New guy unsure what's okay to discuss

[Mr. Frog (imported)]

I'm really wrestling with this, because I'm not sure exactly what brings people together here, and I don't want to inadvertently offend anyone by saying something that turns out to be inappropriate. I also would prefer not to end up looking foolish by saying too much, but that's a built-in risk of any discussion, I suppose.

This is basically it: I get the impression that most guys here are serious about being neutered, or are already, and I'm afraid I may end up looking disrespectful or dumb or both, if I start talking about castration as a titillating fantasy, instead of a serious reality for a lot of people. Maybe I'm worrying about nothing, but I prefer not to offend people if possible.

The other part of that concern is that I divulge something very personal, which is regarded as pretty strange by most people, and end up with an embarassed silence at the other end, or a polite "That's...interesting".This has happened to me once, when discussing this idea with a woman friend I've known for years, who is a pretty uninhibited person, but even she was kind of thrown by it. That response would be unlikely here, I imagine.

(Will this guy ever stop talking?) My last point is that I come from a very critical family, in which I learned the hard way that to talk about things that were important to me often led to scorn and ridicule, or downright disapproval, from my parents. The other part of that is that we never talked about anything, but always pretended that everything was fine. I realize as I get older that a lot of the problems I've had over the years are definitely attributable to growing up in an alcoholic family. I have been sober for over twenty years, but I still have baggage from the Adult Children of Alcoholics thing.

All right, enough for now. Thanks for your patience.

[Slammr (imported)]

Although I think there are some that would prefer this to be a "serious" place to discuss eunuch issues pertaining to those that have been castrated and to those that wish to be castrated, I don't think it was initially set up to be that. I think it should also be a place for those that have no intention to be castrated, but enjoy fantasizing about it, to discuss those fantasies. The stories posted here, after all, are all fantasies.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

It's more than likely that most of the people posting here are enveloped in a fantasy of one sort or other. There are also a lot of people here that are very serious and others that are quite experienced with castration and related subjects. We all seem to get along much beter than the posters on most discussion boards seem to get along with each other. I don't believe that your interest in fantasy is at all out of place here. The only objections any of our slightly odd staff have shown to fantasy is if it is presented as fact or involves something way, way out of bounds (not easily done around here). And warnings are often given before action is taken. All in all I think you're in good company here. --FLO--

[kristoff]

Exactly this forum is where fantasies are most appropriately posted and discussed and enjoyed, along with the story boards. Probably at least 95% (wild guess) of folks are here only to indulge or explore a fantasy or a curiosity. That is why so much of these forums are serious - we have an obligation to make certain that folks who rely on what we discuss are not lead into doing stupid things. As such fantasy ought to be clearly labeled as such. This site need not and ought not to be totally serious - if one cannot have fun or laugh at themselves, what the Fuck is the point of even living?

You are doing just fine. Post away. Anyone who doesn't like what you say can sure say so, but no one will flame here - or the flaming nun will wield the fire extinguisher with dead aim.

Welcome to our little zoo.

[I Worship Women (imported)]

This is basically it: I get the impression that most guys here are serious about being neutered, or are already, and I'm afraid I may end up looking disrespectful or dumb or both, if I start talking about castration as a titillating fantasy, instead of a serious reality for a lot of people. Maybe I'm worrying about nothing, but I prefer not to offend people if possible.

The other part of that concern is that I divulge something very personal, which is regarded as pretty strange by most people, and end up with an embarassed silence at the other end, or a polite "That's...interesting".

First, welcome to the forum Mr. Frog. About your concerns that you expressed here I would say that The Eunuch Archive Message Board is one place you can freely and openly discuss and share your castration fantasies, feelings, experiences, etc. with people who will NOT judge you. What you will find here is a caring community of people, each of whom in some way and on some level, have an interest in castration. Instead of being judgmental, the people here will understand you and accept you as you are. Again, welcome to the forum.

[Mr. Frog (imported)]

Thanks to everyone who responded to my original thread. I was intrigued to see Slammr here, because I discovered his website recently and was startled by the number of erotic images of castration there. I had somewhat the same experience on reading some of the stories posted here as short fiction. In fact, that's how I discovered this site in the first place. I stumbled on a story by a person known as PR and was amazed to find out how much it resembled my own fantasies. That was a real eye-opener.

