclosures. Lex said she doesn't want to talk about it on the phone or email and want's to talk about it in person. I guess that's a good thing... I think she just want to be able to look me in the eyes when we talk. I will update how it goes on Sunday night. Wish me luck!

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Wow Stacy...It seems you've just taken a giant step toward honesty in your life.. You have great friends...Your wife knows...and I bet all will be well there, as well.. Big smooches dragonfly Edit: ( Oh and that is a fantastic photo...yummy)

[JessicaH (imported)]

Thanks Dragonfly. Telling the wife is the biggest obstacle right now. I don't expect that to go well....

[mrt (imported)]

Hi Stacy:

I didn't read you thread until just today. Anyhow, I'm happy for you and that your getting support. I think its a scary thing to transition and its good to have friends who are not going to go ape when they find out.

One thing I really want to say is PLEASE don't do injections to damage yourself. I think there is a real danger in this and there is a good mainstream path to transition what with therapists your doctor and so on. Turning off the testosterone is pretty easily done with drugs and from what I understand pretty inexpensive and has little fear of health issues. Ditto taking hormones! It does no good to blow out your liver! Anyway, I tend to agree with you on the Politics comments. However I started to laugh when you added religion because what did they used to say? Never discuss sex, religion or politics in polite company? If we take out "sex" err what would we have? A bunch of sexless people?!?! Oh.... Never mind.....



Anyway, I've not been that active on the forums (Or the computer as of late) as well. Good luck! Best wishes and try not to get banned again. I will say coming back as a female is the most creative way I've seen to avoid being rebanned.... And lace and pearls??

[JessicaH (imported)]

Things are going ok for now. I still need to make an appointment with a gender therapist but I have just been too busy and I can't really afford it with so much of my income being invested in a probe t right now. The financial issue should ease up on Thursday when I get a large payment that will cover investments and then a good bit more so may e I will set an appointment then.

I have come out to several people in the last few months and the person I thought would take it the best is really strugling with it. She is definitely doing her best but I thi.k she is really struggling to get her head around the trans thing. I love her dearly and I know she loves me the same way. I guess she was kinda blindsided by this and will just need time to adjust.

Besides someone STEALING my HRT and leaving me with NOTHING, I am doing well. I will be able to order more soon but it still takes 10 days to get it. I will do my best to not get too bitchy as my hormones go lower. :-\

[butterflyjack (imported)]

leaving me with NOTHING, I am doing well. I will be able to order more soon but it still takes 10 days to get it. I will do my best to not get too bitchy as my hormones go lower. :-\

Who in hell would steal your hormones? Some deluded junky? Makes no sense...Good luck...dragonfly

[JessicaH (imported)]

Who in hell would steal your hormones? Some deluded junky? Makes no sense...Good luck...dragonfly

Another TGirl that I WAS friends with. I kept the hormones at her place andhad even GIVEN her the HRT for free for two months.she wierded out one night and told me to come get some stuff I had at her place and when I went by the next day,she wouldn't give me my E. I am so done with trying to help and be friends with people that have mental issues because the last several people that I have tried to help them get back on their feet was just a waste of time, money and energy. I have wasted over 2k on two different people and it was all for nothing since they squandered the help and are no better off now then when I tried to help them.

It seems both people just wanted what they could get and had no interest in really trying to get their lives back on track. I guess I'm a sucker and always tend to believe in the best in others.