My Penectomy story from the hospital

[YodaNell (imported)]

Happy Birthday YodaNell. Hope it was a good one

Thanx thraddash! The day was great. Hope all is well with you.

[svg19888 (imported)]

can you tell me how you make your seld orgasum ?

[YodaNell (imported)]

can you tell me how you make your seld orgasum ?

Hi svg, I think it is different for everyone because our post-op results differ. Depending on the location of remaining scars, nerves and sensitivity of your pee-hole, one should explore the area and find what is most pleasurable. I guess if a nullo has a little stump left (like me) orgasm could be achieved quite easily. The more nerves are removed, the more difficult it will become. So, I expect that my ability to orgasm in December will dminish quite substantially after I remove the stump in November.

At present I can orgasm whenever I want. I take T injections (which makes one horny), I use a light vibrator on my new hole area and while stimulating my nipples, I orgasm within a few minutes. Sad for me as I try to get my body to be a sexless being! I'm not giving up, though.

I must also say that orgamic stimulation for a nullo is VERY much different than for a guy with a penis. I try imagining entering a woman, or try imagining a blowjob, but without a penis to feel it (which enhances the stimulation towards orgasm), is very hard because I don't feel my testicles and penis anymore. It's also near impossible for me to remember the feel of my ex-penis! I even try imagining I'm a woman but being straight, does not work for me either. It is almost like imagining your lover fondling your wings on your back, but you cannot imaging/remember what wings feel like. So, I take it slow with the vibrator and try not to let my mind wander away, concentrating on my lover. Not too long things build to a wonderful orgam.

A nullo is actually a new sexual being experiencing sexual pleasure in a whole new way. It's not the WAY of the penis anymore. It is now living WITHOUT one. This could be scary for many but extremely exciting for those who can/want to live without genitals.Keep well!!

[Eddie (imported)]

This a glass thruster that I use to stimulate my prostate for an orgasm. I never found dildo to work like this one.

http://www.extremerestraints.com/glass- ... _3149.html

[YodaNell (imported)]

Hi guys,I'm now comming off my three month 'Nibido' injection. Hot flushes are plagueing me again. Again, I'm extremely lame and tired. Just want to sleep all day. I wonder if other eunuchs (who has been off 'T' for a long time) experience the same extremes in tiredness as I do.Every morning I wake up with a terible errection. My stump swells to about the size of a gholf ball. Quite irritating, to say the least. It MUST be removed...very soon! I'm also considering nipple nulification. There is not much info on this archive. Maybe my Plastc Surgeon will remove them for me. Money talks right? So what now......shall I inject 3cc of Depo-Testosterone again. Whill I EVER be a true eunuch? Shall I inject or shall I live with this tiredness?

Love y'all...

Peace!

[janekane (imported)]

I have been "off testosterone" since the early summer of 1986. When a doctor has suggested that I take prescription testosterone hormone replacement, as some have done, they are met with "resistance" which I deem impossible to overcome.

I do not experience being even slightly "lame" or "tired," and only get tired after a full day of hard work, something that did not change noticeably for me from before my orchiectomy until now. Tomorrow has not happened, not yet. Alas, when tomorrow arrives, it will no longer be tomorrow.

The one change in my life that matters to me is my no longer being testosterone-coerced into having an orgasm when asleep if I do not have one first when awake. My subective experience of my quality of life increased by leaps and bounds when normal male testosterone levels and I parted company; and my ability to do sustained hard physical work seems to not have diminished in any way I have observed. When there is something physical that I regard as worth doing, and I am the one to do it, my brain activates motor neurons, my muscles respond, and the work gets done, as was true for me before my orchiectomy.

To me, every person is biologically unique, and I do not expect one person to respond to a given type of situation in the same way as another person responds.

YodaNell, my study of human biology has informed me that major aspects of human sexual physiology comprised of reflexes centered in spinal ganglia; these reflexe mechanisms are not necessarily all that much changed by orchiectomy and penectomy, and are ordinarily at least partly inhibited by nerve activity originating in the brain. The normal condition of human brain activity is inhibition of these spinal ganglion reflexes; the reflexes tend to "take off on their own" whenever brain inhibition is sufficiently reduced, for whatever reason inhibition from the brain is reduced.