I found at an early age that I was excited by ideas/stories about punishment.As a very young child, about five maybe, I began fantasizing about spankings while self pleasuring. Even as a kid, I found that odd, because I certainly did not want to be spanked in real life. When I was somewhat older, I read a kids' historical novel, based on fact, I think, that at one point described the hero being ordered to receive five hundred lashes. This was during the Revolutionary War, and he was a colonist who had hit a British soldier or something like that. There was a vivid description, complete with illustration, of the guy being stripped to the waist and tied to a tree and flogged five hundred times. Unaccountably, I found this exciting, and would masturbate to memories of that story.

I don't remember at what age or under what conditions I found out about castration, but the idea horrified me, and was often the subject of nervous jokes among high school boys. It was associated with lynch mobs and revenge killings and ancient world tortures, in most of the historical or fictional references to it.

When I was sixteen, my family spent a year living in England. I was a voracious reader, and would always hang around the W.H. Smith and Sons' bookstore in my neighborhood. They always had tons of different subjects, ranging from serious literature to absolute cheese. On one of my many visits there, I happned upon a whole row of paperback books, that had black covers illustrated by ghoulish photos. They were all part of a lengthy series of horror anthologies known as the Pan Horror Collection, or some such title. I was curious enough to look at several of them and thumb through a few stories to see if it might be worth buying any of them. The stories were all new fiction by unknown authors, apparently written for this series. The stories I sampled were unlike anything I had ever read. There were no Gothic castles, aristocratic vampires, ghosts, family curses, etc, but modern stories that all seemed to involve people undergoing various tortures before dying very unpleasantly. This was genuinely unsettling stuff. I didn't quite know what to make of it. There was a really nasty quality about these stories that got to you.

The books all had back cover blurbs that described some of the morbid thrills to be found therein.One caught my eye, under the heading " Inhuman Humans". Along with the other queasy sounding descriptions was a reference to "the mother and sister who emasculate a rapist". I read this thing right there in the bookstore.It described vividly how a convicted rapist escaped from prison,and took shelter in a remote cottage, that turned out to be the former home of one of his victims, who he had murdered, as well as raped. The last scene had the rapist trapped and subdued by the mother and sister, who bound him to the kitchen table and proceeded to do something left unspecified ,but pretty gruesome nonetheless, with a long butcher knife. The last line of the story was the mother telling the hapless fugitive that he wouldn't rape any more girls as long as he lived.

You couldn't help but feel somewhat sorry for the guy, though the buildup had established that he was a pretty evil character, and it was poetic justice. But what I had not anticipated was that by the time I finished reading this appalling story, I had a raging erection. How any male, especially a horny sixteen year old boy, could find a story like that arousing was something I didn't analyze too much in the following days, but masturbated to the dreadful images I had memorized.

I could say a lot more, and probably will after a while, but I'll stop for now with my recent discovery that a whole subterranean form of castration erotica does exist outside my own imagination. I was amazed to discover that there are obviously other men for whom this idea is what might be called a frightening turn-on. I had wondered about this, but it's not exactly the kind of subject a man is likely to discuss casually with his buddies ( or women either, for that matter).

It's not something that logic and reason can define. The only thing I can think of is that, for some men, a castration fantasy might be exciting in the same way that many women find rape fantasies exciting. In neither case would the person want to undergo such an experience in reality, and yet there's something arousing about these ideas in a fantasy context.

[Bagoas (imported)]

Mr. Frog, you have come to the right place. You are unlikely ever to find a less judgemental group of people. No one is going to ask you to justify what excites you. It is nobody else's business. Feel free to speak (write) openly . If anyone feels that you have stepped over the line (wherever that is), it will be brought to your attention, but nobody will scream at you about it or insult or ridicule you. Relax and enjoy the easy-going atmosphere here. Again, WELCOME to the Eunuch Archive.

[kaimanawa (imported)]

lots of us have fantacies here - im sure not much will shock anybody here- so go for it and enjoy

[Paolo]

Welcome to the zoo.

There's a search function for the Boards,

http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/search.php

so chances are, whatever you can come up with might already be in a thread.

Enjoy your stay.

[Mr. Frog (imported)]

Thanks again to everyone who has written encouraging responses. I took Paolo's advice and searched a thread and he was right: I found a number of posts by different men that were similar to my own experience and/or fantasies. Guess this is the right place , then.

