Eunuch transgender identity and name change

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Danya (imported)
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Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

Several weeks ago, I spoke with a transgender woman in one of the local gay bars. This amazing woman is about 74years old and has become an outspoken activisit.

She asked me if I'd chosen a fem name, although I'd explained that I didn't view myself as male to female. So, I responded no.

Within the last several days, I've started to feel that I do want another name. Not a fem name but a gender neutral one.

So, during a training session today, when I should have been paying attention and learning all kinds of exciting things on financial payables transactions, tax laws and invoice matching, a friend and I went searching for gender neutral names on babynames.com. My searching for a name on this site seems totally natural. In a very real way, I feel like I'm being reborn.

This until recently completely uninteresting but now totally fascinating site lists not only boys names and girls names, but unisex names, as well. Until my friend led me through its pages, I was considering the rather mundane but totally acceptable Lee. I like the sound of it. I'll admit that his first suggestions of Cactus and Massachusetts didn't appeal to me. I am finding it interesting to consider all the possibilities, though, and all of these names do have meaning for some people.

What I'm thinking of is legally changing my first name. It's not something I'm going to rush into but the possibility is definitely there. I've already gotten input from two other coworkers and my boss! :)
kristoff
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by kristoff »

Hark! I hear the strains of Saturday Night Live! Androgynous Pat! No?

Lee is a good name. Choose carefully, keeping in mind that you are the only one you need please. Take it from one who has carried more than one name - no matter which name you use, someone will not like it, or refuse to use it. I was born to one, grew up with another, but answered to yet a third, and I am back at the original. Same shit with last names. A damned walking identity crisis - oops, sounds familiar.

Good luck!
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

You are very funny, Kristoff :-) Someone at work mentioned this Androgynous Pat from SNL. I only have a very vague memory of him/her. I suppose I'm simply too young to remember. :-) Do you think?? I'll have to do a little research on the SNL web site.

My nickname is already my second incarnation. I seriously doubt that anyone in my family, with the notable exception of my niece, will use any name I choose. My sister-in-law recently gave some tentative indication that she'd be willing to try calling me by my chosen name, which is in fact what 98.4135 % of the people in my life call me. Not at all sure she'll ever get there.
Slammr (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Slammr (imported) »

My relatives -- other than my immediate family -- all called me by my boyhood nickname, one I haven't used since I was twelve, which was TOO many years ago. My 90+ uncle and some of my cousins still refer to me by that name. Good luck on getting such people to change.
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by JesusA »

Slammr (imported) wrote: Sat Jan 12, 2008 1:13 pm My relatives -- other than my immediate family -- all called me by my boyhood nickname, one I haven't used since I was twelve, which was TOO many years ago. My 90+ uncle and some of my cousins still refer to me by that name. Good luck on getting such people to change.

Do we have the same family??? I'm also of the Medicare generation and ALL of my surviving aunts and uncles (as well as a few cousins) still call me by a childhood nickname that I otherwise abandoned when I was still in elementary school.

Any name change will be accepted by some and ignored by others. It's for YOU and your own comfort and peace of mind. Don't worry about the rest.
devantier (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by devantier (imported) »

Try Danny Spell It Danny Or Dannie Male Or Female
fredericlei (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by fredericlei (imported) »

Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unisex_name) has a list of epicene names.

One name it lists is Evelyn. This reminds me of a scene in "Lost in Translation" wherein Kelly (who has signed into the hotel under the name Evelyn Waugh) is scorned by Charlotte who says "Evelyn Waugh is a man." Actually, the first wife—a woman, by the way—of Evelyn Waugh, the author, was also named Evelyn.
NaziNuts (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by NaziNuts (imported) »

"Eunice" is nice.

At least she has been nice to me.

May all TS's and TG's be so ... oh, oh, oh ... nice.

One thing I have learned, though, is that I would not recommend a legal name change to "NaziNuts" as I have got some reputation point dings for that name -- even though I am not actually a Nazi. A Nut, yes probably, but not, not, not a Nazi, just fascinated by those SOB's.

Anyhow, by any and all names, I luvs u all here.

Everyone, except those who have left silent negative feedback, have been so nice to this new Participating Member.

🙏🙏🙏

From NaziNuts, not one of the former, just the latter, and never a hater, or so I hope.

