My Penectomy story from the hospital

[YodaNell (imported)]

Hi Yoda,

I use about a 1/4 teaspoon amount of this cream and that keeps my testosterone level between 120/130. If I use more it doesn't raise it any higher, it actually seems to lower my "t" levels. I think that's because I used this low amount for so long, my body has adjusted to it and additional testosterone is now converted into estrogen. I'm not sure why this has happened, possibly the aromatase enzyme, my regular doctor thinks it's a contributor to my problem: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aromatase - Maybe if I used an aromatase inhibitor it would help raise my testosterone levels or maybe if I switched to an injectable testosterone I could get back to normal male levels, but for what purpose? I don't want to increase my sex drive and have all the compulsive sexual desires driving me to do things that messed me up for so long.

Just this morning, I'm watching the news and what's the big story of the day? Dominique Strauss-Kahn, 62, was arrested on charges of a criminal sex act, attempted rape and unlawful imprisonment. If it's true that he raped her, and possibly it's not, though I tend to side with the women because I know how men are being a man, but if it's true it just proves my point. The sex drive can destroy you, your relationship with others, and your relationship with God. It's just so hard to control. Now sure, most men are not rapists, but most men struggle with their sexual compulsions. Most men fantasize about sex, most men have affairs or long to have an affair and a majority of men (way more than women) spend hours looking at internet porn. The sex drive controls us, that's why castration is so beneficial, at least it's been for me.

Hi Hash, so good to hear from you. I absolutely agree with you. This is exactly the reason I wish to eliminate my sex drive. It drives me NUTS!

I appears we have something in common.

Peace...

[YodaNell (imported)]

UPDATE:

Greetings-ye-all!!

Today I became very aggressive and moody. I quickly recognized the symptoms as it happened so many time since my castration. Every time the testosterone level (from the 't' injections) wares off, I get moody, start to cuss and bites peoples heads off. This ONLY happens to me for about 2 days. I guess the same happens to women 'that' time of the month when their hormones goes bonkers.

Aaaaaaanyway....I think that 3 month 'T' injection (Nebido) just started to ware off. Now I'm waiting for the hot flushes, though I really hope it won't come.

I will not inject Depo-Testosterone until I REALLY have to. I want to calm out for a while. If I MUST do it, I'll inject only 2cc to keep some side effects at bay.

The side effects I don't like is:

1) Lack of concentration (feeling stupid)

2) Lack of energy (sometimes I work hard getting of a couch:D)

3) HOT FLUSHES

Later...

[Hash (imported)]

Yoda,

I think you'd do better trying/using compounded testosterone cream if you can get it. A little bit each day stabilizes your body and you won't have these emotional ups and downs.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Yoda,

I think you'd do better trying/using compounded testosterone cream if you can get it. A little bit each day stabilizes your body and you won't have these emotional ups and downs.

Hi Hash, I'm not sure what compounded testosterone cream is, but it sounds like a good idea. It's a pity I only read your post tonight 'cause I saw my GP earlier this afternoon. I could have asked her. But I will definitely ask her. Thanks!

[Hash (imported)]

Your seeing a female GP? What does she think of your condition? Did she examine you and what was her reaction? It's very interesting for most of us to figure out what women think about men who become nullo's. Please share your experiences and discussions! I can only imagine what she's thinking. Maybe she's compassionate and understanding, maybe she feels bad for you. Maybe she's intrigued and curious as to why you've done this. Has she said anything or questioned you?

[YodaNell (imported)]

Your seeing a female GP? What does she think of your condition? Did she examine you and what was her reaction? It's very interesting for most of us to figure out what women think about men who become nullo's. Please share your experiences and discussions! I can only imagine what she's thinking. Maybe she's compassionate and understanding, maybe she feels bad for you. Maybe she's intrigued and curious as to why you've done this. Has she said anything or questioned you?

Yes, she's a very compassionate person and understand my story. She however, does not know about me being a nullo. She only knows about my castration. She was the one who gave me the vials of Lignocain to inject into my testes. She gave my 10 vials and syringes.

She's a fantastic person and an amazing doctor.

On a different note: I can't get over the euphoria I experience not having sex organs. I thought I might miss my penis, but I don't.

