Pursuing a dream

[falutennuts (imported)]

Hello all, I'm new to this board and have been reading like crazy. It's great. I appreciate everyones input that has been expressed for those who are like me.

I am just in the process of setting out on a journey of being castrated myself. My desire/method of choice is a little different than most in here. I want to watch them be destroyed right in front of me. Obviously the pain would be too great to witness everything so I plan to have them substantially numbed prior to starting the ordeal.

I have found a person who has agreed to carry out the procedure which we are shooting for this april 25th. I have never liked having them and want to watched them be destroyed as a symble of my distaste for them and how they change who I want to be. I have been contemplating this for 15years and feel that's long enough to finally say "ok, lets do it"

The method of destruction will be that of crushing. We haven't fully worked out all the details but know the what the final result is to be and how. I'm very excited and just wanted to let you know that soon there will be another set of balls getting what they deserve.

I'll try and post more as I know more and the results.

[bobbie (imported)]

I hope you have good medical insurance to cover your hospital stay and the trip to the emergency room. The method you are selecting sounds like a very dangerous way. Keep in mind that insurance does not always cover self inflected harm as this would be classified. Spending some time in a mental ward is also very possible and many in here have experienced with self castrations that have gone wrong. Please reconsider you plans and look at the possible fatal out come from internal bleeding

[falutennuts (imported)]

Yes thank you Bobbie. We intend to clamp the base so that basically the surgery will occur right after the play and there wont be back up into my body. She is a vet and has done many animals but this will be her first human and first crushing experiance but feel fairly confident that she should be able to take care of anything that arises.

However, there are risks, I know, but hopefully it goes ok as we live out a fantasy and all goes well.

Thanks for the concern

[plix (imported)]

Believe me, I am one of the first to advocate for as few restrictions as possible when one wants to be castrated. I believe that as a long as a person can prove himself sane and that he understands the consequences, there really is not much need to pry into the reasons for wanting the procedure or anything like that. There are too many reasons out there for anyone to be able to say which are valid and which are not.

But with that freedom I advocate for also comes responsibility. You are responsible for the choices you make, and you are responsible for dealing with the consequences of any choice you make. No one will be able to help you if you decide castration was not right for you and you want them back. You might be able to get hormones if you are lucky, but those are no guarantee of things going back to the way they were. There is nothing like the real thing.

I suppose a vet is better than a cutter, but there are still things that can go wrong. And even if you do have good insurance that will cover any problems, there is a good chance it will not cover anything if they find out you self-inflicted the injury or it was elective. Hospital bills aren't cheap these days, and bankruptcy is a lot harder to file now. I hope you will have the money to cover these bills yourself if they do arise.

It is almost certain that you are going to discover that the reality of castration is quite different from the fantasy. Furthermore, you seem to be more interested in the procedure than the state, which is even more cause for concern. All I can say is that I hope you are able to handle the realities of castration, and I wish you the best

[DeaconBlues (imported)]

...

. She is a vet and has done many animals but this will be her first human and first crushing experiance but feel fairly confident that she should be able....

Honestly, I agree with your decision and offer my sincere best wishes and encouragement. But I HAVE to say that you may very well be endangering your friend the vet. IF there is evidence that she has performed any sort of procedure on a human then she will almost certainly lose her vertrinary license and face criminal charges. DVM (Doctorate of Vetrinary Medicine) is probably the most difficuld to obtain degree out there, PLEASE do not endanger this person's livelyhood.

Do at least "work out the details" and have a very plausable and believable story to tell the emergency room people and quite probably the law enforcement interrogators.

Finally, I do sincerely wish you best of luck and success with your castration.

[falutennuts (imported)]

Thanks for the added input. Yes we have come up with a very solid emergency room story, that I hopefully wont have to use but it will be there just in case.

As far as being more interested in the event than the reality of living castrated that actually isn't true. I am extremely interested and excited about the event ceremoniously. I have strongly wanted to live the life of a eunuch for over 15 years. I believe that the desire was probably there the day I was born. I'm not a fan of balls in general and I especially dislike mine. My own I can and want to do something about.

As I have read throughout this site and others it's hard to know exactly what to expect after being castrated but obviously I have high hopes for myself.

[DeaconBlues (imported)]

....

it's hard to know exactly what to expect after being castrated but obviously I have high hopes for myself.

Really, you really really should try chemical castration for at least a year before you go all the way to the IRREVOCABLE step of surgical castration.

