Cheetaking243's Official Hormone Trial!

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG...

MONTH TWO, DAY THIRTEEN:

Let's talk about sex. [beware, lots of explicit material is ahead. ]

That is what this entry is about, as well as a quite important personal decision that I'm now finally ready to come to after much thought.

Anyway, here is the sexual update. Something seriously amazing has been going on over the last few days. My sex-drive has returned. In a big way. But it has absolutely NOTHING to do with what I have always known as being a sex drive. It is something completely different, something completely AMAZING,

and something that I've been wi

shing that I could experience for pretty much my entire life.

This story begins with me buying something that used to be my absolute favorite sexual toy when I was a teenager... a Waterpik shower head with pulsating massage. And you better believe that on the very first opportunity that I got to use it, after not having one for like 10 years, I pounced on it. That just happened to be this afternoon.

Remember during my last official daily update about a week ago, when I reported that it was possible that my orgasms were getting stronger? Well, now it's not just a hunch anymore. Because it's happened again. And while one amazing orgasm that seemingly comes out of nowhere could possibly just be an isolated event, a statistical anomaly, two of these insanely-pleasurable orgasms within a week of each-other is impossible to explain away. Because today I had yet another unnaturally-intense orgasm, one even BETTER than the last one, and easily the best that I've ever had in my entire life. (God, I can STILL feel the lingering pleasure from it, even though it happened over 6 hours ago.) So yeah, it really is happening, my orgasms actually are starting to get a LOT more intense. Every single one that I have now ranks at the top of the list of the best that I've ever had in my entire life. My normal male orgasms feel like NOTHING compared to these.

Basically, I'd describe this new sexual feeling as being like a very powerful wave of pleasure that just washes over you as soon as you start really getting into the mood and touching things. With normal male arousal, you really don't start feeling any significant degree of pleasure until you reach the "plateau" phase, where you're just one little blip away from making it to the very top. But this is not like that at all. You start feeling pleasure that is so enjoyable that it makes you start "ahh"ing almost as soon as you start stimulating. It takes a while to find it, but when you finally do start to get the motion just right, or in this case get the showerhead's three massaging water-pulses aimed in just the right spot, there is just this amazing extended plateau where you get a ton of pleasure as it goes, and it just lasts and lasts, up to several minutes. And then when the peak finally comes... oh, God, what a peak! The last 5-10 seconds before orgasm are so intense that it has been sending me into an uncontrolled twitching motion recently, just overcome with amazing feelings.

And now, the absolutely amazing part! Something that I have NEVER experienced in my entire life almost happened today... I was THIS close to having multiple orgasms! Usually orgasm is a one-and-done thing. Once you've reached it, everything goes soft almost instantly, and you can't get it back up again for another half-hour or so. And if you try, it still feels kind of good, but you just know that it's not the same feeling as before, and you know you can't make it to orgasm again no matter how hard you try. The capability is just no longer there. Well, to my surprise today, once I had finished with orgasm #1, and a brief period where the erection softened slightly, it suddenly started going right back to full. And when I put the massaging head back onto it, it still felt just like it did as if I had never had an orgasm in the first place. I resumed stimulation, and I was THIS CLOSE to having a second orgasm. THIS CLOSE!!! If I wasn't on a time restriction, due to having to get dressed because I needed to be able to let the water department into our house to upgrade our meter, I could have made it. I know I could have. Because within 5 minutes of the first orgasm, while the pleasure from the first one was still just trailing off, I was able to get right back up to full erection, and stimulation felt EXACTLY the same as the pre-orgasm stimulation had been. Again, I could have made it if I had the time. But right as I was about to get there, the doorbell rang, and I had to stop. So I never got the chance. But this is just an amazing thing. Some day soon, I really am going to do it... [quot

e="cheetaking243 (imported)" time=135865776

0]
I really am going to be able to
[/quote]
have multiple orgasms. I can feel it. It was right there, just a few minutes away. There was just none of that normal "refractory" feeling whatsoever.

So now I really do believe that it's no

t only possible, it's an inevitability that I really am going to do it some day... and sooner than I ever thought. I really do feel like I'm capab

le of doing it now.

Something am

azing is happening here. F

or the first time in my entire life, I

am actually enjoying having a sex drive. After the amazing orgasm that I had, I just felt SO GOOD all day! I curled up on my bed, and just enjoyed the soft feeling of everything around me, feeling so amazing, like the whole world was just the best thing ever. The pleasure from that orgasm once again left me giggling like a school girl, feeling absolutely amazing, and the pleasure took a VERY long time to taper off. (Again, I can STILL feel it lingering, and it's over 6 hours later now.) And I just can't wait for the opportunity to do it again! I mean, God, I haven't had this kind of a sex drive since I was a teenager! But at the same time, it's not the same kind of sex drive as when I was a teenager. As a teenager, my sex drive was COMPLETELY based around endless lustful thoughts... of me imagining what it was like to be a girl, and imagining bizarre things like amputation. My sex drive was always based on being inundated with thoughts that caused spontaneous erections, and made me feel like I just HAD to release it. And as such, it controlled my entire life. I wasted sleepless night after sleepless night staying up until like 2 a.m. writing transgender and amputee fantasy stories, because I just had to get that thrill. And as an adult, although that burning desire was gone, it was still that "need to release" that drove me to do sexual acts. I wasn't doing it because I really wanted to, I was forced to do it because I'd feel like crap if I didn't, and reaching orgasm was the only way to release that sexual tension. But this is COMPLETELY different. There is NO sexual tension at all! NONE!!! My drive that makes me want to have sex no longer has ANYTHING to do with feeling a need for it. It is now completely based on want. I have a drive to do sexual acts not because my body insists that I do it, it's COMPLETELY just

because it feels so absolutely a

mazing that I just have to feel that amazing sense of pleasure again! It's AWESOME!!! For the first time in my entire life, sexual acts are actually a joy to experience! They don't control me, they don't mess with my mood, they're just a really amazing pleasurable thing that I do for myself, when I want to, and it feels AMAZING every single time.

God... THIS is what I have always felt like my sex life SHOULD be like. Having a male sex drive always just fel

t so wr

ong to me. I hated the const

ant fantasies that controlled me, and I hated that tense "need to rele

ase" feel. Well, now, for the first ti

me ever, BOTH of those things are completely gone. And as such, sex is no longer an annoyance, something that makes me a slave to it, it is now like my personal plaything, something just for me to make me feel amazing. THIS i

s what it should have been like f

rom the start. THIS is what I have always felt it should have been like. And as such

, for the first time in my entire life, I

am actually enjoying having a sex drive, and actually feel like my sex drive is a healthy part of me instead of something inconvenient. I LOVE IT!!! I am FINALLY a healthy sexual being, and one who feels like it is right, after a lifetime of feeling like it was wrong.

The only disadvantage that's going on here, is that my penis has now become too sensitive to stimulate manually. Every time that I have tried it, with or without lubrication, I have ended up tearing the skin, and it hurt like hell. So now I'm pretty much a slave to the Waterpik when it comes to safe ways to stimulate myself. I can't do it by myself anymore. Reaching orgasm takes a LONG time now, because the length of the plateau has greatly increased. And because of this, the skin under my glans is usually shredded by the time I start getting close to orgasm using manual stimulation. So whatever... I'm okay using my shower head. It's AWESOME!!!

