Castration interest induced in childhood

[C van D (imported)]

My lifelong interest in castration I owe to my mother. I can't have been more than 7 years old before she began explaining how boys were castrated and why. She never said "boy" - only "little person" i.e. "They take the little person to the doctor, who snips out his little balls and stitches him up. If it was done to you, you would always be a plump little boy and your voice would never deepen".

I remember that Abelard was described as a "little person" and my mother suffered from the fallacy that he at once acquired a treble voice after his operation.

She also used to elaborate on animal castration, especially horses. "A young horse always has to have his balls taken out, so he can never "do it" with a mare, however hard he tries". I knew that if I had my balls taken out I could never "do it" with a girl, and I became very sorry for the horse!.

C van D

[Dorian (imported)]

My interest/fixation in Fm-castration was also induced by my mother. My German mother was raped in a Dutch concentration camp (1940-1944) on Bonaire (Netherlands Antilles) by the Dutch.

During early childhood she dissipated pain in raping my younger brother anally with all kinds of objects, and then, performing suggesting castration rituals on me. The "disturbance"in the son (that's me) is fairly well documented and studied psychoanalytically. The fixation, originating from juvinile psychotrauma shaped my life and relation with the other sex. I'm not intended to bother this community with sob stories, but I believe that for a substantial number of people visiting this site, juvenile trauma may play a role.

[email protected]

Dorian

[Dorian (imported)]

Continued:

The Fm-castration theme is generally considered in the present psychiatric world as psychopathological condition. However, thorough inspection of historical and psychoanalytical data show that the theme is archetypal of nature. That is, omnipresent, but buried below the Freudian Mm-castration theme that reflects the controversy between the father and the boy. The latter solution is in its extreme form could also be considered as psychopathological, as its leads to war and conflicts with other males: castrate your enemy and fuck his daughters, as my very own mother has expierenced in a Dutch concentration camp. Both the Fm- and Mm-castration themes can therefore be considered as a "normal" adaption in the the development of the boy into a man.

Dorian

might be continued.

[Ernst-nl (imported)]

My lifelong interest in castration I owe to my mother. I can't have been more than 7 years old before she began explaining how boys were castrated and why. She never said "boy" - only "little person" i.e. "They take the little person to the doctor, who snips out his little balls and stitches him up. If it was done to you, you would always be a plump little boy and your voice would never deepen".

I remember that Abelard was described as a "little person" and my mother suffered from the fallacy that he at once acquired a treble voice after his operation.

Can any other readers trace their interest to a similar experience?

C van D

Hello C van D,

Do you live in Holland aswell? In my childhood my mother allways told me that i had a vagina but that it was difficult to see for myself. As i was about 11 or 12 years of age I tried to find my vagina....

Crazy and harmfull I think now.

Still I fantasize now about boys and men with vagina s instead of balls and penises and it turns me on!

Are you or someone else maybe interested in meeting?

kind regards Ernst in the Netherlands

[Hereunuch (imported)]

I know my castration interests and fantasies go back to my childhood, but I've wondered why I have them and what caused them.

I don't think it was anything either of my parents did or said or anything. My childhood was very normal, I cannot recall anything at all of any kind in my growing up that would have caused me to have this interest or fantasies about castration. So what caused them?

I do know even as a child I had feelings of submission to women and girls and wanting women and girls to "control" me and do "bad" things to me. I've always felt more comfortable with my arms covered in long sleeves. I've always been turned on by women and girls wearing long sleeves with their sleeves rolled up above their elbows. I have always even as a child just felt more comfortable thinking of God as being female. I remember as a child having feelings of wanting women or girls to cut my boy parts off and have them make me hurt when they did it. I'm not sure just when I learned about castration and what it was, but when I did I quickly developed fantasies about being castrated by women.

I also knew most people don't have these kinds of feelings and fantasies, so I kept my feelings and fantasies to myself.

Like I said there was nothing in my growing up that would have caused me to have these feelings and fantasies. They just kind of were always there and developed on their own. So I have wondered why I have them and what caused them.

Women who are interested in castration and have castration fantasies, it would be interesting to know what caused them to have those feelings and interests.

