philip1 (imported) wrote: Sun Jul 30, 2006 11:13 am
mind has gotten much more raunchy since I am outside the male/female sexual theatre
sometime next year I will be trying a low dose of HRT (I have little choice it either hrt or pile of dust)
Hi Phil -- fellow Kimmel classmate from the week of April 4-8, 2005,
Could you explain the statement above about your mind getting more raunchy? Just don't understand what you mean.
With regard to HRT: You and I have been pretty firm HRT-holdouts so far. It's a tough road. People around us don't know how to deal with easy tears and emotions. Our constitutions don't hold up as well. When you mentioned you were considering HRT, I almost got some tears. I know how important it's been to you to not have T-induced agression/anger. Hope it goes well for you, that you find just the right amount for your body. I hope to have some HRT of a different sort in a few months.
philip1 (imported) wrote: Sun Jul 30, 2006 11:13 am
summertime and I'm sweating my balls.........................oh yah
well I'm sweating profusely anytime its over 80f I'm not sure if its because I'm a eunuch or the 60+% humidity. it seems that anytime i do any strenuous work I am suddenly drenched.
ok here's a list of my experiences since castration:
emotional instability (MASSIVE MOOD SWINGS)
loss of strength (slow but noticeable)
loss of interest in anything sexual (didn't have much to begin with)
mind has gotten much more raunchy since I am outside the male/female sexual theatre
Physical stamina has dropped to near nothing
joints have stiffened muscles are sore alot
cry more easilly
when I do get mad it is a throttled anger that is very focussed at the one thing making me angry instead of the old vague explosion.
sometime next year I will be trying a low dose of HRT (I have little choice it either hrt or pile of dust)
Hi Phil. When I had low testosterone I had concerns that HRT was going to make me one of those "roid rage" type people. It didn't. Everyone who knows me says I'm kinder and thats one big plus. I'll admit I felt very different on a healthy dose of hormones but I also have to say I feel 1000x better. The energy thing you mentioned. I used to drag myself out of bed and just felt like crawling back in. Zero energy. My mood was just 24/7 dark and moody. I had all sorts of anxiety issues and emotions? When the On Star commercials bring you to tears well.... It was time for testosterone. It gave me back all those things but in particular I had problems reading books. Now, I'm back to soaking up a few books a week. I've got energy and no more anxiety. I don't tear up over On Star commericals either.
Having a sex drive was probably the most dramatic thing. Looking back at me pre HRT I feel confidant that having one is better than not. And sex has gone from "nice" to so good I can't discribe it.
This is just my experience. Of course HRT is not without problems. For me testicular atrophy is a problem. One you can't have btw! Anyhow, I hope you find a good doctor and find a level thats healthy for you and makes your life better. Good luck!
I use HRT on a minimal and sporadic basis. I maintain just enough to be a bare minimum (about 5 days per month, 5 grams Androgel each of those days). Lately, I haven't even been doing that - just not using any. Doctor dead set against it, but I'm the one who has the choice.
When it gets this miserably hot, I will always sweat my ass off (sorry, the balls are gone) 101 degrees F today, dew points and humidity in mid 60s to low 70s. Those kinds of days, T-levels don't matter, just hide out anywhere there is AC. At this point, however, I am pretty much past the hot flashes and sweats (not completely, just mostly).
I do a lot of strenuous work. I seem able to handle it most of the time. Strength seems to be OK (have had bad times in past, but seems to have passed - seems like time tells). As long as I keep it up, I seem able to maintain. But I definitely do get a bit more moist than I used to, but no longer soaked. I have more trouble from smoking cigarettes....
My moods are relatively stable. On the other hand I am bipolar, so medicines work their wonders in keeping me on an even keel. Even still, I cry a lot easier (hate movies and such that make me cry, cuz I will), am much less aggressive, less likely to get angry, maintain a much more even level... When I am ON T I can perceptively see and feel my aggression levels rise, and see it on the road in my driving.
Sex drive is negligible, though I definitely do notice cute boys; regardless....it is like appreciating fine art.... My mind has always been raunchy - it is what makes me so endearing to others....hah...
My stamina seems OK, but there was a time it sucked. That may have been depression for me. Anyway, doing much better now. On the other hand, joints are definitely stiff, and muscles do get painful - definitely an under-reported phenomenon, I think.