I have wondered to what extent this brain inhibition mechanism leads some men who are as though addicted to orgasms to find themselves becoming functionally impotent because, in trying to have an orgasm, they try so hard as to activate the inhibition mechanism I have attempted, above, to describe.

Before my orchiectomy, I expected getting the orchiectomy would result in things happening in my life which I would be unable to anticipate, and therefore could not expect, and, in expecting what I could not possibly expect, I was not even slightly disappointed.

I can, at best, describe my life, including the effects I have observed in my own life, regarding castration. I cannot describe the life of anyone else, because I have not lived the life of anyone else.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Hi JaneKane! I might agree with you. Its been longer than a week (maybe 10days) after injecting 3cc of "t" and I am still very sleepy. So this sleepyness must be caused by something else. After this last t shot wares off, I'm going to stay off it as lng as possible. I don't think i've given this a fair try. I've heard of guys who are off t forever and feel great. That is what I want. I pray you ladys and gens are enjoying your Christmas holidays so far and don't forget to thank your creator for all your blessings. Blessings...

[YodaNell (imported)]

Ok guys, this one you probably never expected. I have two HUGE concerns. I should have mentioned this before, but I'm sure you guys will understand why I did not.

1) I had my penectomy done in order to get rid of the flesh that itches all day for sex. After masterbating, I would be ok until the next day. A cycle that continued for years. My problem is that after my penectomy, the sexual temptations and the need to maturbate has trippled! Wherever I go, these amazing looking girls pop up everywher; in shopping malls, streets; everywhere. I'm more horny now than before my penectomy. This brings me to my second concern, which is much worse.

2) It started some time ago, after my penectomy. At first I would dream of young boys and I rmember liking the look of their bodies. I would wake up disgusted at myself, for I'm not gay! I love girls! I did not mention this before as I was hoping it will go away. But, the last few days, whenever I see young boys (18 -25 old), I look at their beautifull young bodies and desire to touch it! This is really disturbing for me. Understand that, before my castration, I would NEVER even think about thouching a male in a sexual manner.

Question:

Could the lack of testosterone make me desire other males. I did become more sensitive emotionally. I have mood swings, but that is only when my T levels get low and when I inject T, my mood improves. Although my goal is to be 100% sexless, I want it more now. I orgasm EVERY day, to my utter dismay. What is going on?

Please understand, I don't regred the penectomy one bit. I absolutely love the way I am. It is just that my lust is running havock with me.

In Christian venacular: is this problem physiological or is it the DEVIL that is shooting his evil arrows at me because he knows about my desire to be sexually pure?

Guys, I'm a devout Christian and find talking about this deep, dark secret to others may not be a very good idea. I just hope the there experiences are noted in the anals of this archive. I don't know if this experience is unique or dit others also experience this, but I believe the those whishing for castration or penectomy should be warned that they might experience gay thoughts. Also, could it be true that due to the fact then the body lost its genitals, it compensates by desiring more sex, more lustful and easy orgasmic.

Its like my pens stump. After penectomy, my stump is maybe 10X

more sensitive to stimulation tha

t my penis was. Putting a vibrator to it, drives me nuts. A vibrator to my ex-penis did nothing for me.

It seems my quest has a long way to go. January the rest of my penis goes to hell. My nipples must go (anybody with diy suggestions, will please me). No more T.

Pleeeeeaaaaase guys. Don't mock my desires for absolute asexuality, Christianity and these gay desires. I feels to me that my whole endeavour to please God has turned into one BIG failure. Instead of progressing, I have regressed. I MUST overcome this, even if it kills me.

Love ye all...

PS. I have nothing against a gay person. I actualy prefer being friends with them more than straight guys.

[Milkman (imported)]

Actually from what I have read, being open and talking about such dark thoughts will make you less likely to act upon them. As someone who was molested twice as a child, I would encourage you to seek help if such thoughts persist.

[feedback (imported)]

from my experience when I was off T for some time my desire for sex disappeared. I also found that I appreciated both the male and female form as far as beauty was concerned. I really didn't look at people as sexual objects anymore. I also found that when I started to use T again I started to see both sexes as objects of sexual desire. As for as the fatigue and sleepiness goes I found that if I have to work I have to use some T, other wise I am just not motivated to do much but sit around and let the world go by. I think this is more of a mental thing with me rather than a physical thing because being retired I don't have a set work schedule I have to keep. It took me a couple of years to settle into a no T routine when I was still working. You just have to find something that works. I now use just enough T to keep me healthy bones wise but not enough to want sex.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Actually from what I have read, being open and talking about such dark thoughts will make you less likely to act upon them. As someone who was molested twice as a child, I would encourage you to seek help if such thoughts persist.