Women who have a strong fascination with male castration, women who have strong fantasies where she castrates a man, fantasies where she has a eunuch as a slave or pet, a eunuch who she herself has castrated, it would be interesting to know about the background of a woman like this and to know what caused her to be interested or fascinated with castration and have fantasies of castrating a man.

[SqueezeMe (imported)]

I like your story - I can't say that I can think of one instance that made me interested in my castration, but I have 'mommy' fantasies like you described your real-life experience.

You explained 'how' your Mommy described boys getting castrated - what was her explanation for 'why'? I'm interested in finding out if it was because of punishment or what...

thanks - SqueezeMe.

[Paolo]

It's odd that this thread got revived at this point in time, as a couple of us were just discussing how parents can cause a castration complex/interest in young boys by threatening them with it. What may seem to be a harmless joke may really do some serious damage to the boy. Our discussions are still ongoing, though.

[Bagoas (imported)]

My interest in castratioin began as a possible means of "curing" myself of homosexuality. I was 15 when I realized that I was "one of those". At that time, the mid-1940's, homophobia was more overt and, I think, more intense than today. Homosexuals were regarded with disgust and contempt. they were despised and loathed, regarded as only slightly less vile than axe-murderers and on par with "dope fiends" and "sex fiends". When I discovered what I was, my already shaky self-esteem was shattered. I had been a sickly child and was a miserable coward. I was home alone when I realized the awful truth and I cried for hours. I despised myself as much as everyone else I knew despised homos. I had begun to shave at 14 and I couldn't bear to look at my face in the mirror when I shaved, the face of a queer. I seriously considered suicide and made a few half-hearted attempts, but was much too much of a coward to carry them out. One day I said in disgust at my weakness and cowardice "It's no use. I don't have the balls to do it." That was when, in accordance with cartoon convention, a light bulb lit up over my head. Gadzooks ! If I didn't have balls, I wouldn't have any sex urge and so, I wouldn't be queer any more. All I had to do is find some way of castrating myself, and the courage to carry it out, and I'd be "cured" ! That was the start of my lifelong interest in castration. My mother, though she hated men, also despised homosexuals and played no part in this.

[C van D (imported)]

Just found SqueezeMe's now ancient enquiry (early 2005). He asks, did my mother ever explain why boys were castrated - was it as a punishment? Not that I can recall. But in telling me the Abelard story in which she described him as a "little person" her explanation was "so that he could never "do it" with a girl." After hearing the story I used to examine my 7-year-old "privates" and speculate on what "doing it with a girl" actually meant. I think there's quite a lot of mileage here.

C van D

[C van D (imported)]

It was from my mother, also, that I got the notion - of which I was fully convinced - that page-boys who attended little princesses were "suitably pruned" so as to make them sexually harmless. She never minced words and when I asked what "pruned" meant, replied "taken to the doctor to have their little balls taken out, darling".

C van D

[tinydick (imported)]

so how many mother are responsable for the amount of eunuchs that around today

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

so how many mother are responsable for the amount of eunuchs that around today

And, should we thank them? --FLO--

[tugon (imported)]

but I believe that for a substantial number of people visiting this site, juvenile trauma may play a role.

Dorian

As I learn more about myself and my past I have to agree.

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Hi Mob,

Yoli here, up too early and staying home due to some ice on the roads here in San Antonio...Yes! Here! Might even see a flake or two...not the usual human kind either.

Anyway...I may have mentioned, eons ago, that our eunuch friend, Barry, has stated that his mommy had much to do with his initial interest in castration. Apparently she helped keep the spark alive until he finally crossed into Juarez Mex. and got the snip.

Well, after a few days of perusing this thread I decided (against Ash[leigh]'s advice) to contact Barry at his home in Lubbock and ask him to finally "tell all". I assured him that his identity would be protected but, with his permission, I'd relate the most pertinent details here. So, after a few dozen back-and-forth phone calls and Emails, here it is. (I may have to do this in installments, 'cause it's kinda long, and I've been "editing" so best I can in order to keep it all organized.)

So far as Barry can recall, his mom planted the seed when Barry was around ten years old. As follows.