And now, finally, here is my decision. I know I've said before that I decided that my HRT "trial" no longer had a definite end, that transition was now my goal and I'd see where I stood in a few months in regards to whether I really was going to go through with it or not. Well, now, I have reached a permanent decision in regards to that. And this new sex drive, and these amazing orgasms, were the straw that finally broke the camel's back. I am NEVER going back off of HRT. EVER. It has COMPLETELY changed every single aspect of my life for the better. This really is starting t

o become exactly like what I alw

ays wished my life could be like ever since puberty started. Everything that I felt wa

[quote="cheetaking243 (imported)" time=

1360113480]
[quote="cheetaking243 (imported)" time=
[/quote]
1359864180]
s wrong about my life as a male has now
[/quote]
suddenly been made ri

ght. I really am going to have basicall

y no body hair again, and a smooth round face, and beautiful soft skin, and a mind that can actually experience the true pleasure and the true sadness that my male brain just never was able to, and for the first time ever I have a sex drive that is actually pleasurable and feels "right" instead of feeling like a foreign invader. This is me. I was born to be like this. I am a creature of estrogen, and it should have been like this from the very start. There is NOTHING about my old life on testosterone that I ever want back. I really have found myself. This really is the first time in my entire adult life that I have truly felt happy. And it's absolutely wonderful. Needless to say, yeah... I'm a girl. There's no doubting it anymore. My brain was built for this from the start.

So yeah... that's pretty much the last decision that I needed to make in regards to taking hormones. By this time next year, I'll pretty much have a completely female body, and I don't plan to stop even then. Complete feminization is now in my future for certain. All that's left is to figure out is the logistics behind trans

ition itself, when I get to the point that I'm f

inally comfortab

le enough to start part-timing as Carrie

in real life, when I

finally decide to go full-time, and figuring

out the specifics behind all of the surgeries that will inevitably be needed

. That's all that's left. The rest, inclu

ding all of the uncertainty, the years of not being sure, that is all long gone now. I'm now 100% certain. No doubts left, aside from whether I really can pull it off or not. I still have a long way to go, and it's hard not to get VERY nervous and self-conscious. But I don't care. My body is going to be completely female now, and that is my permanent future, one way or another. I just hope it happens sooner than later.

Love you all! And a HUGE thanks to everyone who encouraged me to try this HRT regiment in the first place. I owe you EVERYTHING!!! I really do. For the first time in my entire adult life, I am actually happy. And I owe it all to you!

-Carrie

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

Just wanted to add that this morning, I finally got an appointment set up with a local laser spa, and my official consultation for laser hair removal will be next Tuesday.

Also, I finally got an appointment set up with a local informed-consent clinic to officially switch over from DIY to medical supervision. That appointment will be on March 8th, so I should be switching over to an "official" HRT regiment within the next month, as soon as the lab work comes back after the appointment.

Also, I officially will be switching from part-time employment at work to full-time employment as of March 1st, so once that happens I will FINALLY have enough money to see a gender therapist to start getting the letters that I will need to finally go all the way.

Things are slowly falling into place.

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG...

MONTH TWO, DAY FIFTEEN:

Well, looks like I've officially made it to the one-and-a-half month mark in my hormonal journey. And today was AWESOME!

First of all, after like 2 weeks straight of getting really down on myself, and being all mopey and like "I'm making NO progress! Waaaah! I'm never going to pass! I'm going to need FFS! My life sucks! Waah! Mope, mope, whine, etc." Today I FINALLY got around to doing my official 6-week update pictures. And I must say, I was COMPLETELY blown away. It's really easy to get down on yourself, and feel like nothing's changing, when you're just going by what your eyes see in the mirror every morning. Because your mental image of yourself is constantly adjusting, it's nigh-impossible to be able to notice every single little change. But when I took a picture, and compared it to the ones from previous weeks... good God, what a difference! (HERE (http://oi46.tinypic.com/t9jcr8.jpg) is the picture from this morning. Just loo

k at it! Good God, I look like a freaking teenager again! And co

mpared to THIS (http://oi45.tinypic.com/154f0g7.jpg) picture of myself, which I took on my very first week of hormones, I barely even look like the same person! God, I don't even recognize that big dumb muscular mass of grossness.)

So, yeah, that was awesome. And it REALLY helped me to get my confidence back. And then later in the day, I finally took the ponytail out of my wig, and for the first time it actually looked decent without being pulled back. And not only that, but I've noticed that when I wear my hair just flowing freely like that rather than in a ponytail, it helps to disguise the size of my back. So, shockingly, out of the blue I'm suddenly feeling like being able to pass as a girl isn't such a farfetched idea after all. Plus the workouts that I have been doing, although EXTREMELY painful (I really overdid it the first day, to the point that I could hardly even get out of bed the next morning because my muscles were so sore,) have indeed actually helped. When I put on my girl jeans to go with the wig, it actually did look like I had a butt! YAY!!! And when I did videos tonight,

for the first time EVER, I actually

was reasonably able to say "yeah, I could see that person as being able to go out as a girl without getting too many people questioning her." So yeah, this was a GREAT day in terms of confidence, and I am really getting excited again.

And to cap off a great day, I got a call from my old best friend from high school. (I don't know how many of you have read my "Tales of Interest" story, and therefore know about the character of Jon... well, this is the real-life version of him. He really was my best friend in high school in real life.) And after beating around the bush for a while, where he was asking me about what happened between me and Jenny, I finally did decide that the best thing to do was just come out with it and get it over with. So I told him everything. And just like with EVERYONE else that I have told so far, he was nothing but completely supportive, and actually said that he was really happy for me, that I was finally able to quit worrying so much about what others thought, and learning to love myself and be who I really am. We had a wonderful chat, he didn't treat me any differently, and he promised that he wouldn't tell anyone else until I was ready to publicly come out with it on Facebook. You know, I really have been blessed with amazing friends and family. Everyone tells all of these horror stories of being disowned and shunned and never looked at the same way again. Well, I've had the exact opposite experience. In many ways, I feel like everyone that I have told about it, I've actually felt much closer to them by the time that I'm done. Because for the first time, it feels like I can finally be myself around them without having to pretend to be a guy. Anyway, yeah, that was really awesome too.

