No turning back?

[Dana Lane (imported)]

I did herbal t-blocker and herbal estrogen for about 3 months then about a month and a half or so ago started Siterone. Jean told me I would never want to go back and I am beginning to think he is right.

I have never in my life had such a content feeling. It is the calm that I like so much. Before t-blocking I was often very impatient and easy to anger. The kind that just jumps out and there was little control over the feelings of it. I am not a fighter so no, I didn't get into fights. I did control it a bit but the anger was there.

Now, all of that is totally gone. I find myself just periodically smiling because I am more happy with myself than I have ever been.

I have a feeling I'll be staying on Siterone until the testosterone factories just quit working. They are already shrinking up just a little bit. I literally had no sex life for the last 12 years (some here and there but very few and far between). I never really felt comfortable with the 'male' role for pretty much anything. This is really good for me now! I'm happy as can be.

Thanks to everyone on this site for posting such useful information as well as your own stories.

[bobbie (imported)]

Great that things are working out for you so far. You are getting some of the effects of castration. There are far more changes in store for you in the coming months that you may not like as much. Other body and mental changes will happen. Be careful when they start to happen. Depression is a real problem for many.

I do wish you all the luck in your changes.

[Dana Lane (imported)]

Yea, I read that some can experience depression. From what I understand that is more common in people that experience depression before castration and that depression can become more severe. I have only had about 2 weeks of fairly bad depression once several years ago but none other than that. So maybe I will be lucky. I understand emotions will change and brain chemistry will also change so I need to keep an eye on it.

I need to order a hormone test kit soon to see how far along I am. From what I can tell I am pretty damned low on T right now.

Thanks for taking the time to respond!

[bobbie (imported)]

The only way to really know how the hormones are in your body is doing a test. How you feel is not always reliable. All to often one may say that they are 1000% sure that they are at castration levels. But when tested they are far from the real level. Someone with very high levels reducing it by half would seem to be a great change but the change will be even more.

Testing in the beginning is great way to know your progress. Wish more would do that.

[clysmaniac (imported)]

Bobbie is absolutely right about about knowing your testosterone level rather than just guessing. You really have no way of knowing how low is low without either being physically castrated or having a blood or saliva test done. That being said, it is not always easy to get done just by yourself.

I am more perplexed about depression. I was chemically castrated for almost 3 years before I was surgically castrated and haven't had any depression. But then, I am only a sample of 1 so that may not prove anything. I think if you go into your castration wanting it and thinking you will be better off, depression won't happen. I think if you end up depressed, it is because you are not pleased with the outcome. And that is why its important to do the chemical castration long and strong enough to see if castration really is for you.

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

Hey that sound great.

I share that feeling with you. I never want to go back.

The last two weeks I am going through emotional changes that knock me out of my chair. I will explain some things later. Don't worry......I love it

I am not sure, what to tell, and where to shut up, so I take my time.

And I did get a terrible bad feeling about this part of the board, so maybe better go for the problems first..............

loveUall

Jean

[Dana Lane (imported)]

I went ahead and ordered a home test kit today. So I should know some actual numbers within the next couple of weeks.

And Jean, tell me about the emotions you are experiencing?

[kristoff]

I went ahead and ordered a home test kit today. So I should know some actual numbers within the next couple of weeks.

And Jean, tell me about the emotions you are experiencing?

Jean is no longer with us.

[Dana Lane (imported)]

Jean is no longer with us.

Still alive I hope and you just mean he is not on the forums any longer?

oops. just saw his banned status..thanks!

[Dana Lane (imported)]

The only way to really know how the hormones are in your body is doing a test. How you feel is not always reliable. All to often one may say that they are 1000% sure that they are at castration levels. But when tested they are far from the real level. Someone with very high levels reducing it by half would seem to be a great change but the change will be even more.

Testing in the beginning is great way to know your progress. Wish more would do that.

I sent my test in yesterday so should hear something within a week or so.

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Hi BridgetteFeels,

I sorry I took so long to welcome you, but welcome to EA!

I know exactly what you have felt like in the past and how you feel now with a drop in your testosterone (poison to people like us).

Do you have any intentions on starting female HRT? I know that once I had the testosterone out of my system and had the estrogen going, I couldn't believe the difference in my whole attitude and mental outlook on life. So calm and I would just catch myself smiling for no apparent reason, just because I felt so good. And those were just the mental results. Just wait for the physical developments.

Good luck and please keep us posted on the results of your test.

[Dana Lane (imported)]

Hi BridgetteFeels,

I sorry I took so long to welcome you, but welcome to EA!