Most kids, myself included, played "Doctor" or "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours." to varying degrees. I never swapped peeks with little boys, so far as I can recall (wanted too, though...heehee.) I did, however swap peeks with maybe two other girls my own age when I was somewhere around seven or eight, and once again after I grew some nice tidy fleece "down there", probably when I was thirteen. I remember that I had a dusting of pubic fuzz on the mound of my lil' >^,,^< when that SOB tried to rape me, and I WAS thirteen at that time.

So, we can't judge Barry harshly for doing what pretty much all of us did when we were little devils. Barry's mother, however, DID "judge" beyond what most balanced parents might, and then reacted in a rather odd fashion.

First sign...Barry and a neighbor boy, two years older, had begin to trade peeks, then touches, then strokes, then nibbles, then actual fellatio, all within the span of maybe two months from peeks to...you know. Barry recalls that he could not ejaculate but that "It sure felt good!" The other boy, whom Barry STILL occasionally sees and we have met, experienced his first ejaculation a few days after the fellatio sessions began. Barry says the other boy warned him that "something is about to happen!" but Barry allowed the first spurt to occur in his mouth, then pulled away until the next couple of those had spattered his neck and tee shirt. Then, according to Barry, he took the boy's peepee back into his mouth and kept it there until it "finished".

The other kid, after catching his breath, then performed fellatio on Barry for a few minutes, with no orgasm or ejaculation occuring, then they tided up and left the barn. Barry remembers washing his hands and face and rinsing his tee shirt at a faucet beside the barn. The two if them then got on their bicycles and "rode like the wind" until Barry's shirt was dry.

What they did NOT know was that Barry's mom, having seen them go into the barn, had been observing them through some sort of opening in the wall of the barn. Much later, she told him that she was no more than six feet from them as they went about their play. She kept up this behavior for over three years...who's the sick one?

Not long after Barry became a friend and revealed that he is a eunuch, and mentioned that his mother played a role in it all, I asked where his father was and if he was aware of, or involved in, the events leading to Barry's little soujourn in Juarez. The answer was "No" since Barry's mom and dad had split when Barry was maybe three years old. As to the reasons why, well, it had to do with his dad's interest in sex and his mom's lack thereof, at least in the "normal" sense.

Barry's dad still saw him often, making trips from a town in New Mexico for the purpose, and hosting Barry for alternate Christmases, birthdays, school breaks, and part of each summer. So, Dad seems to be a quite normal guy who loves his son, and is apparently still blissfully unaware that Barry is now minus certain original equipment. He also has maintained a "Don't ask,don't tell" stance so far as Barry's sexual behavior (mostly gay, but makes exceptions, most willingly, for me and Ash[leigh].)

When Barry and his father made a trip to San Antonio last year Dad was delighted when Barry introduced me to him. Barry later told me that his dad later said "Son, SHE'S the one, right? I hope there will be some grandkids for me in a couple of years!" Fat chance of that...funny, in a sad sort of way.

So, here we are...Barry is having frequent sex with another (older) boy. His mother is aware but neither reveals her knowledge of it nor interferes.

Fast forward, please.

Now Barry is twelve, a few weeks from his thirteenth birthday. His original sex buddy has moved (father transferred) to some distant spot. Barry says there was a "dry spell" of maybe five months so far as sex with another boy went. He did, however, make the intimate acquaintance of a real, live, girl, aged 14, with whom he had his first heterosexual experience.

This girl had, somehow, found out about Barry's relationship with the other boy. Once that kid had left the area she told Barry that she knew what they had been up to and claimed to have spied on them a couple of times as they went about their sex play. She wouldn't tell, she promised, if Barry and she could "mess around" to see if he liked doing "that" with girls too. By "that" she apparently did not mean actual intercourse, but simply touching, mutual masturbation, and, as it turned out, swapping oral sex. This led, later, to a few sessions of anal sex, and the relationship overlapped his next juvenile homosexual involvement. The girl actually observed, "coached", and participated in some of Barry's activities with other boys.

Remember I said " another boy", "next JUVENILE...etc."

