How to be banned

[nvrgag44 (imported)]

I hope to never be on anyone's shit list. That's all I got to say

That depends. A local activist I'm very much in agreement with isn't popular with certain groups around here. I often give him encouragement and moral support adding, "Congratulations, Raymond. You're pissing off all the right people".

[MariusS. (imported)]

So why exactly was Nestor AEgrotatus banned?

[kristoff]

So why exactly was Nestor AEgrotatus banned?

Pull down his profile and read his posts. Is he the one you discuss in your profile?

[JesusA]

So why exactly was Nestor AEgrotatus banned?

If you go to the first post in this thread, there's a link to the thread where Nestor AEgrotatus began the rant that got him banned. Several people tried to help him with good, valid advice before he lost control. If you have serious questions here, someone (or, more likely, several someones) will jump in to provide good advice that's been developed and tested over the years.

[MariusS. (imported)]

Pull down his profile and read his posts. Is he the one you discuss in your profile?

Yes he is. I recently learned from his

cousin that he shot himself with his rifle.

If you go to the first post in this thread, there's a link to the thread where Nestor AEgrotatus began the rant that got him banned. Several people tried to help him with good, valid advice before he lost control. If you have serious questions here, someone (or, more likely, several someones) will jump in to provide good advice tha

t's been developed and tested over the years.

I've seen that already. It looked like he lost control and started to rant because that Paolo guy became very hostile with him. I've not only talked with Nestor through emails but I've also seen and spoken with him in person and right away you could tell something was wrong with him. He was always jittery and had these weird compulsive tics, and when I spoke with them he would always sound and look terrified, stuttered often and kinda talk to himself and he tried to end the conversation as soon as possible and run out the door, I was really only able to have any kind of conversation with him through email. He was not the kind of person I would yell at or be mean to, I was afraid it would set him off, I always tired to be calm and friendly as possible when speaking with him. It was not smart for Paolo to become so belligerent with Nestor, I think it's what freaked him out and caused him to kill himself. I remember the last conversation I had with him, he was really upset about being banned from here. He said he didn't want to talk with anyone anymore and that he just wanted to be left alone, and that was the last I heard from him.

[Dave (imported)]

I remember that thread. What he asked about was impossible to do. A fair number of people discouraged him from even attempting.

[talula]

Umm, No.

You aren't going to blame Paolo for anything cause he did nothing wrong. You will blame no one who was involved in that discussion except for Nestor. No way, no how.

Let's recap shall we? Nestor comes in and wants advice on doing something exceedingly stupid but is informed by people who are very knowledgeable and have experience in this stuff, that what he has planned is not a good thing and what will probably happen if he proceeds (cutting his nuts off with a red-hot knife). He takes a whack at one of those that replied (Not Paolo) and tries to maintain the idea that he will have a healthy outcome.

He is advised that he should know better and is advised again by several parties that his planned self-surgery is a really bad thing. Nestor blames the world for all his woes except himself and says he has a tube of Neosporin that he plans to use as an antibiotic and that should be just fine.

He is again advised that he plan is a really bad plan and is also told that he probably should consider some psychiatric help. Nestor then loses a cog and starts in on the poster and informs us that "I just was and am still completely incapable of dealing with responsibility" and "I am a wretched person and if you had any goodness in you, you would want someone like me to be castrated".

At that point Paolo steps in as a moderator to the forums and offers Nestor some very sensible advice "Eunuch or not, sitting around whining about how awful your life is, isn't going to change a thing or help one bit". Nestor lets it all hang out and tears apart at Paolo and ends up banished (something that would happen at any forum).

So again no. You aren't going to blame anyone here on this forum. Any blame or finger-pointing gets aimed at Nestor. If he shot himself that is a terrible thing but it was some he did and no one else. He came here seeking advice and he got it. Very sensible and well thought out advice even if he didn't like it.

My two cents in this will reflect what everyone else here said to him "Don't cut your balls off with a red-hot knife cause you probably won't survive it".

[Cainanite (imported)]

Thank-you, talula. Well said!

I've read through the thread in question and I completely agree with your recap. The only thing Paolo was guilty of was trying to help someone from going off the rails.

Nestor was indeed acting in a very self destructive way. Only he is guilty of what he did to himself. I am saddened to learn his ultimate fate, but it seems he had far more demons to fight than just a desire for castration. He was warned. Help was offered.

[Paolo]

He was not the kind of person I would yell at or be mean to...

Didn't work both ways, though, did it?

If you think you're going to lay the blame for this (story?) at my door, pal, forget it.

Oh, and just so you know, MariusS, I didn't ban him. In fact, I had no plans to ban him. I was actually having fun listening to him.