Hi Milkman, your resonse presents two concerns:

1) "...

will make you less likely to act upon them...

"

2) "...I would encourage you to seek help..."

Firstly, I thought I WAS acting upon it by posting my concern here on the EA. Are you sugesting that these feelings of mine can be 'cured'? How, by acting on point nr 2? Where? At a church or shrink.

Can a gay person be 'cured' of his gay feelings in order to think more 'normal' like a straight guy?

If it is a bad idea to share my concern here on the EA (..."

being open and talking about such dark thoughts

"...) then I will refrain from sharing my experiences on my nullo voyage.

PS. I'm not crazy, suicidal or wanting to rape woman or children. I have high morals. THAT is why these thoughts/feelings troubles me.

[YodaNell (imported)]

from my experience when I was off T for some time my desire for sex disappeared. I also found that I appreciated both the male and female form as far as beauty was concerned. I really didn't look at people as sexual objects anymore. I also found that when I started to use T again I started to see both sexes as objects of sexual desire. As for as the fatigue and sleepiness goes I found that if I have to work I have to use some T, other wise I am just not motivated to do much but sit around and let the world go by. I think this is more of a mental thing with me rather than a physical thing because being retired I don't have a set work schedule I have to keep. It took me a couple of years to settle into a no T routine when I was still working. You just have to find something that works. I now use just enough T to keep me healthy bones wise but not enough to want sex.

Hi feedback, YOUR post has been the most helpful as yet. I feel the same ase you when it comes to both sexes. It is NOT that I want to have sex with people. I just adore both sexes' bodies, but overwelmingly. I do (as for many years now) still have this overwelming desire for orgasm. These beautiful bodies just makes it worse. It's, like I said, as if the Devil is showing these beauty to me to enhance my lust, resulting in an orgasm desire.

THUS MY QUESTION:

Is the lack of "T" causing that I can now appreciate the beauty of a man or is the source spiritual? Are there straight eunuchs here who, after being castrated and off "T", also experienced a paradigm change regarding desiring/appreciating the same sex?

[Slammr (imported)]

I think that Milkman saw "young boys" and didn't see your addition of "18-25," and thought you were talking about an attraction for underage boys. From careful reading of your post, that isn't the case.

Unfortunately, I think you've been trying to eliminate thoughts of sex through elimination of the wrong organs. The brain is the biggest sex organ of them all. While testosterone can certainly affect its function, one can still have sexual desires without the hormone. I would suggest that the possession of a penis and balls wasn't your problem in the first place.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Unfortunately, I think you've been trying to eliminate thoughts of sex through elimination of the wrong organs. The brain is the biggest sex organ of them all. While testosterone can certainly affect its function, one can still have sexual desires without the hormone. I would suggest that the possession of a penis and balls wasn't your problem in the first place.

Thanks Slammr. Actually, if you remember my first post on this tread, the fight against sexuality in my body was the catalist/excuse for my penectomy. I wanted it off since primary school. It was my struggle to live a morte holy and pure life, that I actually considdered removing the temptation. The proble is, that the WHOLE penis is not removed and I still experience sexual pleasure in my groin and its very irratating. With all the flesh gone, I'll sort out the brain part. But in order to do THAT, I need to know, in a nut shell, if the lack of male hormones can cause one to become gay ie getting female desires and thoughts. If not, the journey should not be very long.

Like I said before, I L O V E it to be a nullo. I don't miss my genitals at all! It feels great...and...how can I molest a child without a penis?

[Slammr (imported)]

..and...how can I molest a child without a penis?

Actually, since women have been convicted of sexual molestation of underage boys, a penis isn't a necessary component of molestation. You realize, of course, I never accused you of such desires, and if that's what Milkman thought, I propose that he misread your post.