Barry turned thirteen, right on schedule. At this point he's not sexually involved with any other boys but is having sex, at least three times weekly, with this girl (she must have been a ball of raging hormones!) Then, comes time to spend three weeks in New Mexico with Dad. Up to this point, Barry's mom was not aware that he was involved with the girl, BTW.

Barry takes a bus to NM, is met by his dad, and they repair to dad's place out in the wilds, not far from a small town. Barry's dad has purchased a new motor scooter, one of those little putt-putts, as Barry called it, so that Barry, unlicensed and all, can go into town for a burger, shop around for whatever, and go over to a home where there is a swimming pool! Oasis! The family that owns the pool are friends with Barry's dad, it seems.

One fine day Barry is on his scooter, coming back from a swim. He sees a vehicle parked beside the road, with the hood up and steam rising. Being a good-hearted kid (still is!) he stops to see if he can help.

The driver is a man in his early forties, nice-looking, and well-dressed. He thanks Barry for stopping and asks if Barry can scooter into town for some distilled water and antifreeze. Barry says he'll be glad to. The man gives him twenty bux and off Barry "putts". About thirty minutes later Barry returns, bearing not only the requested items, but some cool water for the man. He's told to keep the change...maybe ten bux.

Barry stands by as the man does whatever you do with that stuff, car-wise. The effort is successful and the man tells Barry that he'll be in town for the next several days, on business. He tells Barry where he'll be staying and invites him to call and drop by. He says he wants to tell Barry about his sailboat (in California) and show him some "neat pictures". Barry agrees to contact the man the next afternoon, since his dad has to be away for three days, and they shake hands and part company.

Guys, I need to sift through "the files" before I can continue this marathon saga, if I'm to be accurate and factual vis-a-vis Barry's "memoirs".

If y'all prefer I waste no more of your "monitor ink", just say so and I'll terminate this "case history" with no hard feelings.

(But you'll miss the juicy parts!)

If you DO want me to continue, I'll add to this thread in a future installment, perhaps so early as tonight or within a day or two. Barry has no objections to this, be assured.

Love and little gropes to all, especially if you have been...you know.

Yolanda The Ice Queen

Close to the fireplace!

[JesusA]

Dear Yoli,

This is a fascinating history, very well written. I do hope that you will continue it. I'm sure that most of the members here are interested in how the great variety of us came to this place.

J.

[tugon (imported)]

Dear Yoli,

Yes please continue.

[Paolo]

This sounds like it could be embellished a bit and make a great semi-fictional read here. Any authors willing to take it on?

AND thanks to Yoli for posting and to Barry for opening up to her.

THAT takes some balls.

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Yoli is in the house!

Our office is still close due to weather, so I've assembled and organized some more of the notes re Barry's bio. I've also spent some more phone time with him since the last posting.

Part Two:

Foreword: I asked Barry to read what I've posted so far and express his wishes, if any, regarding editing and corrections. His response was that all was accurate and chonologically correct. I was reminded, however, that it was during a sex session with the girl previously mentioned that he had his first "real" orgasm. Said orgasm occured during fellatio and she insisted on a repeat performance perhaps fifteen minutes later. Barry says he does not know if she'd ever done such a thing before, but that she seemed "practiced". Personally, I think a thirteen year-old of either gender would think that the partner who had caused such a pleasurable result would believe said partner to be "seasoned", even it was the first such experience for both.

In answer to my next question, Barry says "She spit the first time, swallowed the second." He later learned that Mommy Dearest had seen it all.

OK...When we last saw our friend he had met an older man who was experiencing car trouble, aided same, and was invited to visit the man at his hotel/motel/inn (not sure which). The following afternoon Barry called the fellow at his accomodations. He says it made him nervous to ask a desk clerk to connect him. The man answered and after a bit of guy-talk he asked if Barry wanted to have dinner with him. Barry agreed and the man told him of a little roadside cafe some twenty miles out ot town and recommended they drive out there. They arranged to meet at a road junction near Barry's dad's home.

Barry says that he showered VERY thoroughly, somehow sensing that there'd be more than dinner involved, then pedalled his bike the short distance to the meeting place. The man was already there.