As I'm healing the groin area are really starting to look great.

Keep well.

[YodaNell (imported)]

UPDATE:

It feels that I was hit by a truck. I'm terribly tired and fall asleep at work. I've got zero energy! I'm also forgetting little things.

I must be the "T" wearing off. I truly hope these terrible symptoms will pass soon. I need to go to gym, but this tiredness must subside first.

I really don't want to inject 'T' for a while, but this tiredness is HELL!

All the best to you all, my friends. May God bless you.

[graylayer02 (imported)]

Yoda,

I think you'd do better trying/using compounded testosterone cream if you can get it. A little bit each day stabilizes your body and you won't have these emotional ups and downs.

Yep, the gel seems to work much better at controlling the ups and downs. That, and I don't have to drop trou every week or two.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Yep, the gel seems to work much better at controlling the ups and downs. That, and I don't have to drop trou every week or two.

I asked my local pharmacy about this gel but they don't keep it in stock. The guy says that my GP has to order the stuff.

[Eddie (imported)]

I asked my local pharmacy about this gel but they don't keep it in stock. The guy says that my GP has to order the stuff.

I use androgel 2.5mg daily and it comes in several strengths. 2.5mg is just enough to keep me from having hot flashes.

http://www.androgel.com/

Eddie

[YodaNell (imported)]

UPDATE:

Hi guys,

I'm beginning to experience a strange mental phenomenon. Being a straight guy, I would NEVER entertain the thought of touching a man and things like that. You know...?? Well, I've been castrated for a number off years now, and though I still adore females as my sexual preference (orientation), I'm beginning to look differently at men. I cannot describe it really. It's not a sexual feeling (lust, desire). I can actually see the beauty of a man.

The other thing is, I could never understand women in the past. I never knew what the feel sexually and emotionally. I never understood WHAT they see in a man. But, lately, it's like I have those feelings. I understand much more now how they feel towards a man. Once I had a penis and felt what a man wants, but now, with the penis gone, my urethra and pee-hole area feels more like, at times, like a clitoris that's being stimulated. Doesn't matter how hard I try to imagine or remember my penis, I can't. I feel this 'clit' sensation. Women must really experience WONDERFUL sexual pleasures.

Contemplating on this, I came to a 'conclusion'. Being ASEXUAL in my inner being, combine with the lack of testosterone AND having no sexual organs, brings out more of the female part of me. I TRULY don't feel attracted to men sexually (not yet at least), but it's like I appreciate both sexes equally. I understand much more now what both need in each other and what they see in each other's bodies.

It could be that a person is created both sexes a birth but the one becomes dormant while the other one becomes dominant. Lots of people's sexual orientation are situated somewhere between these two. I guess that bisexual people must be in exactly in the center of the scale between the two sexes. I also think that if the dominant sex is removed, the dormant one will come to being. I don't know, just a thought. Comes to me, I want to endeavor to remove both (lusts and desires), if possible.

Another thought came to mind. In order for God to create man and female, He MUST understand how both sexes feel. He had to 'program' a man to look a certain way at woman and desire her, and visa versa. I reckon, God being 'asexual' (not having a sex per say) is not bound by only ONE sexual paradigm but is able to know BOTH. One could perhaps say that God IS both male and female. Perhaps it's the same with ME and other true asexual persons.

I don't desire either man or woman anymore, but appreciate what both sexes see in each other. It's like I am both. Weird hey....????

Does anyone else feel the same?

Greetings

[Caith721 (imported)]

Long before I began cyproterone/Androcur and Estrogen, I always said I could have been bisexual, it was simply the right situation with the right person never presented itself. After 2.5 years of HRT, I can definitely feel what women must feel when they desire sex from a man, even though I still describe myself as a lesbian. It's very much the same desire I had before HRT, only much more intense.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Long before I began cyproterone/Androcur and Estrogen, I always said I could have been bisexual, it was simply the right situation with the right person never presented itself. After 2.5 years of HRT, I can definitely feel what women must feel when they desire sex from a man, even though I still describe myself as a lesbian. It's very much the same desire I had before HRT, only much more intense.