And as one final note, as of yesterday, it's official, I now have boobs. Suddenly, about 3 or 4 days ago, I started feeling this weird new sensation coming from my chest area. Whenever anything brushed against my nipples, it randomly felt different. The male chest area really does not feel any different from the rest of the body. When you touch a pectoral, for the person who owns it it really does not feel much different than if you had touched his stomach, or his back, or his leg. And although I've always had rather large "man boobs," it was still that kind of feeling for me. They were there, but it was just normal fat in them. There was nothing especially different about them from the fat on my stomach or thighs. And even after beginning hormones, the only area that changed at all was the nipple. The sensation of the actual chest tissue had not changed whatsoever. Well, that is no longer the case. Suddenly, when I woke up in the morning, I started feeling this strange new odd sensation... like for some reason my breast tissue had changed, that now it was more sensitive, that now I could feel it better, and it felt like its own special part rather than just being a normal part of me. And when I felt around the area, I was shocked when I discovered that fatty tissue was beginning to grow in around the nipples. It was a kind of fat that's completely different from the rest of the breast. It's extremely soft, and very sensitive to the touch, and honestly just feels good to touch and feel, even thou

gh the nipple still hurts. It's bre

ast tissue officially beginning to grow, my friends. Real, genuine female breast tissue. And when I looked in the mirror, it was really obvious. Rather than being a flatter more rounded shape like it always was before, now my entire breast is starting to take on a more conical shape. There is a very defined point in the area immediately surrounding the nipples. And when I did a video of myself trying out my "female walk" earlier, I was shocked to see that those little areas are starting to bounce and jiggle just like female breasts as well. So, yeah, it's official. I've had what I would consider to be female nipples for about the last week or so, but now I officially have breast tissue to go with them! It's official, people, I have boobs! (And I absolutely LOVE them! I can't stop touching the things, because I just LOVE that feeling of how soft the tissue is, and I just smile so brightly when I look in the mirror.) [So I guess that means that I'm now an official member of the "itty bitty titty committee?" (Again, I just can't get over it. I have boobs! How amazing is that? I LOVE THEM!!!) (Hello, girls, welcome to my body. I hope you enjoy being a part of me! I know we just met for the first time two days ago, but I love you already!) (And yes, I have actually been talking to my boobs. Shut up. :p)]

(Side note: I actually feel kind of naked when I'm not wearing a bra now, because I can feel those little sensitive boobs brushing up against the coarse inside of my work uniform constantly, and it just feels like there should be something there protecting them.)

God, I could just go on and on and on tonight. This was such a great day! But I don't want the length to get (completely) out of hand tonight, so I think that's enough.

Love and peace, homegirls and homeboys!

＼（★´−｀）人（´▽｀★）／

-Carrie

[_g (imported)]

Just remember it DOES take time. Just what a few months and then compare the photos the you would be saying "was that me?"

_g

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG...

MONTH TWO, DAY TWENTY:

Howdy again, everyone! This entry won't be too outrageously long, as I only really have three or four quick updates that I won't get into great detail

about, but I definitely did want to at leas

t come and update my body composition #'s and my measurements, since it has been exactly a week now since my last update. Then after that, I have a couple of life updates and updates to how the HRT has been going, so let's get started!

Updated Body Composition #'s:

Weight: 247.6 lbs [-14.2 lbs overall, -3.4 lbs since last update.]

Body Fat: 35.1% [-13.36 lbs overall, -0.8% since last update, or -3.2 lbs in mass]

Muscle: 37.9% [-3.81 lbs overall. +0.3% since last update, or -0.54 lbs in mass. (And yes, the mass is down despite the percentage being up.)]

Water Weight: 41.9% [-4.38 lbs overall. +0.6% since last update, or -0.08 lbs in mass.]

Bone: 8.7% [a slight decrease in mass, but pretty much statistically insignificant given the small %'s we're talking about here.]

Updated Measurements:

Hips: 45" [-0.5 in overall, unchanged since last update.]

Waist: 37.5" [-2.5 in overall, increase of 0.5 in since last update. (Damn... so much for all of those waist-slimming exercises...)]

Underbust: 38.5" [-3.5 in overall, unchanged since last update.]

Bust: 44.5" [-0.5 in overall, +0.5 in since last update. Yeah... this has DEFINITELY gotten bigger over the last week, and it's completely because of boob growth. The padded B-cup bra that I bought 3 weeks ago, I now almost completely fill out, while there used to be a big empty space in the cups.]

Overbust: 40" [-3.0 in overall, -0.5 in since last update. Yeppers, my upper body really is starting to shrink, and shrink fast. I've got almost a tube shape to my ribcage now, where it used to be a LOT more hefty on top. This is a promising sign, as my hefty back is still the primary thing that's making me look like a guy, even in feminine clothes.]

Updated "New" Measurements:

Upper Arm Circumference: 16" [unchanged]

Lower Arm Circumference: 12" [-0.25 in]

Neck: 15.75" [-0.25 in]

Upper Thigh Circumference: 26.5" [+0.25 in. My legs are starting to take on a more conical shape, with the very top getting slightly wider.]

Calf Circumference: 17" [unchanged]

Anyway, that's that. There has been some progress on the weight and on the measurements, but I really do wish it would go faster. I've been having some serious issues with body image over the last couple of weeks because I still have way too much "male" fat and not enough "female" fat.

As far as generic HRT changes are going, the main one over the last week has been boobs. I am growing them REALLY fast. At this time last week, I still pretty much had nothing but mild nipple growth, where now out of the blue I am suddenly filling out an oversized B-cup, and they've become big enough that I've had to start wearing a bra for purposes of modesty. The nipples now are almost ALWAYS sticking out, they've been growing, and I'm now almost already to the stage where someon

e looking at my bare chest might gen

uinely call them "boobs." I definitely was not expecting this to happen so quickly, but it has, and I'm certainly not complaining. Maybe my dream of having a C-cup chest isn't so farfetched after all. (I'm not getting my hopes up, though.) But if this is how much they can grow in a month and a half, I can't imagine where they'll be a year from now.

Also, and I know this isn't going to sound like a significant change, but I'm really starting to "feel" female now. I don't know what's happened over the last couple of weeks, but for some reason my mind has just REALLY started to feel like I'm female. I've noticed that as my muscles have been healing from the workouts, they're resetting and healing in a completely different way. So as I've been working out my legs, suddenly they started feeling like they wanted to move in a different manner. So now when I walk, my walk feels feminine. And my card-pitching motion has noticeably suddenly changed too. It feels slower and weaker, a bit more smooth and precise rather than powerful. And the way that I laugh and interact with people is changing too. When I talk to people, I really feel like a girl talking. My laugh, and my actions, they've just kind of naturally shifted to being more feminine. And it's not like I put any conscious effort into it, it just happened. And I can see this change in the videos that I've done over the last week. Suddenly, like magic, the same self that destroyed my confidence in my "girl mode" back in week 4 of this trial, is actually giving me more hope now. Because while I still don't look like a girl AT ALL from the back, my presentation suddenly just feels feminine. And I really don't know how to explain it.

There's also been some additional facial progression, but I'll be honest, I really can't put my finger on what. So I'll just post a picture at the end of this post and let the visuals do the talking for me.

I also have now officially come out to another very important person in my life... my dad. And unfortunately, he is nowhere near as accepting as my mom and Jon were. Dad's basically in denial about it. On the phone, as I tried to explain all of the reasons why I'm transsexual, he just constantly kept undermining me, saying things like "well that doesn't mean anything, lots of guys..." and on and on. So sadly, my record streak of people close to me understanding fully has come to an end. I know Dad will get over it and accept me just fine, but yeah, I can tell that he doesn't get it, and that it's going to take a long time for him to get away from that idealized father-and-son image that he's always had. (He takes great pride in introducing me to peop

le, and saying "this is my boy Charlie." So, yeah,

I can kind of see why this would be tough for him. But whatever. He's an easygoing guy. He'll get over it.)

