Never wanted to grow up

[TPinot (imported)]

Hello all,

I've just registered here and I thought I would write a bit about why I want to be castrated.

When I was a child I didn't want to become an adult. The idea of being a large, hairy, smelly man just didn't appeal; I wanted to keep my high voice and smooth, hairless body. I recall putting elastic bands around my testicles on many occasions in the hope that I'd damage them and I'd never go through puberty.

Of course, I did go through puberty. I found it quite difficult. I didn't like how my body developed and I didn't like the new thoughts I found myself having. My body became really rather hairy and my testicles grew very big indeed. I have never got used to my big testicles, they disgust me; I shudder when I touch them. I also don't like having body hair, it just seems completely removed from my self-image.

The worst thing I found, and still find, is the thoughts of sex. I have very intrusive thoughts about sex which I find distressing and unsavoury. I want to get on with my life in a calm, relaxed manner, untroubled by urges to masturbate or have sex. I feel dreadful before, during and after sex, it feels so alien to my psyche and yet I cannot get rid of the urges. I want my mind to be clean of these nasty thoughts and have the calm I felt as a little boy.

From my teenage years I have often thought about castration and how I would like to be a eunuch, it has always seemed like a good solution to my unwanted sexual urges. I'm now 33 and live a good life beyond being plagued by testosterone, so it seems like a good time to have that one problem fixed.

I am going to try chemical castration for a while, and if that is successful I'll seek to have my testicles cut off. Of course, I realise I can never really be a little boy again, but it would be nice to have some of that calm back.

Pinot.

[truly committed (imported)]

I like your message and i hope you get the calm back in your life

[TPinot (imported)]

Thanks, truly.

I've got anti-androgens in the post so I'll soon know if this is right for me.

Pinot.

[bryan (imported)]

Pinot,

I second Truly Committed's sentiments. Hope you achieve your desires, because your heart is certainly in the right place.

If I had known/realized as a teenager the role testosterone had on me in terms of sexual thoughts, and the problems it was going to cause me throughout life, I think I would have sought castration back then.

Terri

[sag111 (imported)]

I know how you feel about testosterone i hated it and feel soooooooo much better now that it is gone.As for growing up i am told i never did and i think everyone who has told me that is right

[TPinot (imported)]

Thanks Terri and sag111 for your supportive words.

Much as I look forward to positive results, I am sure you all understand that starting off on a road like this is a tad unsettling. I suppose my only real worry is depression, but I like to think I am a relatively resilient fellow so I hope this isn't a problem.

My body grew up against my will, but soon I'll have help to stop the effects of that!

Cheers,

Pinot.

[twaddler (imported)]

Ack.. I know what you mean. I really wish I was successful with my castration attempts/desires back at age 12 so I could have skipped puberty altogether.

[Paolo]

Just so you realize that castration will NOT undo adulthood or puberty. It's no cure for "Peter Pan Syndrome," as I call it.

We can all say that looking back, we'd have preferred to

have skipped puberty altogether,

but what's done cannot be undone.

Not to turn this into an "educated boy" thread on whether or not a young boy could rationally choose castration. We've hammered that one to death already several times.

[TPinot (imported)]

Hi Paolo,

Oh I am very much aware of that. But clearly a point worth making.

Educated boys? What we need are time machines so we can go back and explain it all when it mattered!

If anyone has a time machine, by the way, can you take me to just after tonight's Euromillions lottery draw? Just need to make a note of something then back....

Cheers,

Pinot.

[wolverine1 (imported)]

I love yer sense o' humor! seriously tho, life is a real bitch -experience can leave you with wisdom but not youth and in most peoples cases youth comes without wisdom! ain't that a kick in the head !?!

I understand the sentiments about doing things differently and the 'if only' view of life but I lived in that frame of mind for way too long and certainly wouldn't recommend it... so now i'm concentrating on looking forward, not back, cos I don't doubt there's gonna be plenty o' time for that when i'm old, wrinkled and lying in a hospital bed with not much else to do!

[truly committed (imported)]

For me youth left me with a lot of widom, understanding, empathy-unfortunately it also left me with a lot of pain and a perspecive 99 percent of people will never have.



I like the empathy,understanding, wisdom-the knowing, the fact that life can change in a day , a week , a month, a year-and you can end up loosing who you are and becoming someone else.Im glad i know, even though it would be much easier if i didnt, why should others go through what im going through and not me> why them and not me...?

phsically and mentally.

Oh *sighs* its getting better, its been over 6 years..its time for life to return again.

Though it will never be the same again, i am tainted and know things most people will never know or see.

[Francis (imported)]

Hi there:

Your thoughts ring a bit of a bell with me. My problem when I was young was really that I was more gay than straight, but was straight enough to fake it throughout my life to date. I believe that my interest in castration arises from the tensions that have been the consequence of that. The element of never wanting to grow up wasn't there but the discomfort and uncertainty of my efforts to conform with the norm definitely are an influencing factor in my interests in this area. In many respects the child still rules within me. I keep looking for comfort and reassurance in making decisions in my life. If I was more an adult I would probably have done it by now but fear and trepidation about the consequences and adjustments required in my life have restrained me but the interest remains.

The only thing I can add is "Be informed and be sure that you are ready for it". If not keep looking around for further advice and information from people who have been there and done that to help you you make the right decision for your needs and wants for your future life. Many such peoplehere will be more than willing to share their thoughts and advice with you as they have with me in the past .

I am probably preaching too much. Good luck in your search for a way forward.

[Kangan (imported)]

Hi there:

Your thoughts ring a bit of a bell with me. My problem when I was young was really that I was more gay than straight, but was straight enough to fake it throughout my life to date. I believe that my interest in castration arises from the tensions that have been the consequence of that. The element of never wanting to grow up wasn't there but the discomfort and uncertainty of my efforts to conform with the norm definitely are an influencing factor in my interests in this area. In many respects the child still rules within me. I keep looking for comfort and reassurance in making decisions in my life. If I was more an adult I would probably have done it by now but fear and trepidation about the consequences and adjustments required in my life have restrained me but the interest remains.

The only thing I can add is "Be informed and be sure that you are ready for it". If not keep looking around for further advice and information from people who have been there and done that to help you you make the right decision for your needs and wants for your future life. Many such peoplehere will be more than willing to share their thoughts and advice with you as they have with me in the past .

I am probably preaching too much. Good luck in your search for a way forward.

Those words could have been written by me. Thanks, Francis.

[invivo (imported)]

Yes, puberty, once its been there, there is no way back, luckily these days it becomes more accepted for transgender kids to get intervention