a question for guys: how does castration effect your relationships with women?

[iamdaniel (imported)]

Once your sex drive vanishes, do any of you guys find that aggravating sexual hangups and insecurities which tend to accompany sexuality, also tend to vanish? do you find that you're able to have platonic relationships with women that don't become complicated(read: ruined) by sexuality?

[Cainanite (imported)]

Just because you don't have a lot of testosterone in your system does not mean you become sexless. I'm relatively asexual, but I can still have things arouse me. It is mostly an arousal of the mind, and not what is between my legs, but it can still happen.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Yes it can, the brain is a powerful sex organ, even if the delivery system is dead.

River

[Caith721 (imported)]

In my individual case, it's made my life better. Since my wife went through menopause, she's not the least bit interested in either intimacy or sex. Before anti-androgens and ethanol injections and eventually orchiectomy, I was too damned horny every day, afternoon, and evening. It was frustrating. Even masturbation became frustrating. She never expressed any interest, but became ridiculously upset if she knew I was masturbating. It was a no-win situation. Now I don't feel the need, although I still crave intimacy and she doesn't. It's MUCH less frustrating than the horniness.

FYI, I turn 53 next week. I've already had many years to enjoy sex, and I did enjoy it.

[iamdaniel (imported)]

Yes it can, the brain is a powerful sex organ, even if the delivery system is dead.

River

Very true, but in the case of castration, the elimination of the delivery system profoundly affects the brain, since it is testosterone (among other things) which influences the brain's arousal.

[iamdaniel (imported)]

In my individual case, it's made my life better. Since my wife went through menopause, she's not the least bit interested in either intimacy or sex. Before anti-androgens and ethanol injections and eventually orchiectomy, I was too damned horny every day, afternoon, and evening. It was frustrating. Even masturbation became frustrating. She never expressed any interest, but became ridiculously upset if she knew I was masturbating. It was a no-win situation. Now I don't feel the need, although I still crave intimacy and she doesn't. It's MUCH less frustrating than the horniness.

FYI, I turn 53 next week. I've already had many years to enjoy sex, and I did enjoy it.

she refused sex or intimacy yet became angry if you were masturbating!? what reason did she give for that?

[Losethem (imported)]

Even masturbation became frustrating. She never expressed any interest, but became ridiculously upset if she knew I was masturbating. It was a no-win situation. Now I don't feel the need, although I still crave intimacy and she doesn't. It's MUCH less frustrating than the horniness.

She wouldn't put out for you and then she got upset if you masturbated?

Gosh, she metaphorically cut your nuts off years before you actually did it.

Frankly, I wouldn't have put up with that.

--LT

[canadacowboy (imported)]

I don't have a problem the wife is not interested in Sex anymore so it works out well with me.

[SplitDik (imported)]

she refused sex or intimacy yet became angry if you were masturbating!? what reason did she give for that?

A big part of me overcoming my castration desire (which was based on being frustrated due to being oversexed) was learning to embrace masturbation as a positive tool and experience. For me most of my life, masturbation was a cop-out and sign of failure -- it signified to me that I had failed to get a woman to satisfy me or I didn't have the willpower to resist masturbation. I didn't really have a hang-up about it in terms of being embarrassed or religious issues, rather it was like being on a diet and giving in and eating junk food -- it was that kind of failure feeling.

My psychiatrist mainly focused on me changing my attitude about masturbation. It became a release valve. Also, I had to gain confidence that it was my right to do it (who cares if your wife or someone thinks you shouldn't). In fact for a while, my psychiatrist had me on a regimen where I was supposed to masturbate every day and was to make it enjoyable -- take the time to find some good porn, buy vibrators, whatever works for you. Most important was reevaluating my feelings after a masturbation session. Previously I always considered myself "drained" after masturbation which didn't feel good (sort of a post-coital depression, which is a real psychological effect); after doing some retraining I started to think of it as "relaxing", "stress release" and a positive control over my sexuality (i.e. I was consciously choosing an outlet for my sexual frustration).

Anyway, for those who are struggling with frustration due to oversexuality, it is really important to embrace masturbation, take it as a right, eliminate all hang-ups about it, and actually use it as a positive force. Also, if you're like me you'll find that your desire for castration greatly diminishes immediately after orgasm -- this is a strong sign that you don't really need permanent castration, you just need to masturbate regularly.

In fact, masturbation does actually cause "castration" because orgasm release prolactin which inhibits the dopamine that causes you to crave sex. If you masturbate whenever you are sexually frustrated, you'll start to find that less and less of your life is colored by sexual frustration. Eventually that will tip the scales, and you can beat the damaging cycle.

[janekane (imported)]

I can only describe my own experience, which may not generalize so as to be all that useful to many others. I have a genetic condition, familial adenomatous polyposis combined with a family history of apparent severe prostate cancer risk. That combination may happen in something like 1 out of 30,000 "men." I wrote, "men" because I have always had a sense of being transgendered, though not quite enough to have sought SRS.