As one final note, I had my official consultation for laser hair removal yesterday, and it's set! My first official laser hair appointment will be next Tuesday at 11:30 a.m.! YAY!!! It's really going to happen!!! I'm going to have a smooth face again!!!

And to close out this entry, here's my latest "girl mode" picture, which was just taken earlier tonight. Critique away! Do I look like a girl yet? http://oi50.tinypic.com/dgmep.jpg (I purposefully was going for a neutral expression this t

ime, to better show my face's natural st

ructure. If you just have to have your daily dose of smiles from me, though, well fine, HERE (http://oi48.tinypic.com/1fhkdu.jpg) you go... :p)

Have a great night, everyone!

-Carrie

[foxytaur (imported)]

Keep it up cheetaking. But yeh you are changing and for the better.

Btw since last week I made the promise to give up white rice and russet potatoes entirely and would you know I'm almost fitting my high school 28-29 waistline jeans. Its literally quite impressive. I can only imagine the changes when I focus on a semi plaeo , low GI grain diet.

and high fruit diet when I get on E.

But yeah while my folks continue to eat that rubbish I gave it up.

Id say if you like your taters then find an alternative such as mini taters or portion control them.(bear in mind however portion control on rice and russet taters didn't work aswell for me. I'm guessing my sugar levels just simply spike whenever i eat them if only a fist of them.)

I switched to quinoa or brown rice instead of white rice whenever I can but the bloody stuff can be expensive.

The good news is my cravings for white rice have gone down the longer ive stayed away from it.

May the schwartz be with you.

[Wolf-Pup (imported)]

How much is the laser for the face going to end up costing when its all done?

[butterflyjack (imported)]

You sound and look great, Carrie...Thank gawd for the brevity..hehehe Smooches jackie

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

How much is the laser for the face going to end up costing when its all done?

The first three sessions are going to be $200 each, monthly, and each subsequent session will be $155. It should take somewhere between 6-9 sessions before the obnoxious little itchy protuberances are completely eviscerated, so hypothetically it's going to cost me somewhere between $1065 and $1500 for the full face, depending on how many sessions it takes.

The good thing is that it is a very quick process, usually only taking about 15 minutes or so per session, and unlike electrolysis I don't have to grow the hair out, because the laser only targets the roots. So although it is a bit more expensive, I think the convenience is REALLY worth it. And since I have dark hair and a relatively even skin tone, I'm a pretty good candidate for it.

I'm really excited about this.

I've wanted my smooth face back ever since the damned things grew in in the first place when I was 14. I've ALWAYS hated them. And now, in a few months, they really will be

gone... forever!!! And not just itchy post-shave-stubble-all-over gone either... complet

ely smooth! I can't wait!!!

You sound and look great, Carrie...Thank gawd for the brevity..hehehe Smooches jackie

Thanks! And, well, it was brief when I first wrote it... but then I realized that I forgot a couple of things, and added those in, and well, you know... whatever, I should just give up with calling things "quick" or "brief." You should all probably know full well by now what my definition of "brief" is. :p

[foxytaur (imported)]

thats not bad price wise. Its tolerable. I may be able to do that this fall after I get a part time job somewhere. Thanks cheetaking for rough estimates. Ugh......

I hate my facial hair, chest hair and secondary masculine traits.

Be gone!!!! Now you foul hairy stuff. There's no place for you on my body.

Likewise you cheetaking my skin is ridiculously pale(even for a latino they called me milk bread as a child) and facial hair is dark black so dunno I think I stand a very good chance with laser therapy.

On the plus side Ive heard the therapy can induce collagen to fix to a small degree wrinkles in the process

The trade off is it will scar face to an extent....Oh well.....

The price of beauty

[Hildy_ (imported)]

(delurk)

The first three sessions are going to be $200 each, monthly, and each subsequent session will be $155. It should take somewhere between 6-9 sessions before the obnoxious little itchy protuberances are completely eviscerated, so hypothetically it's going to cost me somewhere between $1065 and $1500 for the full face, depending on how many sessions it takes.

Yowza, seriously?! Are you sure that's not way overpriced? Where I am (Netherlands) it's more like 80 euros a treatment, which is something like 105 dollars. That's IPL, done by a professional dermatologist, probably what you're quoted for as well. Also, I've had 6 sessions spread out over a year now, with something like 10 weeks or so in between treatments, done so because of hair growth cycles (you want to get the little f*ckers when they're growing, otherwise the light doesn't kill much).

[quote="cheetaking243 (import

ed)" time=1358980680]
I'm really excited about this.

I've wanted my smooth face back ever since the damned things grew in in the first place when I was 14. I've ALWA
[/quote]
YS hated them. And now, in a few months, they really will be gone... forever!!! And not just itchy post-shave-stubble-all-over gone either... completely smooth! I can't wait!!!

Yeah, it's awesome. Even with all the pain, pimples and red spots, it really is worth it (I just came back from my last session, and I'm still coming down from the adrenaline and pain). And if it hurts, know that it'll hurt less next time!

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

There are cheaper places, but this is one case where I'm a lot less concerned with price and much more concerned with quality. It's going to be a big part of my ability to pass eventually, so I want to make absolute sure that it's done right. There are discount laser places that are a bit cheaper, which have like 6-treatment package deals for $300 or something, but those places had TERRIBLE reviews, with people saying that it didn't work. The place that I am going to is the top of the line, with a new laser system that works even on light-colored hair, and it has 5-star reviews across the board, with people unanimously reporting that they were permanently hair-free after 7 sessions. So in this case, I am gladly willing to spend a bit more if it means getting results. I really trust this place.

[foxytaur (imported)]

There are cheaper places, but this is one case where I'm a lot less concerned with price and much more concerned with quality. It's going to be a big part of my ability to pass eventually, so I want to make absolute sure that it's done right. There are discount laser places that are a bit cheaper, which have like 6-treatment package deals for $300 or something, but those places had TERRIBLE reviews, with people saying that it didn't work. The place that I am going to is the top of the line, with a new laser system that works even on light-colored hair, and it has 5-star reviews across the board, with people unanimously reporting that they were permanently hair-free after 7 sessions. So in this case, I am gladly willing to spend a bit more if it means getting results. I really trust this place.

Send me details cheetaking . I want to go to a place where they can remove my facial hair for sure.

Ugh..... 2 more years of staying as this hairy guy guy. I can't stand looking at my face in the mirror.

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

Well, I'm having yet another pretty awful depressive bout. This has been happening a LOT over the last few weeks, ever since I picked back up my full HRT dose after the first shipment ran out. This seems to be a bit of a weekly cycle... when I first change my E patches, I feel great for a couple of days, and then all of a sudden I start feeling like complete crap, it takes me several days to get over it, and then suddenly my mood will just perk right back up to "amazing!" again. It doesn't follow this cycle perfectly all the time, as there have been many times where I've suddenly been happy near the end of the week for no reason, and a few times where I'm still feeling crappy at the beginning of the week, but I do almost ALWAYS seem to feel awful on Thursday through Saturday, and great on Tuesday and Wednesday. (I change my patches every Sunday.)