My own preferred "chemical castrator" is depo provera, but there are several other drugs. Honestly, you CAN buy depo provera injections on the internet for around $20, probably even less if you travel to any Mexican bordertown and go to the pharmacies there where you can get the injector without a perscription. You should count on taking two shots to start, and one every two or three weeks. That is a total of 26 injections for a year's worth of being chemically castrated. That way you can KNOW, really KNOW that surgical castration is right for you before you take that step that is permanent.

Also, if you are young, under 30, I would advise you to save at least five sperm samples, frozen in a sperm bank or fertility clinic somewhere. No matter how unlikely you currently THINK it is, there is the possibility that you will want children someday... and though it seems silly, some people, especially women, seem to think it is very important to have the particular genetics of the man (or eunuch) that they love to make their baby.

There are some dangers, with any chemical castration drugs, they put some additioinal stress on your liver I have read. Maybe you should have some medical test for liver function to be extra safe.

[IbPervert (imported)]

all i can say is mashe, mashe

[falutennuts (imported)]

That's a good point decon, though not recently I did pursue chemical castration once before as, ironically enough, I was living in Mexico. I did it for a period of 8 month. Reasons I stopped are numerous but most of it quite frankly is it didn't feel like the "real" thing. Also, as much as living the castrated life I have a serious distaste for my balls and will be so much happier with them gone. Though I wasn't too specific that's what I meant by I don't know exactly what it will be like.

[devantier (imported)]

Good Luck Hope You Film It So We Can All Watch

[plix (imported)]

That's a good point decon, though not recently I did pursue chemical castration once before as, ironically enough, I was living in Mexico. I did it for a period of 8 month. Reasons I stopped are numerous but most of it quite frankly is it didn't feel like the "real" thing. Also, as much as living the castrated life I have a serious distaste for my balls and will be so much happier with them gone. Though I wasn't too specific that's what I meant by I don't know exactly what it will be like.

OK, I can give you some credit for how long you have been contemplating this and also the fact that you have done some chemical.

But there are still questions. I would be interested in knowing more about the reasons you quit chemical. Why did you not think it felt like the real thing? If you were uncomfortable with chemical, what makes you think you are going to be OK with surgical?

Also, why does it have to be a female vet crushing your balls? How would you feel about a male doctor removing them through traditional surgery under general anaesthesia in a hospital? If that were your only option to get castrated, would you even be getting castrated at all?

[falutennuts (imported)]

Those are some very good questions plix... First I quit chemical for a few reasons none of which are really that great. Mainly I moved and access was reduced though its still readily accessible I just didn't pursue it. I didn't actually think it would take this long to have my desire come to fruition. I glad I have waited though as I feel more certain than ever.

As far as method no it doesn't have to be a female vet. It does need to be someone who I can feel like I gave it my best shot at being prudent while pursuing a very dangerous activity. I have never liked mine or any other testacies. The word and everything about them is not me. That is why I have chosen this method. Revenge for the last 30 years they've been riding on me I guess you could say.

Basically all in all we are adding a step to having them surgically removed. Instead of removing a couple of intact testacies she will be taking and disposing of mush. I have chosen her because she not only agrees but has hopefully enough medical talent to get me through.

I know that the event is just that "an event" and I will be living with the consequences for the rest of my life. However, I am ever so eager to plunge into that life.

All in all I will admit I am still nervous it's a majorly huge undertaking. Everyday closer to the 25th my nerves are that much more heightened. I guess it's hard to be 102% sure on something of this magnitude and risk.

[gpb3aol (imported)]

Preacting medicine without a licence is a B felony in most states. Show some care for your friend. If you haven't lived for 6 months, I think a year under chemical castration you are doing a really uninformed thing (some would say dumb). You have no idea how your going to handle it. Some men, many, can not deal or deal well with the effects of castration without the use of HRT. There are potential dangers with HRT. You need to test drive castration before you do something you can't reverse. Then rock out. (no pun intended)

[A-1 (imported)]

Yes thank you Bobbie. We intend to clamp the base so that basically the surgery will occur right after the play and there wont be back up into my body. She is a vet and has done many animals but this will be her first human and first crushing experiance but feel fairly confident that she should be able to take care of anything that arises.

However, there are risks, I know, but hopefully it goes ok as we live out a fantasy and all goes well.

Thanks for the concern

I think that it is a better idea to crush them AFTER they are removed SURGICALLY.

What you are contemplating is a violent act upon yourself. Technically, it can be classified as a MUNCHAUSEN SYNDROME.

That means that you are not in as good mental health as you think that you are.

Now, don't get angry, I am trying to help you.