At risk of sounding dramatic, I'll just observe that my mother's attitude toward my masturbation as a small child was undoubtedly a formative factor in my sexual attitudes later. I remember her more than once appearing in the doorway to my room, looking angry and declaring that she knew what I was up to. There was never any actual punishment, or even threat of it, that I recall, but her whole response to a normal childhood practice was quite threatening. As an adolescent, there was one time when I was about sixteen or seventeen ,that she barged into my room and found me in the act ,and acted essentially the same way she had when I was a little kid. That was even more uncomfortable, for a horny teenage boy, to have one's mother interrupt you whacking off and giving one the evil eye. Sheesh!

There seems to be no end to these movie memories but here goes with another one. ( I used to get disapproving looks and groans and complaints from both parents, but especially her, for allegedly talking too much about old movies. I'm now 53 and she's still doing it. What strikes me odd about that is that both my parents were lovers of classic films, and would get very involved in watching them, but then complained about me being too enthusiastic for the same movies. This is probably an example of the kind of inconsistency and confusion one finds in most alcoholic families.)

Anyway, there was a porno theatre on Lake Street in Minneapolis that I attended often, as a horny and involuntarily celibate young adult male. I walked in one time about halfway through the first feature. The movie was made about 1979, entitled Her Name Was Lisa, with Samantha Fox as the unhappy protagonist. In this scene, she was wearing a dominatrix outfit and holding a whip. She ordered a man to strip, lie down and then she handcufffed and chained him to the bed. Having put a black hood over his head, she proceeded to tease him by making him repeat after her all the things he wanted to do to her that she wouldn't allow him to. Then she proceeded to fellate him and fondle him. Periodically, she would stop to smoke a cigarette or get a drink, and he would be straining in his bonds, trying to masturbate, but unable to reach his penis. Then she would tauntingly resume her fellatio or other act, including getting on top of him for vaginal intercourse. She finally allowed him to come, after denying him for a long time,and he just ejaculated a huge amount of semen.

To this day, I consider that one of the most arousing sequences I've ever witnessed in any porno film, though in an obnoxious way. The complete film is no longer available. Both the DVD and the VHS tape have inexplicably been re-released with that scene cut to half its original length. They cut out the entire blowjob part, which was the single most exciting moment of it.

I was driving around with the previously mentioned woman friend, who is one of the most sensual and bawdy people I've ever met, and I described seeing this movie, and how I felt that sequence was incredibly arousing, in a strange, hostile way. She laughed and said that of course I would feel that way, since that was basically how I saw women, as powerful, taunting deniers of male desire, torturing men with their allure and refusing sexual release.

I tried to explain this on another website, to the bafflement of many. I stressed that for a castration fantasy to be exciting for me, it had to involve one or more beautiful women, who were threatening the male captive with emasculation, and it wasn't clear whether they would go through with it or not. The atmosphere is both threatening, but provocative and highly sexual. For the woman/women involved, picture someone like Jessica Alba, Eliza Dushku, Linda Fiorentino, Jennifer Lopez, maybe Maggie Gyllenhall, Lauren Graham, Sarah Michelle Gellar, maybe Marcia Gay Harden , also Scarlett Johansson. You get the idea.Actually, there is a scene in El Mariachi that's sort of like that. Antonio Banderas is a hired assassin posing as a travelling musician. H ends up in a small hotel, where he's taking a bath and a beautiful Latin woman jumps him in the bathroom, waving a menacing looking dagger, which she sticks into the water and threatens to cut his balls off if he doesn't tell her what she wants to know. At the end of the scene, it turns out that the knife was a harmless letter opener with a blunt edge, and she was just trying to scare him.

Okay, that' s enough for now. Thanks to all here.

[stewie69 (imported)]

I think you've come to the right place. I've been here for a while, and have learned that interests in this area range from fantasy (like me), to quite serious. I enjoy reading all sorts of posts, and hope others enjoy mine as well. I like the feedback I get, too, whether it be on the boards or in a private message. The only downside so far, is that I've gotten little feedback from women. I did receive one message from a young lady (well, that was what the profile said, anyway) who indulged me by describing how she'd like to tease me and then cut off my penis. I hope you get the responses you're looking for. (Oh, and ladies, I'm still eager to hear how you'd like to remove my cock )

[Kangan (imported)]

You are definitely in the right place. Feel free to tell us about your experiences and fantasies. I may be serious about castration, but I do have a touch of fantasy to go with it.