So I am REALLY starting to wonder if estrogen patches are the best method of delivery. I chose them because they were the safest, with the lowest risk of liver damage and blood clotting, and they were supposed to deliver a consistent dose over the course of 7 days, but now I am really starting to question whether that is true or not, because it just seems that my moods are constantly up and down, and tend to be better on the days right after I've changed patches. EDIT: Just did some research, and it turns out that heat does indeed cause the patches to release their estrogen MUCH faster. It says to avoid direct sunlight, saunas, and tanning. And since I take blistering-hot showers every morning that last for 15 minutes or more, and occasionally 30 minutes when I'm shaving or playing around with the shower massage, I think I've found my problem. And this would also explain why I felt so great all the time during the first month of this HRT regiment, but so roller-coaster-ridey ever since then... because during the entire first month, I was having to change my patches every 3-4 days because they kept falling off. And as such, I never had them on long enough for the E dose to taper off. Where now, I'm spending 3 or more days every week feeling like total crap because I'm not getting hardly any E into my system.

So, yeah, I'm seriously thinking of switching over from Climara, the estrogen patches, to Estrofem, an oral estrogen which is what just about every single other transsexual in the entire world uses. And since they all seem to report a constant sense of calmness and control, while my emotions have been a complete chaotic roller-coaster ride, I'm thinking that maybe it's because they're getting a consistent daily dose of estrogen while I'm not. I'm getting a lot of E at the beginning of the week and almost none at the end of the week. My brain just can't seem to keep up with the constant changing levels of hormones, and as such just constantly goes back and forth between bliss and complete depression.

Anyway, this won't be lasting much longer either way. I FINALLY got my official appointment set up for informed consent this morning, and that will be on March 19th at 1:30 in the afternoon. So, thank God, I'm finally going to be under official medical supervision instead of going it alone, I'll finally have official lab work to tell me what's really happening with my hormone levels, and I'll finally be able to quit guessing about dosage and effects, and constantly feeling worried and uncertain, and know for sure that I'm doing it the right way. Thank God! This whole month has been completely ridiculous in terms of emotional fluxes.

I think what I'm going to do until that date, is go ahead and order Estrofem, burn through the rest of my E-patches by changing them every 3 days, and then officially switch over once the shipment arrives. Then hopefully after that I'll just be on official medication, and won't have to worry about this crap anymore.

Here's my new recommendation to everyone: do NOT do this DIY like I did. There are serious potentials for complications, serious potential for your mind to be messed up and for you to be left feeling like a deer in the headlights because your mind is so mixed up and you don't know what the hell you're doing, and there's absolutely no way to know if anything's going wrong or not. So please, if you really feel strongly enough about transsexualism to want to take estrogen, just go into an informed-consent clinic and do it the right way. This DIY thing is turning me into a complete knot of stress and uncertainty, and it is NOT fun.

On the other hand, I really don't see the harm in doing a DIY chem-castration trial, for those who are interested. The only mental effects I got from that were a sense of calmness and control, a feeling like there was no hurry, and a complete loss of sexual interest. Those drugs felt very safe, with limited potential for mental harm. They don't screw with your mind at all. Estrogen does. Estrogen takes everything that you thought you knew about how your emotions and your daily sense of "normal" works, and throws them into a washing machine. It can really mess you up if you're not ready for it.

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

All righty, folks, this is it, I've got my very first laser hair removal treatment just over an hour from now. I'll be reporting back soon! Hopefully it won't hurt too much... I have a bit of a low tolerance for pain.

[Hildy_ (imported)]

Good luck! Do you have an ice-pack ready for if the pain afterwards is too much?

Yes folks, this is what us MtF transpeople go through voluntarily.

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

Wow, I'm shocked at how little it ended up hurting. People say that it feels like a rubber band snapping on your face, but honestly I think even that is really overdoing it. It barely hurt at all. Maybe it's just because I've never had that much facial hair to start with, but to me all that I really felt was a sharp little tingle as the laser went over most of my face. The only part that hurt was the upper lip. OW!!! That area actually feels like you're being zapped by a powerful laser. There were a couple of pulses in that area that made me jump a bit. The rest, though, really wasn't a big deal. The discomfort was extremely mild, and the laser place that I'm going to uses a cooling spray that hits you immediately once the laser has pulsed, so honestly I barely felt a thing. If you need a pain comparison, I'd say that tweezing is at least twice as painful as this.

So, yeah, anyone else thinking of this, don't be scared. It really is no big deal whatsoever. This could just be because I have relatively light skin and not a lot of facial hair, but yeah, the pain was extremely minimal. And while it was going on, I could smell burning hair, and I can see that a lot of the darkness from the hair follicles has indeed been zapped, and my face is MUCH smoother than when I went in, so I'd say that it's off to a good start. My next session is on April 9th, and probably after about 5-6 sessions is when I'll really be able to start noticing significant reduction. I'm now actually looking forward to it. This really was pretty much a complete non-event. These laser technicians really knew what they were doing. There was a slight feeling of heat on my face for about 90 minutes or so after the treatment, but now it's already gone away, and all that's left is some slight redness. Didn't need an ice pack or anything. So, yeah, this was pretty awesome!

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG...

MONTH THREE, DAY THREE:

Wow... two months. It has now officially been a full two months and two days since I started on testosterone-blockers back on January 8th of this year. And a mere 7 days from now, it will officially be two full months on estrogen as well.

Wow... it's hard to believe that it's only been two months. It's hard to believe that, for FIFTEEN years before this, I was putting up with an endocrine system that felt wrong in every single way, putting up with testosterone masculinizing me against my will, putting up with emotions that weren't mine, and a body that wasn't mine, and that was my daily reality for so long. It already feels like it was a whole lifetime ago. When I look at the videos that I made on week one of this trial, it's reached a point where I seriously do not even recognize myself. I can't believe that that was me, and I especially can't believe that that was the me that I was seeing and listening to for my entire adult life. I honestly can hardly even remember what it was like to be that person, nor do I want to. And you know what? Two months ago, I never expected that this simple little "trial" that I decided to do with hormones would change my life so much. And yet it has. In every single way imaginable.

Yeah. It's been two months now. Two months of estrogen, two months since I've had testosterone controlling my life, and two months since my female self was finally freed from her mental prison after being trapped there for fourteen years. And after two months of physical changes, I am starting to feel like I really am now getting to the point of no return. The things that are happening to me now, they are starting to feel very much permanent. Everything has been minor up until now... a little nipple growth here, a little "feeling" different up there, some softer skin here, but as a whole it still just felt like changes that were being tacked on to a core body that was very much the same. Well... that is now starting to change. And that is the reason why I decided to do this entry today. Because I've started to be able to feel something absolutely amazing happening.

