I got very upset Sunday evening when my California brother called and seemed to be hung up on the 'strangeness' of everything I'm going through as a transgender female. We had a great initial phone call weeks before, in fact the best conversation we'd ever had.
Sunday, though, it seemed as if we would never progress beyond how strange all this seems. That, unfortunately, set off emotions from my childhood when I never fit in and it was plainly indicated to me that my feeling different from the other boys wasn't at all acceptable, etc., etc.
Enough about that. For those who are perversely interested in all of my emotional whining about this, you can check out my blog
After some conversations with some good friends from the Archive and feeling like I helped another this afternooon just by listening, I've returned to my senses. I'm operating on the assumption that things will work out with my family (now down to two brothers, a sister-in-law, a niece and a nephew) to the extent that each is willing to grow. I can't expect anything else. If there's little growth, so be it and our conversations are likely to become fewer than they've ever been. We've never spoken very frequently, once going nearly 2 years conversation-free! It's generally been the case that if I don't call or write (and I used to do that frequently), I won't hear from them.
It remains important to me that they learn to love the emerging truth of who I am. I am hopeful that this will happen. Nonetheless, if that doesn't I will be fine.
I'm sharing here an email I sent to my sister-in-law tonight (the names have been changed for everyone's privacy):
Dear Sally,
I've had two good conversations with Dave about all of this gender business and I suspect he's shared most of what I've said with you, which is of course fine. So I won't try to repeat what I've told him.
I'll be visiting him soon, leaving Thursday evening April 17 and returning Sunday April 20. This will probably be my last trip anywhere for about two years, possibly more because everything I'm doing adds up to a lot of money, probably at least $30,000 if not more.
I'd think some or all of you may be going through some emotions over all of this. Such things as anger, denial, sadness are common. Or for Dave just feeling this is all very strange. That's what I felt for a while myself.
I want to suggest a book that may help. I got it from Amazon.com for a friend who was concerned she'd lose my friendship and also that I was gaining some new friends that would replace her. I was really surprised that she (whom I refer to elsewhere as MLF #1) felt this way since we regularly tell each other 'I love you' and mean it. I really shouldn't have been surprised, though. She read the book, had lots of probing questions, and it has helped her. I expect the relationships I've got to get even better because I am much happier and I'm being myself at last. The core of who I am isn't changing at all, it's just being fully expressed. It's too bad the book was published in 1996 as some of the information is outdated.
At any rate, if you're interested, here's the book info:
"True Selves - Understanding Transsexualism for Families, Friends, Coworkers and Helping Professionals" by Mildred L. Brown & Chloe Ann Rounsley, published in 1996 so it doesn't contain all the latest thinking or terminology.
Many today, among them some professionals, don't like the term transsexual because this is much less about sex than it is about gender and they prefer to view this as one expression of transgender. Gender is who we feel we are in our souls, at our core and in our spirits and can be totally independent of our sex (that is physical plumbing).
Much Love,
Me