I find very low doses of HRT effective at keeping down weight gain, gynecomastia, lots of the sweats (NOT all), etc, but then I don't like it. I have had six years to adjust to substantially lower T levels, though, so I suppose I am past most of the tough stuff.
Try a bit of magnesium in pill form for the sore muscles. It's a natural relaxer.
Depression and moodiness can be easily cured by eating a Hershey 60% Dark cocoa bar, with fruit/nuts in it. They are to die for...almost literally! Lots of flavinols, too.
Hang in there.
You and this thread are a great asset to all of us!
I found this eerily apropos to my life over the last 15 months
Cancer
June 21 - July 21
Change is your mantra these days, dear Cancer. You've been growing and changing at a mind-numbing pace, and if you look back to this time last year, you'll realize what a different person you are today than you were back then. And it's not over yet! Lest this sound intimidating, look around you. You will see change everywhere, in the lives of all your friends, too. Would you want to be left out of all the excitement?
I am taking lots of pills these days just to maintain so semblenceof normal (whatever that is)
1500mg of calcium, 400iu of Vitimin D, 500mg magnesium, 100mg DHEA, 82mg aspirin. I take these every day (when I remember).
One thing about changing hormones is that you really do get a chance to see yourself as different. I've had puberty twice. The first time was pretty embaressing the second time I had the benifit of having been there and done that once before. If you do opt for Testosterone I hope you have an easy time on the second run.
BTW I had me DHEA tested and my doc said it was a tad low so I started taking 25s daily to get it back to normal range. I have to admit I didn't like the effect. It made me kind of jumpy or what I'm not sure how to discribe it. Anyway, I've used up the tablets. I'll try for a while without and if I do go back on DHEA I'll go with the gel. I've read that hormones don't work well by taking them as tablets.
Krister, I was pleased to read your observation and I agree one can appreciate beauty as art with great admiration and it is just as nice if you can enjoy beauty without arousal. Nicer infact, because that arousal was just a wasted spontaneous energy loss.
Phil, It's August 1st and the weather appears to be cooling here in the UK. We've had a heatwave since June 2nd here - one of the hottest ever. This morning the air is cooler and my outside thermometer reads 17C (62F) at 09.20. Comfort at last, we are in for at least a few cooler days which makes some things easier.
I had mixed feelings about it being so very hot. Dry heat eases my backpain just a shade but then the bed is just a pool of perspiration and I am on fire at nightimes. Time marches on and although the weather never exactly matches the patterns it ought to, the general direction by mid September should be easier for most of us Northern Hemispherer's (if I can say that).
I have a good paying job and someone who loves me and I love. Yah there are drawbacks but the benefits for me are worth it. I am battling weight issues but that is minor compaired to the big things I've already been through.
I like being a eunuch its nice to notice a pretty lady because she's pretty not because the bulge in my pants noticed her (no bulge). I am more relaxed, more confident, and more sociable.
Some folks have posted that they have had adhesion problems following surgery performed by Dr. Kimmel but every single one of them did not do the one thing that Dr. kimmel said to do......... STAY OFF YOUR FEET FOR 48 HOURS second there was the post op procedures that were not followed, oops did they gloss over that? So blaming the surgeon for your own stupidity is well stupid. I am 16 months and 2 days post op I followed the procedures religeously and I have NO adhesions. Before throwing rocks at Dr. Kimmel or ANY OTHER DOCTOR make DAMN sure you followed the post op procedures to the letter or the adhesion might just be...YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!!!!!!!
philip1 (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 08, 2006 9:20 am
life as a eunuch at 16 months post-op
its pretty good actually....
I have a good paying job and someone who loves me and I love. Yah there are drawbacks but the benefits for me are worth it. I am battling weight issues but that is minor compaired to the big things I've already been through.
I like being a eunuch its nice to notice a pretty lady because she's pretty not because the bulge in my pants noticed her (no bulge). I am more relaxed, more confident, and more sociable.
Hi Philip!
Excuse me for being stupid but how do one feel and so on seeing a beutiful and perfect girl after castration? I as still wannabe have some problems thinking how it is afterwards. Do you still look at girls and wish something or how is it? I have a tendency from time to time to look at those girls who are "tenpointers" as beutiful living statues that I can look at but just as a piece of art.
a beutifull girl say a 10 walks by I will acknowlege their beauty but other than thinking (she's pretty) there is no physical response, no desire to posess or conquer. The thought is short lived and I move on with my life.