Right now, for the first time ever, it feels like my ENTIRE body is suddenly starting to change. The very way that it "feels" on a minute-to-minute basis is starting to change. And it's the absolute most amazing feeling that you can possibly imagine. I can literally feel my own body beginning to change genders. And it's not just a few external changes anymore, it feels like

it really is starting to change

on a core level, from the inside out, as though every single cell in my entire body is now

starting to feel the effects of the

estrogen. Now when I put on my work uniform every day, I really do feel like it's a completely different body that is slipping into them. Every single thing that I do is starting to feel different. My skin feels completely different from head to toe. My cheeks feel different. (SO SMOOTH!) My arms and legs feel different. Somehow, the very core of my inner being is starting to feel female. And physically, for the first time ever, I'm starting to feel like a girl. There's just something about the way that I feel that has suddenly completely changed. Everything about me is starting to feel more pleasant and soft, more clean, more calm, more nice, more shapely. And that is just how every part of my body is starting to feel, from head to toe. It really is like I can feel my body's physical gender changing right there under my consciousness.

And you know what? This feeling is SO COOL!!! And I just can't describe in words how happy I'm feeling all of a sudden. As this new feminine feeling is starting to wash all over me, and I'm now for the first time starting to physically feel like a girl, there is just this tingly happiness that comes over me. I really can't find a good way to describe it, other than to say that it feels so "right." In every single way, it just feels like my body is finally becoming the way that it was meant to be in the first place. And it's almost like, as the estrogen is permeating every single cell, those very same cells are saying "Thank you!" It's starting to be that whenever I think about the way that my body feels, it just feels like there's this immense happy bubble that rises up from the pit of my stomach until it just fills my whole body with beautiful clean air, and there's this immense feeling of pleasure all over, a pleasure that says "YES! This is what your body was always meant to be!"

So yeah... I have officially reached the point of no return. Because the deeper I'm getting into this, the more I'm realizing just how transsexual I truly am. The more and more that things feminize, the happier with myself I get. And the physical changes are finally reaching the point where I can look in the mirror when I have my wig on, and I don't even see a guy in a wig anymore. All I see is a girl. And it actually makes me come close to crying sometimes when I have to take that wig back off, because it feels like I'm going back to being a self that's not the real me anymore.

And also, last time I mentioned that I was really starting to feel like a girl in my head as well... well, now that has pretty much also reached a critical point. You know how there are a lot of reports of HRT making trans-girls' emotions go completely haywire? They constantly feel like crying for the stupidest reasons? Well, although my emotional responses to things have been getting stronger for some time now, until this week I had never really experienced that hyper-sensitivity. That is, until now. Again, I don't know what triggered it, but as of this week suddenly I've started having those exact same "crying for no reason" incidents. There's a lot of times at work where I have to REALLY make an effort to stop myself from breaking out crying right in the middle of a poker table for no reason whatsoever. Oh, yeah, and when I watched "The Lion King" a few nights ago, it absolutely DESTROYED me emotionally. I have watched this movie literally a HUNDRED times. I've watched it so many times that I can still recite the ENTIRE script from memory. (I was a very obsessive kid.) And yet, in all of those hundred viewings, this was the very first time that Mufasa's death actually hit me on a deep level. It was BRUTAL! I almost had to turn the movie off because I was crying so hard, (real, genuine sobbing with actual tears coming out,) and I just could hardly make myself watch any more because seeing those scenes of Simba crying and Scar telling him that it was his fault... oh, God, I just could barely watch that. So yeah... that's pretty much where I've been emotionally now. If I was just starting to feel more like a girl in my head last week, now I completely do.

Needless to say, my mind also feels like it has completely changed. It now feels completely female as well. And honestly, I am having a bit of a tough time getting used to it. Because while I got a taste of "female stress" and female emotions a while ago, now they've completely taken over. And I'll admit that I am NOT used to it. As a guy, you are your own best friend when it comes to stress. All you need to do is get away from it all, give yourself some nice "me" time where you can just sit and chill and play some video games in a nice enclosed sanctuary, and the stress just goes away all on its own. And because I am so used to that response to stress, I'm still just naturally trying to use it. But that is not how my mind works any more. Guys may be their own best friends, but girls are their own worst enemies. So every time that I've naturally tried to deal with my stress in a male way like I always did, isolating myself has only made it worse and worse. Multiple times over the last few weeks, I've been stuck in depressive bouts, decided to just chill for a while to try and make it go away, but when I get into my own room, it does not leave me alone. It keeps bothering me and bothering me, and one thing starts making me stressed out about some new thing, and it just spirals completely out of control until all I want to do it lay in bed crying all day. That has happened before. I actually had to call off from work one night because I felt so crappy. And then the most amazing thing happened. I randomly did the exact opposite of what I usually do. Instead of shutting myself inside of my room and trying to ignore the stress, Jenny asked me what was wrong. And so I sat down and had a good talk about it. And suddenly, out of the blue, I started feeling better. And then I went outside, and then I watched some videos of cute kittens, and it was like the stress had never existed in the first place. And again, I have talked about this before, but I'm still having a bit of a hard time getting used to it. I have to remind myself "No. Your mind is female now. Isolating yourself will only make it worse. Get outside. Talk to people. Watch the neighborhood kids playing for a while. Play with the kitties. Do something that makes you feel socially connected, or activates your cuteness receptors. THAT is what makes stress go away now."

And I'm not kidding about this either. I used to be able to deal with stress almost instantly by just chilling. Where now, I've done nothing but chill for three days straight and yet the depressive bout STILL never left me alone. So when I say that my mind feels female, I am 100% serious. I feel like a girl now. My stress response has become stereotypically female, and the very way that I think has become female as well. I'm much better at multi-tasking, feeling like it's much easier to keep track of a bunch of things that are happening at once, and yet at the same time I feel a bit more scatter-brained, less able to focus on one task at a time. (For some reason, I just can't keep track of the pot size in Pot Limit Omaha as well as I used to, and I'm constantly forgetting which table I'm supposed to go to next after break.) Also, I have REALLY suddenly become a social creature. I'm quicker to talk to others, I enjoy talking more, I've actually gotten even more chatty than before, talking longer and longer and longer and knowing when to shut up even less than before. (If you can believe that... so hold on, guys, my entries are likely to get even LONGER and more detailed than they were even before. I know... Lord have mercy on all of your souls. :p) And for some reason, I just seem to have a natural desire to want to talk to people now, and share my experiences, and feel that feeling of kinship and friendship. I just seem to want it more now for some reason, and it feels more natural rather than being a chore like it always was. (I NEVER talked to people a guy. I just immediately slunk over into the corner and tried not to make eye contact with anyone.)

So yeah... pretty much, at about the two-month mark, I'm now starting to feel pretty much completely female, especially in the mind, but now in the body too. And every single day, my "girl mode" is starting to feel more natural, feel like that is the true me, while my "boy mode" is starting to feel more and more wrong. And since I'm definitely starting to pick up some butt fat, definitely have boobs now (They had a SERIOUS growth spurt yesterday, and are really getting sore now,) plus my cheeks have really starting to get smooth and round, and my cheekbones are really starting to become prominent, making me look better and better in my wigs with every single day, my confidence has really started to go up. I'm once again genuinely thinking of pushing my transition time frame up. I have the next two days off, and I've finally decided that I'm going to bite the bullet and dive in head-first, officially buying Dermablend to cover my beard shadow and shopping for some women's shirts, and I'm going to start part-timing. I really do feel like it's time. And I really do feel like it's reached the point where my face is feminine enough that I'd feel comfortable.