As I see it, the problems begin when the fantasy collides with reality. For example, someone who desires cutting their penis off, actually does it and ends up nearly dying from blood loss. It is important to know the limits of your fantasy.

Here's some of my experiences:

My mother walked in on me while I was masturbating under the bed covers when I was about 12. She didn't say much other than to indicate that she knew what I was doing. I was more careful about not making any noise after that.

At 16 I had my first genital exam which involved laying stark naked on the examination table while the doctor handled my testicles. It took all of my will power not to have an erection. On the trip home, my mother asked me if I had had to undress. I managed a nod, yes. Then she asked me if it had been a male or female doctor who examined me. When I said it had been a male doctor, she replied, "Oh good, I was afraid that you would be embarrassed if it had been a woman, because I always get a man doctor for my exams."

A high school friend of mine told me that his father had causght him masturbating one night. My friend tried to cover himself, but his father pulled the covers down so he could see his son's erection.

My mother tried to walk in on me while I was changing clothes after school and wanted me to show her my pubic hair. I knew that I would get an instant erection if I did, and so I refused. She never asked me again.

Many years later while I was in college, my landlady walked in on me while I was laying nude on my bed masturbating. (She always knocked on the door after that.)

I have a fantasy about being seen nude by strangers as a result, but I don't go around flashing in public. For me the fantasy only becomes reality when I am caught nude accidentally or under circumstances beyond my control such as in a doctor's office.

[Mr. Frog (imported)]

There's actually a progressive narrative in my assorted anecdotes, though they might appear to be random. It's difficult to put all these feelings and experiences into a coherent presentation, because we're dealing with primitive and illogical drives and emotions. I've been trying to organize my conflicting feelings into some kind of understandable storyline, if you will, that makes sense.

That being said, it occurs to me that I probably hadn't been clear about my reason for talking about the bondage scene from the porno movie Her Name Was Lisa. Though she doesn't threaten him, except symbolically, with the whip, he's in a really vulnerable position, and the scene could easily have gone on to depict her threatening him with castration. I think this scene ,which obviously made quite an impression, formed the basis of my castration fantasies as being both alarming, yet exciting.The exact reason why is another matter.

I'd like to quote from a book by Brenda Love, titled Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, published in 1992. Under the heading 'Discipline', she describes a BDSM scenario with one person as the authority figure and the other person the one to be punished for some imaginary transgression. The agreed upon punishment "...is a game designed to create anxiety or fear and transfer it into sexual arousal and passion." That could reasonably be more or less a description of the bondage scene from Her Name Was Lisa.

I'd also like to point out that castration scenes in themselves are not necessarily erotic. Two examples are from The Valachi Papers, in which a gangster who has been having an affair with the boss's wife is cornered in a restaurant and castrated out of sight in the kitchen, mercifully sparing the viewer the details. This scene is played for sheer terror, as the hoodlum realizes what they're going to do, and begs to be shot instead. The other scene is in Fight Club, in which a politician is trapped in a mens room by a group of young men who bind and gag him, pull his pants down and brandish a large knife at his unseen genitals, and tell him they'll castrate him if he doesn't agree to vote a certain way. Naturally, he agrees. This scene also was played for fright and suspense.

I do not find anything even remotely erotic about either of those scenes. One, they're both played realistically, against recognizable settings, and two, they both involve male characters terrorizing other male characters. They are closer in spirit to the male rape scene in Deliverance than the femdom fantasies I've been discussing.

I'd like to know what anyone else thinks about these ideas. Maybe other people have examples of their own?

[Slammr (imported)]

Although I was never caught by my mother or another adult masturbating, my mother mentioned once that touching myself "down there" would make me nervous. At the time, I was headed into the bathroom to masturbate and probably had an erection. I was spending a lot of time in the bathroom those days, and she certainly suspected I was masturbating.

One time, spending the night at an aunt's house with my family, I was sleeping on the floor, in the dining room I think. I awoke the next morning to people going in and out of the room. I was twelve at the time, sleeping in my white briefs. I was uncovered, and my erect penis was sticking out the side of my briefs. By then, I guess everyone in the house had seen it.