Two years ago on Sept 3rd I started a fatefull journey that ultimately led to the beginning of this thread. I am now 1.6 years into being my true self and I can say: Even with the valleys and pitfalls this journey has been worth it.
This weekend I was fortunate to host a barbeque the guests were all eunuchs. We ate talked and mused late into the night...all in all it was great fun. I hope to have them all return for the next gathering.
I am still having hot flashes bad ones when I forget to take my meds. I still have mood swings but they are smaller every day (THANK GAWD!!!!) My weight is up and down I have gained some but I am currently down from my max about 20#. I keep my mind active so it will continue to function up to.........something............... oh hell I forget .
I have been participating in automotive competitions and I have noticed that I am far more anylitical than I used to be. Subtle changes in lane position I notice, slight grip differences I notice, Even tire presure changes get noticed. I feel I am a better competitor now because I am not a "Balls to the wall" driver but more subtle.
as my life becomes more and more stable I find I am drifting farther away fron the eunuch community. I am finding my life is not all that different from everyone else just the lack of a couple bits. I am less interested in who wants what with where for what reason so I will be posting less updates and less frequently as well.
Is there any point in continuing this thread. I'm not going through any changes in my life I am stable emotionally and physically and I am content with things. So is there a point to continuing?
philip1 (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:31 am
Is there any point in continuing this thread. I'm not going through any changes in my life I am stable emotionally and physically and I am content with things. So is there a point to continuing?
Why not just leave it here, and available? Nothing says you need add any more if you are not inclined. If 6 months from now you want to add, it is there... Sides at this point, there are around 61,000 views on this thread. I think that is probably the most hit of any threads ever - that speaks to its value.
Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. It has been exciting to watch you grown and change in the two and a half years that you have been posting on the Archive. As you reflect back on your very first post on July 8, 2004:
Hi
I am a new member of the archive but have been reading for several Years now.
I am a Nullo Wannabe and a serious one. I have wanted to be smooth since I was about eight. I don't know why, I just have always had a problem with my package. I am now looking into starting small, chemical ,followed by castration, followed by penectomy. I have been taking Evanesce for a coupple of weeks now and have noticed that I no longer have the constant hard-on I used to have, other effects are I don't think about sex as much (more concentration) .no other effects so far.
Does anyone in the NW have a recomendation for a doc for the other stuff?
Phil
you can easily see how far you have come in your journey.
The description that you wrote of your castration in September of that year still causes me to shudder in pain whenever I think of it. (It's not quite as bad as Scottie's description, though.) You were absolutely determined to go through with something that you had carefully considered for years.
This long thread/diary of your journey since that time has become one of the most valuable parts of the entire Eunuch Archive. Your careful and candid descriptions show many of the pitfalls that others may be able to avoid because you have scouted the road ahead.
You've stayed around for over two years to give advice and to help others. You will not be the first valued member of the Archive to eventually leave active membership (and to return but rarely to see what has transpired). Should you decide to take a sabbatical or to leave entirely, you would be joining such distinguished company as:
Andrew
Charlieje
Scottie
Skoptzikov
You would be greatly missed should you leave. Your voice and your sound advice has been important for many. I would hope that you would drop by occasionally go give us all an update.
Whatever your decision, thank you for all that you have done for others here.
philip1 (imported) wrote: Fri Dec 08, 2006 7:18 am
I have no plans to remove this thread but I seriously doubt I'll ad much more to it
Philip,
I am at a loss for the proper words to convey to you how much you have helped me in my journey. With a little bit of research on EA, I concluded earlier this year that you were one of the quiet ones who is out there helping people by being yourself. Few can lay claim to a thread with multiple hundreds of postings, and only very few can lay claim to a thread with over 61,000 viewings. And you did it without a lot of splash and fanfare. There were many things you wrote about, and just one example was the recent short tabulation of your observations about eunuchs. As I was reading them, I said to myself "this guy's right on target".
I am about a 1.5 years behind you in a vaguely parallel journey. You have helped make my journey a lot easier and clear for me. Again, I don't know what more I can say other than thank you.
I second Jesus' closing comments. Whatever your choice about future participation here, please do keep us informed of your journey, even if ever so infrequently. I wish you all the best that life has to offer.
Lilac
.