DO NOT do something to your body out of ANGER. You should do this because you want to help your body.

I am not saying don't do it. What I am saying is that you are risking your life and health with a scene that is a kind of REVENGE against your body because you see your body as being the wrong gender.

You need to sort through your feelings and do this out of something other than anger and revenge against your present gender...

O.K.?

In other words, you owe it to yourself to get a good doctor and surgeon to do this to you because anything less is risking your health all for a little petty revenge.

Please try to understand what I am trying to tell you...

[falutennuts (imported)]

I don't think its a little petty revenge A-1. This is something to mark cerimoniously a transition to a world that I would rather live in. It's not a sudden idea that just popped up. I have tried chemical and believe that we are approching this in the "safest" way possible to carry out a dream. Yes it would be safer to have them removed surgically and then crush but then it would also be safer to just leave them dangling between my legs. To me thats not living my life the way I want to.

I know it's risky but hopefully we've covered all bases. That's why I've posted and I appreciate all the input though. I am still on for the 25th but am not opposed to hearing anything I should know before hand.

[A-1 (imported)]

I don't think its a little petty revenge A-1. This is something to mark cerimoniously a transition to a world that I would rather live in. It's not a sudden idea that just popped up. I have tried chemical and believe that we are approching this in the "safest" way possible to carry out a dream. Yes it would be safer to have them removed surgically and then crush but then it would also be safer to just leave them dangling between my legs. To me thats not living my life the way I want to.

I know it's risky but hopefully we've covered all bases. That's why I've posted and I appreciate all the input though. I am still on for the 25th but am not opposed to hearing anything I should know before hand.

Just so your "RIGHT OF PASSAGE" isn't a one-way trip to a cemetary. That's my concern for you. It is not so much living life the way you want to but experiencing death unexpectedly.

There are lots of things to consider here, not the LEAST of which is jail time for your Vet friend if things go wrong and his role in your escapade becomes known.

You really need to think this through, my friend...

[joanne-f (imported)]

I would want to think this through if I were you. Have you ever considered having therapy? Your desire to want to see your testicles mashed to a pulp with you watching it raises some alarm bells for me. It does sound a lot like a fantasy to me. Fantasy and reality are two different things and if you survived this procedure, you may have big regrets. Why not wait and talk about it with someone? If you still really want to be castrated, you can always have it done through surgery which is a lot safer. I am saying this out of concern. I would hate to think you might be severely injured with what you plan to do and your friend could end up being imprisoned. Just think about it.

[bobbie (imported)]

Lets us say you have a 50% chance of ending up in the hospital. That is a very conservative number based on the experiences posted on this site. You go to the ER you have an over whelming chance you will spend some time in a mental ward as well. The ER will look at the self harm as a destructive personality. That is potentially dangerous and needs observation. That would real good on your medical records for all to see spending time in mental hospital. Do not laugh or brush it off. I know of many guys that ended up in the mental wards. One was in the hospital for almost a month.

From what you have posted your desires are based on fantasy and perhaps fetish. Once you are castrated you desires will be over with and the reality of your choice will set in and find that you are a very unhappy eunuch.

[BossTamsin (imported)]

Personally, I'd say the biggest risk with crushing the testes isn't the bleeding, it's the amazingly high risk of going into shock. I'm not a veterinary expert, but at a guess I'm gonna assume she's not equipped (either by training or in terms of actual gear) to handle events should that happen. That's when things go downhill rather quickly, and immediate medical intervention is required.

[falutennuts (imported)]

I think everyone is not realizing that the base and cords will be constricted past the point of really making a difference what happens past that point. Also they will be numbed to reduce the risk of shock. Nothing is certain but we're not just rushing into it.

Seems like it popular belief that I'll end up in the loony bin but I don't feel that's the case. I can't stress enough that this isn't a all of a sudden decision and yes I'm prepared for life after. The only difference between what I want and surgical is one extra step. Yeah it adds danger but I don't think it's a guarantee to get me in the loony bin anymore so than just surgical.

I can't say how much added risk there is but how come it's ok to do just plain surgical and not this. I have even read a few threads about surgical without any numbing. How is that not a risk for shock?

[A-1 (imported)]

I think everyone is not realizing that the base and cords will be constricted past the point of really making a difference what happens past that point. Also they will be numbed to reduce the risk of shock. Nothing is certain but we're not just rushing into it.