When I first started masturbating, I had a younger friend that hadn't yet gone through puberty, but probably knew more about sex than I did. I enjoyed letting him watch me masturbate.

Once on a school outing, some of the boys went skinny dipping. One of them was one of those dork type kids that no one likes. The others took his clothes and wouldn't give them back to him until he masturbated. When one of those boys told me about it -- although I was reasonably popular and wouldn't have been put in that position -- I wished it were me that had been forced to masturbate while the others watched.

I started masturbating at a late age, fourteen, even though I went through puberty at eleven. I had even had at least one wet dream before I learned how to masturbate. Once I learned how to do it, though, I loved it. I fucking loved it. It's about all I thought about during my fourteenth year. I was in love with my cock and what it could do.

Although I would sometimes tuck my penis and testicles between my legs and look at myself in the mirror, picturing myself without any, I never really had any castration fantasies as a kid. I don't ever remember even considering the possibility of cutting them off. All my castration fantasies started at an advanced age, initiated by sitting long hours at the computer with my balls uncomfortably scrunched up between my legs. One day, I thought, "Why do I even need balls?" I wasn't having sex with anyone and wasn't masturbating often. So, searching the Internet, trying to learn about castration, I stumbled across EA.

For a while, I was seriously considering making a trip to Philly to see Spector -- this was 2002 -- but, although I would still rather not have balls, just because they're always in the way and are uncomfortable, I decided that it wasn't for me. If anything, I would like to have more libido, not less. Age is slowly castrating me, and I don't like it.

I did find, though, that I enjoyed the castration stories and fantasies posted on the Archive, so much that I decided to write some myself. Actually, my first work of fiction was a story posted to the Archive. Now, I no longer have to read stories posted by others. The worlds I create for myself are much more real -- while I'm writing them, I live them -- and the pictures I make are fun, too. I share them on my website, but -- mostly -- they're for me. In many of them, I'm reliving my fourteenth year, the first year I started masturbating, the year I became a sexual being.

If I write a story about a kid, I'm always the kid. I'm living the story from his perspective, trying to imagine what it would be like to be him and to be castrated -- to lose what was the most important thing to me at that age, my sexuality. Now, even though I had no castration fantasies at that age, it turns me on.

[Mr. Frog (imported)]

I want to thank Slammr and anyone else ,who has been brave enough and generous enough to respond to my posts with descriptions of memories and experiences of their own. It doesn't get much more personal than this, and I appreciate anyone willing to discuss these ideas.

I mentioned previously that castration was sometimes a source of nervous jokes among high school boys when I was growing up. The Lorena Bobbitt case must have been about thirteen years ago, I think. The headlines about a wife who cut off her husband's penis while he was unconscious, and then threw it into a vacant lot, unleashed a tidal wave of jokes nationally.Everything from cartoons, to gags by standup comedians, to a radio station somewhere that held a "Lorena Bobbitt Weiner Tossing Contest", in which participants competed to see who could throw a hot dog the farthest through a target that had been set up. There was a sketch on Saturday Night Live that had Stewart Smalley, the sensitive guy, counselling John and Lorena Bobbitt on improving their marriage. One of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life was also on SNL, with guest host Martin Lawrence doing a bit in the opening monologue ,in which he claimed that it was a black man who had discovered the detached member, and proceeded to act out the alleged story, with himself as the puzzled finder of the object in question. He mimed a whole routine of the black guy seeing, and being baffled as to what this mysterious object was, until he dropped it, shrieking, " Oh my God, it's some white man's pillypacker!" The studio audience was in hysterics, until his routine got so raunchy, he was abruptly silenced, with a ' due to circumstances beyond our control' sign appearing on most tv screens across the country.

It has been said that almost all jokes are based on something that scares us; hence, jokes dealing with death. A variation deals with subjects like sudden public flatulence or other embarassments. It's not surprising then, that sexual anxieties would occur often in jokes, ranging from nervous virgins, to men trying to hide public erections, to men ending up neutered in some accidental fashion. At work on one occasion, when Viagra had recently been made available, I overheard a group of women discussing it and laughing. One woman apparently hadn't heard of the little blue pill, and she asked in a very naughty voice, " Well, does it stay up all day?", to squeals of laughter from the others. One can certainly add male performance anxiety to the list of subjects related to castration.

Thanks again to everyone willing to talk about these issues. I welcome responses from anyone with something to add here.