Sex has no appeal

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

I feel like I'm all alone in the world.. All of my male friends are the epitome of the male pig that woman talk about.. They speak to me as if I agree with them about their sexual comments about girls in movies.. Like for instance the movie "The Fifth Element" I was watching this with some friends and they all made sexual comments about Mila Jovavich. I felt like an outcast. I dont think of sex like (as it seems all men do). Sex just does not appeal to me. I've been doing all that I can to eliminate sex out of my life, vocabulary, and desire. It just feels dirty to me in some way.. A useless act when not done in marriage and spiritualy inclined.

[Dave (imported)]

You aren't alone.

However, it's not that sex doesn't appeal to me. I can enjoy it with the right person. It's that I don't need it to define or be involved in every minute of the day and in every entertaining thing I do or show I watch. I don't need or want someone to verbalize their horniness all the time.

So don't feel alone.

[Paolo]

You'd be surprised by Googling the term "asexual". You're certainly not the only one out there.

I think the last time I was sexually attracted to anyone was sometime back in the late 1980's.

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

Wow I never heard of Asexuality.. I looked it up and from what I've read I'm definatley leaning towards asexuality. Thanks for posting that.. I didnt know asexuality existed till now.

[JesusA]

Anthony Bogaert, a professor at Brock University in Ontario, Canada, is probably the world's expert on asexuality. He estimates that between one and two percent of the population is asexual. The Internet site to best explore asexuality is www.asexuality.org. If you spend some time there you will come to better understand yourself and find that there are a great many people very much like you.

I plan to meet with Tony Bogaert in a couple of weeks and hope to discuss with him some of the similarities and differences between the asexual community and the voluntary eunuch community here on the Eunuch Archive. He and I last spoke a couple of years ago. There is some overlap in the membership of Asexuality.org and Eunuch.org.

[Eunuchorn (imported)]

This is me. All growing up, this is me. have the male parts, but I don't have the urge to go put them into some gal. or guy. but there is little social understanding for this. you either want to bed a girl or you are gay. no one seems to know of or have heard of not having the over-riding desire for sack time with someone. I have long asked "What's wrong with me that I don't do that?" now I have a possible clue. Thank you.

[Arab Nights (imported)]

I think the last time I was sexually attracted to anyone was sometime back in the late 1980's.

Which brings up a question in my mind. I find there are a very few people I like (I don't think it is a sexualy attraction, I just want to like them) from first sight. Do you have that attraction to a very few people?

[Paolo]

Oh hell, I don't like anybody!



Just ask any of the MOM regulars.

Seriously, though, as far as strangers or making new friends? Forget it. It's almost as if my "inventory control" says FULL UP.

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

I still find women attractive.. I just dont want sex at all..

[Begoneboy (imported)]

I still find women attractive.. I just dont want sex at all..

That's so realistic in life on certain levels. I personally find most everybody attractive. That does not mean

I want to have sex with them. Attraction is on so many levels. And can be enjoyed on so many levels,

not necessarily on a physical sexual level. After all, we are often attracted to ideas and strengths as well as

weaknesses. While I may be attracted to certain foods I would never contemplate eating them due to the

negative nature of them.

When we like humans we are attracted to their presence. And each one has different attributes good and bad.

I find intrigue in both. As in there is something to be enjoyed from both. Or perhaps I'm just simply a bad naughty

person finding pleasure in all I see and do. Often I find pleasure just in knowing what I do not do. We are a funny

animal this human species.

At times I want and enjoy sex while at other times the very thought of it becomes repulsive. I guess it all has to

do with the situation of the moment. Just simply wanting to enjoy every breath of air and as many experiences life

has to offer is not a bad or a good thing. It is just a thing. Much like I am not a male or a female. I am just who/what

I am.