Seems like it popular belief that I'll end up in the loony bin but I don't feel that's the case. I can't stress enough that this isn't a all of a sudden decision and yes I'm prepared for life after. The only difference between what I want and surgical is one extra step. Yeah it adds danger but I don't think it's a guarantee to get me in the loony bin anymore so than just surgical.

I can't say how much added risk there is but how come it's ok to do just plain surgical and not this. I have even read a few threads about surgical without any numbing. How is that not a risk for shock?

The threads that discuss these things here have no authentication. They may be factual, AND THEY MAY NOT BE FACTUAL.

EVERY surgery, even those under the best of circumstances on people in the best of health have a degree of risk associated with them. HOWEVER, WHAT YOU ARE DESCRIBING AND PLANNING IS MANY, MANY TIMES MORE DANGEROUS THAN IT HAS TO BE.

We really don't have a reason to tell you this except out of our concern for YOU! In addition, at his site we watch out for each other. It is bad enough to lose a member (no pun intended ) to causes such as cancer or heart trouble or other unavoidable causes, but it is terrible to see somebody die who did not have to die if they had been more careful.

You have came here for advice and you are getting it. We are doing this so that you might benefit from the experience of many who have been down this road or who have seen the direct results of desires and actions such as those you verbalize here in writing.

We know that you will do what you will do. However, we do here what we MUST do and that is to provide information that just might help save a life.

As many are aware, castrations are sometimes medically necessary and cancer is no respector of persons. However, elective castration in so-called "Scenes" such as you describe performed by individuals who are NOT licensed to practice surgery are DANGEROUS for all of those involved.

Please listen and think about this. We are NOT here to judge you or your state of mind. We are trying to HELP you stay alive and healthy.

What I am telling you IS factual. You are risking your life and the Vets' career if you go through with this. THE LEVEL OF RISK IS UNACCEPTABLE compared to the level of risk if competent medical practicioners perform this in a environment designed to deliver medical care to humans. Don't do it this way. Find competent medical practitioners to castrate you. They are out there. It may not be easy, but then neither is dying under necessary circunstances.

[DeaconBlues (imported)]

OK, first I want to "ditto" A-1's post. Really, honestly and sincerely, I SUPPORT your decision, I fully understand the reasons and agree with you. I am not trying to talk you out of castration, I am honestly encouraging you, but your METHOD is just wrong.

Ask your friend to castrate you, THEN do the crushing. The castration will still be just as real, just as permanent. But so much SAFER.

Don't go doing something so important as your castration, your step into a new and different sexuality (or asexuality) with some silly fetish scene. I know, to others this may sound sort of wierd, but this castration is an IMPORTANT thing, it is your castration, and it is the only one you will ever have. You should be looking for the best and most efficient way, not indulging some fetish here. What you are talking about, crushing then removing, that is like planning a "wedding" around a rape scene. The real castration is just too important to let it become imperilled for this fetish scene thing.

PLEASE, at least think about the METHOD. I (and others here I am sure) want you to be able to "pull this off" without you going to the hospital, without you endangering you life, and without you endangering you friend's license and even her freedom. Would you really want to risk your friend being JAILED, possibly sentenced to prison for this?

[Kangan (imported)]

From what I understand by reading the posts, is that the Vet will first band the scrotum and also inject some sort of anesthetic. Then she will crush the testicles, and finally remove them surgically. This all sounds good, but I doubt that a proper removal can be done with the band in the way. Your cords need to be stretched before cutting, so I don't see how banding would be a good way to go.

If it was me, I'd want to be numbed first, then the scrotum would be cut open and the testicles extracted. With the cords tied off, the exposed testicles could be destroyed, and then the cords cut, and cauterized, etc.

Banding the entire scrotum and performing the testicle destruction process means damage to the scrotum. Or is she going to cut that off also? either way, I'd be concerned about the stumps of the cords ending up attached to the remains of the scrotum.

I'd like my balls to be removed by a woman with friends watching and filming, but that doesn't mean that I would forsake a sterile surgical setting with a competent urologist, in order to play out my fantasy. (Are there any female Dr. Kimmel's out there?)

[slowone2 (imported)]

I think DeaconBlues and some of the others are right. I'm starting the Med thing first then have them cut off.

Bill

[falutennuts (imported)]

As far as the banding I reread what I wrote and wansn't clear enough. As far as procedure yes I am opting for numbing first off. Then I just confirmed with her that the banding will occur internally. I'm not a medical expert so some of the actual more technical issues such as stretching the cords I'm intrusting to her. She seemed very aware of it. I feel better knowing that you guys are in agreement on that part. So... so far so good still on for the 25th.