Should have started here I guess

[Serbious]

I already made a post in general, because I was impatient. So ill start again here.

Greetings. Where should I start; Well I'm a 25 year old male from the US. I wish I could say I was asexual, but sadly I'm not, there was a time that i resented my body so much that I convinced myself I was trans. There was a time in my teens where all I wanted to be was a girl, and I thought drinking soy milk would make me one. As I grew older I realized I merely idolized stereotypical traits, shown in media, that depicted girls to be pure and innocent. Attributes that I deeply desired to reclaim. Alas, growing up is recognizing that knowledge is a curse and one can not dial back the clock to simpler days. I gained piece with my loss of innocence, however something still lingered and haunted me. My sexual nature. I "identify" as a straight male, but I do not have the aspirations of a "normal" straight male, specifically as where it comes to sex in its entirety. As in I don't want it. I am deeply disturbed by almost everything sexual. Therefor greatly distraught by my own sexual urges. If there was a way to permanently purge my body from these sensations, I would do it, thus my search has led me here.

[WheelyFixed]

Welcome again... I already replied to your earlier post, and hope that we can help you figure things out... Rest assured that you are not unusual, we have had more than a few others that have been here because of undesired urges...

We are an accepting group so you don't need to worry about talking about your situation... It is also worth noting that most places in the US are pretty decent in terms of access to care, at least for adults.

WheelyFixed

[Friotler7]

Welcome, Serbius! I'm glad you joined the forum!

I don't know if I understood correctly. You have sexual urges, but you don't like them since they're not pure, is that right? Or is your "sexual nature", as you said, some kind of a taboo? Could you give more explanations?

[Serbious]

Welcome, Serbius! I'm glad you joined the forum!

I don't know if I understood correctly. You have sexual urges, but you don't like them since they're not pure, is that right? Or is your "sexual nature", as you said, some kind of a taboo? Could you give more explanations?

Thank you for your comment and warm welcome. For clarification, there was a time in my youth that I became fixated on the concept of my lost innocence. I never experienced any trauma or anything of the sort. There definitely is a connection between the two, obviously I held a lot of resentment against myself for having urges I found gross. Simply put, while other more "normal" teenage boys were indulging in the discovery of their bodies, I was tragically distraught by the changes to my body and mind. I really yearned to remain the youthful carefree child I had always been. Mind unclouded with sexual attractions. That is the point in my story where in my ignorance and confusion I wished I could have been a girl (because I wrongly believed girls did not experience sexual attractions). I never sought transgenderism out in any practical manor, mostly because I was just a kid with no means or money to do anything about it. Also to as why I reference "I wish I could say I was asexual" because I find that experience to be agreeable with my true most desires (ie to be without sexual desire lol). I can not however claim myself to be asexual, because by definition they lack what I possess (sexual urges), and I don't necessarily agree with loose or broad re interpretations of the original definition. I have gained a much healthier understanding about myself through the years, perhaps the root of my true desire is still a childish notion, but I have sat idle for too long in a circular prison of my own design. To be all end all, and to the point. In all honesty, with no remorse. I simply think sex is gross.

[Friotler7]

I'm curious to know why do you think sex is gross.

Do you feel aroused by women? Would you like to see a woman naked? Do you masturbate or want to masturbate? Do you find eating gross too?

[doingmybest]

I "identify" as a straight male, but I do not have the aspirations of a "normal" straight male, specifically as where it comes to sex in its entirety. As in I don't want it. I am deeply disturbed by almost everything sexual. Therefor greatly distraught by my own sexual urges. If there was a way to permanently purge my body from these sensations, I would do it, thus my search has led me here.

I identify as having a sexual orientation - that I feel no desire to describe in any way shape or form outside of certain safe spaces. A lot of what you say resonates with me.

I used to be similar to you but then got a lot of therapy and found peace with it all. Does it bother some people? Yeah… But nothing will ever change without some struggle. It is what it is, didn’t choose it, it’s not going away, might as well make the most of it. The easiest way to do that is to say I’m nonbinary/eunuch. Puts everyone at ease lol, especially when involving myself with people I love/enjoy too much to risk losing or hurting. Much happier now.