So...changing male or female hormones (or lack of it) can change one's sexual preference? In other words, can stopping 'T' and/or taking estrogen change me into a woman physically and mentally (becoming a woman), or is it just my female side that is moving more to the foreground?

I can definitely feel what women must feel when they desire sex from a man

Is this a physical or mental feeling...or both?

[Hash (imported)]

I've read quite a lot about MtF and FtM transsexuals, I don't believe that hormones alone are what make you male or female. There's a gender test that one can take to determine their sex, though perhaps, as in your case, if a man's genitals are removed, your body might start rewiring itself or maybe your mind begins to change it's desires. I would say, however, that if you started to use "estrogen" versus "testosterone" you'd become more like a woman mentally and of course physically.

http://www.transsexual.org/

http://www.transsexual.org/TEST0.html

[fhunter]

So...changing male or female hormones (or lack of it) can change one's sexual preference? In other words, can stopping 'T' and/or taking estrogen change me into a woman physically and mentally (becoming a woman), or is it just my female side that is moving more to the foreground?

I'd say not change, more like shift preference one way or another.

You can not make yourself, what you are not, but you can shift it a bit (or more than a bit).

PS. Hope I make sense, I do not know how to say it properly.

[Caith721 (imported)]

You say it well, fhunter.

I've enjoyed anal pleasure since my late teens, it's always been something I enjoyed very much. I've also always been more submissive in my sexual nature and enjoyed having my nipples pleasured. All of these were natural components of my sexual identity many, many years before I began HRT. As much as I could always appreciate it, since HRT I've experienced it more emotionally and psychologically. These have melded with my long-standing physical enjoyments very easily, as you might understand. Which means I can now appreciate and understand the physical desires even more.

(Somehow, I don't think my spouse would enjoy reading this. Her insecurities would come screaming out.)

[YodaNell (imported)]

The intricateness of sexuality is complex indeed! Can't help wondering...could evolution really be responsible for such highly intelligent design?

[Hash (imported)]

Complexity has always been the adversary of evolutionists. Humans, plants, animals are so complex physically & emotionally that it makes evolution harder to accept or believe. I don't believe in evolution for that reason. If evolution was true, then why haven't men been able to evolve bigger penises? Think about the evolutionary theory, man, animals evolve, changing as needed or as wanting in order to adapt to their environment, but what drives or pushes for these changes? Can a lower life form think and reason that they need to evolve into a more complex life form and then by sheer will evolve? What's the motivator for evolving? If we say man has evolved, then why haven't we, why can't we change our sex at will? Why can't we turn into women or turn into men like some lower life forms? Wouldn't this be a logical evolutionary benefit for humanity? Oh, that's the next step in our evolutionary process. I think that having the ability to regrow limbs, arms, legs, penises, would have been one of the most important evolutionary improvements for humans, but we can't regrow limbs.

What's always been difficult about evolution is the simplistic decision that an animal can by sheer will over hundreds of thousands of years, change it's design. "Oh, I guess in order to adapt to this environment, it be better to have claws or feathers or gills, and so the animal begins to evolve with these new features or organs." It's what I call the genie effect, "If I want it, I can attain it, if I just wish long enough for it!" Sorry, I can't buy that and so the only reasonable explanation, especially due to the complexity of creatures, is creation. That's my belief. Yeah, you can damn me and dismiss me as a nut, but evolution has never been proven, it's still an unprovable theory.

[Slammr (imported)]

Here we go again. In this respect, I will call you a nut. Evolution is one of the BEST PROVEN of all scientific theories. To dismiss Evolution, you might as well dismiss all science and say Everything is as God wills. Of course, if we did, we'd still be back in the Middle Ages somewhere, and we wouldn't be communicating through the Internet. The theory of Relativity has also been proven time and time again. If it weren't true, your GPS device wouldn't work. Quantum theory has been proven. If it weren't true, your computer wouldn't work, but those and everything about science are theories.

That's the way science operates. We form theories and then set about proving them. Evolution has been proven time and time again. It is a better proven theory than is either the theory of Relativity or Quantum theory, because those are only true as far as they go; they can't be reconciled in every respect, whereas the Theory of Evolution has never failed in any respect

Intelligent Design, on the other hand, isn't science. It's a religious concoction that has no place in science at all; but I could also say that about God. To prove to me Intelligent Design is correct, you first have to prove the existence of God, and you can't begin to do that.