P.S. Send money and positive reputation comments if so inclined. I prefer the Euro. I can make change for anyone (M-F or F-M or M-E). I believe in sanity and vanity. One of those might show.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

Indeed, NaziNuts, Eunice makes a lot of sense.

I, too, feel love for the folks here. This is a place where I feel safe and accepted. A place that just a few short months ago felt, in many ways, foreign to me.

I'll admit it, sometimes I've been fascinated by the Nazis too. I suspect it has something to do with how the transcendent and unbelievable cruelty can exist in the same society, even the same individuals.

I'm really getting off topic here because music, especially, but also literature and the visuals arts are cores parts of who I am. Much of what I'm doning in the Archive is revealing exactly who I am.

Maybe I can somehow tie these things into a new name! Since I will view any new name as an important statement of who I am, the following discussion may not be so off-topic after all.

I'm not a historian, let alone a musical historian, so I may not get all this exactly right, but I'm trying :-) I'm also not taking the time to check the details. The Germans at the time of WWII were the most educated people on Earth. They had a long history of achieving the sublimest heights in the arts, expecially music and literature/poetry.

Over a century before the WWII, there was the other-worldly Beethoven, who initially dedicated his third symphony, the 'Eroica' (that's for 'heroic, I believe, not erotic!), to Napoleon but later withdrew that as he came to realize that man's true nature. Beethoven used part of Friedrich Schiller's 'Ode tp Joy' as the basis of the last movement of his monumental Ninth Symphony, which speaks directly to the brotherhood of all. Beethoven refused to bow to royalty, unlike his friend the poet Goethe, saying they were no better than he.

Before Beethoven there was JSBach, who many in a position to know consider the greatest composer of all time. He wrote not only sublime sacred music but secular music of unsurpassed originality and energy.

Brahms, toward the end of his life in the late 1800's was writing of his concern over the rising anti-Semitism he was observing in his homeland.

His contemporary (although the two were diametrically opposed in compositional style and philosophy), the music-dramatist and German nationalist Richard Wagner, was blatantly anti-semitic. A section of one of my favorite Wagner operas, "Die Meistersinger von Nurnberg", was practically used as a Nazi national anthem.

So, long before the time of WWII, we've got these very well-educated, cultured Germans becoming increasingly anti-semitic and intolerant of those not viewed as fitting the Aryan ideal. If even the best educated people up to that time can tolerate and, in some cases, participate in such unimaginable cruelties of the Holocaust, I sometimes wonder what hope is there for real, lasting justice in the world.

I have a very recent European heritage. My father was from Germany. At times I've felt absolutely appalled that I've got this German heritage. A Jewish friend has told me I shouldn't feel this way because I was in no way involved. The things is, though, I don't know that any one of us can truly say we would have behaved much differently if we had lived in Germany at that time.

There are some outstanding examples of individuals standing by their principles during the war even if it meant prison. Dietrich Bonhoeffer comes to mind. A Lutheran clergyman, theologian and member of the resistance movement, he was killed by the Nazis as the Allies were in the process of liberated the country.

Of course, there were individuals who stood up to their countrymen in less dramatic, but still effective, ways. There were certainly many individuals whose names we will never know who never abandoned their principles and humanity for the sake of their own safety.

When I've watched TV specials on the horrors of the holocaust, I had to turn away and I was shamed that some of my German ancestors may very well have been involved in these atrocities.

Sorry, I'm getting way too serious here and I can't continue.

All I want to say is that I, too, despite my genuine horror at the German Holocaust and similar crimes against humanity at other times and in other places, can at times still find myself fascinated and feel a strange attraction for certain parts of the Nazis.

I can acknowledge, although I'm not at all happy about it, that I truly have no way of knowing what I would have done had I lived in Germany during that horrendous time.

My next post on this thread will list some names I'm considering for this new being I'm becoming.
Losethem (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Losethem (imported) »

I don't think you need to do a thing. I used to know a woman named Todd.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

The thing is, Losethem, part of the reason I'm considering a name change is as a confirmation and affirmation of my new identity. If I stay with my nickname, which I do have some fondness for :-), it won't do what I really want.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

Uh, probably not, A-1. I've never been thrilled about the name Pat and besides, I don't want folks thinking of SNL Androgynous Pat every time they say my name. Not that I mind being thought androgynous at all, I am! I want them to be thinking androgynous me, er Lee, or whatever. :-)
XtheUndead (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by XtheUndead (imported) »

In one of the "Pat" skits, a co-worker tries to get a hint by asking Pat, "Any relationships?"