You wanna lay blame? You wanna talk responsibility? YOU were there in person, it sounds like to me. Maybe you and some of your real-life buddies should have done a bit more? To me, the whole idea of committing suicide over the notion of "someone on the Internet doesn't like me" is ridiculous; if Nestor was in that bad of shape in person, then you lot that were there interacting with him had a responsibility that you seemed to have failed in.

Nestor had the resources of a lot of experience here, including a retired professional shrink (no offense to the shrink!) - and he chose to shit all over everyone, or ignore the lucky ones, who tried to talk to him. Then again, I can only imagine what he might have been putting you through.

Many years ago, I found myself in nearly the same predicament as your friend when I landed here.

The difference is, I listened. I didn't ignore, or go flaming back, at what was said to me.

Thank you, Talula, Gem, Ieunuch, and the late Bboy...and anyone I might have missed in that old list.

[nvrgag44 (imported)]

WOW! I didn't know this had such a tragic outcome. I read some of his posts but it was obvious this guy was either disturbed or putting us on. I never responded because I had nothing to offer that hadn't already been said. I feel for this guy's family who had to deal with the final result. Did that once many years ago and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[_g (imported)]

It all comes down to: Personal Responsibility . You any only you can change, you can't blame anyone for you problems that your choices made for you self.

Part of the problem is this feel good teachings in schools now, ie we can't hold this child back (even it he has not learned what was needed!) or the boys are hypo-active lets drug them up. Some of the idiotic polices with guns - there are going to jump up and shoot you all by there lonesome or the turn you into a evil person just by touching the gun.

Sorry about the rant but I feel better......

_g

[MariusS. (imported)]

Umm, No.

You aren't going to blame Paolo for anything cause he did nothing wrong. You will blame no one who was involved in that discussion except for Nestor. No way, no how.

Let's recap shall we? Nestor comes in and wants advice on doing something exceedingly stupid but is informed by people who are very knowledgeable and have experience in this stuff, that what he has planned is not a good thing and what will probably happen if he proceeds (cutting his nuts off with a red-hot knife). He takes a whack at one of those that replied (Not Paolo) and tries to maintain the idea that he will have a healthy outcome.

He is advised that he should know better and is advised again by several parties that his planned self-surgery is a really bad thing. Nestor blames the world for all his woes except himself and says he has a tube of Neosporin that he plans to use as an antibiotic and that should be just fine.

He is again advised that he plan is a really bad plan and is also told that he probably should consider some psychiatric help. Nestor then loses a cog and starts in on the poster and informs us that "I just was and am still completely incapable of dealing with responsibility" and "I am a wretched person and if you had any goodness in you, you would want someone like me to be castrated".

At that point Paolo steps in as a moderator to the forums and offers Nestor some very sensible advice "Eunuch or not, sitting around whining about how awful your life is, isn't going to change a thing or help one bit". Nestor lets it all hang out and tears apart at Paolo and ends up banished (something that would happen at any forum).

So again no. You aren't going to blame anyone here on this forum. Any blame or finger-pointing gets aimed at Nestor. If he shot himself that is a terrible thing but it was some he did and no one else. He came here seeking advice and he got it. Very sensible and well thought out advice even if he didn't like it.

My two cents in this will reflect what everyone else here said to him "Don't cut your balls off with a red-hot knife cause you probably won't survive it".

I'm just astounded, that you still think Nestor was a sane and rational person. For God's sake man, shouldn't the question he was asking have set you off immediately that there was something really screwed up with his mind? I'm not a psychology expert or anything but it was blatantly obvious Nestor was suffering from some sort of psychosis and was mentally incapable of listening to reason. And yet none of you could see that, you couldn't see how messed up in the head he was, yet you still blame him when he probably had little rational control over his thoughts and actions. You know that's why we have the insanity defense, because some people are so messed up in the head that they aren't capable of rat

ionally understanding what they're doing.

Didn't work both ways, though, did it?

If you think you're going to lay the blame for this (story?) at my door, pal, forget it.

Oh, and just so you know, MariusS, I didn't ban him. In fact, I had no plans to ban him. I was actually having fun listening to him.

You wanna lay blame? You wanna talk responsibility? YOU were there in person, it sounds like to me. Maybe you and some of your real-life buddies should have done a bit more? To me, the whole idea of committing suicide over the notion of "someone on the Internet doesn't like me" is ridiculous; if Nestor was in that bad of shape in person, then you lot that were there interacting with him had a responsibility that you seemed to have failed in.

Nestor had the resources of a lot of experience here, including a retired professional shrink (no offense to the shrink!) - and he chose to shit all over everyone, or ignore the lucky ones, who tried to talk to him. Then again, I can only imagine what he might have been putting you through.

Many years ago, I found myself in nearly the same predicament as your friend when I landed here.

The difference is, I listened. I didn't ignore, or go flaming back, at what was said to me.