I know exactly what you have felt like in the past and how you feel now with a drop in your testosterone (poison to people like us).

Do you have any intentions on starting female HRT? I know that once I had the testosterone out of my system and had the estrogen going, I couldn't believe the difference in my whole attitude and mental outlook on life. So calm and I would just catch myself smiling for no apparent reason, just because I felt so good. And those were just the mental results. Just wait for the physical developments.

Good luck and please keep us posted on the results of your test.

Well thanks for the welcome! And what timing on your question. I just received Sandrena Gel today. I have been taking herbals but they are really slow. I am not sure where the end of my journey is but for now I want to rid myself of testosterone and bring out my feminine side. So far my skin has changed (softer and hair grows slow and very light and thin on body). My nails seem stronger (i grow them out to moderate female length). And the hair on my head seems to be growing faster and there is new hair growing (already had a full head of hair).

I am feeling more normal every month so hopefully the estrogen will kick me into gear a bit.

I am totally loving myself right now. Not in a conceited way.

[nullorchis (imported)]

Hello BridgettFeels,

I just started Siterone Aug 1 (after a year of confusion about what to do).

Would you be interested in sharing personal experiences (off the EA) as time passes by?

I don't mind going it alone, but it would be better to hold E-hands during the process.

As far as strength and depression go, there are opinions that daily exercise may help keep your strength up and keep depression away. Endorphins. I'm not an exercise freek, but I am so determined to achieve castrate level (with minimal side effects) I am inspired to do whatever it takes, including exercise.

I am also posting weekly updates on my blog of my experiences.

Hopefully more people will use the blogs, instead of EA postings, to document their journey. It is hard to make sense of EA postings on a per person, chronological way, since we all talk about other things than our sexuality (or lack of it).

Looking forward to euchinism (even if chemical) .

[Riverwind (imported)]

Welcome to the Archive,

We have several members who are in that MtoF trans state and from what I have seen loving it. I know for myself Male to eunuch I have never been happier in my life.

Be careful, ask lots of questions, take the time to understand what is happening and enjoy the real you.

River

[Dana Lane (imported)]

Hello BridgettFeels,

I just started Siterone Aug 1 (after a year of confusion about what to do).

Would you be interested in sharing personal experiences (off the EA) as time passes by?

I don't mind going it alone, but it would be better to hold E-hands during the process.

As far as strength and depression go, there are opinions that daily exercise may help keep your strength up and keep depression away. Endorphins. I'm not an exercise freek, but I am so determined to achieve castrate level (with minimal side effects) I am inspired to do whatever it takes, including exercise.

I am also posting weekly updates on my blog of my experiences.

Hopefully more people will use the blogs, instead of EA postings, to document their journey. It is hard to make sense of EA postings on a per person, chronological way, since we all talk about other things than our sexuality (or lack of it).

Looking forward to euchinism (even if chemical) .

I actually don't mind losing body strength. I use a computer for my job so that is no biggie. I don't think I will ever have a problem with depression but you can't predict the future.

That is a great idea bout using the blog. Sometime this week I'll start one. Thanks!

[charlenebrown (imported)]

i am now on my second week, and look forward to following in Your footsteps Bridgette....

i am keeping a blog too

xxxx

charlene

[dancinggizmos (imported)]

It sounds like you are doing quite well, I would like to wish y ou the best.

[cordonone (imported)]

Good luck to you! My only advice is at some point to involve a medical doctor in your efforts, if you have not done so already (your posts make it sound like you're doing it yourself).

As someone who has lived without naturally produced testosterone all his life, I have learned two things:

One, we are all different when it comes to how hormones affect our physical and mental well being, so there is no "one size fits all;"

Two, that we are all nonetheless made up of a complex chemical mixture with elements that constantly interact with one another. You are altering your hormonal mix/balance and it would be wise to know what's going on in its own unique way in you.

[Dana Lane (imported)]

Good luck to you! My only advice is at some point to involve a medical doctor in your efforts, if you have not done so already (your posts make it sound like you're doing it yourself).

As someone who has lived without naturally produced testosterone all his life, I have learned two things:

One, we are all different when it comes to how hormones affect our physical and mental well being, so there is no "one size fits all;"

Two, that we are all nonetheless made up of a complex chemical mixture with elements that constantly interact with one another. You are altering your hormonal mix/balance and it would be wise to know what's going on in its own unique way in you.

Yes, I am self medicating. I am sure one day in the future I will be talking to a professional but for now I'm feeling too good to want to I guess. I understand what you are saying!