I am married, have been married once, and plan to keep it that way "as long as we both shall live." My relationship with my wife can be put simply. We love each other, and I am not dead from cancer. Cancer preventive surgeries and complications from those surgeries kept me in hospital for months at a time. During those times, I had no need for orgasms, no "wet dreams," and was not bothered by any form of "sex drive."

Please note that the bilateral orchiectomy was the first of the cancer risk minimization surgeries and was done as an outpatient procedure. All the hospitalizations were at least two months post-orchiectomy, by which time the automatic sex drive mechanism had gone nicely to sleep. The conscious, willful mechanism did not, as best I can tell, change in any way I have yet noticed.

When home, I am much as I was before the orchiectomy, no ED, no reduction in orgasm experience, and the only difference I find at all worth noting is, by any sense of rightful jurisprudence, I ought to be acquitted of any fake paternity charge for a baby born since 1987.

Because I had no inclination to "fool around" outside marriage at any time in my life, that factor ("fooling around" may be unduly pejorative, if so, please forgive me) never changed for me. Therefore, for all practical purposes, my relationships with women did not change.

[Caith721 (imported)]

She hasn't refused the sex and intimacy as much as just completely ignored/forgot about it.

I'm strongly transgendered and she has her own set of psychological issues that play into it.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Yesterday on the news they said men like to cuddle more then women, case in point.

River

[janekane (imported)]

How does it go, in Porgy and Bess? Something like:

"Methuselah lived nine hundred years; but who calls dat livin' when no gal'll give in, to no man what's nine hundred years?"

If a particular "woman" deems cuddling to be step one of a rigorously inevitable chain of three steps, and seeks to avoid step three; exit step one, even if the "man" would be fully content with just step one; as the particular woman wisely needs to avert step one to prevent step 3?

For myself, I do not regard decent livin' as forcing a gal (or anyone else in any way) to give in.

[castray ted (imported)]

Once your sex drive vanishes, do any of you guys find that aggravating sexual hangups and insecurities which tend to accompany sexuality, also tend to vanish? do you find that you're able to have platonic relationships with women that don't become complicated(read: ruined) by sexuality?

Surprisingly, women don't seem to take "No" for an answer very well - which turns out to be a good thing, for me.

Figuring the hetero-sexual part of my life was over when my Unuchness occurred, I was wrong ... very wrong.

Oh, things aren't like they used to be and there's always that "Look, I have to be up-front with you about something" conversation that has to occur now, before that next step gets taken, but things still happen ... just differently.

I do seem to be a bit more understanding in the conversation-phases and yes, there is a certain failure rate - even with hormone replacement - and accompanying distress - but mostly only on my side of things.

Unfortunately, no matter how I try and educate the woman on the potentials, they still seem to either blame themselves or take it as an affront when things south ... go south. I find that the different wiring of the male/female systems doesn't allow them to fully understand.

But then again, who the hell understands anything?

And even at my age (60), I've yet to see a male-female interaction that doesn't eventually become affected by sexuality. And when you pose it as "ruined" - well, it's not like relationships that are solely sexual aren't set up for eventual ruin, anyway ... at least, imho.

I do find that true love conquers most although I still figure that if I were able to grow a set of boobs, things would go a different direction.

[iamdaniel (imported)]

Surprisingly, women don't seem to take "No" for an answer very well - which turns out to be a good thing, for me.

Figuring the hetero-sexual part of my life was over when my Unuchness occurred, I was wrong ... very wrong.

Oh, things aren't like they used to be and there's always that "Look, I have to be up-front with you about something" conversation that has to occur now, before that next step gets taken, but things still happen ... just differently.

I do seem to be a bit more understanding in the conversation-phases and yes, there is a certain failure rate - even with hormone replacement - and accompanying distress - but mostly only on my side of things.

Unfortunately, no matter how I try and educate the woman on the potentials, they still seem to either blame themselves or take it as an affront when things south ... go south. I find that the different wiring of the male/female systems doesn't allow them to fully understand.

But then again, who the hell understands anything?

And even at my age (60), I've yet to see a male-female interaction that doesn't eventually become affected by sexuality. And when you pose it as "ruined" - well, it's not like relationships that are solely sexual aren't set up for eventual ruin, anyway ... at least, imho.

I do find that true love conquers most although I still figure that if I were able to grow a set of boobs, things would go a different direction.

interesting. can you elaborate a little more? did you opt for elective castration, or was it from an illness? and did your libido decrease at all? my intention is to become either physically or chemically castrated so that I will either extinguish sexuality, or reduce it as much as possible.