My childhood best friend Jennifer (yes, the same Jennifer from my "Me & My Best Friend" story,) as well as some very positive reinforcement from Susan's transgender forums, have been a huge inspiration physically in regards to finally convincing me that I can really do it. Because Jennifer is an ex-basketball player, who played Division-I NCAA basketball for Kent State. As such, she is even taller than me, by a whopping 2 inches. (I'm 6'1", she's 6'3".) And because of all of the weight training and athleticism that she did, she actually has arms that are as big as mine are. (Hell, she actually has wider shoulders.) And when I was looking at some recent pictures of her, I actually have a BETTER figure than her. She really doesn't have any curves, and is very blocky, while I actually have a very defined curve to my waist and hips. And yet, there is NO doubt whatsoever that Jennifer is a girl in her pictures. So if she can do it, so can I. And I need to realize that it's okay, it's no big deal. With the right hair/makeup combo, and the right presentation, I really do believe that I'll be able to go out in public as a girl. And not in some distant fa

[quote="cheetaking243 (imported)" time=13

60194840]
ote="cheetaking243 (imported)" time=13601
[/quote]
13480]
"[quote="cheetaking243 (imported)" time=135986
[/quo

te]
4180]
cheetaking243 (imported)" time=1

359765540]
[/quote]

r-off future where I've feminized more. NOW. I'm getti
[/quote]
ng serious about this. I feel like a girl completely in my head, and my body's beginning to match, so why not? It's just me being myself, for the first time in my entire adult life. I genuinely am starting to feel like I'm ready. And again, as things are feminizing more and more, my happiness and my confidence are just constantly going up. My new life is waiting!

I'm also getting VERY serious about my diet as of now. I've been cheating a lot for the last 2 weeks, and my weight loss has kind of plateaued as a result. It's only gone down by like 2 pounds since my last update. And I went through a HUGE frustration bout this morning where I was getting really depressed about my weight, so I really feel like it's time to get serious. No more carbs. At all. No more cheese, no more onion rings, no more broccoli cheese soup, no more mayonnaise on my eggs, no more sugary salad dressings, and no more fruit. (Yes, that can cause certain people's weight loss to stall, especially girls. And since I have a female metabolism now, well... it's worth a chance.)

Also, in order to make sure that I'm giving my body the absolute best chance that it has to feminize fully, and build all of the new tissues that it needs to build, and go through all of the changes that it needs to change, I have added some dietary suppliments to my daily routine. These three things are:

1. A multivitamin. (Definitely need it since I'm going on a VERY restrictive diet for the sake of losing weight fast.)

2. Fish Oil (Omega-3's are absolutely essential to brain growth and function, plus help with inflammation [awesome at helping me with my work-related muscle fatigue.] And Lord knows I need both of those with all of the achy muscular changes going on, and how roller-coastery my emotions have been of late.)

3. Biotin [this is the big one.] (A seriously important nutrient that is necessary for all cell growth, the production of fatty acids, and has been shown to aid in the growth of healthy hair, nails, and fatty tissues of all sorts. Someone on Susan's has been taking it, and her results are absolutely AMAZING, so I decided to give it a go myself. Maybe this is why I suddenly started feeling so different physically so quickly? With all of the cellular changes I'm going through, this is DEFINITELY something that is likely helping.)

Anyway, I've gone on long enough now. That's what's been going through my head for the last week and a half. (Man, has it really been that long since my last entry?)

I look forward with eager anticipation to every single feminizing change that is going on, I am embracing my new identity with open arms, and I only hope that the time required before I can officially transition will be a short one. I love every single thing about my new female self. THIS is me! And I love it!

This really is what estrogen does. It really is like clicking a switch over from "male" to "female," and every single part of the body seems to respond to it, and it really does change the gender of your entire body, really making you feel like you're a girl from head to toe, even if you don't quite look like one yet. And again, I LOVE IT!!!

Lots of love,

-Carrie

(Side note: THREE THOUSAND WORDS... officially my longest entry ever, by nearly 700 words. Sheesh... like I said, I really am becoming more talkative. And again, may God have mercy on all of your souls... :p)

[butterflyjack (imported)]

I can't believe I read the WHOLE thing! hehehe.Sounds great, Carrie...I look forward to some updated photos...smooches Jackie

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

Well, thank you SO MUCH for continuing to read, despite how much I rambled in that entry. I really do appreciate it.

Also, just as an add-on, I think that soon I'm finally going to be ready to actually upload some of these videos that I've been talking about. I've been waiting until there was significant enough progress that it would be obvious, and well, I think it's finally time. I'll get them up within the next few days. That way you guys can see just how much my very presentation of myself has changed over the last 2 months.

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE REPLACEMENT LOG...

MONTH THREE, DAY SEVEN:

Well, I had a bit of a scare yesterday night and today. I officially switched from Climara patches over to Estrofem 2 days ago, and I was feeling amazing, but then last night at about midnight out of the blue I suddenly developed a splitting headache, and it was accompanied by feelings of disorientation and slight nausea. I was freaking out. (OMG, it's the Estrofem, I'm getting a side effect, OMG, what do I do?) I also figured that it might be due to diet, because I got VERY strict with my low-carb regiment this week, pretty much eating nothing at all except meat because I wanted to lose weight FAST, and I had just eaten a pack of Johnsonville bratwursts earlier in the day, so I figured maybe it was a "preservative" headache, or maybe a caffeine headache from drinking Diet Pepsi that night, or any number of things. Or maybe it was just one of my normal headaches which come around every so often (I had them about every 2 weeks as a guy without fail, but I haven't had one of them in the entire last 2 months since starting HRT.) I figured that I should sleep on it before getting worried... after all, all of these headaches always go away overnight.

I REALLY started freaking out when I woke up, and the headache was STILL there just as strongly as the previous night. And I was like "OMG, high blood pressure, the Estrofem, I'm DOOMED!" And I was freaking out. I narrowed it down to the only two things that I believed could possibly be causing it. It was either the Estrofem, as headaches with disorientation are listed under the warning label as one of the "stop taking Estrofem immediately if any of the following occurs." Or it could be because my body was entering ketogenesis, and was giving me a headache because it was so used to running on carbs that it didn't know how to handle running on nothing but fat and protein.

I IMMEDIATELY decided to test both possibilities as quickly as I could, because this is not something that you want to mess around with. So I immediately went out to the nearest Rite-Aid and took advantage of their blood-pressure machine to make sure that nothing serious was going on. And I was VERY relieved when it registered at 125/83, which is pretty much exactly the same as the last time that I had it checked 2 years ago. (It was 121/80 then.) So that was a big relief, assuring me that nothing severe like a blood clot or destructive pill-induced hypertension was going on. So I did feel safe enough to continue taking my normal dose of Estrofem. And then I decided that it was time to have my weekly "junk day," and I figured that if the headache went away, it would prove that it was because of ketogenesis, and not because of the Estrofem. And thank God, after eating a plate full of sushi and pork dumplings and meat smothered in sugary sauces, and then went back home and took an afternoon nap, the headache was completely gone by the time I woke up.