Thank you, Talula, Gem, Ieunuch, and the late Bboy...and a

nyone I might have missed in that old list.

Like I said above, you're completely mistaken in thinking Nestor was a rational actor who would even be able to heed any of your advice. And again, even if you weren't the one who banned him, you didn't help at all by becoming hostile and threatening him. And there was little I could do, the only times I saw him was when he came into the convenience store I worked at. I never knew where he lived and by the time I got him to give me any details on his life had stopped coming by the store so I was only able to talk with him through email. And I only found out how messed up in the head until after he died and I came here. But you people really dropped the ball when handling him. Before you started blowing up on him and threatening him, other people here seemed indifferent towards his plight and didn't really bother to understand his situation when giving your advice. None of you tried to comfort him or show any sympathy towards him, you just kept trying to shoo him off to see a therapist, even though he kept telling you he was too poor for that. I can attest to how poor he was, whenever he came into the store he always had on the same dirty, torn up clothing and would only buy a few cheap snacks with coins. Sometimes he came up with his mother to buy a newspaper and cigarettes, and she also had raggedy clothes on. Sometimes they didn't have enough money so I just gave them what they asked for for free cause I felt really bad for them. I actually asked him once if he ever tried seeing a mental health professional and he told me that both his parents had serious medical problems and they were struggling to afford the medicine they needed, and that they couldn't afford a shrink. He also told me how skeptical he was of getting any help from mental health professionals after what happened to his uncle and he was very critical of American health care in general because it nearly killed his mother several times and messed up her sight(she always wore an eyepatch when I saw her). He had a messed up life and it would have been hard for him to follow any of the advice given here even if he wasn't psychotic. But you people didn't give

a damn, and now you blame him for what happened. The callousness here is sickening.

It all comes down to: Personal Responsibility . You any only you can change, you can't blame anyone for you problems that your choices made for you self.

Part of the problem is this feel good teachings in schools now, ie we can't hold this child back (even it he has not learned what was needed!) or the boys are hypo-active lets drug them up. Some of the idiotic polices with guns - there are going to jump up and shoot you all by there lonesome or the turn you into a ev

il person just by touching the gun.

Sorry about the rant but I feel better......

_g

You know the brain is an organ, just like all others and it can suffer from illnesses that warps someone way of thinking and often these sicknesses result of factors completely out of the control of these people. Would you blame someone who had their spine injured in childhood for not being able to walk correctly?

[Riverwind (imported)]

Marius I have read this whole thread and have come to one conclusion, that you blame yourself and don't like it so you want to pass it on to us, wont happen. We are all sorry that this guy killed himself but trying to blame us does not cut it. Help was offered, he chose not to receive it. However I would suggest to you that you talk to a counselor because it sounds like you have some issues with this that we are not able to help with.

River

[fhunter]

Ok. MariusS. I was in that thread too. And I have a few questions.

1. How comes that the person this unstable got access to a rifle?

2. We are all in different parts of globe (I am ~5000 miles from USA), any suggestions on how to help a person who does not want help?

3. What would have you done?

[MariusS. (imported)]

Marius I have read this whole thread and have come to one conclusion, that you blame yourself and don't like it so you want to pass it on to us, wont happen. We are all sorry that this guy killed himself but trying to blame us does not cut it. Help was offered, he chose not to receive it.

River

Once again, you completely fail to consider his state of mind, and once again you failed to understand that you barely tried to help the kid. No one offered him any kind of comfort or sympathy whatsoever, that was probably the best kind of help he could have gotten, not being told everything is his fault and that he

chose to be mentally ill and have poor and ill parents.

Ok. MariusS. I was in that thread too. And I have a few questions.

1. How comes that the person this unstable got access to a rifle?

2. We are all in different parts of globe (I am ~5000 miles from USA), any suggestions on how to help a per

son who does not want help?

3. What would have you done?

1. I don't know, I didn't even know he had a rifle until his cousin told me he shot himself with it.

2. Maybe actually try to help the person and understand there problems?

3. I actually tried to reach out to him and understand him, I tried to be as kind and sympathetic with him as possible, I never threatened him, yelled at him, or blamed him for his problems.

[Riverwind (imported)]

I just went back and read every post he made and from the start people suggested he seek mental health. The advice given here was sound and right, Nestor just chose not to accept it always with the come back that it was somehow everybody elses issue, the government is shitty the health care is bad, were poor he was the table of excuses and many times over the couple years he was here he was told to go to mental health.

But somehow you think were to blame? For giving him the right answer.

Marius, were not new to this and my response above was heartfelt and after reading all his posts and those who responded to him I stand by my statement.