"I used to go out with Chris."

"Oh."

"But we've broken up."

"Uh, does Chris go out with someone else now?"

"Terry."
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

Thanks, X. I know I've seem some of those 'Pat' skits but haven't been able to remember any. You've jogged my memory with this one and I remember seeing it. Still gotta check out the SNL web site to see if they've got any clips of Pat.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

The more comments I get here and the more I look into the name change idea, the more excited I'm getting.

Lee, as a new name, wasn't anything I'd really given much thought to at all. Yes, I like the sound of it but I'm not yet feeling the necessary emotional connection.

devantier, I really like the Danny idea. If I were to choose that, I might indeed spell it Dannie.

fredericlei, I'd never heard the term epicene names before. Thank God the Wikipedia article in short order explained the meaning. It's a neat article but it's now 2:15 AM (why, oh why do I stay up this late!) so I'll probably wait to read it more fully.

Slammr, while I still had older relatives living, they also persisted in calling me by a childhood nickname. One that I'd never even chosen for myself and always loudly complained about! What's with these people, anyway? :-)

Jesus, I completely agree that any name change will be for my own comfort and peace of mind. What's most important is who I know I am, and that includes what I consider my true name to be.

I hope to be awake enough tomorrow (argh! later today!) to get up a list of possible names. Maybe I can take a poll and go with whichever gets the most votes! Don't even consider a write-in vote for Pat, though :-)
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

Really getting into this name change thing here. I didn't want to go to bed so I've come up with a partial list. Two of these created an immediate emotional click as soon as I saw them. Those are promising but all the names on the list are possibilities or I wouldn't have chosen them!

More on this later in the day. I really do need to get some sleep.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

Here's my edited list of possible first names. Some have info on origin and meaning. My favorites are Jan, Kirit and Vanya. For Jan, I'd use the German pronunciation 'Yan'. I especially like these three names because they are very uncommon in the US and they sound really nice. Kirit's also got a terrific meaning. Please note that Pat is not listed :-)!

I'm not in any rush to legally change my name. To see how I feel about that, though, I may soon start 'signing' my posts with a new name.

Sascha/Sacha/Sasha/Saša (Саша in Cyrillic alphabet), in most languages short for Alexander (masculine) or Alexandra/Alexandria (feminine). In Serbian and Croatian languages it can, in addition, also be a unisex full legal first name.

Jan (feminine in English, masculine in German and pronouced "yan")

Kirit Shining Like the Sun (Sanskrit/India)

Jesse (Biblical Hebrew (father of King David) (masculine), Jessie (feminine), or short for Jessica (feminine))

Kit (short for Christopher in males)

Lee (in the US, usually masculine with Leigh a more common spelling for feminine; in Australia, Leigh is a more common masculine spelling, and Lee is more common as a feminine spelling)

Max (usually short for Maximilian or Maxwell with males, and Maxine with females)

Danny/Dannie

Sam/Sammy/Sammie (shortened versions are unisex, ie. for Samuel (masculine), Samson (masculine) or Samantha (feminine); -ie generally feminine)

Vanja is a unisex full legal first name in Serbia and Croatia, and presumably also in Montenegro and Bosnia. It is pronounced roughly "vah nya" with the stress on the first syllable; here "nj" is a single letter of Croatian latin alphabet representing the voiced nasal palatal consonant /ɲ/, corresponding to the nje (њ) in the Serbian Cyrillic alphabet (where the name is spelled as Вања). Feminine example: Vanja Halilović, the TV talk-show host; masculine example: Vanja Radauš, the sculptor. In Russian, it is a nickname for the masculine name Ivan, while in Sweden it has become a feminine name due to the -a ending
NaziNuts (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by NaziNuts (imported) »

Vanya has some endearing variants.

"Oh, my little Vanyushka, did that cute Toddinka make a pass at you today?"

What's your given middle name, by the way?

Good luck with all this. I'm in the States this week and just caught somebody named Newt on ABC. He seemed like a Dick, but that wasn't his name. Is he neutered?

I admire your efforts and realize I might not be helping -- other than to help you eliminate some of the worst ideas. By whatever name or names, best of luck in being and feeling the real you.