("Reporter's" Note: To me, the request to meet at a remote spot, a twenty-mile drive to dine, and the mention of "neat pictures" at their first encounter, would seem to foreshadow some rather dire future for Barry...like being raped, killed, and left rotting in a desert environment...I'd have been inclined to decline the invitation in it's form and insist on meeting at the Burger Biggie and departing from there independently. Happily, I guess, no bad events occurred, unless you consider sex between an adolescent and a much older male "bad"...I kinda do. There should have been a castration right then and there and I don't mean Barry's. Barry doesn't see it that way. He swears it was both pleasurable and "educational".)

So, off the pair went, with Barry being allowed to drive the car until they were near the tiny hamlet wherein was the cafe. Talk about bribery! Soon, they were polishing off an abundance of chicken-fried steak and fries. When they departed the place it was near sunset and the man suggested they stop and watch that. Barry was again at the wheel and he chose a remote and little-traveled dirt road down which to turn. They stopped and sat on the trunk of the car to observe the sunset.

The man soon announced that he needed to pee. He slid off the trunk and walked a few feet away, faced away from Barry, and hung it out. Just as he finished, a coyote sang and he turned, penis still out, and said that he loved that sound. Barry, of course, peeked.

To be continued as time and organization of all these notes and Emails permit.

Be good boys while I'm gone or I'll snip them off! (Or sew them back on, depending on your current status.)

Yolanda The Chilly (not Chili) Girl

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Yoli is in the house!

Our office is still closed due to weather, so I've assembled and organized some more of the notes re Barry's bio. I've also spent some more phone time with him since the last posting.

Part Two:

Foreword: I asked Barry to read what I've posted so far and express his wishes, if any, regarding editing and corrections. His response was that all was accurate and chonologically correct. I was reminded, however, that it was during a sex session with the girl previously mentioned that he had his first "real" orgasm. Said orgasm occured during fellatio and she insisted on a repeat performance perhaps fifteen minutes later. Barry says he does not know if she'd ever done such a thing before, but that she seemed "practiced". Personally, I think a thirteen year-old of either gender would think that the partner who had caused such a pleasurable result would believe said partner to be "seasoned", even it was the first such experience for both.

In answer to my next question, Barry says "She spit the first time, swallowed the second." He later learned that Mommy Dearest had seen it all.

OK...When we last saw our friend he had met an older man who was experiencing car trouble, aided same, and was invited to visit the man at his hotel/motel/inn (not sure which). The following afternoon Barry called the fellow at his accomodations. He says it made him nervous to ask a desk clerk to connect him. The man answered and after a bit of guy-talk he asked if Barry wanted to have dinner with him. Barry agreed and the man told him of a little roadside cafe some twenty miles out ot town and recommended they drive out there. They arranged to meet at a road junction near Barry's dad's home.

Barry says that he showered VERY thoroughly, somehow sensing that there'd be more than dinner involved, then pedalled his bike the short distance to the meeting place. The man was already there.

("Reporter's" Note: To me, the request to meet at a remote spot, a twenty-mile drive to dine, and the mention of "neat pictures" at their first encounter, would seem to foreshadow some rather dire future for Barry...like being raped, killed, and left rotting in a desert environment...I'd have been inclined to decline the invitation in it's form and insist on meeting at the Burger Biggie and departing from there independently. Happily, I guess, no bad events occurred, unless you consider sex between an adolescent and a much older male "bad"...I kinda do. There should have been a castration right then and there and I don't mean Barry's. Barry doesn't see it that way. He swears it was both pleasurable and "educational".)

So, off the pair went, with Barry being allowed to drive the car until they were near the tiny hamlet wherein was the cafe. Talk about bribery! Soon, they were polishing off an abundance of chicken-fried steak and fries. When they departed the place it was near sunset and the man suggested they stop and watch that. Barry was again at the wheel and he chose a remote and little-traveled dirt road down which to turn. They stopped and sat on the trunk of the car to observe the sunset.

The man soon announced that he needed to pee. He slid off the trunk and walked a few feet away, faced away from Barry, and hung it out. Just as he finished, a coyote sang and he turned, penis still out, and said that he loved that sound. Barry, of course, peeked.

To be continued as time and organization of all these notes and Emails permit.