[bobbilee (imported)]

Begoneboy: do you think that when we say we are bisexual what this really means is that we are the "third sex" which is recognized in other countries like in India? I can identify with what you just wrote...i have said before to you that I like most everything you have written. I have been told by my shrink that I have a low testosterone count. This might explain why I obsess over big boobs but don't want to have sex with a woman because I like her boobs. Nor do I want to have sex with a guy because he is hung. I also value the sense of friendship, trust, spirituality, loyalty in a person before I hop into bed. I have not had sex with anybody since 2002 and the only thing I think about is getting castrated. I also feel like I am so different that I will always be alone. I do have hope this will not be the case a year from now. Rest assured EA folks, I'm not suicidal...just in need of a hug.

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

Back in 2005 I was seeing a girl and we had sex everynight.. I hated it.. I almost dreaded each night comming. After we broke up I told my friends about it and how I hated the sex. They thought I was crazy.. Sex everynight? That would be fantastic! But for me I hated it. Just recently I was helping a girl out because she was homeless.. She hit on me left and right.. She dressed in real skimpy clothes and walked around my apartment flaunting herself.. I did'nt have any ideas of having sex with her.. I just ignored her advances.. I just dont have any desire for sex.

I was reading about Asexuals and they were takling about being born as one.. However when I was a teenager I was a typical male kid.. Chasing girls always looking for sex.. But as the years went by I lost my interest.. I changed.. I know deep down after reading about Asexuality I'm most definatley Asexual. I just never knew anyhting about the term Asexual.. I had th evalues but didnt know the label all these years.. I'm 44 years old and I've been Asexual for about 12 - 13 years

[Paolo]

Looking back, I have to wonder if head injury (mild concussion) might have something to do with loss of interest?

In 1989, I fell out of a lifted 4wd truck and hit my head on the cement. Cracked the cement. Didn't knock me out, though.

[Begoneboy (imported)]

Begoneboy: do you think that when we say we are bisexual what this really means is that we are the "third sex" which is recognized in other countries like in India? I can identify with what you just wrote...i have said before to you that I like most everything you have written. I have been told by my shrink that I have a low testosterone count. This might explain why I obsess over big boobs but don't want to have sex with a woman because I like her boobs. Nor do I want to have sex with a guy because he is hung. I also value the sense of friendship, trust, spirituality, loyalty in a person before I hop into bed. I have not had sex with anybody since 2002 and the only thing I think about is getting castrated. I also feel like I am so different that I will always be alone. I do have hope this will not be the case a year from now. Rest assured EA folks, I'm not suicidal...just in need of a hug.

Not sure it matters what I think as I only think for me. While I do believe being bi-sexual is how we feel I'm not quite sure that equates to actual

gender as in Male, female or neither (eunuch). Mainly because in my opinion to be bi-sexual is not something that can be seen on the body

while male, female or neither (eunuch) can all be physically seen by other and oneself. Sure, male, female and neither can also be a feeling

but they are also physical medical terms. As in either one has a penis, vagina or neither can effect how a doctor would treat certain types

of illness where-as bisexual is not seen by a medical doctor for the purpose of treating physical illnesses other than perhaps STD type of

inflictions. In other words to my way of thinking to be bisexual is desire and we all know that desires can and often do change.

Where being eunuch is a physical fact that cannot be changed. IE; either the patient has a penis, vagina or neither during a medical

examination.

[Tany Squirrel (imported)]

I can honestly say that I feel the same.I have "ZERO" desire to be with another. The thought of being with someone else kind of turns my stomach, I have been alone so long, that I am consciously dismissive towards anyone else's amorous advances. I would rather spend the time learning/researching or having a discussion with others.

Then again , I am intellectually stimulated and naturally antisocial in some regards.

[Begoneboy (imported)]

Tany Squirrel: First of all I just adore your avatar. It so much screams innocence and naughty, while at the same time

curiosity. You go!

You are so on the mark at being aroused intellectually. Finding a great exchange of ideas is in large part what has drawn me to this forum.

And in life is one of those things I value almost as much as breathing. Thanks for sharing that.