River

[JesusA]

In some of his earlier posts last year Nestor wrote that he would like to find a counselor to talk with. I offered to use my contacts to try to find him one who was free or low cost and near his home. The offer was rebuffed. I assumed then that he was more interested in venting his anger than in seeking help. I'm not sure that anyone who was not in physical contact with him could have helped, and not even then might it have been possible. Thank you for being there and trying, but it may have been impossible with his state of mind.

[MariusS. (imported)]

I just went back and read every post he made and from the start people suggested he seek mental health. The advice given here was sound and right, Nestor just chose not to accept it always with the come back that it was somehow everybody elses issue, the government is shitty the health care is bad, were poor he was the table of excuses and many times over the couple years he was here he was told to go to mental health.

But somehow you think were to blame? For giving him the right answer.

Marius, were not new to this and my response above was heartfelt and after reading all his posts and those who responded to him I stand by my statement.

River

This is the callousness I'm talking about. Did you ever once consider that his excuses were legitimate? No, you never actually thought about his situation, you just didn't care. You dismissed his plight as excuses and tried to shoo him off. How would he have even gotten mental health in his condition anyway? Did you help him with that? Did you try to alleviate his fears about being mistreated? No, and considering a retired shrink was among you maybe he was justified in distrusting mental health professionals. You didn't give him the answer, or at least you didn't give it in the right way. You completely disregarded the situation he was in and failed to understand how fragile his mind was. You may not have made him pull the trigger, but your callous and incompetent treatment of him here certainty didn't help deter him from it. You all collectively have some

of his blood on your hands and you should own up to it.

In some of his earlier posts last year Nestor wrote that he would like to find a counselor to talk with. I offered to use my contacts to try to find him one who was free or low cost and near his home. The offer was rebuffed. I assumed then that he was more interested in venting his anger than in seeking help. I'm not sure that anyone who was not in physical contact with him could have helped, and not even then might it have been possible. Thank you for being there and trying,

but it may have been impossible with his state of mind.

Maybe in the future you should make less assumptions. When I tried to talk to him he always seemed terrified and afterwords he would literally run out the door and bolt down the street(I thought at first that he may have stolen something but he would occasionally do those weird compulsive back-steps and mumble to himself when he was right outside the door, not something a thief trying to escape would do), it was a feat just to get him to give me his email. When I talked to him online he told me it was very hard to talk to people face to face, it caused him intense anxiety and made it very difficult for him to control his intrusive thoughts, he said that it was much easier to talk with people online. When I talked with him about seeing a psychologist, he said he wouldn't even consider it without his dad approving of it and going with it. He said he was completely dependent on his dad and was afraid to take any major action without him. But his dad was like most people here and didn't see how mentally unstable he really was, and he was also very hostile to the mental health system here and told him they couldn't afford it, so he wouldn't get him any help. So maybe people here could have tried to give him some kind of therapy, especially since one person here is claimed to be an ex-shrink, or at least try to sympathize with him instead of make dismissive assumptions about him.

[Paolo]

Sorry, we're not omnipotent. You'll need to go elsewhere for that, MariusS.

We're supposed to infer all that you expect of us from posts on an Internet forum?

Pal, YOU are the one who needs help now!

Most of us having been dealing with Internet trolls on boards like this since 1995 or so, and that is EXACTLY how Nestor came across to many of us.

He certainly did to me.

As I said, and as others have said, ANYTHING that was said to your buddy was met with hostility and derision.

I think you've got all the answers you need, and it's time for YOU to leave.

Goodbye.

You'll be IP banned in 24 hours, so you have the chance to read this.

As far as callous? You want callous? I can give you that until Hell freezes over.

I'll come right out and say it - I have ZERO feelings for you, or Nestor.

[MariusS. (imported)]

Sorry, we're not omnipotent. You'll need to go elsewhere for that, MariusS.

We're supposed to infer all that you expect of us from posts on an Internet forum?

Pal, YOU are the one who needs help now!

Most of us having been dealing with Internet trolls on boards like this since 1995 or so, and that is EXACTLY how Nestor came across to many of us.

He certainly did to me.

As I said, and as others have said, ANYTHING that was said to your buddy was met with hostility and derision.

I think you've got all the answers you need, and it's time for YOU to leave.

Goodbye.

You'll be IP banned in 24 hours, so you have the chance to read this.

As far as callous? You want callous? I can give you that until Hell freezes over.

I'll come right out and say it - I have ZERO feelings for you, or Nestor.

You make me physically ill, you are a disgusting excuse for a human being. I can't wait for you to get what's coming to you, because you sure as hell have it coming. Maybe then you will learn to have empathy, but you probably won't because you're a worthless sociopath.

[kristoff]

Sorry to deprive you of the pleasure P, but I elected not to wait. He's had his see and say. The idealism of youth is often unseeing and unforgiving. Thread closed, user banned by name and ISP.

[Paolo]

God damn, he knows me so well.