From NN, not an N
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

Hi NN,

I'm glad to get feedback from anyone and I enjoy your comments. :-) The line "Oh, my little Vanyushka..." is great.

I'm not prepared to give out my legal name, including middle name, on EA, but it didn't hurt to ask!

Was this Newt guy by any chance Newt Gingrich? He's the only Newt I've ever heard of. He used to be a US Congressman and and one point held the top job in Congress: Speaker of the House. I might get onto dangerous political ground if I gave a response to your "Is he neutered?" question. :-) I think he's changed quite a bit politically since his days in Congress.

The whole thing with the possible name change is I really do feel like a new person. It's kind of like using my nickname draws me back to the old me.
kristoff
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by kristoff »

Since you seem to enjoy some of the eastern european languages (serb, croat, rus) I would add "Danya" to Dannie, as a diminutive of Daniil from the Rus for Daniel, of course. That is how we call a young friend who is from Russia, originally.
NaziNuts (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by NaziNuts (imported) »

Sorry I brought up the middle name. I think you can tell I wasn't prying, and I also should have realized that with the methodical and meticulous, yet ethereal, way you are approaching the name search that you already are considering the obvious sources for a future perfect name with possibly some sacred roots.

Kristoff, as is usually the case, has some wise points of view -- I admire his and all wisdom as my style is more off-the-wall. I should think more before yapping.

From Natzhuska
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

Hi Natzhuska (I like that name!),

There's no reason for you to apologize and I in no way thought you were prying when you asked about my middle name. We've been discussing new names here, after all, so being curious about my current middle name seemed natural.

Now that you've brought that up, though, I do realize that if I go ahead with a name change I'll likely want to change my middle name as well. Or perhaps just eliminate it.

I really like it when the roots of names are explained. I would indeed prefer to find something that has some kind of spiritual or sacred meaning, from any culture. It doesn't have to be Western at all. I also want to really like the sound of the name.

Kristoff, I really like Danya. Thanks for that input.

Natzhuska, I agree that Kristoff has a lot of wisdom. Actually, the more I get to know him the more appreciative I am of that.

I can appreciate an off-the-wall style, too. Just be yourself and all will be fine.
devi (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by devi (imported) »

Aside from the fact that my full name seems somewhat feminine although technically not, as I was trying to find a word to remember the number of my cell phone by it somehow came up with the name "Roxxie" for me. And I may just go ahead and use that name for myself.
Danya (imported)
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Re: Eunuch transgender identity and name change

Post by Danya (imported) »

My best friend is a lesbian. We have spent a lot of time together. We still do, even more so now. In fact, we now regularly tell the other 'I love you'. It's not THAT kind of love, though.

So, over dinner last night, my friend gives me her suggestion for a new name: Tracey. She really is quite adorable when she comes up with things like this. I gently told her that this name had bad associations for me. She was fine with that.

She then let me know that she'd told two friends from church (they're my friends, too, although we're not as close) about my being transgendered. I'd already told her she could tell friends so everything was fine to that point. These friends were actually quite interested.

The problem came in when I asked if our friends clearly understood that I wasn't male to female but male to 'not male'. She was a little taken aback by this and said 'no, they weren't'. She thought I was taking female hormones. We've discussed my situation a number of times and I had hoped she would remember what was what.

I wasn't upset with my friend over this. Just mostly concerned that people would start getting the wrong idea of who I am. I can straighten it all out with no more than I few phone calls, I hope! :-)

As I've grown to know and love her, I've found out directly from her that she's having some memory problems from Parkinson's. Fact is, I care about her so much I pretty much don't mind how inaccurate anything she says about me is. At least I know it won't be anything bad. Or how many times I re-explain things.

Sometimes her memory is really good and I'm glad for those times. She's still able to live alone and she's happy. Best part is, she really cares about me, as I do for her.

At any rate, things took another turn when she asked me if gay men were in pain when they did 'it'. :-) I've got to confess, I was holding back a chuckle and I asked her what she meant. I knew exactly what she meant and I quickly let her off the hook.

We then had a lively discussion on all aspects, or a lot of them anyway, of gay, lesbian, eunuch, bi, straight and what have you sex. Then we went into dildos and sex toys. All in the middle of 'The Olive Garden' restaurant.

-danya
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