a dyslexic man walks into a bra

[twaddler (imported)]

Scabs and itching aside, you are still my hero for doing what you did!

Any more notable reactions from family or friends?

Nope. My one friend still wants me to show off my work to her. lol..

Also the emptiness on the left side of my scrotum feels kind of cool. I can't wait to I'm finished healing. *squeeee*

[numnuts (imported)]

Nope. My one friend still wants me to show off my work to her. lol.

So do I !!

But even if we don't get to see, I hope you've been keeping photographic documentation at least for yourself.

(Ha! I almost was gonna write 'and for your kids'. LoL. Uhhhh, scrap that, huh? )

[twaddler (imported)]

But even if we don't get to see, I hope you've been keeping photographic documentation at least for yourself.

Hmmm.. No, I havn't taken any photos yet. I want to wait until it heals completely (it's almost there, on the outside at least. I had thought it was going to leave this nasty scar but it seems like it's going to look not bad at all).

[twaddler (imported)]

My testosterone levels == 35. Supposedly the normal male range is 200-800 according to my doc and normal female range is 17-75.

So, anyway, this is good news for me.

And my scrotum is healing so well. I though there'd be a nasty scar but it seems to be disappearing quite well. Those pesky cord knots are almost gone too and not sore anymore. Still lots of itching.. not too bad though.

[joydivision_27 (imported)]

Congrats on your improved T range!!

Have you noticed any personality effects?

What about scrotum size? Has the sac shrunk?

How is your doc reacting to your situation?

Sorry to keep on about reactions of others .... I'm just very curious.

Hope the question's not intrusive.

[twaddler (imported)]

Congrats on your improved T range!!

Have you noticed any personality effects?

I'm not sure... I'm definitely become more emotional and tear up easier. I definitely love how I feel compared to before when I spent most of last year weighed down by testosterone (couldn't afford anti-androgens). I really, really love how I feel. So much happier in general. Which is really helpful for such a chronically depressed person like myself.

What about scrotum size? Has the sac shrunk?

I think so, but I'm not really sure. It's almost empty, that's for sure, but I'm not sure about shrinkage yet, I havn't really examined it much.

How is your doc reacting to your situation?

So far quite well. Though she's worried about how possibly (probably, I think) higher estrogen levels will affect me -- particularly in relation to cancer, since it runs really heavily on my mom's side of the family and I've already lost a couple years to Hodgkins many years back.

I'm really not too worried about that. Cancer doesn't scare me at all anymore.

Hope the question's not intrusive.

No problem, I don't mind talking about it at all; I'm not bashful (anymore -- oddly since I did my self-castration I just feel generally I can be more open about everything with everyone.. strange).

[joydivision_27 (imported)]

Wow --

I'm really intrigued by your emotional changes.

Sounds like your decision was not only brave, but intuitive.

Just because we are born with male equipment and chemistry, it doesn't mean that individuals don't have different needs.

I'm curious about your T levels.

Are you converned about bone density at all?

Have you considered HRT with E?

As always .... you are my hero!!

joey

[twaddler (imported)]

Wow --

I'm really intrigued by your emotional changes.

like your decision was not only brave, but intuitive.

I suppose one emotional change I love is how I just in general feel much better; much more comfortable with my body and with my life. This all still seems very odd to me... what a strange, screwy life I've lived. Seems even stranger to me that I love it, now more than ever. lol..

Are you conc

erned about bone density at all?

Definitely. I'm just still trying to figure out what I'm going to do. My main goal is to avoid testosterone. heheh... other than that I'm certainly going to try to do what's best for my health.

I'll be going in to have all my tests done for my oncologist soon (finally, after three years of ignoring doctor's orders)

and I know they had wanted me to get a bone density scan done before so that, along with all the other wonderfully annoying tests, is probably something I'll be doing soon.

Have you considered HRT with E?

I did that for all of January, using 1mg of Estrofem/day (sometimes more... at times. Okay, sometimes a lot more.. heheh..). I ran out of pills and I really don't think I'll be buying any more. I experienced rapid breast growth, swollen up to like twice my normal size. Though now that I've been off those pills for about two weeks breastiziz have shrunken down back to their normal abnormal size.

I'm guessing of the estrogen supplementation is why I didn't start experiencing much of all the hot flashes and night sweats until recently. (Night sweats -- my god, how annoying!)

I really don't want to take any damned testosterone, but osteoporosis looks none to appealing. I love how the estrogen feels, but that's not really a realistic option, even at only 1mg/day (I've had to hide my chest since I was 15 or so, I'd really like to not have to do that anymore someday. I see a couple mastectomies in my future). I suppose I must check with my endocrinologist about getting a lower dose than what I tried myself.

[kristoff]

I'll be going in to have all my tests done for my oncologist soon (finally, after three years of ignoring doctor's orders)

Endocinologist or oncologist? Cancer issues? Sup? Presume a mis-brain fart?

[twaddler (imported)]

Endocinologist or oncologist? Cancer issues? Sup? Presume a mis-brain fart?

Oh, I went through treatment for Hodgkins lymphoma in 2001 and 2002. I've been cancer-free since completing a stem-cell transplant in November 2002. Though I've really not been keeping up with my doctors orders since February 2004 (thanks to intense fear of hospitals and doctors, lots of frickin' PTSD issues). I've finally gotten past that (my hospital visit for my castration actually helped) and am now finally going to keep up on that kind of thing.

I'm really not looking forward to the battery of tests (CTs, PFTs, what-the-hell-ever else), but it'll be nice to get them out of the way.

[Paolo]

Keep on that and take care of yourself. Ignoring things like that won't make them go away. Glad to hear that things seem to be lining out for you.