Be good boys while I'm gone or I'll snip them off! (Or sew them back on, depending on your current status.)

Yolanda The Chilly (not Chili) Girl

Yooooooooo....LANDA! (Is here! Never fear!)

Super Bowl Sunday Edition!

Sorry to have taken so long to make an addendum.

Today, class, I'm going to diverge a bit from the Barry bio.

I had a chat with him last night (he's here on a visit, and for the Super Bowl gala we're throwing this evening.)

As I was asking questions and making notes (yes, notes!) we drifted into something...I'm going to call it "Masturbation AS Castration". It may appear again in later installments, but he has revealed that, prior to castration, he often masturbated before going out, even to the mall, bookstore, pubs, etc, in order to lessen the likelihood that he might "get into trouble". If he knew he might be in a situation where he might be tempted to approach a minor, some rough guy, or anyone he might regret "knowing" later, he'd masturbate, often as many as three times, in the space of a couple of hours prior to leaving his apartment.

He told me that on more than one occasion he fled into a stall in a restroom and masturbated because he'd spotted someone he knew he should not attempt an encounter with. This was often AFTER he'd masturbated beforehand.

So, in a sense, he was temporarily "castrating" himself to avoid temptation. Well, I see it that way and he pretty much agrees.

Be mindful of this...Barry is very MORAL man. His castration had it's roots in his realization that his sex drive and orientation would, sooner or later, land him in jail, dead in a ditch, etc. PLUS, he genuinely loves people and wanted to assure he'd be less likely to do harm, even if only in the psychological sense, to someone.

Of course, I'm curious to know if any others have used masturbation as a stop-gap measure to avoid problems.

For my part, if I'm anticipating a session of sexual play with Barry, Ash(leigh), or BigGuy and WOBG when we are with them, I masturbate because I'm so excited at the prospect of what's to come later. It just makes me all the more "Ready".

Being a girlpuppy, I guess I have an advantage over the Penis-Bearers, in that I never run out of...how did BigGuy once put it?...Ammunition! LOL!

Will continue Barry's saga soon, but right now it's PARTY-PREP TIME!

GO BEARS!!! (Only because there are four OU Sooners on the team.)

Luv to All!

Yolanda The Cheerleader

[Kangan (imported)]

Of course, I'm curious to know if any others have used masturbation as a stop-gap measure to avoid problems.

I've practised that in the past, but it didn't help very much. Castrate me, please!

[A-1 (imported)]

I've practised that in the past, but it didn't help very much. Castrate me, please!

You need to have a woman "do it" for you. Then, it might help...

[Kangan (imported)]

You need to have a woman "do it" for you. Then, it might help...

Wow! My fantasy come true!

[Kangan (imported)]

Sorry, men. I don't think that's the real challenge, here. Getting a woman - even a really attractive one, to "do it" (get you arroused and take you all the way thru a great orgasm), is fairly easy.

Finding one who will do that for you, and not use that as a reason for you to owe her for the rest of your life: THAT'S the challenge!

I've been married to the same woman for over 40 years - so I guess you are quite right about my being "owned".

[C van D (imported)]

I like your story - I can't say that I can think of one instance that made me interested in my castration, but I have 'mommy' fantasies like you described your real-life experience.

You explained 'how' your Mommy described boys getting castrated - what was her explanation for 'why'? I'm interested in finding out if it was because of punishment or what...

thanks - SqueezeMe.

No, SqueezeMe - not specifically as a punishment. But she made it clear that "all boys want to 'do it' with a girl, and once a boy has had his little balls taken out, he can't 'do it' however much he longs to and however hard he tries". To me that sounds like punishment enough.

[Kangan (imported)]

No, SqueezeMe - not specifically as a punishment. But she made it clear that "all boys want to 'do it' with a girl, and once a boy has had his little balls taken out, he can't 'do it' however much he longs to and however hard he tries". To me that sounds like punishment enough.

My mother was clearly afraid that I'd do "it" with a girl and ruin my life, so she did everything she could to limit my social life when I was a teenager. I was 21 before I finally did "it". However, prior to that, I had many sexual encounters with males which lead me to wrongly believe I was homosexual. Definitely the mother's influence can be devastating for a child.