[Oyktiro1 (imported)]

So.. Ive been reading about Asexuality and I'm now a Member of asexuality.org. I've found my identity that has eluded me for the last 12 years. I had thought I was the only guy who thought this way. I would like to Thank Paolo for pointing me in that direction.. I didnt know Asexuality existed untill last wednesday.. I so identify with this..

Now my problem is letting my family know about it.. I dont know how to break it to my mother. "Hi Mom, oh by the way I'm asexual and a Heteroromantic.."

[Tany Squirrel (imported)]

Tany Squirrel: First of all I just adore your avatar. It so much screams innocence and naughty, while at the same time

curiosity. You go!

You are so on the mark at being aroused intellectually. Finding a great exchange of ideas is in large part what has drawn me to this forum.

And in life is one of those things I value almost as much as breathing. Thanks for sharing that.

Thank you! It has literally taken me years to find an avatar that I thought embodied all I am .. and yes it is as you said, innocent,naughty, and full of curiosity. Not to mention, extremely playful.

in regards to the intellectually stimulated part.. its sooooo hard to find a good conversation in these parts.. Not that everyone is stupid or dumb, it is just hard to find someone on my level of consciousness. Those who tend to find all corners of life interesting. I find someone who has a keen mind very attractive, no matter the physical nature of the person. My soul has learned to love, unconditionally as far as the outward appearance, yet, as I have mentioned.. there has to be some gray matter between the ears. It has been so much easier remaining single, less of a hassle and frees me up for more time to do my favorite hobby....research! (that's how I found all you great people here )

[Begoneboy (imported)]

Tany,

gray matter between the ears.

A phrase I find myself have used so many times over the years.

And something that seems so lacking in this modern age. I agree, there's not much better than a good

conversation other than maybe a GREAT CONVERSATION You're on the money there.Thanks for lifting my day

with that one.

[Paolo]

Oyktiro1 (http://forums.eunuch.org/member.php?98057-Oyktiro1) , you're welcome.

I can't imagine 'coming out' as asexual could be perceived with hate or nonacceptance. For anyone I've told, that I have 0 sexual interest in anyone or anything, it's usually met with initial confusion, and then the "light bulb" slowly comes on over the head as in cartoons.

[Tany Squirrel (imported)]

Begoneboy:

I used to have a very good male friend, years ago(God rest his soul). We used to start on one topic, wander off to others, then eventually wind back around to the original topic.. those conversations were over coffee and were the most enjoyable HOURS I have ever spent. There was nothing sexual about them, but always held me intrigued on how his mind worked. To me , it was truly attractive, a brilliant mind. He was not arrogant, nor self-absorbed, was kind and generous. always accommodating. Too few of those types these days, either male or female. I am glad that you are able to receive some sort of uplift hope your days continue on the same path

[bobbilee (imported)]

Not sure it matters what I think as I only think for me. While I do believe being bi-sexual is how we feel I'm not quite sure that equates to actual

gender as in Male, female or neither (eunuch). Mainly because in my opinion to be bi-sexual is not something that can be seen on the body

while male, female or neither (eunuch) can all be physically seen by other and oneself. Sure, male, female and neither can also be a feeling

but they are also physical medical terms. As in either one has a penis, vagina or neither can effect how a doctor would treat certain types

of illness where-as bisexual is not seen by a medical doctor for the purpose of treating physical illnesses other than perhaps STD type of

inflictions. In other words to my way of thinking to be bisexual is desire and we all know that desires can and often do change.

Where being eunuch is a physical fact that cannot be changed. IE; either the patient has a penis, vagina or neither during a medical

examination.