[twaddler (imported)]

I notice my underarms now drip sweat for no reason. This a new. The night sweats seemed to have settled down but now I get drenched when I'm completely inactive (my normal state of being -- lazy bastard that I am). I really don't think I should be sweating from my underarms heavily while reading a book... lol... not cool at all.

And I somehow equate my recently acquired unquenchable thirst for chocolate somehow to lack of testosterone.

Hmmm... I have nothing else to bitch about.

Kill whitey.

[JesusA]

Reduced testosterone ought to result in an enhanced sense of smell and taste. Chocolate OUGHT to taste better now. As should other foods. Flowers should become more important as the power of their odor is enhanced. Enjoy!

The underarms sweating is a new one for me. Maybe someone else can help you on it. In the meantime, I'll do what I can to find information for you.

[kristoff]

I, too, crave chocolate. Is this a bad thing? It is an essential food group, after all.

Excessive and seemingly spontaneous perspiration (glistening - sorry, honey, we DON'T sweat), even while sedentary, is quite "normal" for someone who is adjusting to new hormone levels. Been there, done that, so have quite a few others I've spoken with - just kind of gets lumped in with "hot flashes."

[twaddler (imported)]

Reduced testosterone ought to result in an enhanced sense of smell and taste. Chocolate OUGHT to taste better now. As should other foods. Flowers should become more important as the power of their odor is enhanced. Enjoy!

Hmmm.. I hadn't heard of that. Now I just need to try to subtley convince someone to send me flowers... lol... Woot...

[numnuts (imported)]

... lol... Woot...

Does Woot mean 'Fart'?

[JesusA]

Does Woot mean 'Fart'?

No. "Woot" is an ejaculation of air from the other end of the digestive tract. Uusally done with great joy.

[twaddler (imported)]

Does Woot mean 'Fart'?

No, it's an exclamation like 'Booyah' or 'Hell yeah' or 'Kill Whitey'.

[A-1 (imported)]

O.K.,

...what in the hell is a "Funnel Inversion"?

...is it like an upside-down tornado or whaaaat?

[twaddler (imported)]

Well, my penile functionality is officially greatly diminished. A couple weeks ago it was fine, but now even achieving a full erection is difficult (impossible?) and maintaining one is of course just not happening anymore.

And these damn SSRIs make it damn near impossible for me to orgasm anyway. Argh!

Would just a tiny bit of testosterone restore sexual functionality? I really don't want to do that since I love how I feel right now and am incredibly happy as I am, but since I'm actually actively seeking out a relationship with a male for the first time right now I think maybe most guys wouldn't be too pleased with my lack of penile functionality.

I don't know yet. I'd rather avoid testosterone altogether. Damnit!

[numnuts (imported)]

Well, my penile functionality is officially greatly diminished. A couple weeks ago it was fine, but now even achieving a full erection is difficult (impossible?) and maintaining one is of course just not happening anymore.

And these damn SSRIs make it damn near impossible for me to orgasm anyway. Argh!

Would just a tiny bit of testosterone restore sexual functionality? I really don't want to do that since I love how I feel right now and am incredibly happy as I am, but since I'm actually actively seeking out a relationship with a male for the first time right now I think maybe most guys wouldn't be too pleased with my lack of penile functionality.

I don't know yet. I'd rather avoid testosterone altogether. Damnit!

Yay! Good to hear about your lack of penil function! Good for you.

Personally, I think you should stay away from testosterone for a good while. After all, that was the whole point of your procdure. I think it would be counterintuitive to replace what you just went through hell to get rid of. It makes no sense, at least not for some good amount of time inbetween.

Also, Kudos on seeking a companion, I wish you the best with him. But know that there's no reason why you can't satisfy him sexually if your relationship gets to that place. And know that there are many ways you can satisfy him too. He can penetrate you in at least two ways, that's just for starters.

Since you ARE a eunuch now, I think you should explore it! Play the role of ancient eunuchs and satisfy your partner sexually, without thinking of your sexual release or outlet. It will put you on a higher plain psychologically in thinking only of your partners pleasure. Some say it can be extremely fullfilling, even spiritual, to think only of your partners pleasure and not your own. And within that, you CAN find fullfillment yourself. Though, it certainly won't be in the way of a physical orgasm.

I say stay away from testosterone, and focus on your partners pleasure. Let him use you in the ways he needs to experience and obtain his pleasure. Be open to HIS needs, not yours. Try it for a while and see how it feels. You may get more out of it than you think it sounds. It can't hurt to try (unless he doesn't lube you up first, LoL) and your certainly in the perfect position physically to experience this now.

Try it out. And forget about your penis function and orgasm for now. It's never going to return to what it used to be anyway, so get used to the idea. Focus on your partners pleasure from now on, and work on gaining a good, loving, honest relationship with someone. Good Luck!

[twaddler (imported)]

Let him use you in the ways he needs to experience and obtain his pleasure. Be open to HIS needs, not yours. Try it for a while and see how it feels.

That's exactly how I was planning on working things, I'm just a bit afraid of rejection based on lack of sexual functionality.

Bah, oh well. I'll as I am for right now I suppose. Thanks!

[jemagirl (imported)]

I'm just a bit afraid of rejection based on lack of sexual functionality.

That's always a possibility when you are perusing a relation ship with some one who is not aware of your status. Just remember there are folks who would find you lack of sexual function very exciting. Life is like 31 Flavors... no matter what the flavor there is some one who thinks it's delicious

Jema

[twaddler (imported)]

NWS -- Warning: may scare little children and small farm animals.

http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/6486 ... optqm4.jpg

[twaddler (imported)]

I freaked out two guys tonight with my nutlessness.

Fuck this. I think I'm just going to buy me a battery-operated buddy and a large, soft stuffed creature to cuddle with.