[Milkman (imported)]

Creationism, intelligent design and other such theories have the inconvenience of written Chinese history, and would also have to dramatically increase the speed of light to somehow explain our distances from other stars. Besides creationism is NOT Biblical, it is derived from the beliefs of Martin Luther and the 1650 calculations, of the Archbishop of Armagh, James Ussher

[Slammr (imported)]

If you want proof of the Theory of Evolution, all you have to do is look around. Man has used the same process of evolution that nature does to produce purebred dogs, beef cattle, domestic turkeys, and other livestock. Man in these cases has done the selecting not nature, not natural selection, but it is the same exact process and is only one of many proofs that the Theory of Evolution is correct. The Theory of Evolution has been so proven that NO scientist would dispute it, and I'm willing to say that anyone that does dispute it is a religious nut.

You guys started this; I didn't.

I would suggest you drop it or take it somewhere else. I would hate to see Yoda's thread closed because of this.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Sorry guys, a hot-under-the-collar debate was not the intention.

Look...there are 'normal' people out there that will say/think we ARE nuts wanting castration, penectomies, sex changes, being gay or lesbian etc. But, this is OUR view of life and we would like doctors and other people to respect our feelings and allow us to modify our bodies as we want. People differ in views and opinions. One will agree with me, the other don't. We might not agree with each other about things, but we must respect the journey.

Therefor, comes to religion, evolution, politics, sex etc. we should not fight with each other (like the doctors do to us because of THEIR viewpoint), but except each others opinion, even if one does not agree.

Life is so amazing that we ALL might be wrong. Evolutionist argue among each other; there are disagreement among Christians, Muslims, Jews etc; their are arguments in politics (hence the existence of political parties) and so on. WE DIFFER. It's only the animals whose behavioral patterns are largely alike eg. dogs do what dogs do; snakes do what snakes do and so on. Think about it, humans and animals both have primitive territorial traits and battles, but humans are the only creatures on earth that philosophize, search for God, the ability to create, construct complex harmonies and phrases in music, the arts, searching our roots like in evolution, etc. We are NOTHING like the animals. What animal cares where it comes from or worry about a god? We are special...we ARE the express image of God made in HIS likeness. It's a pity people fails to see this.

SO...let begin to accept one another's view points. Who knows, maybe there is some truth in it.

Myself, being a man of God, sees EVERYTHING made by the hand of God, just as Hash says. Please allow me my faith.

Slammr sees creatures that came forth from the oceans. Although I disagree, I do respect that view point. I AM willing to wait for scientist to REALLY prove that, to alter my faith.

So...back to nuts, pee-pees, hormones and tee-tees...shall we! (as I'm so diligently reminded by my superiors on this archive)

P.S on a lighter note. Hash wishes for a bigger penis by evolution. I wouldn't mind evolution giving us wings with our existing limbs. Airlines will surely go out of business. I wonder what evolution's gift is going to be for humans in a few million years?

[Hash (imported)]

Sorry for bringing it up, but evolution is NOT proven, that's another lie of the evolutionists. Complexity has nothing to do with breeding animals, that's not evoultion, that's artificial selection, you can look it up. O.K. I'll shut up now, since I'm such an idiot.

[hazbalz (imported)]

I'll shut up now, since I'm such an idiot.

I have to agree with your self-analysis on this one topic, Hash.

[Mac (imported)]

Sorry guys, a hot-under-the-collar debate was not the intention.

.................

Slammr sees creatures that came forth from the oceans. Although I disagree, I do respect that view point. I AM willing to wait for scientist to REALLY prove that, to alter my faith.

So...back to nuts, pee-pees, hormones and tee-tees...shall we! (as I'm so diligently reminded by my superiors on this archive)

P.S on a lighter note. Hash wishes for a bigger penis by evolution. I wouldn't mind evolution giving us wings with our existing limbs. Airlines will surely go out of business. I wonder what evolution's gift is going to be for humans in a few million years?

I like to think that creationism and evolution are compatible. However, I would like to be nullo like YodaNell since I can't hope for total srs. What good is a penis if you sit to pee and do not have penetrative sex?