Begoneboy,

After reading my post and your reply, I just realized that my post/question was really pretty stupid. This is why sometimes reacting emotionally and not being patient in order to think things out analytically has been one of my intellectual faults. Nonetheless, you are quite a giving person here on EA and I enjoy communicating with you. bobbilee

[bobbilee (imported)]

Tanysquirrel,

being attracted to intellectually gifted people is called being "sapiosexual." The brain is supposed to be the biggest sex organ we have and this phenomenon is just such an example of that theory. I have always been attracted to smart people as well. My older brother (God rest his soul) was a brilliant chemist who loved to fish, play golf, tennis...and chess. I never beat him in chess. Similarly, but not quite up there, my best friends in college were a guy who got his Ph.D. in Economics, a guy who had two degrees in English and Philosophy and a guy who bought all the weed and quite the computer geek going back to school to learn to write code (how boring)...and this was in the mid-seventies. Personally, I have tried to learn Nietzche, Shopenhauer, etc. but my gray matter needs another squirrel to hop on the treadmill as this stuff just does NOT sink in.

[Begoneboy (imported)]

bobbilee:

" Quote Originally Posted by bobbilee

Begoneboy: do you think that when we say we are bisexual what this really means is that we are the "third sex" which is recognized in other countries like in India? I can identify with what you just wrote...i have said before to you that I like most everything you have written. I have been told by my shrink that I have a low testosterone count. This might explain why I obsess over big boobs but don't want to have sex with a woman because I like her boobs. Nor do I want to have sex with a guy because he is hung. I also value the sense of friendship, trust, spirituality, loyalty in a person before I hop into bed. I have not had sex with anybody since 2002 and the only thing I think about is getting castrated. I also feel like I am so different that I will always be alone. I do have hope this will not be the case a year from now. Rest assured EA folks, I'm not suicidal...just in need of a hug.

"

I don't think your post/question was stupid in any way. In my humble opinion the dumbest question is the one not asked. Yours was a sincere question and I have every respect for sincerity in all forms. Good, bad or indifferent. And reacting emotionally is something I equally respect. Especially when one later realizes that a response was emotion rather than well though out and has the ability to understand the difference. This is one of the capacities that make the human species superior to other animal species. Welcome to my world as the old antic went. Hee Heee Heeee! You happen to be on a bit of a roller coaster ride in your life judging from what you've posted on the forum and your private messages with me. Take a breath and don't let it bother you. Things most generally come to clarity with time in our lives. My clarity came once I was able to control the hormones racing within me. That control did not happen until I was able to decide for myself how to manage the two problematic hormones of "T" and "E" or lack of either. Once I was able to bring into check the "T" through castration I was then also able to have better control over the "E". Life has seen a HUGE improvement since then. Unfortunately nature is what it is so as long as we live in a social environment with others there will always be surprises we don't plan for. So a BIG hug your way as you feel you need one and I've never shied away from lending a hand for what is needed.

Best to you.

[Begoneboy (imported)]

Begoneboy:

I used to have a very good male friend, years ago(God rest his soul). We used to start on one topic, wander off to others, then eventually wind back around to the original topic.. those conversations were over coffee and were the most enjoyable HOURS I have ever spent. There was nothing sexual about them, but always held me intrigued on how his mind worked. To me , it was truly attractive, a brilliant mind. He was not arrogant, nor self-absorbed, was kind and generous. always accommodating. Too few of those types these days, either male or female. I am glad that you are able to receive some sort of uplift hope your days continue on the same path

Well Tany Squirrel you have had some wonderful moments from the sound of it. As have I and hopefully we'll both continue down that path. I've had and still have some wonderful friends on this third rock from the sun. I value those friendships even more than I value my own breath. I just returned one of those such friends to the airport for her to get back home and continue the drudge of making a living. In her 20s that is important where almost 60 much less so for me. I gave up chasing the dollar many MANY years ago. Or perhaps I simply realized at the time what was enough of that silly dollar to carry me through my own life. There are plenty who can never get enough of it or are never quite content with what they have and always want more. Life in this location is simple and doesn't require much so I am at home. Which allows me the privilege of coming and going as I please and sitting down with somebody for nothing more than a great conversation to be enjoyed like a fine wine or well brewed cup of aromatic boastful caffeine. It's pretty hard to improve on that.

Have a great day!