So, thank God, it ended up not being the Estrofem, and I'm still not in any danger of having to stop HRT due to medical reasons, as my blood pressure is still perfectly fine, I'm not having any negative symptoms, and in fact I have been feeling AMAZING ever since switching from Climara to Estrofem. But still, that was freaking scary. And I think I'm going to have to change my diet around a bit, to include at least some carbs, like lentils or carrots or cottage cheese or something. Because I do NOT want to go through a panicked headache episode like that again.

On the plus side, the ketogenesis was EXCELLENT in the weight department. I've now clocked in at 243 lbs for the last two days in a row, which means that I've now lost 27 lbs since starting the diet in January, and I am also now officially below the lowest weight that I have ever been since graduating high school in 2004, which was 245 lbs. And my body shape has been feminizing more and more. It's still too bulky in most areas, but the shape is getting better and better with every week. So aside from that one headache episode, things are still going great!

Also, I've now come out to my aunt, and she also was extremely supportive, and really "got" the emotions that I was going through, just like my mom did. So that was another big relief, as she was one of the ones that I was worried about. So, yeah, now there's one less person that's going to be surprised when I show up at White Thorn for the Memorial Day "Fun Bowl" event with boobs. So that's always good.

I have been feeling AMAZING for pretty much the entire last 2 weeks straight, as my body has started to feel more and more female. My body hair has now reduced to the point that there's not a single dark hair left anywhere on my hands, almost my entire upper legs, and probably a good 70% of my arms. In fact, I purposefully did not shave my body hair for an entire 2 weeks recently, just to see how much of it would grow back, and even after those 2 weeks of growth I could barely see ANY of it. I had to look really close before I could see the chest hairs, and the stomach hairs. All of those have grown much less dense, and thinner, and have lightened in color. And probably 50% or more of the hair that was on my body has now turned back into those little blond vellous hairs. And even without the shaving, I could feel the softness of my skin though them. So I'm really shocked at how quickly all of the hair is disappearing. I haven't been this hairless since I was like 14, while just two months ago I was in full on covered-in-ugly-adult-male-hair mode. Talk about awesome!

Also, my first laser hair removal was AMAZINGLY effective. It took about a week before I could notice anything, and I was getting a bit worried there after still shaving as if nothing had happened, but then all of a sudden around Monday of this week, the hair just stopped growing. Completely. It took 4 days for it to reach the normal length that it is after 2. And then, suddenly, the hairs just started falling out. I could actually pick them out with my fingers. And when I finally did shave, it was SO smooth! And even 2 days after that shave, it still felt smoother than it usually does even right after shaving it. So the laser hair removal was EXTREMELY effective. There's already a huge difference, and that's after only one treatment. So I'm really starting to believe that it's going to do absolute wonders for me, and that I'll be nearly hair-free by the time summer rolls around. (YAY!!! I've been wishing for that for SO LONG!!!)

As one final note, my official visit with the informed-consent clinic will be next Tuesday, March 19, at 1:30 in the afternoon. So my days of doing this DIY HRT regiment are numbered, and I'll be going official. (I am a bit worried that my cholesterol levels will be a bit off the charts on the blood test, though, because of my extremely high-fat diet, so hopefully that won't impede my ability to get on "official" HRT. I don't know. Whatever. I always seem to worry too much nowadays. It's just one of those "girl things.")

Anyway, I've got to get to work, I'm working 8-4 tonight, so that's it for today.

Till next time!

-Carrie

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ) ♫･*:.｡. .｡.:*･

[foxytaur (imported)]

be careful with ketogenesis. There's 2 ways of doing it.

Low carb or no carb at all.

You have to have carbs. the problem is how to keep this ratio Fats> protein > carbs.

do you have an email cheetaking. I could show you pics of some easy to make foods to prep that are healthy.

Dont cut the bratwurst. You may want to drain that excess saturated fat from it (poke holes through sausage and drain that extra crap from it while boiling the meat. Boil and drain repeat or slow grill it on the BBQ with poked holes through it)

Carbs like quinoia and flaxseed have excellent protein in it and digests slowly. (low GI)

sweet potatoes are like pennies a pop. 50-65 cents and all I do is simply cut and boil them.

The skin is extra nutritional and has xtra fiber.

Just be careful with the proteins and fats. You want lean meats and mono saurated fats like coconut oil, virgin olive oil and flaxseed oil. fish oil too.

Many folk follow the atkins standards.( I call it Fatkins diet)

This way of inducing ketogenesis is very dangerous. Well the creator of such diet had a heart attack so go figure.

Keto diet that is more leafy and healthy fat is the way to go

NB: Plus side im officially fitting in 28x32 pants. My highschool denim .

Im soo happy there. Could use some more tweaking with high intensity stretches. For now it's 100 squats. 50-60 crunches, and rest are normalized bombshell body workouts. the cardio on tredmill remains same.

The maximum ive managed is a 8 on the 12 scale setting on my "norditreck" tredmill .

That is the max overdrive mode i go for running and the most important. between 2-3 min there then i stop. (i wouldnt want to get a heart attack)

Plz drink water + pinch of salt before doing this and also very dangerous to run at this setting

from the start. you have to build your way up to it

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

I screwed it up, then. I pretty much got sick of the plateau that I was at, being stuck in the upper 240's for like 2 weeks straight. I asked Jenny about how I could drop weight faster, since she's the one who got me on this diet in the first place, and she suggested that it might be the fruit or the cheese that I was eating, because fructose and lactose can both stall weight loss. So I cut both of those out. And as such, I've been eating pretty much nothing but meat for the last week straight, relying on a multivitamin for all of my nutrition. Apparently this didn't work out too well. The weight did come off, but I felt MISERABLE yesterday and this morning, and I'm still not completely over it tonight... my stomach still hurts, and I still feel a bit "ugh" rather than my usual bright peppiness.

So yeah... that was a bad idea. I'm going to add back in some slow-carb-approved carbs into my diet, things like lentils and carrots and tomatoes and leafy greens at least. Blegh... what a terrible 2 days. I'm never making that mistake again.

And if you want to e-mail me, (or anyone else for that matter,) feel free. It's [email protected]

[foxytaur (imported)]

carrots are high GI but low glycemic load when not cooked.

Popcorn is a high GI but its glycemic load is low. lots of websites and nutritional organizations post the LOW GI index and LOW glycemic load in statistical charts for all to see.

How you prepare carbs definetly will alter the index stats aswell

(I stick with the good old crock pot , tends to have the least effect on altering glycemic load levels)

Knw the difference between glycemic load and index. Having low index and load is the best case scenario for carb consumption.

I email you tommorow after my semiconductor tutor session.

Well, i'll see if I can rescue it at least

[foxytaur (imported)]

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10137521/

Heres a sample of what I have for brunch(link above)

Plz report feedback if link is working

More foods will come in time.I ain't a cook per say but I can whip up

some things prety quickly that are in compliance to my dietary code.

My mom however is amazing at cooking. I'm learning from her gradually.

It's a ambiotic relationship (semi evil squinting or snarl.)

We do share one thing in common, we are both health freaks