When you mention the chemicals in our bodies and balances it reminds me a lot of how unbalanced I was for most of my life and even more so in the last 4 or 5 years. My head has felt pretty much totally balanced for the last few months. I used to have to create art or music just to feel a little balanced (and it didn't last long).

Thanks for your comment! And actually I'm feeling better now than I ever have so 'no turning back' seems to be setting in cement!

[cordonone (imported)]

Yes, I am self medicating. I am sure one day in the future I will be talking to a professional but for now I'm feeling too good to want to I guess. I understand what you are saying!

When you mention the chemicals in our bodies and balances it reminds me a lot of how unbalanced I was for most of my life and even more so in the last 4 or 5 years. My head has felt pretty much totally balanced for the last few months. I used to have to create art or music just to feel a little balanced (and it didn't last long).

Thanks for your comment! And actually I'm feeling better now than I ever have so 'no turning back' seems to be setting in cement!

great. i'm glad it's working out for you.

[Dana Lane (imported)]

This is an old thread but I felt it appropriate to bump it to respond to the subject "No turning back".

Well, I am not turning back!

I did end up seeing a doctor in December and got put on Spiro and Estradiol. My T was under 20 when she first took my blood.

I have absolutely NO regrets getting rid of that evil testosterone. And I adore my estrogen.

I have never been happier in my

entire life! I am often so happy that I actually feel giddy! I have had no depression, mood swings or anything like that. All has been totally positive. It is just incredible.

I have developed a lot of new and desirable mental functions as well. I now have compassion, empathy, sympathy and a lot of other qualities I never had before. It is like my brain was broken and now it is repaired.

I also now have more friends than I know what to do with. I guess I have been a lot more outgoing in the last few months. I used to be a loaner and was satisfied by being by myself. Not anymore!

And the best part of all?! I am growing BOOBIES!

[moi621 (imported)]

This is an old thread but I felt it appropriate to bump it to respond to the subject "No turning back".

Well, I am not turning back!

I did end up seeing a doctor in December and got put on Spiro and Estradiol. My T was under 20 when she first took my blood.

I have absolutely NO regrets getting rid of that evil testosterone. And I adore my estrogen.

[quote="Riverwind (imported)" t

ime=1249477620]
I have never been happier in my

entire life! I am often so happy that I actually feel giddy! I have had no depression, mood swings or anything like that. All has been totally positive. It is just incredible.

I have developed a lot of new and desirable mental functions as well. I now have compassion, empathy, sympathy and a lot of other qualities I never had before. It is like my brain was broken and now it is repaired.

I also now have more friends than I know what to do with. I guess I have been a lot more outgoing in the last few months. I used to be a loaner and was satisfied by being by myself. Not an
[/quote]
ymore!

And the best part of all?! I am growing BOOBIES!

Big Thank You for sharing and keeping an old thread alive.

I believe it is better to keep an old thread alive as the discussion

seems to get better deeper and deeper into it.

Starting new threads takes away the previous "chat".

Thanks again, I gave you a reputation hit.

Moi

[Dana Lane (imported)]

Big Thank You for sharing and keeping an old thread alive.

I believe it is better to keep an old thread alive as the discussion

seems to get better deeper and deeper into it.

Starting new threads takes away the previous "chat".

Thanks again, I gave you a reputation hit.

Moi

Thanks for the hit!

[Riverwind (imported)]

Dana, thank you for the update, please keep posting your progress for all.

River

[Dana Lane (imported)]

I figured I would bump this thread and give another update.

I found myself presenting as female 24/7 for the most part and suddenly started feeling VERY uncomfortable being referred to as male and using the mens bathroom, etc. So I officially went full time at work early March! They made the announcement to my division and to department heads across campus. I work in a public office at Penn so there was no way for it to be a low key 'coming out'.

The transition at work was a bit bumpy because Penn didn't have any protocols or policies dealing with transition. I worked with one of the directors at the LGBT center and got everything worked out. Name change in my records as well as gender marker change. New ID, etc. Legal name change will be in the works soon.

Two weeks later I find myself in front of the University Council lobbying for the inclusion of trans-related medical treatments (laser/electrolysis, SRS, FFS, HRT, et) in our insurance policy. Everyone applauded so it was well received. About a month later the student version of insurance was approved (up to $50,000). Needless to say I am very excited! I can't see Penn would say yes to students and no to staff.

As far as HRT goes I am got my doctor to put me on injectable estrogen and progesterone to fast-track feminization and breast growth. Things are improving!

Well, I will periodically bump this threat and give updates.

Hugs