[feedback (imported)]

I don't know if my experience is the norm but I seemed to have a much different mental attitude toward people and sex after I became a eunuch. I found I had what I would consider a more feminine mental attitude. I find I am less aggresive, more emotional and much more submissive than before. Now I find both men and women attractive where before I would not ever even look twice at a man. I was what you would call homophobic before as that is how I was raised. Now even though I have never been with a man sexually I have thought about what it would be like. I am just much more accepting of others and find that it does not have to be my way or the highway. I have a much more live and let live attitude toward others.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Actually, since women have been convicted of sexual molestation of underage boys, a penis isn't a necessary component of molestation. You realize, of course, I never accused you of such desires, and if that's what Milkman thought, I propose that he misread your post.

Sorry Slammr, I didn't mean to be obtuse about my response. I was refering to youre reference to Milkman's statement. I assure you, I'm a self-appointed Patron Saint of Children. I strongly oppose such horrible acts against children and will oppose a person doing such things with my whole being. You mention women, but I'm a man and I sure I'm correct in saying that men mainly molest children by sexual means.

Still, this is not the issue regarding my problem.

[YodaNell (imported)]

I don't know if my experience is the norm but I seemed to have a much different mental attitude toward people and sex after I became a eunuch. I found I had what I would consider a more feminine mental attitude. I find I am less aggresive, more emotional and much more submissive than before. Now I find both men and women attractive where before I would not ever even look twice at a man. I was what you would call homophobic before as that is how I was raised. Now even though I have never been with a man sexually I have thought about what it would be like. I am just much more accepting of others and find that it does not have to be my way or the highway. I have a much more live and let live attitude toward others.

Thanks feedback, this is mainly the way I feel as well. So, it can be said that the lack of T can bring forth a femanie mental paradigm.

I wonder how Hash feels about this?

[kristoff]

For what it is worth, lack of T will NOT turn you gay, straight, or whatever. You are born to your sexual orientation.

[YodaNell (imported)]

I'm off T for two months now and this I how I feel:

1) Absolute zero enery. I want to lie down on my bed the who day. It takes every bit of will power to get off the bed. I want to do NOTHING!

2) Concentration at about 50%

3) Hot Flashes - not to bad at all

4) My nipples are very sensitive

5) Some mood swings (I understand the Venus crowd much better)

6) Eating pattern - No change

7) Libido - about 5% (GREAT!!)

I so much wanted to be off T (To get libido down) but as I start to work again on 1st Feb 2012, I injected T yesterday. I NEEEED to get my enery levels up again. It seems to me that the lack of T influence people differently. Some get Flashes, others memory issues but in MY case I have no ebergy at all. It's like all my batteries are drained.

I feels slightly better today. I actually did some chores at home.

I guess I will remain on low levels T (for energy), while my libido will rize as well. I guess at equilibrium my libido will be quite managable. Far more the pre-castration. Before castration I had extreme out of control sexual desires. I will test this theory. My little stump and roots must still be removed.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Oooh I forgot. On the 18th of February (8 days ago) I was celebrating my first anniversary being a nullo! Wow, it's amazing how fast time goes by.

I'm quite used, by now, not having genitals. I haven't had genitals for a long time now it's hard to remember what it felt like having had it.

The 'high' of wanting to get a castration and penectomy is gone now and I just enjoy living my life as sombody different than most people, which I like.

I'll check in again every week, or so...

Blessings to you all, my friends. (Don't forget your creator)

[Yman (imported)]

YodaNell, did you deactivate your profile on tribe.net or is it unavailable due to some technical problem?

[YodaNell (imported)]

YodaNell, did you deactivate your profile on tribe.net or is it unavailable due to some technical problem?

Hi yman, yes I deleted my account because South Africans are for some stupid reason prevented from viewing Tribe. I did, however create the same profile on malebodymods.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Hi Guys, it's going well with me.

I've joined the local gym and with the help of Testosterone, lost some fat and gained a few kilos of muscle. I'm really gettting hooked to this gym idea and love feeling my muscles swelling larger. I obtained a good protein shake just to add a little help.

I'll post before/after pics at some point.

Still wonderful being a nullo. Don't miss penis at all. Due to my increased intake of T (for the gym), my libido has gone up as well. Furtunately, orgasm is possible. After I get my body shape ready, I'll drop to lower T-levels. I must stay true to my original goal or else my emasculation would have been for nothing.

God bless you all this Easter season!

[Mac (imported)]

YodaNell,

Thanks for the update.

Glad to hear that you are doing well and

that you are happy with the outcome of your surgery. Please continue to keep us updated. Wish that becomming nullo was possible here without requiring shrink and medical approval.