[chemcast scot (imported)]

speaking for myself i can say that for the last 4yrs that i have been chemicaly castrated i have found that my wife and myself have been getting on a lot better and she dose not worry that i am going to pester her for sex and we dont argue like we used to do in the past i only wish that i had done this a long time ago but as i say i am only speakingfor myself and not everyone will feel this way about being castrated

[Hash (imported)]

As a eunuch, even though I maintain a low dose regiment of testosterone, and now that my wife and I are in our fifties, sex has lost it's attraction or we've both lost the desire for it. Being castrated, my wife doesn't expect sex and being a woman with a low sex drive, she doesn't seem to miss it. Every once in a while I get or wake with a semi-erection, but by the time I get to the bathroom it's already getting softer. My penis during the day tends to shrink up quite a bit and it isn't moved by women in short shorts or bikini's. However, every once in a great while, as with a young co-worker, who wears seductive clothing, I find myself thinking about what it would be like to touch her and please her physically. It's usually short lived and I don't dream about it, it's a mental brain driven thought. That's about it.

[Cainanite (imported)]

My penis during the day tends to shrink up quite a bit and it isn't moved by women in short shorts or bikini's. However, every once in a great while, as with a young co-worker, who wears seductive clothing, I find myself thinking about what it would be like to touch her and please her physically. It's usually short lived and I don't dream about it, it's a mental brain driven thought. That's about it.

Yes. This is how it is for me most of the time. I can still be aroused, but it is a mental feeling. If I were to explain it to someone else, it is kind of like light spreading out over the inside surface of my brain, while I have a mini fantasy. My mind can feel very aroused, but it doesn't translate to what is below my belt.

I can enjoy those moments, but it is a conscious decision on my part to remain in that "aroused" state or not. It's not physically driven.

[iamdaniel (imported)]

Yes. This is how it is for me most of the time. I can still be aroused, but it is a mental feeling. If I were to explain it to someone else, it is kind of like light spreading out over the inside surface of my brain, while I have a mini fantasy. My mind can feel very aroused, but it doesn't translate to what is below my belt.

I can enjoy those moments, but it is a conscious decision on my part to remain in that "aroused" state or not. It's not physically driven.

This is what I'm looking for. I don't care that much if I'm still capable of being aroused post-castration so long as I can CONTROL it. My problem now is that I feel no choice but to be aroused. If I catch a glimpse of cleavage or a nice butt or something, there's an irresistible surge of intense lust. I hate it beyond description. I don't want to ever experience it again. I want, at the very least, to be able to turn my arousal on and off at will (though I would always leave it in off mode)

[janekane (imported)]

Perhaps I have some useful thoughts. To find out, I will put some of them here.

The basis of what I am writing now is my being what I surmise is a competent biologist and bioengineer. The human male sexual response is a diverse phenomenon, predominantly a matter of spinal reflex arcs driven by hormone levels, and to some extent in some men, the effects of hormone levels on seminal vesicle and prostate gland distension. Brain stimulation from the spinal ganglia often initiate the dream (waking or asleep dreaming) process of sexual excitement dreaming. This mechanism may account in fair degree for the present size of the human population, and it is mainly hormone (or biological clock?) driven and not mainly driven by human brain activity, though conscious awareness may mistakenly claim otherwise.

From puberty completion to my orchiectomy, I was on a hormone-driven three-day-maximum cycle. If I wanted to get my sleep at night, I would have to choose to have orgasms no more than three days apart.

Few, if any, men who have been castrated have involuntary orgasms of the sort that is commonplace when "intact." Some intact men never have wet dreams; the distended organs slowly empty during urination and some men unawares retrograde emptying of the seminal vesicles and/or prostate gland into the bladder without their being aware of it. Such folks may sincerely (and miistakenly) believe that their brain is in control of their reflexive sexuality, and may mistakenly claim that anyone who is sufficiently self-aware can be like them.

By reducing the automated hormone driven orgasm clock, castration can help, sometimes very effectively (me, for instance) in putting aside unwanted intrusive sexual thoughts which originate outside any semblance of willful, voluntary control.

For me, the risk of cancer, which I have perhaps repeated to absurdity (sorry) was the deciding factor in my orchiectomy. The vanishing of the need for orgasms when awake to get a good night's sleep was a welcome benefit for me, but was not enough, by itself, to persuade me to seek surgery.

That said, it does make perfect sense to me for some folks to need an orchiectomy in order to live satisfying lives. There were days when I got busy and forgot to take my "prophylactic orgasm" in time, and was not worth a diddle piddle at work because of intrusive, hormone-driven spinal-reflex-originating sexual thoughts.

To respond to the initial question as to how my relationships with women may have changed, my personal answer is that such relationships did not change; what changed was my relationship with myself, and that may have had, for me, some useful effects on my relationship with my wife, which, whatever else may have happened or not happened, did not deteriorate. With women not my wife, I am unaware of any change worth noticing.